mil been diagnosed with cancer of pancreous, liver, lung anyone any idea of how long we are looking at?

[longwaytogoandabitfurther]

Don't know if children and I should go on w/e or if it will be ok to leave it two more w/e.

She has been deteriating since June but was only diagnosed yesterday. She has lost 3 stone since June is eating nothing - just drinking.

Just don't know what to do, some help please.

Oh longway you really are going through it at the moment.
I think your DD will regret it if she does not go to see her gran, our friend went downhill very very fast and DH1 and i could not go and see him as i had a tummy bug, and had to wait till i was not going to make him worse, he died the night before we were going to visit

My FIL has pancreatic cancer which had spread to his lungs and liver but I think is everywhere now. Was originally very ill (at diagnosis) but is still with us (and reasonably well!) almost a year later. I truly hope that your MIL is the same. Is she going back to the hospital, have they offered chemo?

With regards to your children, personally I wouldn't force it and let them decide for themselves. I didn't see my nana when she was very ill with cancer (although it was my mums choice not mine) and feel glad now as I have all happy memories, none of the horrible stuff. I think cancer is a scary thing for everyone and especially children.

You are being so strong, it sounds like you are having such a hard time. Will be thinking about you this weekend.

Oh what a horrible situation you are in

I don't think you can force your DD to see her Grandmother, best just to leave it and let her go out with SIL. Can you take your camera and take lots of pictures of you all together over the weekend so that your DD1 has some up to date photos of her Grandmother to keep?

How awful for you to be dealing with all this and DH's leaving too. I hope you have someone being kind to you and looking out for you in the midst of all this!

longwaytogo, sorry you are having several things to deal with all at once, it never rains...hey?

Re your mil,my mil was unexpectedly diagnosed with terminal cancer (bone but had spread to the liver etc) at the beginning of last October and she was dead by the end of November. Your dh should ring the hospital to get an idea of what they predict.

But I would visit asap because there is no guarantee of anything.

Surely your mil will have some kind of palliative care, eg macmillan nurse visiting? My mil stayed at home with each of her 4 children taking it in turns to be there for the first month with visits from the macmillan nurse, mil was on oramorph (morphine administered orally) practically straight away and then we put her in a nursing home when she needed 24 hour nursing care for the final few weeks.

Re your daughter, I would advise let it be her decision.

Oh dear, how very very hard.

I agree - don't pressurise your dd. let her know that it's fine that she goes out with your SIL or whatever. I visited my Grnadmother in hopital just before she died, and tbh, that is not an occasion that matters in my memories of her at all. I remember the times we enjoyed being together and the things she taught me when she was well. Your dd sounds as if she needs support, so let her know it's fine, if you can?

Bloody awful about your DH.

Good that you are going. Hope your DD get to see her gran. I remember complaining to my father more or less at the same age about not liking hospitals and funerals, his answer was "Oh really?, and do you think there's any one in the world that actually enjoys them?" I knew then that there are things you just have to do, and I'm glad I did, all those things were little life lessons that taught me how to cope with painful situations.

although I agree that sometimes seeing a person in a bad shape is not exactly the last memory you want to have of them, perhaps after being an important part of the family, granny also deserves to become aware of how much her family cares about her? Just a thought.

we've been to see her, dd has been too. She has lost even more weight since two weeks ago. Is very, very weak better in the morning but not so good in the afternoon - gets so tired. Dh will be down next w/e. I may make it the w/e after then we may all be here the w/e after. If she is still here.

sil got upset about dh moving out, and my dad has had a go about not wanting to ever see him again, but that just makes it very difficut for me as after all he is the dc dad.

My dh has pancreatic cancer that has spread to his liver and bowel.

What do you want to know. And how much do you want to know?

Hugs

only just seen this lwtg, very sorry to hear this, and that she doesn't sound to be getting good care.

martianbishop so sorry you are going through this.

How long have you known that your dh has had it.

St davids are coming out on mon so hopefully they will be able to give a bit better care and be a point of contact for everyone.

Dh was diagnosed just before xmas.

We were initially give 3-6 months as the average life expectancy (dh is 44 btw) at the degree of spread that he had. He initially lost a massive amount of weight 60 pounds. He was in constant pain and was vomiting bile up to 5 times an hour.

4 months down the line, his symptoms are under control, he is not in pain, he is no longer feeling sick and his tumours have responded to cehmotheraphy which he is tolerating well.

One of the best things for dh was the diagnosis of diabetes......he is now using insulin, and had more energy and quality of life (the diabetes was caused by his tumour btw).

We went to Eurodisney at half term and took the kids (6 and 10) at christmas he could hardly get out of bed.

