Tamoxigang thread 50 with summer sun, sangria and maybe even some sand

[foofooyeah]

Welcome to thread 50 .... Yes FIFTY.
Lots of us are rising 50 so rather apt!

El Porto, so glad you were able to enjoy your holiday, so many of our friends have emigrated, and we spent a year in Oz after we graduated. Would love to go back but flights for five might be a tad expensive.
Bone scan for me on Tues, still getting a lot of pain under my scar on the right and surgeon wants it checked out. He did say he wasn't really concerned though.

Eloporto glad you had a lovely time and that you feel so well, good luck for you on Tuesday too
Big day on Tuesday for lots of people !
Obviously everyone hopes that the lymph nodes are clear but for many of us on here it wasn't the case and it just means that they will throw everything at it

Wee sounds like it's just a precaution hope the bone scan goes ok

Just had a call from my bc nurse to say my lymph node biopsy last week showed no evidence of tumour. As you can all imagine the relief is overwhelming and I've had a massive cry. I'm so grateful I didn't have to wait until Friday for this news, I was really struggling emotionally.

Elporto, lovely to hear you're back and are feeling so well.

To everyone waiting for results this week my thoughts are with you, it's the most bloody awful time.

Hurrah for that Mrs!

That's great mrs

Great news Mrs!

I've got a hospice nurse coming to see me shortly. I don't really want to see them but they seem keen to tell me about their services. I wish they'd all just bugger off to be honest. Also got a CT scan this evening, which isn't helping my mood no doubt. And a sunburned scalp/face (ouch!). And a naughty baby waking up loads last night.

BIG SIGH!

Good news, Mrs.

The holiday sounds great, Elporto. Good for you! Enjoy the wellness... I'm sure it must help to go into chemo fit and cheerful.

Hope the marking's under control, Malt..

Becca, that all sounds like plenty to deal with. I bet the hospice people are trained to cope with people telling them to bugger off. Perhaps you should try it...

Mrs that's fab news! So pleased for you.

Waves to everyone else xx

I wouldn't want to see them either Becca though I'm sure they do offer useful things :(

Wren blooming marking, success criteria, 2 stars and a wish, different coloured pens for different things, children responding in writing to your comments, targets etc . It's ridiculous !

Is it unusual that I don't want to talk about my condition? There seems to be an incessant desire to get me to talk to people about how I'm feeling, people implying that I'm burying my head in the sand about it all. I just don't want to give it any more head space than it already has. I'm well aware that I'm seriously ill. I think about it nearly all day, every day.

The current issue is that DH and I haven't had sex since December last year (I had a baby by c-section in January then this cancer business started late March). I have absolutely no desire to have anyone touch me any more than is necessary. I've had people prodding, poking, cutting, inspecting me in a multitude of ways for most of this year. I need some autonomy over my own body. DH isn't pressuring me at all but I know he's feeling a bit down about the situation. This morning up popped the suggestion that I ought to speak to someone about my feelings towards sex.

I dunno. Am I missing a trick here? Do you ladies have counselling?

Becca I didn't want to read and run, I take it the people from the hospice were less than useful for you today (ahem), I am sorry.

I just wanted to say that I know exactly what you mean about intimacy, and I have not been prodded and poked around that much really. Yes, autonomy over your own body, absolutely (you have put it much better than I have managed to when talking to DH). I think I told DH that on top of everything else I really couldn't give 2 shits about his libido (or charming words to that effect) so I do really get it, and if lack of sex is not an issue for you then really it's not your problem at all, in your situation you should be able to have your wishes respected ENTIRELY and not be told you have an 'issue' which needs 'discussing'. Bloody hell. Hope you now have your feet up and a cup of tea in front of you x

PS having said that, I am quite keen to have therapy at some point just to make sense of some of the feelings I am having, mainly moments of blind panic / fear etc. but this is something I want to do for me and me alone IYSWIM not for my relationships

Oh my goodness becca what a day you're having. It sounds like some people are being less than subtle and to have a hospice nurse round seems rather previous. I can only imagine that being very upsetting, wasn't it your consultant who was refusing to write you off just yet?

