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Given my crap health and advanced years am I mad to think I can have another child?

100 replies

CountessDracula · 25/10/2006 16:18

Because I really want one and so does dh

DD is now 4 (just).

When she was 1 we were going to start trying for another but I got glandular fever as those of you who were around then may remember. I was wiped out for the best part of a year so that was off the cards. It was horrific enough dealing with one with GF!

Once I was better we started trying again. It took us 3 years to conceive dd so I wasn't holding my breath, but we agreed that if nothing had happened by the beginning of this year that we would look at IVF.

At the beginning of this year I started getting kidney infections. After a load of tests and several weeks off work they discovered that I have reflux and 3 weeks ago I had a procedure to try and sort it out. Have been ill ever since, recovering and now with another kidney infection so it looks like it may not have worked. The next option is to have the kidney out which tbh I am tempted to do as while all this is going on I cannot ttc as (a) I have to have lots of scans and xrays that I can't have it pg and (b) I feel fucking awful and am in bed most of the day.

On top of this I have Crohn's disease and am on immunosuppressants (prob the reason why I got Glandular Fever). When dd was small I caught every bug she had as a result of this and was pretty knackered and ill a lot of the time. I am still on them so presumably this may happen again.

Also having dd almost killed me, had massive PPH and 9 hour GA while they tried to stop the bleeding and woke up in intensive care on ventilator.

So back to my thread title

I am 40 now, I am INSANE am I not, given all of this, to want another child. Well, not to want one but to be considering having one.

My main concerns

  1. I will be ill/exhausted all the time again which will be no fun for me or dd or dh or the baby
  1. Can I cope with all the sleepless nights again given I am so bloody old!
  1. Will dd just hate and resent the baby given she would be 5 by the time it was born and has had all the attention all these years. We have a great time with her, having a baby will curtail a lot of what we do with her I guess.
  1. I guess I could die this time, leaving dd with no mother and dh with no wife which would be selfish of me.

Sorry I just needed to get my thoughts down really, sorry it's so long.

OP posts:
Tutter · 25/10/2006 16:43

what a lovely post 3littlefrogs

CountessDracula · 25/10/2006 16:44

They do foxy

This week I have slept on average 18 hours a day!

Thanks 3littlefrogs - it is lovely to know it is worth it!

OP posts:
bloodyhowler · 25/10/2006 16:45

I had a fantastic pregnancy but was very ill afterwards and like you caught evrything and still do!I have to say if I was you I would go for it I have had a kidney transplant and various other things and they were unaffected by pregnancy I have another condition now and we just decided not to rock the boat as we have so many things we want to do as we are now and we knew if pregnancy made me ill then ds would suffer too.Good luck with what you decide I know how hard it is and how any times you change your mind!

Moomin · 25/10/2006 16:50

I'm maybe not the best person to be giving advice as I've gone ahead and had my 2nd now, despite various horrible complications and long stays in hospital, 2 years ttc and all the staess that put on us all. I had dd1 at 33 years old and dd2 at 38 so the gap has been as good as I think it could be logistically, with dd1 starting school and leaving more time for me and dd2.

However my health has definitely suffered from having dd2 (I've just been told I face possibly years of treatment now) and even though I am a capable, sane kind of person, in a very loving relationship, financially stable, with suppoort from family etc etc, I have found the last 12 months the hardest of my life. I absolutely love the bones of dd2 and I thank God every time I look at her little face, BUT there's no getting away from the fact that life was definitely less complicated, easier and less stressful with just 1. But on the other hand, I went demented when I thought we weren't going to succeed in getting pregnant with her, and we were fully prepared to go the whole hog (iui and ivf) to get her. As it is I had lots of horrible precedures and drugs which all had side effects but we got her on our own in the end.

