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General health

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Original poster

mil been diagnosed with cancer of pancreous, liver, lung anyone any idea of how long we are looking at?

75 replies

longwaytogoandabitfurther · 08/03/2007 21:40

Don't know if children and I should go on w/e or if it will be ok to leave it two more w/e.

She has been deteriating since June but was only diagnosed yesterday. She has lost 3 stone since June is eating nothing - just drinking.

Just don't know what to do, some help please.

OP posts:

shimmy21 · 08/03/2007 21:41

why wait?

Ceolas · 08/03/2007 21:43

Oh no. That's awful news

Have you spoken to any staff at the hospital about how long, etc? I'd have a chat with the nurses, but probably take the children at the weekend anyway. Sadly, you never know.

Really feel for you. Wishing you strength xxx

Original poster

longwaytogoandabitfurther · 08/03/2007 21:44

because dc have two events to go this w/e and next w/e they are doing a concert and we live 150 miles away

OP posts:

Ceolas · 08/03/2007 21:46

Oh, that's tough.

Can you chat with the nurses/dr?

Original poster

longwaytogoandabitfurther · 08/03/2007 21:52

you have to be joking about talking with nurses etc. They diagnosed her yesterday after being admitted on Fri - had a load of tests declared that she had cancer and then within hours sent her home with paracetamol and tramadol.

Tell you it would never happen on ward i work on. Think its disgusting.

OP posts:

Othersideofthechannel · 08/03/2007 21:56

Depends how old your children are but if you can explain why they have to miss out on their events, it would probably really help your MIL to be with family, especially little ones right now.

themoon66 · 08/03/2007 21:59

My friend's mum was diagnosed with lung and liver cancer just before Christmas. She is going into a hospice this weekend and is expected to live only a week or two

Original poster

longwaytogoandabitfurther · 08/03/2007 22:00

older two are 14 and 13 younger two are 4 and 3.

I have done all the explaining I can and just feel they have to make some decisions for themselves.

All the other grandchildren are there as they live on the doorstep.

dh says they need to go and see how positive she is, adn that he wants them to see her while she is still well ish.

Girls just want to be here.

Feel like a bad mum if I make them go and a pants w and dil if i don't.

dh was supposed to be moving out the w/e too.

OP posts:

kinki · 08/03/2007 22:01

Could you stay behind with the dc, and send dh on his own. She'd may be comforted to see her son so soon after bad news. I know I would. Then you could all go together in a few weeks. Whatever time your mil has left, it's precious. Maybe also make sure other family spread their visits out, so she doesn't get too tired. I lost my mum to cancer, and it definately helped to talk to the doctors myself. Stay strong.

Original poster

longwaytogoandabitfurther · 08/03/2007 22:01

themoon had she been ill before diagnosis - if so how long had she been unwell for?

OP posts:

Othersideofthechannel · 08/03/2007 22:04

Any possibility of leaving the older ones with someone and taking the little ones with you?

kinki · 08/03/2007 22:04

Sorry crossed posts. Can she/you get access to macmillan nurses or other support agencies?

Original poster

longwaytogoandabitfurther · 08/03/2007 22:06

could do but its the big ones i want to see them really, won't make much diff to the l'os i guess.

OP posts:

Original poster

longwaytogoandabitfurther · 08/03/2007 22:07

as for mcmillan they didn't refer her. Gave her a no for a hospice

Bad practice I think.

I am absolutely disgusted

OP posts:

mymama · 08/03/2007 22:10

Your children are too young to make the decision in these things. I was 10 when my father passed away and my stepmother asked me if I wanted to go to the funeral or next door to play. I chose next door to play. I have never regretted anything more in my life and I resent my stepmother for being so stupid.

bluejelly · 08/03/2007 22:12

I'd go and see her pronto. That way you can't regret it.
So sorry, must be an awful shock

Original poster

longwaytogoandabitfurther · 08/03/2007 22:13

If I need to I can take them on Thurs and bring them back on Sat that the only way round it that I can see.

OP posts:

bluejelly · 08/03/2007 22:15

Why don't you do that then? Doesn't matter if they miss a day of school.

TaylorsMummy · 08/03/2007 22:25

I'm sorry to hear your sad news. I would definately take all the children this weekend. Even if they have things to do or whatever or don't really want to go, I really think they should.

You would feel awful if you haven't taken them and she passes away sooner than expected. I was meant to visit my nan on a weekend (didn't know she was dying - she thought she had a bug) but didn't go and she died a couple of days later. I'll always regret it

3littlefrogs · 08/03/2007 22:45

I would take children out of school TBH. I have done that before to visit sick elderly relative. It is a case of priorities - a few days out of school is really neither here nor there as long as you don't make a habit of it - and this is important.

themoon66 · 08/03/2007 22:48

longwaytogoandabitfurther....... my friends mum only retired last Easter. She appeared to be getting thinner and thinner and we all thought she was on a diet or something. She kept complaining about pain and difficulty breathing, but her GP kept sending her away with steroids or antibiotics and said it was a virus.

She broke her arm and dislocated her shoulder at Christmas and had to have an x-ray at A&E. It was only then someone noticed the dark patch in her chest and referred her for further tests.

misdee · 08/03/2007 22:49

i think you should go this weekend.

crystalpony · 08/03/2007 22:49

How is your husband?

jollyfolly · 08/03/2007 22:55

if she is deteriorating fast maybe you shoud see her sooner rather than later. nothing might happen for a few weeks/months yet but surely it will better for her grandchildren to have a slightly more positive memory of her still able to sit and chat rather than someone who is too poorly to make the effort.
Big hugs to you all

ChopinRocks · 08/03/2007 23:03

longwaytogoandabitfurther - i recommend you do go this weekend and as often as you can, also go back to macmillan for more support they helped us a few years ago when my fil had cancer of the stomach which spread to the osophagus and lower regions. He was diagnosed in march 2005 and we sadly lost him in june of the same year.

I really feel for you and your family.

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