Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
General health

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Whats a 'reasonable' amount of sex

21 replies

riab · 03/10/2006 14:01

What do you all think a reasonable amount of sex (ie number of times) to be having with an 18mo who still isn't sleeping through the night. (so i'm shattered)

And sorry for being personal but how long does an average 'session' last for you?

OP posts:
ScareyCaligulaCorday · 03/10/2006 14:02

Reasonable is what both parties are happy with.

HuwEdwards · 03/10/2006 14:03

oh god, at that stage, about once every 3 months and can't remember how long it lasted for, was usually asleep by the end

Original poster
riab · 06/10/2006 14:02

so what were/are you happy with and what was/is he happy with?

OP posts:
trinity2 · 06/10/2006 14:07

We were likely to have sex every 3 months, we were just too tried, and it took me ages to lose all the post-baby weight, so I really didn't feel sexy at all. We did talk about it alot though, as I was always worried he was frustrated, but was just as tried and stressed as me and we things just change when you have a baby.

auntymandy · 06/10/2006 14:09

everytime the baby was asleep!!!

expatinscotland · 06/10/2006 14:13

Now that my hormones are back on track, every other day whilst not ovulating.

Ovulating . . . watch out!

moaningpaper · 06/10/2006 14:14

expat I'm SHOCKED

I thought you had sworn off sex forever

Original poster
riab · 06/10/2006 19:18

aunymandy - seriuosly?

dear god when baby is asleep my priorities are:
1: get the bottles ready for next lot of feeds and/or clean highchair, put washing on etc so he has clean clothes and sterilised milk
2: eat/drink my own food
3: catch up on sleep myself

we're on about once a month, DH would prefer twice a week, (prepregnancy norm). i'd be appy with once a week but have absolutly NO sex drive.

OP posts:
kama · 06/10/2006 19:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

smoggie · 06/10/2006 19:49

riab - in the same boat re: 18 month not always sleeing through and 3.5yo who occasionally gets up. Just can't seem to summon up the energy AT ALL, Think the last time was 3 months ago . We keep meaning to kick start things again but have just been too nackered. tbh I just don't feel 'in the mood' very often either which doesn't help.

Original poster
riab · 06/10/2006 19:55

How do those of you who are 'in the mood' feel like that if you know that in 5 hrs time or less you may be getting up again in the dark and cold?

I just want to get to bed as soon as possible for as long as possible to sleep, nothing else!

OP posts:
nulnulcat · 06/10/2006 20:43

its whatever you like i think but personally i had split with dd dad when preg and had met a new partner so it was definately the honeymoon phase and as soon as i could we were at it like rabbits!

all my new curvy bits made me feel sexy so we made the most of it. dd still doesnt sleep through so there was no way i was giving up sex for 3 years!! i like it every day apart from a few days a month but still manage to have fun then.

auntymandy · 07/10/2006 07:08

men do feel left out when baby comes along, just like toddlers do!!! So you need to remember to make them special. Domt always blame the baby!!!

Heartmum2Jamie · 07/10/2006 10:00

My youngest is now 2 and although we finally got around to it last month, before that was probably March. I did feel bad that dh was missing out, but half the time he was as uninterested as me (who has zilch sex drive, lol!) It doesn't say alot about our marriage does it? We have talked about trying to get back to some kind of normallity and agree to try once a month first and then work up to a couple of times before weekly etc. We have never been daily people, lol

kama · 07/10/2006 12:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

UlySCREAMS · 07/10/2006 12:47

Use it or lose it is my motto. Once you get into making time to do it you'll start to feel desirable again. How many other kids do you have riab? Can you not surprise him with a bj when he isn't expecting it? Men love this and he'll feel wanted. Depends on whether you enjoy it though?

Like has been said I bet he's loving your curves.

Original poster
riab · 07/10/2006 12:51

nope, no curves and he doesn't like am anyway!

he prefers me slim and boyish and so none of the pregnancy stuff worked for him or me.

I am just so knackered and the idea of vigerous sex for an hour is something to dread for me when I am so knackered I can hardly move and my back is in agony after holding a tired but cross toddler for hours.

OP posts:
Original poster
riab · 07/10/2006 12:51

Sorry - feeling crap, very worried our relationship might be ending cos of this.

OP posts:
UlySCREAMS · 07/10/2006 12:55

if you're getting that worried then go to Relate.

mum2monkeys · 07/10/2006 13:10

Now have as much as possible, whenever we both can - not always as energetic as it used to be, but worth the effort. When too tired we do try to make sure the other knows we still fancy them ie one says - 'still fancy you, you know that don't you?'
other says - 'yeah me too, just too f#'*ing tired'
both laugh then say we'll just think about it tonight then?!
To that I usually respond well in that case we'll do it x way!

After my DD was born we did find it hard, and harder to talk about - talk is the best thing though and maintaining other forms of affection without feeling like it has to go anywhere.... Know it's difficult but try not to worry too much, and do you really need to still be sterilising everything at 18mths - probably get shouted down on this one but think you might be ok to cut back on stuff like that now my DD is 17mths and haven't sterilised anything for her since I stopped b/fing at 7mths - did rinse everything with boiling water up to a year but now just do her stuff with all the washing up.

How many times does you lo wake up during the night? Any other reasons why you might be tired? Hormones, pnd, lack of iron etc?

Original poster
riab · 07/10/2006 19:29

Ds can wake anywhere form once to 5 times a night (the five times a night thing is only once a week)

Up until a month ago I was working 22 hrs, studying 16 hrs and had 30hrs childcare to cover those, then for a month I was studying with only 4hrs childcare/week to get my dissertation done in.

this is only the second week since he was born that i havn't been working or studying or both!

PMT is crappy too, i get really emotional and tired for a week beforehand. (just came on so realised why i passed out on the carpet on thursday)

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread