DH Devastating News - prostate

[dahliaaa]

I wrote a few days ago to say that DH had been called for an urgent appointment after an abnormal examination and follow up PSA test (for prostate.)
Found out today that the PSA level is 6006 (should be 4) and prostate cancer diagnosed. Too late for any surgery. Hormone treatment starting immediately. Bones scans/ biopsy etc to follow.
Dr said it will almost certainly have spread and it is incurable but they will look to try and manage if poss.
Can anyone give any hope or info?

I am thinking of you too, I wish you the very best of luck. You have been enormously strong and brave.

Having been the child (teenager) in this situation what really helped me more then anything wasn't people being nice and saying hopeful things it was when someone took the time to just say 'look this is shit and it's going to keep being shit'. It's a little thing but certainly as a teenager it helped me feel like I wasn't being babyed and told things will be fine when there was a reasonably high chance they wouldn't and it gave me permission (if that makes sense) to spend some time going yes actually this isn't just one of those things, this is an awful thing that is happening to my family right now and I am allowed to feel shit about it.

I hope things go well for you and your family and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel but don't be afraid to have some days where you just acknowledge that it's a shitty time right now. X

I've just read your thread and am thinking of you and hoping today is better than you feared.

I thought Chloe's post was really perceptive about teenagers in this situation.

Warm wishes xx

cloeycat not Chloe, sorry.

Cloeycat gives great insight. I've heard similar before. People don't wish to be soothed all the time. Sometimes you need to be allowed to say it's all crap and not be under pressure to fake positivity.

Thank you everyone for your support - and Cloeycat that is such useful advice.

The appointment yesterday confirmed that DH has prostate cancer which has spread to lymph nodes, pelvis, ribs and spine. There is no cure but they will see if anything can control it for while. They have recommended chemo but we need to go back I. Two weeks to discuss that.

x

That's so tough. Best of luck with the chemo, prostate cancer has advanced a lot the last 10 years, hope he responds well to the chemo.

Sorry to hear that dahliaaa. I hope for better news for you.

Oh Dahliaaa. I so hope you both have been given contact numbers and specialist nurse details to use for support and info while you wait yet again.
Your GP can get in touch with Macmillan community team to help you both practically and emotionally . Help fill in forms etc .while you are reeling from shock . Do ask if you feel appropriate .
Words are just inadequate . Thinking of you .

I'm so sorry to hear that - all best wishes to you and your family.

I spoke to Macmillan today on the phone re a specific question and they were really helpful. DH was very upset earlier today - I think it just suddenly hit him but he is the most positive person I've ever known and much calmer now. I love him very much.

I'm so sorry you're going through this

You've been in my thoughts today. So very sorry that you didn't get better news.

Oh lordy. I'm so, so sorry. I've been thinking of you so much, and wished for some better news. Battle on my friend - it is not over. xx

DH is bit brighter today :-) I think yesterday he just couldn't process it all. I just want to get all my tests etc out the way now.
I am eating illegal amounts of Green and Blacks seasalt chocolate.

You can eat as much chocolate as you want.

And .

... and so you should! All the waiting is hideous. DH has a plan now, so he is probably able to be more optimistic. You have all that worry and the worry of the wait for your tests on top. You are being so strong.

Once your tests are out of the way (and hopefully nothing) you can both concentrate on him. Bit by bit I imagine it will become a bit more manageable.

Sending love lots of What a horrid time for you.

There is no illegal in this situation, eat what you want. I am so, so sorry you're going through this. It's a terrible disease and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Do your DC know yet?

We have told DC in stages. So first that he has cancer then that it isn't one that can be cured but that people live with. They know that've might be going to have some chemo but haven't said anymore yet.

The hospital called today to say that they have compared my current scans with the ones from two years ago before vacuum biopsy and they are happy to downgrade from indeterminate to benign as it looks so similar.
I thought I would feel more relieved but for some silly reason still feel unnerved about it. I think it's because with the vacuum biopsy they took the vast majority of the lump away and it has come back so it's very difficult to compare like for like.
I think it's because DH diagnosis came out if nowhere with no symptoms so I have lost my confidence in everything. Anyway I need to put all of that out of my head.

DH and I did consider running away to a cottage by the sea - reading the best books and watching the best films - and just see how long he lasts. But we decided it wasn't the greatest idea :-) x

Even if you don't run away you can still visit the sea - I have a spare bed - and you can still read all those books.

Yes I think visits to the sea need to be part of our plans ...

We have a 12 day wait now for next appointment but we need to get used to that. The next question is if DH will be able to have chemo. He has always had a low white cell count (it's 3.6 at the moment and normal range is 4-11.) runs in his family - never been an issue before but it might cause a prob with this. We just need to wait and see.
I'm slowly (very slowly!) starting to develop a patience I've never had. I am usually terrible for wanting to know and do everything NOW but trying hard to work at a different speed.

Ps magimedi thanks for the offer of the spare bed. We'll be there by about 2pm tomorrow

I'll stock up with chocolate & cake!

Seriously, in a bit, a night away by the sea might be a good thing. It could be good for you both to have something nice to look forward to in the midst of all this awfulness.

I don't think anyone can imagine how one could get through what you are having to get through, and yet a lot of people have to deal with this each day. You are amazing. Completely understand having to find the patience - its funny, but sometimes you dig deep, and you find strength you never thought you would.