I guess I'm trying to say that your heart beats your head hands down every time on this issue and I do sympathise with what you're thinking at the moment. I think, though, that you need to try to consider your quality of life now and try to project a worst-case scenario in to ttc your 2nd and see how you feel then. Like everything to do with parenting, i think, it's more a case of 'jump off the cliff and see what happens'. Sorry if this doesn't help in any way at all - it's so contrdictory! - but I do feel for you. Good luck in whatever you decide. xx

CountessDracula · 25/10/2006 16:50

Oh yes I do daily

Argh it#s a nightmare

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 25/10/2006 16:53

wow moomin I hope you are ok

Another complication that I had forgotten, I was on steriods for 18 months when I was pg and after having dd as my crohn's flared up. As a result my bones started thinning as I have had so many steriods over the years. I have done all the right things and they are on the mend now, but I have to consider that this would probably happen again and what the long term effect might be

OP posts:
bloodyhowler · 25/10/2006 16:55

Countess I think I'll have to leave this thread as it is giving me a terrible case of the what ifs?again!!I do not envy you this decision it is sooo hard

Moomin · 25/10/2006 16:55

I'm ok! In some ways this last complication has made our minds up for us once and for all. I was pretty sure 2 was the end of it after the year we'd had but there was a tiny bit of me that would have liked another baby. Now I know that I can't really do another pregnancy (in that I could but it would be mental and my health would be buggered) because of this, it's been easier for us to decide to stop at 2 and dh had the snip on Monday!

curlew · 25/10/2006 16:57

I can't say anything useful or knowledgeable about your health problems. However, I was 43 when dd was born and dd was 5. IMHO and so far, it's been a brilliant age gap. DD was old enough to be properly involved and also to be reasoned with up to a point - (and bribed when reason failed) and so far they are the best of friends. DD adores her little brother, is so proud of him and proud of her role in helping to bring him up and he positively hero worships her! Not sure how the teen years are going to be, but please don't let the age-gap thing stop you.

RanToTheHills · 25/10/2006 17:02

oh it's hard. Sounds so much like you want this child, regardless. If so then I think you must ttc again and asap - but that's just my opinion - anyone close youcan talk this over with aside from dh? Think you need to think/talk consequences through as much as possible - even if you already know what you want to do

RanToTheHills · 25/10/2006 17:03

oh and just to add -any helpful medical advice you can get? is yr GP supportive? Also, as youyr age, you've already proven you can get pregnant & give birth to a healthy child so even tho you're older, that's very positive, surely?

CountessDracula · 25/10/2006 17:04

My GP is supportive yes. In fact most people are. My parents look at me aghast if I mention it but I guess they are just thinking of the nightmare last time and looking out for me (and themselves!)

OP posts:
Blu · 25/10/2006 17:05

CD - it does sound daunting, and I have no experience of any of it except to say that age pre se hasn't been an issue for me - and I was older than you when I had DS. I also think that (in general) a 5 year-old is old enough to understand about new babies with less jealousy than younger children. DS would be quite calm about it, I think.

I think I would feel daunted by the possibility of everything you face, and the IVF process itself making you feel quite poorly.

Are you feeling that you 'should' be letting all these factors put you off, but they're not, so you feel reckless in pursuit of another baby, or is it more that you feel very daunted and feel guilty (or something similiar) that you are letting that get in the way of another try?

Do you need courage to do what's necessary, or 'permission' to let the idea go, do you think?

CountessDracula · 25/10/2006 17:08

Blu I think it is mainly that I feel it is reckless. But then I think again and think that that is pathetic and that plenty of people are much worse off than me health wise and still have babies - at least I can afford the support to deal with it if I am ill

Sometimes I think I am just pathetic and I should get on with it!

OP posts:
EliBoo · 25/10/2006 17:22

Apologies in advance: this is going to be long!

I could relate to your dilemma, in terms of feelings if not in terms of exact same issues. I'm now 33 weeks pregnant and have no idea if we made the 'right' decision or not - I guess it was, since we made it....feels right at the moment, anyway.

I was 43 when I had dd, after years of trying, treatment, and miscarriages: she was my 'last ditch attempt for peace of mind'. The night before she was born, I suddenly realized I was going to agonize all over again...about whether to try for a second child. I was very tired the first eighteen months (no help till she was about 14 months old) and couldn't think about another till she turned two...at which point I was 45.
Thats when I agonized like you - I have no ongoing health issues, but did have high bp postpartum which scared me, and needed medicating. I look young, but don't always feel it - and I worried a lot about dd and whether I'd have the energy levels to meet her needs as well as a baby's. That still worries me a bit, but I have lots of help now - and dh plans to work part-time till dd2 is at pre-school. You say you can have lots of help too - I think thats key, really.

