Dd wants her braces taken off. What to do? Angst.

[Pooka]

Yesterday dd had an advancsync device fitted to her lower teeth to pull the bottom jaw forward, in conjunction with top and bottom braces. It's permanent. Not remove able.

She hates it. It's sore, she can hardly talk, doesn't sound or look like her. She's got a party to go to tonight, out with friends tomorrow, on school trip abroad in 2.5 weeks.

I hate how upset she is. I'm worried about the timing - lots of things where she wants to have fun and see friends and she was crying this morning that she doesn't want her friends to see her like this. I feel stupid because I had no idea that they would have such a drastic impact.

Can anyone reassure me that things will improve? Really sorry for her. :(

Only have experience of train track braces but first week is tough, even with normal braces ds wasn't up to going to a party as they were sore.

Soft food and lots of love and reassurance and back to the Orthodontist if it's still really sore after a few days.

Poor thing.

I do think things will improve fairly quickly (my DC all had/have braces although not this particular one) and I think she should persevere. Was she involved in the decision making process to have the treatment? I kept reminding mine that they would have beautiful teeth and, in their case, that they would be done with visible treatment before any of their friends started.

I think I would be Mean Parent and tell her that removal is not an option and that she will see the benefit in the future. It's horrible I know - I've had to be Mean Parent for mine whilst they sobbed. They all got through the painful, muffled speaking and looking odd stage.

Keep up to speed with pain killers.

Can you get a photo of her favourite celebrity and their undoubtedly wonderful teeth to remind her of the end goal? They will have gone through some kind of orthodontic work and all the associated problems.

How many pain killers is she on? Have you got in all soft foods for the weekend?

Oh it is really crappy for first 24-72 hours. DH (wore braces himself for yrs) winced when he saw the train tracks on DS.

But it gets better. Promise. Just have to hang in there. Even by Monday morning it will be a lot better.

I don't know what those braces are like but honestly you get used to braces. The ache and the weird feeling dies away and they will be worth it! This is an exercise in stoicism for her.

I think you need to be mean parent as well. The discomfort will pass, she needs to get on with it and will have a beautiful smile without needing surgery which will be the case if she doesn't persevere.

I had braces (train tracks) for 2 years (15-17) and would have done anything to have them taken off at the time; they hurt, they looked awful, food got stuck in them, but I'm so so so glad I stuck with them, I love my teeth now. They weren't even that bad before but now I can really see the difference, definitely make her stick it out, she won't regret it!

Oh golly - thanks for all the posts. I'm feeling a bit of a miserable mess this morning anyway and I just feel so bloody sorry for her. She says she looks like a gorilla and the worst thing is that she can't really talk. I've been super reassuring about the short term pain, long term gain. But I liked the way she looked before and now with the way the lower jaw has been forced forward she doesn't look like she did. So I can see where she's coming from - feels like more of a cosmetic thing than an ordinary "fix teeth" thing.

I know from research that they're making a drastic effect now with a view to a more moderate result when they come off. But that doesn't help her right now. I've mentioned the worth of a stronger chin when it comes to ageing and jowls (scraping barrel) but for a 12 nearly 13 year old that's a seriously long term gain!

I can't overstate how helpful a bit of reassurance that it's worth it in the end has been. I just need to try and reassure her, in turn.

She's up to date with pain killers. I've to,d her to practice speaking in front of a mirror and laid groundwork along the lines of "just tell your friends you feel rubbish about it, they'll be kind to you, they're your friends" and have friend popping in with dd's best friend later on to be blasé about it. Rubbish timing though - I feel stupid for not really thinking about it and just going with the appointment rather than, say, realising would be a BIG DEAL and waiting until school hols. Hindsight.

Is it the advancsync device which is the problem, or that, combined with the upper and lower braces? If that can't be removed, is there an option to remove the actual braces for the summer, then re-introduce them? (Not sure if they all need to be in together from the start!)

Looking at images of the advancsync it looks pretty similar to my dd's forsus springs (dd also had an upper bridge expander put in at the same time so she had the molar rings too). dd would be giving your dd a lot of sympathy!

So what can we tell your dd. First that the beginning is by far the worst time, but that the pain and the lisp is quite short term. The changes to her face from the appliance/braces will stay until they come out but she should adjust to them quite quickly too. Take lots of painkillers, eat very soft food and (sorry!) stay home and do nice gentle things until you things feel better. Her mouth will adjust relatively quickly to all the metal work, dd's lisp was gone within a couple of days, and the pain was manageable in less than a week. On the down side if she is going in to the ortho regularly for adjustments expect pain/discomfort for a couple of days every time.

More positively we saw a change to dd's jaw within months, and she had the springs taken out and replaced with ordinary traintracks much earlier than the orthodontist suggested (originally a year, and I think it was just over six months). Now she just has to have the train tracks for another year to make sure everything stays put.

It's been a rough ride though, and there were times when dh and I wondered if we'd done the right thing (plus the big bill), but dd was wearing her teeth away where they were misaligned and so she knew it had to be done. Now her jaw line is much improved, you can see where the bone has moved forward by her ears, and her teeth fit together better too. We are all looking forward to getting them taken off though!

