Is it possible to still not be healed after childbirth two years ago?! TMI

[MrsPear]

I admit i sound slightly stupid asking this but is it is possible. DS2 was 31 weeker 2 years ago born in a wall of pain (i was told this meant back to back) and with an arm wrapped over his head - he was nicknamed Superman. Midwife refused to examine me as there was no need as he was small.
I have had problems since. TMI bit

At first i leaked urine but i did pelvic floor and it seemed to improve but it sometimes feels like it is in the wrong place. I can't seem to empty my bowels properly - use to be one wipe and that was it; this is rarely the case now. Plus there is wind - which is getting worse. Plus i am not as sensitive.

So can this be related to the birth or something else?!

Birth.

DS was back-to-back, rotated and hauled out by forceps. He suffered shoulder disticia, which thankfully healed by itself. I was given an episiotomy, which DS made bigger on his way out.

I suffered severe pain for a year, couldn't sit or walk comfortably, couldn't wipe myself properly. It turns out that the gynae trapped a nerve while sewing me up, trapped behind scar tissue. Sex was impossible.

I had an operation to cut and resew my poor bits a year after DS' birth, and some physiotherapy (squeeze a vibrating electrode thing) to help kick-start pelvic floor and I have been doing 'proper' kegels since. I still have pain during sex.

My specialist was top cheese at my hospital and it was a terrible experience (patronizing old bastard!). I'd like to go back but not to see him - but he's the best in his field, so not a lot of choice.

What we have experienced is very personal, very emotional and surprisingly common. I need to pull my finger out and get referred in the new year to try and heal better. I hope you can do the same

• I don't mean I hope you can'pull your finger out', just that you can starts to steps to recovery, too.

Thank you for sharing ElQuin - your right i should say something but it is finding the courage, i can see the doctor laughing inwardly.

I hope you heal soon

I can't believe the midwife didn't examine you! My dd was born at term in the superman pose and I had internal vaginal tear that needed stitches, the doctor came to examine me to ensure the tear hadn't gone through to my anus. Which it hadn't, even so the scar tissue from that tear meant painful sex for a year.

The doctor won't laugh, I think your midwife messed up and you need a gyn-obs referral.

Please go see your GP and get a referral for physio or to the gynae department. You should absolutely not be putting up with this and nobody will laugh at you.

My DD came out 'Home alone' style, with her hands on her face. 3rd degree tear. As stated I can't believe a Midwife didn't examine you, it should be standard practice. My second child head measured 33cm all the way round, and they still checked me, (second degree, but to be fair 22 months after the 3rd degree, it was probably to be expected)

Oh dear poor you. I still have problems from my DS's back to back birth 9 years ago. I do think you were badly cared for. Of course your midwife should have examined you.

Poor you. I've had problems since DD (back-to-back 8 years ago) and DS (4 years ago) - both were very long labours.

Had a year of gynae-urinary physio after DS and it really helped. I will still need an op at some point (although without family help and since I work, have no idea how I will manage the recovery time), but things are SO much better.

Do go to your GP for a referral. I was mortified at the thought but am so glad I did. There is so much they can do to help you. No one will laugh - after all, they make their living from this sort of thing! Good luck.

If its bothering you and affecting your life you should see your GP.

when you say you used to do one wipe but not any more, could you have anal skin tags?
Your bowel can change position after giving birth and result in not feeling you have emptied your bowels fully.

Ask to be referred to a gynae.

I had the same issues for a couple of years after birth. I had been examined and the midwife said I'd had a bad tear and to keep an eye on it. Went to my GP who told me everything was normal and a lecture about pelvic floor exercises. Persevered for a while then saw another doctor in the practice who referred immediately to a specialist. He said no amount of exercise would repair what was a rupture in the muscle. Had a pelvic floor repair and never looked back. (Still trampolining at 50! )

Thanks for all the replies. I have checked (that was interesting!) and no skin tags are obvious. I am glad that others feel i should have been checked after birth - i was after ds1 who was a 30 weeker. The midwife wasn't the most supportive - she didn't even think i should need pain relief for a tiny baby to birth. I am going to have to pluck up the courage. I did see a lovely gyne a few years back so will ask to be transferred back to his team. Just need courage. I just don't feel right. I know i have given birth twice but things are too different. Even posting here felt embarrassing!

She sounds awful!

I know it's hard, I went to GP a few weeks ago worried about post-coital bleeding, i was so worried, but the GP, the practice nurse and the gyn team were really sensitive and supportive.

The only person who should be embarrassed is your midwife, who frankly failed in her duty of care to you.

Hope you are able to get this sorted quickly and sensitively.