Before TTC this time, I saw a consultant OB Physician who knew about bp issues: he said go ahead. I saw my GP and asked for an ECG and 24 hour trace - she did both, and said 'fine, go ahead'. No one said 'don't'. I agree with those who say talk to your consultants and try to get a concensus on the impact another pregnancy/birth could have on your health...if they are saying 'go ahead', maybe its more your own fears you need to address. If they say 'hmm, I wouldn't recommend it' then you have to weight up some serious pros and cons.

FWIW, I put off childbearing for several years because of health issues in my thirties (liver disease) and opted for treatment first. It was probably the right thing to do, as I was too scared to focus on a baby - needed to deal with the health thing first. But...it meant I was 39 by the time I was 'allowed' to start to TTC, and then IF was a major, major issue. I wouldn't change things now - if I did, dd would not be dd! But it wasn't an easy decision, and I really feel for you.

As for the age gap, I wouldn't worry about that at all - my sister is six years older than me, and the only problems she had were more to do with how my parents dealt with (or didn't deal with) her natural, siblingy, jealous feelings than the fact that she had a little sister (and later, a brother). We are good mates now, and wouldn' be without each other for the world.

Being ill or exhausted all the time was my concern too - so far, so good: and contrary to my fears, my bp has been much much better this time around. Its impossible to predict everything! As for sleepless nights and being old - well, they say you need less sleep as you get older and anyway, that part is short-lived. And anyway, I don't think the age thing is the main issue - you are a mere babe: 40? Pah!

Just get yourself some reassurance on teh health front...it sounds like the most important bit..and clear info as to whether you need to deal with the kidney first, or whether it can wait. It does sort of sound as though it needs sorting out - if you were feeling better, and not ill a lot, you might feel a lot less anxious about TTC.

Big hugs and loads of luck with the decision.

californifright · 25/10/2006 17:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blu · 25/10/2006 17:26

What if you were to try the IVF, and if it works take it as a sign that it was menat to be, and your body CAN do it, and if it doesn't, then at least you will know you tried, but couldn't, and it will be a full stop from 'imposed' on you, rather than you deciding not to try?

EliBoo · 25/10/2006 17:30

Good point Blu - thats pretty much what I did, went into it still wavering but thinking 'it probably won't work, but if it does then maybe it was meant to'.

Still think making a decision on the kidney might be important first, though..

CountessDracula · 25/10/2006 17:31

wow thanks eliboo

I have spoken to Beety about it thanks!

OK

My plan of action
Talk to dh tonight
Get stupid kidney sorted one way or another
Get fit and healthy (will take a month I reckon, I need to get my stamina up to cope with being pg after 3 weeks in bed and op!)
and in meantime investigate IVF and get all info/booked in and talk to all my doctors about whether I am mad but ignore their advice and go for it anyway

Blu we have already decided that we will try IVF and if it doesn't work then we will drop it.

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 25/10/2006 17:32

sounds like a good plan

how soon till they know whether the kidney is ok?

SherlockLGJ · 25/10/2006 17:36

CD

I can't due to PPCM, but if I could, I would like a shot.

So go for it.

NOMurDErousPLUME · 25/10/2006 17:36

Go for it CD.

EliBoo · 25/10/2006 17:39

Excellent sounding plan! Will be rooting for you with bells on.

Overrun · 25/10/2006 17:46

Sorry for delay in replying CountessD, children distracted me from the pc!
I think going from one to two is very different from three to four. I really think money was a major factor, which I think from what you have said would not be a problem for you.
Also, a big part of my motivation for wanting another one, was that I would love a daugher. So that feels like a selfish reason to put my sons through, the potential ordeal of me possibly being in hospital a lot (as I was last time), and I would probably get boy twins anyway

CountessDracula · 25/10/2006 17:46

PPCM Sherlock?

I have a scan in 3 weeks which should determine whether the reflux is sorted. However that is no guarantee that the infections will stop so I think if they come back i will jsut go for it and have the kidney out. (maybe they could pop a baby in at the same time )

OP posts:
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