Tamoxigang thread 49 when Sumer is y cumen in and we get out the Pimms

[Lilymaid]

New thread!

ConsiderablyBiggerBuns - my DH is still squeamish about my affected breast which now looks "normal" (i.e same as the other one) after chemo. I haven't had any surgery at all!

That's great wee, must be reassuring to be able to see that the chemo has done its job :)

Mrs glad you got it sorted, shame you got the wrong advice

My dh isn't squeamish about my boobs but I am, I see them as something horrible rather than pleasurable now

Oh well done, Wee. That's great. All that chemo did all that good work and the surgery finished it off.

My tummy always stuck out further than my boobs. Just the shape I am. A DIEP reconstruction means that the situation is now reversed. Odd.

Recent upsetting conversations (separately) with two of my darling children about how worried they are about me. I have no defences at all against these conversations, but I guess I'm glad they can bring it up.

Great news wee so pleased for you

Feeling envious of those of you who have nice Oncologist's just can't seem to connect with mine.

wine throwing up after surgery sounds painful

Yes to big belly .... I strongly resemble a weeble.

I'm feeling fine, I feel really well so cannot believe I have stage 4 cancer.
Drastically changing my diet ( which I should have one before ) and investigating some more options for treatment.

Haven't told my Mum or sisters yet as I am a wuss.

DP sobbing almost constantly, got so pissed off today with him I told him to shape up or ship out. He's been better since

foofoo - telling my mum I had cancer was worse than being told myself! Hard to be strong when those you love are falling apart. You know you can talk to us though.

Glad you're holding up foofoo. I'm stage IV too and have moments during the day when that reality hits me hard. But then I have to force myself, Buddha-like, to live for the moment because it's all any of us have really. My very stoic and rational DH took the stage IV news hard too - first time (other than our wedding... sweet) I've seen him cry. He's back to practical mode now my treatment plan is in place but I can see how hard it is for him: he's never hugged me spontaneously so much (which is hard for me because I hate anyone touching my body which I feel is fragile, even broken). I'm another one who was fit and healthy before diagnosis (aside from first brush with cancer 15 years ago) so it's a shock to consider my body is stage IV. But the minutes roll on and I need to make them count.

I know my DM, DMIL and DH are really suffering. I can't cope with them unburdening themselves to me, but I know my mum and MIL have close friends to confide in. I am DH's closest friend so I've encouraged MIL to allow DH space/time to open up to her. He's taking DD to hers for half-term. He's only staying a night and a day but I hope they manage to talk...

The thing is one of my sisters died 2 years ago, so she has already lost one daughter. The thought she might lose another is too sad to bear. She is 80 .... Am almost tempted not to tell her as there is a chance I will outlive her.
Morbid thoughts eh?

new yes, I am DPs best friend too .... I do understand how tough it is for him. I suggested he get some counselling, but of course I will have to arrange it

I am stage IV too. I have had a year to get used to the idea as much as is possible. I feel as fit as a flea, I have just started couch to 5km again. It is hard to get my head around what is going on inside my insides.

My mum is in denial and still thinks I am going to be cured. Dh is a rock as always - he cried with me at first but we are keeping each other together. I can't even think of the impact it is all having on the dcs.

I am still enjoying life though. I am happy a day at a time. I regard that as a triumph.

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all
And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm
I’ve heard it in the chillest land
And on the strangest Sea
Yet - never - in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of me.

I read this Emily Dickenson poem the other day and it has stuck in my head. I thought I would share it with you other travellers in this strange sea.

trice that poem is lovely. Thanks for sharing it...

Thanks for that, Trice.

'Afternoon all. For anyone reading who is wondering what Stage IV means/is coming to terms with it as a new thing...it doesn't mean the person is a gonner.

It means the cancer started off in place A and has sneakily ended up in place B. Or, sometimes, places B C and D.

This is of course very rude of it.

If it gets itself into really critical bits, it blocks the tubes and wires and such like, and causes difficulties. BUT...teams are getting very good at stopping it doing that.

If for example it gets into the liver, that used to be Curtains (to use a stage phrase). Now it often barely get an eyebrow raising from good teams. They have new weaponry aplenty. They can do surgery, they can do cyberknife or similar in some areas of the country/privately. They can do various heat and freeze therapies. They have multiple chemotherapy and targeted therapy options. And if it's just one lump or a couple of little bits in a liver, the 'cure' rate can be as high as 80%.

