Am I only person who doesn't look after themselves? How to motivate myself to care?

[Glassofwine]

So, yesterday is a fine example. I didn't eat breakfast. On the way back from the school run I bought a pack of choc bourbons and ate them with endless cups of tea inc sugar throughout the day - but nothing else. DH came home not feeling well so didn't want to eat, so I ate a bag of crisps and a couple of glasses of wine.

I never go to bed before 12.30, everyday I tell myself that I'll be in bed by 11.30, but can't do it, even though I'm shattered - I just feel it's precious child free time.

I don't do any exercise whatsoever. I'm a size 16, but in denial and still have size 14 clothes, which are bursting at the seems. Each year I get bigger and bigger.

I wouldn't let my children eat like I do, they have a great diet, but I just can't be bothered with myself. Now I'm starting to look older and feel older (38) and worry all the time about my health. Even though I spend so much time beating myself up about my bad eating habits and lack of exercise do I do anything about it? No - nothing, so how do I motivate myself?

Does too much sugar make you feel depressed?

I've a real sweet tooth, but have given up sweets/cakes/biscuits for Lent...will see if it makes a difference to my energy and frame of mind.

As you are all so helpful, can I request a little of your excellent advice?

DH goes to work v early (4am today) gets home whenever (usually 6pm-ish if not racing, could be anything up to 1am if racing). I get up at 6.45, do what I can around the house and aim to leave house by 8.30, taking DD1 to school, then drop DD2 off to nursery. Straight to work til about 1pm, collect DD2 from nursery. Home about 2pm, depending on errands. Leave again at 3.15 to collect DD1 (have to drive everywhere - in the sticks on very busy A road). Home about 4pm. Cup of tea. Make dinner. Try to eat together (usually just me & girls, maybe DH once or twice a week)Bath DD2 at 6.30. Story and put her to bed 7pm) Do dishes, laundry, general tidying til about 9 when I do try to sit down and do nowt. If DH working late, make him something to eat, whatever timethat may be. Live over 200 miles from family, no friends here (or, for that matter, babysitters) DH seldom here if working so no time or opportunity to get out and about. House needs serious attention (think hostel, rather than family home) in its current state but don't know where to start.

HELP ME PLEASE!

Tricks for motivation and where to slot in doing fun stuff gratefully received!

P.s Please don't tell me to buy new clothes - did that last week, then took it all back because I felt guilty (money an issue)

set your alarm at 10.30 so you have to go upstairs then, then stay there. Get in the habit of reading for half an hour or so in bed every night.

Sounds like you want to make BUG changes. Baby steps really is the answer. Write a list of stuff you want to change, eg

go to bed at 10.30.
eat breakfast every day.
computer max. 1 hour a day.
make meal plans etc etc.

Then aim to do one every month, so you've got 4 weeks to get used to one before you introduce the next. If you say, here's my list, I'm gonna do all that starting NOW you won't stick to it.

Message withdrawn

Agree about porridge, fills you up until lunchtime!

My main problem at the moment is my house. My environment is very important to me and I am something of an interiors freak, but the house I am currently living in is vile. Well, the actual house is quite nice, but it's in a right state. 3 stablegirls, 2 dogs and a cat lived here before us (use your imagination!) and the decor is circa 1986 with masses of textured wallpaper, fussy patterned wallpaper, borders and cobwebby high ceilings. The kitchen is in need of total replacement and the bathroom....well, words fail me. Just, think green suite, dirty white tiles and 2 types of wallpaper (textured, naturally and flowery separated by a dark wooden dado rail). Every room is disgusting and there is so much to do, I don't feel like doing any of it. With DH never here, it's all up to me and I can't get started. TBH I sepnd so much time on the day to day stuff I just don'y know how or when I can turn my attention to making this place better. I have lived here since August, and it's the 9th house I've lived in with DH (in 13 years). It is a tied house and we haven't got much money, so I don't know what to do first, and whether or not I'll be able to afford to finish the job. I'm not a motivated person anyway, and neglect myself to an absurd degree, so how I can ever get started on this is beyond me.

Message withdrawn

Sorry if I'm hijacking a 'health' thread, but I just need motivation in life generally. A good, swift kick up the arse to sort myself out.

Could have written your post myself Glass. Have read the whole thread and I think ratclare and ernest are very wise to raise the issue of not trying to change it all at once. As an outsider looking in at your life I'd say the first thing to change would be exercise. Because it really does help lift depression and help you sleep better. Maybe if you are really tired from exercising you will find yourself wanting to go to bed earlier. I know this because I too am an intelligent woman, I just don't apply it to myself. But I'll sign up if you're going to make a regular thing of this "I'm going to look after myself better" topic. (Hated the look of that 10 years younger bootcamp btw. I already do look 10 years younger, but I'm just not very healthy!)

Glassofwine - I can empathise entirely with everything you are saying. I felt exactly the same for ages and made several half hearted attempts to do something about it but generally ended up on the doughnuts and staying up until ridiculous o'clock at night just to "wind down". Then, I tried the Body for Life regime last year (the women's one). It's set out in a book ("Body for Life for Women" I think) by a woman called Dr Pamela Peeke (American). I can't recommend it enough.

Basically a 12 week turnaround programme. Hard work as it needs a bit of commitment & organisation but bloody brilliant results.

In short, it involves:

• 20 mins of exercise 6 days a week, alternating between v do-able runs and lots of weights (burn fat more efficiently than just cardio);
• eating little (& quite boring) but often (6 times a day).