I understand what you mean about having autonomy over your own body, having such a young baby and a c section is more than enough reason to not be interested in sex, let alone cancer. If your husband is being understanding that's great, but maybe it's him who needs to talk to somebody about his situation, I know there are counsellors who would be able to talk him through this. I'm sure he's struggling hugely in his own way.
As a completely trivial aside, I'm getting mighty fed up of having to whip my top off in front of every medic I see. I know, I know, it's just another body to them but its my body and I feel I want to protect it along with what little dignity I have left.

Up until this last couple of weeks, which have been beyond scary, I have not wanted to talk about having cancer. When I Meet friends it's not something I want to dwell on, as you say it has enough head space already. I didn't think I needed to have counselling, if I don't pull out of this current fear quickly I think I might ask for some help. You can only do what feels right a the time for you.

Any day where you don't have to think about cancer is a good one.

Becca, I feel so strongly that whatever way you want to deal with this stuff is your prerogative. I often don't want to talk about the cancer, especially not to some people. It's a bit crap for people to put pressure on you about how you "ought" to be dealing with it. Do it your way. elporto puts it very nicely. As to the sex, well, my sex life has been pretty minimal since diagnosis - and that was nearly a year ago. Too much has happened to my body and mind. I hope that will shift soon, but no one is telling me I should get it sorted.

And yes, I have counselling. And the one thing that my counsellor has consistently come back to is to do with taking my own needs seriously. Oddly, cancer has been helpful in this regard as I have had to make myself a priority for a change.

Hi all. Sorry, can't write much, feeling rough but just want to send thoughts for those who had good news, those waiting and those feeling a bit rubbish. Bed awaits

Becca if you want to talk about it or if you don't I'd say that's up to you were all different. I haven't had any counselling just muddled through really. Sex is also a bit of an issue here I'm guessing that's quite common

Great news mrs so relieved for you

Becca do what is best for you and what you feel most comfortable with, as Wren says it's your prerogative.

Can't remember when I didn't think about cancer.

Sex is probably going to become an issue here too at some point....it's been a while.

Sleep well Speedy hope you feel better tomorrow.

Hi All, not posted for a while as things have been a bit manic. Brief update regarding my Mum, she suddenly started making some real progress a couple of weeks ago ( about 5 weeks after the stroke) she is going home next Wednesday and although she will have some real difficulties to begin with and need 24x7 care I think we all now believe that she will be out of a wheelchair by Christmas and her speech and reading are also really coming along. Thanks for all your support. It has and will continue to be tough for the foreseeable future and has certainly taken a toll on my recovery from chemo no. 4. So much for all my smug comments about feeling well for 2 weeks out of 3, haven't really got over it at all this time round and chemo no. 5 is due tomorrow ( a bit in doubt but am hoping bloods will be okay). I know I need to look after myself a bit more, but would be nice if some of those people closer to me spotted that without me having to point it out. Still, all being well I will have had my last chemo by the end of the month so there us light at the end of the tunnel.
This is going yo be an epic post as wanted to reply to lots of you so here goes:
foofoo have i read it right that you have been swimming during rads, or was it before you started? It is the only exercise I enjoy and desperate to get in a pool but thought not allowed during rads.
minty hope you are doing okay with this round of chemo? I also have something non specific on my lungs. Oncologist was really not that bothered, his view is that the scans are so sensitive that most people will find something. I also have something on my liver which they are more concerned about so I have an MRI scheduled but been waiting for an appt for 6 weeks! Needless to say I have had a cough and a pain under my ribs since I was told!
myangel that is pants about your op, I hope they treat you extra special at the private hospital.
mrs fab news!
speedy hope you are not too low on this lot of chemo, I think I am having more of the speedy experience this time round. But last one for you - how fantastic!
trice hope your kids are happier at school - last thing you want/need to be worrying about.
marshy good luck with the results.
becca hospice visit sounds previous and insensitive to me, not
something your DH set up in his pre camper van distraction days!?
elporto holiday founds fab and I am sure starting the rest of your treatment feeling so well is a huge plus.
Sex is way off the agenda for me, luckily not getting any pressure, my complaint is that my DH hasn't even giving me so much as an affectionate pat on the arm since my BMX. Not sure which attitude I prefer.
Hello to everyone else good luck with work, results, treatment and with life!

