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Original poster

I am pretty sure my firend has Munhausens syndrome

87 replies

Poussin · 13/02/2007 17:43

She displays so many of the symptoms - incredulous stories constant sickness amoungst her dc's. I had thought it was the 'by proxy' version but am thinking that she displays tendancies towards the syndrome herself.She is constantly at the doctors and i cannot but think that they have her down as a time - waster at the very least.I dont know if anyone has ever experienced anyone with the same sort of problem, Thing is i find it hard to be a good friend to her as i simply cannot beleive the things she comes out with. Other people seem to believe all these ( sometimes ridiculous) goings on but i find myslef feeling guilty because i just cant. When i first met her an acquaintance said to be 'she is lovely but - she lies' i just thought that was a bit harsh at the time but now feel differently.Its kind of not funny any more - just wearing.I cannot bear to see our friends taken in by her and trying to help out wherever possible - in what i see as self imposed difficulites.My husband is her firnd as well and we have laughed about her having this illness for some time but i am a bit passed laughing now.Now i feel it is going from bad to worse.Her daughter had to go to hospital last month - i just dont think there was anything up with her but J persisted in taking her back and forth to gp till they admitted her
I know there is nothing i can do but just wondered if anyone had any advice on how to deal with it before it spoils our friendship
Please dont say i am being a bitch because i am really not. I looked it up on the internet last night and was horrified ( i actually put my hand over my mouth) to read how one symptom in particular was so true to her.
TIA

OP posts:
Original poster
Poussin · 13/02/2007 18:22

i am not trying to diagnose her i do think she needs some help with it. I know she looses firends all time time and i do not want to leave her alone. I do like her but wis she would not fo this

OP posts:
colditz · 13/02/2007 18:22

Maybe...

maybe she has a crush on the doctor?

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 13/02/2007 18:23

so what has she said/done that's concerned you?

I do think you need to be careful about diagnosing conditions which, in reality, you know comparitively little about.

it is possible she is just a pathological lier, and that she's even making up the stories about going to the gp etc, but if she is being seen by the gp, they will almost certainly have raised concerns by now if she's taken all 4 her children there for illnesses that don't exist. - and there is no way a gp would just rely on a mother's diagnosis of an illness, so again she's probably just lying.

My friend's sil was actually visited by her hv because she had taken her dd to casualty three weekends running with nothing wrong with her.

KathyMCMLXXII · 13/02/2007 18:23

It's a pretty big step from thinking someone is a hypochondriac and a liar (both of which are reasonably common), to thinking they are going to harm their kids.

3LoveHeartsAndNoMore · 13/02/2007 18:23

wikipedia

Original poster
Poussin · 13/02/2007 18:24

i have been ther when poepl have said 'j that is not strictly true' on more than one ocassion which is fine - but when you are inventing illnesses for you and daughters its not good

OP posts:
Chandra · 13/02/2007 18:24

Surely, loosing friends is not a clear indication of the syndrome, is it?

Original poster
Poussin · 13/02/2007 18:25

i dont think she would evr harm them but would put thrpugh unecesay treatments

OP posts:
wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 13/02/2007 18:27

but how do you know that she is inventing illnesses for her children?

have you been with her to the gp when he has said nothing is wrong? have you been with her to hospital appointments?

I worked with a woman who appeared to be a hypochondriac. she had at least a week off work once a month. She was constantly complaining of this illness, and that illness which appeared to be undiagnosed.

at age 42 she died, of a stroke.

we none of us know what goes on in other peoples' lives.

Original poster
Poussin · 13/02/2007 18:28

i cannot state details but if i did i think you may agree some causes for concern - i will leave it but feel that our friendship will have to suffer because its too hard to listen to the stories time and time again - docs and hosp visits etc
Friendships are built on trust and when you cannot believe a word.

OP posts:
3LoveHeartsAndNoMore · 13/02/2007 18:28

hypochondriacs and people that suffer with Munchausen is a completely different thing...hypocondriac is someone who actually believes they are ill and drive themselfs mad because of this, whereas Munchausen people actually are very aware that the disease is made up, it is done to seek attention and in munchausen by proxy they DO harm and sadly often kill their children, so, it is a serious illness....