Good symptom control *can8 happen.

For pain relied dh uses a fentanyl patch. His nausea is controled by a cocktail of drugs, the best of which is Ondansetron. His paliative drugs bill is arounf £1000 a month, thank god for the NHS.

He is being given two cytotoxic drugs capacytopine and gemcytopine. The latter by an IV drip once a week, and the former by tablets. 25% of the people on this double treatment live to a year.

Are the macmillan nurses involved (ours is outstanding and has literally given me my dh back)?

PS the paracetamol is given because it helps the other pain relief to work. I know we see it as a minor pain killer, but it has a significan't effect if you take it along other drugs

They are not doing anything for her, says ther is nothing they can do.The only pain killers she has atm are paracetamol and tramadol which she is reluctant to take.

We are hoping that the st davids nurse (mcmillan equivalent) will be able to talk some sense into both her and fil on Mon as they are not listening to us.

She has lost at least 3 stone since June which was when she was diagnosed diabetic. Can't believe it has taken till now to diagnose the cancer.

As fil was the only one there when diagnosis was given we don't have a clue of how bad the cancer is, seems they sent her home before anyone else could go in.

She must take the pain relief.

Once the pain is under control life is better. Yo also need less pain kiler to keep it under control than you do to get it under control.

I know that once dh gets to the six month point they will withdraw treatment, since the tumour cells become immune to the drugs.

Dies she suffer from fluid build up in the abdomen?

They tool 9 L of fluid out of dh when they diagnosed this thing. Follwoing treatment he has had no recurrenece of the fluid build up, and is much more comfortable as a result.

What reason do they give for no threatment? Does she have other conditions that mean she couldn't tolerate it?

dh also uses Ondansetron for nausea. he cant tolerate stemital as it causes some sort of weird fit.

for pain relief he is on morphine based drugs, and paracetamol. i know its a different situation altogether. but pain can be controlled to a certain degree. it took 2 spells in hospital for other reasons to get his pain medication sorted and his pain is now controlled. he is now longer sobbing by just moving in bed. he can now sit in the front room with us and not be laid up.

ask for MIL to see a specialised pain nurse if possible.

I imagine that it is too progressed to be able to recieve treatment. We do abdo taps on our ward (gynae) so know about them. She has always had a distended abdomen, and even though she has been loosing the weight her tummy is still big. I thought they would drain it but they haven't said anything.

I think we are looking at weeks rather than months tbh. The fact that it is on her lungs too is not a good sign.

just can't believe she will never come to our house again, that she will never probably sit in the garden in her new swining seat that they bought last summer.

I hope that you are wrong. I thought the same with DH, I didn't think that he would live past Christmas.....he looked like someone from Belsen.

Following good paliative care, he was well enough to go to work three times last week.

We took the kids to the pool today.

He is still dying, but we have a quality of life now, and we can build some memories for the kids.

But she has to take the pain meds. This pain isn't going to go away on its own, it will only get worse. But it can be controled.

Dh is a big brave guy, and he was writing in pain. He isn't now

so sorry to hear this but glad that you did vist her, i hope you all get lots of support throu this.
MB i think about you and DH often you are an inspiration to us all

She's probably had it since before June though as I guess the diabetes being diagnosed wsa the start of it - or actually it had been going on before that until it was diagnosed.

Now 9 months on it has overtaken her body, and I guess they look at her and think oh well 76 not doing anthing for her.That is certainly how it feels when they diagnose then send her home within hours, with just the telephone no for st davids.

The think that it all started for dh in the summer too, he was ill when we were on holiday, and had (in retrospect) symptoms of diabetes.

Make no mistake, they are not trying to cure dh, they have made this quite clear. He is terminally ill. And was terribly, terribly ill before christmas. But I was utterly amazed at what good palliateve care can do, and has done for dh. It may well help your MIL as well.

out macmillan nurse was totaly confident that they woul dget his symtoms under contrl, it took about 3 weeks to get total control but she was right.

But pain relief is the first step. You MIL must take the pain meds

she has been while my h has been there but when he comes home tomorrow who knows - just hope the st davids nurse gets through to her on mon. Watching her walk up the stairs to the toilet was horrid - one step at a time with fil stood behind her.

just hope my h hasn't been taking her tramadol - he is a codiene addict and lord knows if he's taken any. He says no and that its been 11 weeks since he abused pain killers.

mil died this morning so just 11 days after being diagnosed

suppose at least dc are getting all their loss over and done with in one week. dh moved out on wed nanny dies on sat. Fantastic - not

That's very rough on you all. I wish you & your DCs all the best at this difficult time.