That sounds pretty hardcore but it is very doable if you can find about 30-40 mins a day outside work/kids (not easy, I know). I preferred to go to the gym for the weights bit but those sessions could be done at home with hand weights.

The book is v motivational (I'd recommend reading it cover to cover before starting) and worked for me because the spirit of it was "progress, not perfection". i.e. understands everyone has sh*t days but that shouldn't stop you continuing. Also you work to the 80/20 rule - i.e. if you're following the plan 80% of the time, you're on track.

By the end of 6 weeks on the programme (I felt 6 was enough)I had lost 16 Ib, had toned up and felt great. Was so exhausted form the exercise that I HAD to sleep. I was almost evangelical about it at the time (am conscious that I'm sounding like an ad for it now!) and it definitely changed my way of eating/exercising for a while. I've fallen off recently and am planning to do another 6 weeks again now.

Definitely worth checking out on ebay/amazon.

Good luck.

Hmm - just realised how scary my post looks - esp after twoisenough's very sensible one! It does sound much scarier than it is in reality - hope I haven't freaked you with suggesting what looks at first glance like a real bootcamp regime (it really isn't)!

that sounds fantastic decaf

It really did work for me and everyone I know that has done ithas doen well on it. I was inspired to do it after I saw the effects it had on a couple of friends of mine who had prev. been in that exhausted mummy slump. Also great for guys BTW (there's a separate blokes version). My dh also swore by it.

Shut up decaf!! (am really not being paid by these people, I swear!)

Is this what they call life coaching? And for free !

Have you got a friend you can go jogging with? I find when I excercise I take more care of what I eat because I think that extra biscuit or two would undo all the good work. ALso, you need to spend time with frinds who make you feel good about yourself and build up your self respect.

YOu have to look after yourself. When you are a Mother nobody else will.

Just checking in, yes it does feel like life coaching .

There's been some great advice and those of you who suggest taking baby steps made me laugh as this is the advice I give other people. Just don't listen to myself.

So my plan for the next week is to start with drinking more water, walking to and from school, going to bed by 11.30 (that really is early for me) and eating breakfast.

All you porridge fanatics reminded me, we used to have it once of twice a week, but it's slipped away dd2 asked me this afternoon why we've stopped having it, so guess what's for breakfast tomorrow.

Thank you, thank you.

Well done!

Enjoy your porridge tomorrow!

Is it possible to prepare porridge the night before and microwave when I get to work? I realy want to start eating a good breakfast every day but I get to work before 8 and am physically incapable of eating before about 8.15, as it makes me feel sick. Usually I take toast or fruit and yoghurt but porridge would be brilliant as it would keep me full for longer!

Brillaint advice on this thread; am copying some of it thanks. Glass - sorry for minor hijack but will get out of your way again when I've been told everything I ever needed to know about porridge!

Gosh, just noticed the number of typing mistakes in my message. Please forgive me - am v tired!

What great advice on this thread. I think I shall start to follow it too --- this is just what I need! Janeite, you can certainly prepare the porridge the day before, or you can also buy porridge that you can make in the microwave. I buy a multi-grain one by Jordan's, and it works quite well. Just be sure to leave a lot of room in your bowl/container so that it does not overflow whilst being heated!

Message withdrawn

The hot food bit of my local supermarket sells 'piping hot organic porridge with fresh cream and honey'... It is near 12.00 when I see the notice, so too late. Soup at lunchtime is another goody too.

goh, it can really affect your sence of well being if your house is a state.

When mine gets really messy I am always a bit down, but it's hard to see if it's chicken or egg (if I'm down, so not bothering, so house goes to pot, or if I get lazy, house goes to pot, makes me feel down) either way, crap house=crap mental state.

And if you're in the position where the house is post-move, loads to do, overwhelming it must take it's toll on you.

If you just look around and it seems unmanageable it'll do your head in. I find looking at the big picture too scary sometimes. Try also writing a list for the house. some jobs will be big, some small. Maybe choose 1 job per week. Completing individual items will give you a sence of completion and success which will help.

Re the porridge, you're best to get one that takes longer to cook. A quick cook means more processed which means higher GI, so quicker to digest, so doesn't give you as slow energy release. Slower the better.

Just pause too and think about this. Those on the thread who seem sorted/okay/happy/healthy are probably eating 3 regular meals a day, getting exercise and not having a high sugar intake. If you read today's Times (Dr S I think) repeats importance of 3 balanced meals a day and enough protein and carb etc.

It's the link between diet/exercise/sugar and mood which is interesting and for some people like me sugar (and alcohol) has a depressant effect. If you slowly change those things as others have been saying then managing with whatever challenges there are, whether it's illness, death, green baths or whatever, is easier. There is a lot about sugar addiction on line. For some people it's more addictive than cocaine and control or elimination of it gradually is used as part of many treatment programmes for those with depression.

In other words eating the bad diet could be what is making you feel you can't be bothered with yourself. Exercise also makes moods better.

Xenia - I am without doubt addicted to sugar, I drink endless cups of tea a day for the spoonful of sugar I put in it and I do think I've got myself into a cycle. However today we walked to school, ate porridge - with a spoonful of honey (is that allowed?) I drank lots of water last night and went to bed at 11.20

don't feel much better physically, but psycologically am feeling quite pleased. It's starting to feel quite spring like today and it makes me realise that summer is just around the corner. I love winter clothes and hate summer clothes, mostly because it's harder to hide the various lumps and bumps. It would be lovely to have lost some weight before we are revealing lots of flesh, so am determined to start looking after myself, for the children as well as me.