Original poster
Poussin · 13/02/2007 18:28

i have been party yes wnnabe

OP posts:
wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 13/02/2007 18:30

and reality is, if she was being constantly fobbed off by one gp, she would go and see another, and then another, and another, until her concerns were taken seriously.

but she isn't, she's constantly going back to the same gp you say, so that does not seem tipicle either.

Original poster
Poussin · 13/02/2007 18:30

i would say 3 hearts that hyperchondiac BUT why would kids get things too? Its the kids i have noticed for years

OP posts:
noonar · 13/02/2007 18:30

ok, do you think she could be just v anxious about health? a hyperchondriac? i am quite anxious about my own pysical/ emotional health at times, eg i have convinced myself before now that i have MS.

i can see that one could get anxious about a child's health, although i am not. however, the lying thing is in a similar attention seeking vein....

if you feel like you are losing her as a friend anyway, could you summon the courage to tell her your concerns, in a letter maybe?( just to say you dont think the illnesses are real) might be doing her a favour.

KathyMCMLXXII · 13/02/2007 18:32

But what evidence do you have that she is making it up and knows she is doing this?

The Mumsnetter who had her children taken away was suffering with an undiagnosed illness that she was thought to be making up. She ended up disabled because of it so it was quite clear by that point it wasn't made up. However by that time her children had been taken away and grown up without her.

Throwing around these accusations is utterly irresponsible.

Original poster
Poussin · 13/02/2007 18:32

thankyou noonar. yes i had considered approaching her. Whatever the problem there IS one. It may be just lying but it is taking over her life until evreything she says is fantastical

OP posts:
noonar · 13/02/2007 18:33

pousiin- why the kids? because, for instance, she might notice a small symptom -eg diarrohea (sp) and convince herself it was the early sign of bowel cancer...

Original poster
Poussin · 13/02/2007 18:33

i am not throwing any accusatins just talk board advise

OP posts:
wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 13/02/2007 18:34

because if she is overanxious about health, it follows that she will be anxious about her childrens' health as well. a rash/dizzy spell/long lasting cough could spell any number of things. and in this day and age where you can type in a simptom into google and get back a "diagnosis" of any number of severe illnesses, some of which might be life threatening, as an overanxious person all she has to do is consult the internet and she has the convincing argument she needs to be sure her children are suffering from severe and debilitating illnesses.

noonar · 13/02/2007 18:34

wannabe, tahts what i was trying to say!

BandofMothers · 13/02/2007 18:35

Firstly, Poussin isn't diagnosing her friend, she is merely worried that she may have an illness.
Secondly, I think what I said was a fair comment to people who have the disease. Not people who've been falsely accused of having it, but people who ACTUALLY have it.
I can't say either way whether she does or not, but if she does, she will probably get worse, as that is what happens unless they get help.

Original poster
Poussin · 13/02/2007 18:36

mmm i know it sounds wierd to yous but there IS someting wrong
Reading up on it shocked me as i said cos it sounded classic. of course i wont tell - but might alk to her. i am very good friends with her mum and dad so may ask them

OP posts:
totaleclipse · 13/02/2007 18:38

I worked with a firl 12 years ago, she was contantly complaining of this that and the other, usually stomach pains, this went on for years, one day I walked past her asked her how she was, ans she said, aww my stomach hurts today, I roled my eyes and carried on, when I went back a few minutes later, she was curled up and crying, as her supervisor I arranged for her to go to the docs. She never returned to work, within 2 weeks she was in a wheelchair and then suffered a heart attack, she is still in the wheelchair today and undiagnosed.

Also I went to school with a girl who came out with crazy stories, she would shave bold patches on her head and tell people it was from chemo for various different cancers, I work with her sister now and she tells me that she was diagnosed with Munchhausens a few years back.

I guess my point is youcan never be sure if what these people tell you are true or just attention seeking.

hunkermunker · 13/02/2007 18:38

What symptoms is she worrying about?