One slight issue for dd was that she was 15 when she had them put on. Plus side is that it was really her decision. Down side was that the orthodontist said it was very late for the work so she had a lot done all at once. Also most of her friends were having their braces removed at the same time dd was having hers put on. It meant she got lots of sympathy, but few of her friends were in the same boat. At 13 I'd expect for increasing numbers of your dd's peers to be getting braces fairly soon so she shouldn't feel like the odd one out for too long.

Both my brother and I had several years of braces plus both of us had the dreaded "headgear!" The first few days of a new device or after tightening were always painful and I too hated the lisp I would get but... Please please reassure your DD it is all worth it for the end result! If I say so myself, our teeth look brilliant now and looking back at child/early teen pics we were both so gawky... It did wonders for our confidence.

I do sympathise with your DD. I had this when I was 16-18, so very late for braces and most people had had theirs removed by the time I started. I felt it made me look younger as well as being agony for a few days. But it was so worth it - my teeth were being worn away by being misaligned and they looked so good afterwards.

It did hurt a bit when they were adjusted each time but only for a day or two which was manageable with painkillers. No one else really notices the braces when the novelty has worn off.

I think I'm sad because actually I didn't see her jaw as a particular problem. Feel a bit like I've stupidly walked into what the orthodontist felt was best. But then I'm not an orthodontist or tooth expert...

Meowli - the train tracks are fine. She's used to them - has had them for about 6 months. It's the piston like advancsync that's causing the grief because it's moving her jaw rathe pr than working I. The teeth if you see what I mean?

I didn't need braces when I was a teen, but my bottom teeth have shifted forward and one at the front is now poking out and forward. It's got noticeably worse in the last two years and I'm now having to get a set of braces at 27. Not only will that be a bit crap, most people having left that behind them in their teens, but I'm having to pay £2k for the privilege.

You just have to keep encouraging her that it'll be worth it in the end. It's much easier to do this now when half your class are going through a similar experience. Of course she's wants them out, but you need to be the adult and think about the long game.

Will she be done with this before all her friends? I used this as an encouragement for The SmallDragons along with the fact that they would be done and looking gorgeous by the time they wanted to be dating :)

I think I'm sad because actually I didn't see her jaw as a particular problem

I hear you! I went with DS1 because he had pulled his teeth out of alignment through thumbsucking. The orthodontist then pulled apart his jawline, his eyes, his nose, his cheeks... He was right though! However, it wasn't something I wanted to hear about my 7 yo PFB. :)

Been there with two teens including one with ASD... The first couple of weeks aren't easy.. One of mine cried for ages begging to have them removed and hers cut the inside of her mouth at first too...BUT they both stuck with them and the difference is SO worth it...both of my two needed them done to help them keep their teeth clean etc as adults.. The cosmetic benefits were great but the main reason for having their teeth straightened was to help their teeth stay healthy....they did get pain every time the braces were adjusted but not as bad as the first time... We got into a habit of going directly to the shop after each ortho visit to let them choose their favourite ( expensive not usually allowed ) icecream.. They would spend the couple of days before an appt discussing what flavour they were going to have.. The difference in both their teeth is amazing- straight and easy to clean and my older teen said to me just the other day how glad she was that she stuck with her braces ( they came off two years ago)

Ha that's totally it soup dragon. She's my PFB and having her profile critiqued wasn't the best. When ds1 had his 8week check the doctor noted "small chin" on the obs. Form. I was highly insulted on his behalf.

We had the same experience. We only went to the orthodontist for him to look at ds's teeth really, we just took dd just in case really. I've always thought she had beautiful teeth, and really hadn't noticed the overbite. Both children looked at their xrays and quizzed the orthodontist on the benefits. ds decided that the rewards were really just cosmetic and the discomfort wasn't worth it. Interestingly we thought his crooked row were due to thumb sucking but the orthodontist said it was just the way his teeth had grown.

Ah, I see. Can it really not be removed? If you are rethinking whether it is necessary at all, it sounds like her jaw wasn't a particular worry until the orthodontist mentioned it. Do you think she would be happier with just the braces, and that that would be sufficient, or do you think she would regret not having had her jaw realigned, in later life?

I'm not sure meowli. I think we will leave until Monday evening. Even in the course of today she's feeling better about it, and that's what's important. Saw some friends. Lots of commiseration. If she's ok with it after school on Monday, then I think that's a big hurdle jumped.

With Regards to the extent to which it is cosmetic, I can see that she has a small chin. But that small chin is part of her. So my gut maternal reaction is not to change anything about her. (Bit like soupdragon's feelings to the implied criticism of looks). But on reflection, perhaps the orthodontist is right. After all, the canines hanging up high in her mouth and one tooth in front of the other isn't actually doing any physical harm, but her teeth themselves are being straightened for predominantly cosmetic reason.

I dunno. All these replies have been really helpful and sensible. If we can get past the 5/7 days referred to in the info sheet we were given about the early tricky phase, then hopefully will only be 4 months and then she'll be free of all metalwork. Fingers crossed!

Please don't listen to meowli. Just let her get on with it, this time next week she won't even notice and when her teeth are beautiful, healthy and easy to keep clean she will be very glad that you remained the adult in this decision and looked at the long term gains.

I wouldn't give her the option to remove.