The most awful dread in my stomach, ive been so stupid.......

[canttellyou]

Four years ago I had my daughter and split with her dad bout 2 weeks later. Moved back home and was very happy. But to kinda make myself feel better and wanted, I slept around a little. To be exact bout 5 one night stands. Not proud of it hence name change and have kept it to myself for this long. However am mega happy now and want this black cloud from over my head. I feel absolutely scared to death, worried, frightened, sick, that I may have caught something nasty. I self treated myself with antibiotics on a couple of occasions (work in medicine) and have bitten the bullet to go to GUM next week for tests as I can't live with this any longer. I feel dirty, used and scared to death. What if I have HIV? Syphillis? Somebody give me some advice or make me feel better.

AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm so sorry to keep whinging. I sound like a neurotic idiot!

the really ridiculous thing is when I was pg for 2nd time and had bloods and knew I'd only slept with DH and knew DH had only slept with me I still worried about outcome

its natural to worry

its brave, logical and sensible to get tested

Canttellyou, stop looking at health internet sites, you'll develop cyberchondria!
Seriously though, don't beat yourself up about the past. We all make silly mistakes. It's a good idea that you are going to a GUM clinic. I'm sure the staff will be understanding and will be able to allay your fears with good advice and info.

Why do internet sites mess you up so much????!!!!! I've self diagnosed HIV and may have a touch of syphillis (although my hands may be chapped from the cold!)

Stress alone can give you horrible physical symptoms.

Thank you everyone for being so kind. I guess I am being daft. Just feel so ashamed.

Get tested! If you're like me, though, and anxiety is part of your life you may well find something to replace the HIV/STD fear with.
When I went for an HIV test when I was first PG seven years ago, I had convinced myself completely that some bloke I slept with on holiday -or the sailor - or the guy who'd been travelling for a couple of years - or the bisexual man - take your pick - had infected me. The nurse saw me coming and said "WHEN this test comes back negative, please put it behind you and enjoy your pregnancy". There's always a risk, of course, but the risk to your mental health of not finding out is probably quite high too.

Bi-sexual sailors on holiday ah!

isOh god! Canttellyoueither, that message bought a lump to my throat. anxiety is like an old friend to me. Once one worry is over I always find something else to search for on the internet or talk to friends about, divorce, getting married in church, trying for a baby..............everything.

did you really sleep with a bisexual sailor????????????

I bet you'll be fine.

Just wanted to point out - HIV is not a 'death sentence' these days either. Treatment has moved on enormously - even in the last year and there is lots more on the near horizon (am currently working on an HIV study!!).

Many of the treatments around now are very successful in getting viral load undetectable.

But anyway, the chances are low that you even have it. Look at this way, what's the point in wasting in your energy worrying about it. You'll have the test done, find out you are clear and then kick yourself for stressing about it.

Don't worry worry unless worry worries you (as dh's old nan used to say!).

I agree 5 not a lo really and I suspect your black cloud is guilt induced if its not something youa re proud of? May well be wrong. however, getting tested is a very sensible thing to do and should give you answers. Good luck

even if one of your sexual partners had any of those diseases, there's still no guarantee that you would have picked it up (not that I'm advocating unprotected sex). As Twig says, I'm sure everyone feels nervous about those pregnancy blood tests.

Thank you everyone for the reassurance. xxx

Yes, your risk of catching HIV in particular isn't high at all. Straight men in the UK are only likely to catch HIV from blood transfusions or intravenous drugs, from what I know. (Female to male transmission without anal intercourse is really quite low. Male to female transmission isn't that much higher.)

I haven't looked into this for a little while, but really, your risk is pretty low. Chlamydia or other treatable STDs are more likely.

I too am a bit at the self-medicating. DH's family is chocka with medics, and I'd be surprised to hear of any of them doing this. Certainly when I have spoken to them about a simple problem that needed ABs (cystitis), they never mentioned the possibility of just writing me a scrip.

Notquiteacockney, pharmacy is far more rife with self medication than actual medicine. We think drugs cure all! I am sorry though!

Ah, right, his family are surgeons, obs/gyne and oncology. Not pharmacy.

Aren't surgeons 'butchers' rather than poisoners, now that I think about it?

And notquitecockney, those hard facts are very reassuring. thank you so much ! xxxxx I thought transmission was 100%.

yep, and barbars come to mention it. I must admit we are very naughty for self medicating- a quick swig of nearly out of date antibiotic liquid cures all in my work place!

OMG no, the transmission rate is nothing like 100%! I'm not sure what the rate is like for anal sex, to be honest, but there have been cases of men married to, and having repeated unprotected sex with, HIV-positive women, without catching it!

Here is a paper from 2000. It's based on a Ugandan study. For reasons that nobody is quite clear on, the rate of heterosexual transmission of HIV is definately higher in subsaharan Africa than in Europe etc. That being said, the transmission rate was 22%, over a two-year study. That's not from one bout of intercourse, that's over two years.(Largely, people were not using condoms.)

Interestingly, this study showed rates of male to female and female to male transmission as the same, except for circumcised men.

At any rate, no, the transmission rate is nowhere near 100%.

Ah, yes, found something on PubMed that says rates of male to female transmission in Europe and North America in the 1/5000 to 1.5/1000 range per contact.

As part of this study I've found out that nearly all the patients being treated for HIV in the UK are gay men or patients of African origin and also asylum seekers.

Virtually no caucasian women - so this backs up what NQC is saying.

praise the lord. I love you 2. I'm not in the clear yet but I feel at least able to breathe a sigh of relief.

Nooooooooooooooooooooo. All separate people!

[hugs]]to you and lots of positive vibes that everything will be fine