So...stage IV doesn't have to mean 'terminal'. It can be. No point me pretending that no-one ever dies of cancer. But it's getting easier and easier for teams to control even advanced cancer and turn it into a nuisance. Very annoying indeed, but no need to reach for the "Fab Funerals" brochure if anyone hears the term 'stage IV'. Hopefully technology is coming to the rescue.

I think. And possibly

Thanks - Amber. Very well put. I am a Stage IV person though it seems under reasonable control at the moment.
I find, for me, the best things to do are:

1. Do what the Onc tells you (well up to a point ...)
2. Carry on as normally as possible
3. Make sure you get to do as many of the things you've always wanted to do
4. Enjoy time with family and friends
5. Remember that advances in treatment are always happening ... So don't look at the old stuff Dr Google throws up

Sorry if anyone thinks I am being glib ... It is the way I cope with my situation.

amberlight nicely put. My oncologist told me the same thing but I forget it all in my darkest moments. Thanks for reminding me.

Now my mouth sores are gone I'm eating normally again (including some lovely meals out) and energy levels have shot up. Has made everyday living so much nicer :)

Well said amber and lily

I am positive and determined to get something god out of this. Just need to convince those around me.

That should have said good not god!

Hello!
I'm just popping on to ask a question. I hope you don't mind and I'm sorry to interrupt/ cross-post.
I had a sarcoma removed from my spine in Jan/ Feb. I haven't needed any chemo or radiotherapy thank gd but I get periods of real tiredness and wonder why. I'm just so tired and pale sometimes. My back pain and the demands of being well enough to be on normal mummy and work duties PLUS an hour of Physio a day mean I'm brought to tears with fatigue. Does anyone else know whether this is typical?

Hugs to everyone who is struggling at the moment, none of it is easy is it x

I love you, Amber! And I really like your list, Lily.
Normal, so glad eating and appetite are up.

Justwondering, I can't pretend to be an expert, but it doesn't sound at all surprising to me that you are chronically exhausted. Big operation. Busy life. All that emotional stuff. Physio. It's not been long - really it hasn't. Give yourself time and be really forgiving to yourself.

Thx Wren. Suppose so. Been a bit of a whirlwind. Feels toooo busy, life now. Emotionally not caught up with physical side - and that ain't all that.

JustWondering you've been through major surgery and have a busy, stressful life. It'll take time to feel normal again, but you will. Be kind to and patient with yourself and, above all, ask for help (with kids, house, work, whatever) so you can carve out some regular peaceful "me time".

Thank you amber, that was new to me.

So,I'm home, which is lovely, although I hate having to remind the boys to be gentle every time they come for over enthusiastic cuddles, one of the problems having both sides done.

Also finding it hard to pace myself and not overdo it. I'm quite sore but not in great pain so it's hard to remember that I've had a serious op and my body needs to get used to that.

I've a couple of questions if I may?

Hair dye- my hairs growing back amazingly quickly. The length i can cope with but not the grey! Any recommendations for a good but gentle dye please?

Scabby head - its a bit like cradle cap but my scalps not red or sore, just a bit itchy. The shampoos in Boots seem to have loads of chemicals in so I wondered if anyone has any ideas?

Also wanted to say without getting too soppy, how much strength and support I have got from all you wonderful ladies. I don't post that much, don't think I've got a lot to add, but hearing from people who are further along this sod of a journey, both their positives and negatives, and from those at a similar stage wee and wren spring to mind, and to hopefullyhelp support the newcomers, is an honour and I send (very unmumsnetty) hugs and kisses to you all.

No, I haven't been on the

Wine - I had a scabby head - just like cradle cap when my hair grew back - I was very bad and picked it all off (carefully as i didn't want to pull any precious hair out) but surprisingly it did not come back after that.
Hair dye wise - I used one from Holland and Barrett but it was a bit odd so then I tried a regular non-permanent and that was OK - wierdly my hair grew darker the more it grew so then I stopped bothering. (Have to admit that I am delighted now I have a permanent colour on it!!).