I miss my sex life. It is another part of me that has been cut off. Dh is lovely about it and is happy to share a massage instead. I like to get my skin to skin contact every day. It is supposed to be terribly good for you. And it is nice.

Becca, feel free to ignore your cancer. I get great comfort from pretending as hard as I can that mine is not happening to me. After all it is pretty unthinkable. Hold on in there.

Oh Becca, I feel for you. I don't blame you for not wanting to think about cancer, especially when, as Amber says, your prognosis is good.
Like you, I was diagnosed only about 8 weeks after a CS, so DH and I hadn't got round to sex at that point. I'm four months post bilateral mastectomy now, and our sex life is improving slowly, but of course, it's not the same. I also need to lose a lot of weight and am knackered by children.

Morning all :)

Buns glad to hear your mum is a bit better, must be really tough on you dealing with her and going through chemo. Could you ask those close to you for a bit of help if they're not offering ?
I know a lot of people are getting results today so sending you all good vibes and whatever you are told you're not on your own x

That's malt, very kind words, now my meeting with my surgeon is an hour away I am starting to panic again So am planning some tiny treats for this afternoon, just a walk in the sunshine, a posh coffee and a piece of cake on the way home, something to look forward to whatever happens.

DH started talking about wanting to know my prognosis last night and I got really cross, I mean what is the point of raising it when he KNOWS I don't want or need this information and don't find it remotely helpful. I just want to know what I have and what they are going to throw at it to make it go away, I don't want to know anything else.

Lots of love and thoughts to everyone today, virtual handholding xx

Hello buns it's good to hear from you, you have been mentioned in dispatches a few times. I'm pleased to hear your mum is improving enough to leave hospital, despite the huge amount of help she will need. Will it be easier for you when she gets home in terms of visiting etc? Do give your siblings a prod, even faced with awful circumstances I have seen some people continue to plod on oblivious to the need for support, brother, yes I am talking about you. At least you have nearly finished the chemo. With regard to rads and swimming, my group was told only once it's finished and skin is back to normal. In reality I was swimming a week after I finished whilst my skin was still red and it was ok. plenty of moogoo!

elporto I have a really strong fear of anyone knowing more about my condition than I do myself. I have a gp friend who I have made a point of being vague with because I know that from just a few bits of information she will build up an opionon of my chances. I can't stand the thought of that, it's a very strong feeling, I'm not explaining it very well but I get the horror of hearing what your husband said. It's not relevant or helpful at all.

To all those getting results today my heart goes out to you.

Good luck today elporto

becca I completely understand, I had very similar. I didn't cry or worry or want to talk about my feelings, that's not how I am, but some people decided that because I wasn't behaving how they would/how they expected someone with cancer should, I was not coping or in denial or something and should see a counsellor or my GP. It's a long story but my oncologist used the fact that I smiled and was cheerful during appointments and chemo sessions as evidence that I was "emotionally unstable". But he's a wanker. I've been very lucky as my cancer is gone so it never really crosses my mind. It's not a comparable situation really, I know.

But if you can put it out of your head then why not?! You're the person going through it so you should call the shots. There isn't a right way to have cancer.

I hope the hospice visit was helpful, I know everyone associates them with end of life care and so the prospect of meeting them is terrifying and suggests a bad prognosis, but they are absolute experts in pain relief and that sort of thing. Hospices aren't just for people who are dying but for those with long term medical conditions that require care or support.

buns good news about your mum, although a long road ahead. Do ask for support or help when you need it. You need to take care of yourself as well, you are going through serious treatment.

mrsrhod good that your biopsy results were clear. Hopefully the worry will pass soon

Waving to everyone else and good luck to those awaiting results or having tests or treatment