The most awful dread in my stomach, ive been so stupid.......

[canttellyou]

Four years ago I had my daughter and split with her dad bout 2 weeks later. Moved back home and was very happy. But to kinda make myself feel better and wanted, I slept around a little. To be exact bout 5 one night stands. Not proud of it hence name change and have kept it to myself for this long. However am mega happy now and want this black cloud from over my head. I feel absolutely scared to death, worried, frightened, sick, that I may have caught something nasty. I self treated myself with antibiotics on a couple of occasions (work in medicine) and have bitten the bullet to go to GUM next week for tests as I can't live with this any longer. I feel dirty, used and scared to death. What if I have HIV? Syphillis? Somebody give me some advice or make me feel better.

well the obvious thing to do is go and get yourself tested professionally. Thats the only sure way to find out surely?

You would be highly unlucky to have caught HIV from 5 one night stands-some people have that many in as many days!
You are right to check this out though as it is clearly affecting your happiness. I am sure that you will be given a clean bill of health
let us know how you get on

It sounds unlikely that you have contracted anything serious, but it's sensible to get checked out. To my completely unqualified mind, I'm more concerned about you dishing out antibs to yourself without any diagnosis, I wonder if you are getting a bit overly anxious about this.

Stay strong. It is nothing to be ashamed of, just how you felt at the time and it has no bearing on who you are now. Well done for facing it, you'll feel better once you've been to the clinic.

Remember, don't feel you have to hide in a corner when you are there, there are lots and lots of reasons to be there.

Can identify with your worry - several of my friends and me included were scared witless by the blood tests in pregnacy - but we were all fine.

Think its highly unlikely that you have anything - 5 is hardly high on the ricter(sp) scale of one night stands. and even if you look on the most highly unlikely senario that you have something - the treatments are getting better and better. I think you have a guilt / I need punishing vibe going on. Get tested get a clear result and forget it!

I think going to GUM is best idea

and I will lay odds you will be fine

I think we all have this overriding fear .. no matter what our history .. I certainly felt it before the results of my blood tests when pg with DS .. but then I was a total trollop in my 20's and kept fixating on this one guy who's previous gf had been a druggie

I was clear .. I reckon you will be too

the chances are, you are fine, but to put your mind at rest, go and have that testing.
when i was in the early stages of pregnancy with my ds1, i discovered to my horror that his father, who had left me, had given me chlamydia..i was devastated and wondered what else he had given me..so i had the tests and was fine..thank goodness, but please get checked, the chances of sometrhing horrible are remorte, but better to be sure.

Thank you for those lovely messages. The guilt/punish theory certainly hits a chord. And mummytoseven, self prescribing is rife in medicine although not the best thing to do I just feel sooooooooooo terribly awful. I can't believe I had unprotected sex with strangers. I feel like a complete slut!!! I really hope it is all ok. I am healthy and well and hold onto the hope that that is a good sign

And mummytoseven, am completely bonkers over anxious

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My main worry is HIV. What if I'm one of these poor people that is fit and well then gets given a death sentence???!!!! ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Message withdrawn

get it checked - the wit will be awful but you'll know. Get info on protection.

the wait!!

What would be the odds on that?

Probably more likely to win over £5000 on tonights lottery!!

have you heard something lately to make you feel concerned now,
Are you embarking a new relationship remeber sex is different to making love and having one night stands doesnot take anything away from any relationship you form after the event

I like twiglett worried about the hiv test when pg with first child. In fact I didn't have it as I was so worried-rather not know. This was not because I had been a big time shagger just that one boyfriend had been!
had the test with dd and was fine!
It is natural to feel this doom when everything in your life is so good at present

The worst thing ive done is look at internet health sites. they have made me completely paranoid. All this talk of 'rates of HIV are rising' and 'there are no symptoms'.

dont they automatically test for HIV at a GUM clinic? not sure.
you are probably worrying unecessarily. everything will be ok.

Don't look up illness on the net!!!
Its doom and gloom!

Has this worried you through out the 4 years or is it just now you feel happy?

Internet health sites have made me worry more. And TBH I didn't even worry bout it AT ALL, it didnt cross my mind til I started looking at tinternet. It was 3 years ago and just sort of dismissed it.

I understand that CTY - I've almost always been very careful about unprotected sex but I went and did it once or twice in the aftermath of a bad break-up and agonised over it for years. I think it might be a low self-esteem thing, you just don't look after yourself in that state. Forgive yourself and be proud you've come round to such a good state of mind that you're ready to deal with it.

From 5 occasions, the chances of HIV are tiny and if you did have it it's far better to know and get treatment. If you'd got syphillis you'd probably have had symptoms by now. It will almost certainly be fine and you'll feel so much better when it's all over.

I'm so scared of the outcome of this. I wish it was all over.

would i have symptoms from HIV by now?