Tamoxigang thread 49 when Sumer is y cumen in and we get out the Pimms

[Lilymaid]

New thread!

Elporto, good luck with telling the children. Mine are older, 17 & 20, but I couldn't find the words. DH did it and we also told them not to google. I did have a scare when they were very young though and it was a different sort of fear, I appreciate that whatever age they are it's awful. You do sound like you're getting your head around it a bit more though.

Hi All. elporto everyone here will be sending you all the best for telling your DCs, such a hard thing to do. I waited until I had the actual op dates and knew for certain that I needed chemo, so that I had some actual concrete information about the treatment and getting better rather than the illness, IYSWIM, but I think my DDS are older (13 & 15), and it is whatever works best for you. I always cry at anything to do with kids performing (and they do quite a lot) I am renowned for it, so although things are even more poignant now, it is kind of expected of me. I really don't want to minimise, so irritating when people do, but just wanted to say, that seems to me that many of the people on this forum have aggressive tumours with node involvement, but still, only a small proportion have had it spread to other organs, you are bound to worry, but try not to let it bring you down too much. Bad luck about the scan and the nursery show, compromising and that lack of control is so tough. One of the great things about my onc team is that they have allowed me to dictate my chemo dates, I am bringing the next 2 forward by a day each time, so that I am more likely to be feeling well on a particular day in cycle 4. That sort of thing makes all the difference.
malt sounds like a great evening - I am in the middle if the bad few days for this cycle and missed out on a party last night, just whispering Gloria gaynor lyrics to myself and hanging on in there for Tuesday when I hope to be back in the land of the living.

Malt, your 80s night sounds awesome! Hope you did some serious dancing.

We told the DC today, who are 6 and 3. It actually went really well. DD1 cried a bit, DD2 started patting my boob and saying 'I will stroke it til it feels better' which almost set DH and I off in tears. But they accepted the delay / cancellation of the holiday, and were mainly just a bit squeamish at the idea of something on me being 'cut'. My DMum has recently had shoulder surgery though so I could compare it to that and talk about how much better she is now. I didn't mention chemo, I think we'll just get through this bit and deal with the next bit when it happens.

No real crying fits today, feeling almost (strangely) normal. Night times are when it hits me worst, thank god for Nytol!

I cannot tell you what a lifeline this thread is to me, to all of you for being so supportive and giving me hope. This awfulness really does put things in perspective. Though in the immortal words of David St Hubbins, sometimes it's a bit 'too much fucking perspective'

Sounds like you had a wonderful time malt the eighties were the best!

elporto It's really difficult telling DC mine are both teenagers (and boys) but having them around has helped me a great deal.

elporto I am glad telling the children went ok.

I didn't tell my 10 year old for ages, but might not have been the best thing.
I did tell my older son (20) who was upset but I told him that the best thing he could do for me was to grow up and stop losing jobs .... Which to his credit he has done.

Had an emotional day supporting my niece at her first triathlon in aid of Breast Cancer Care. Her Mum, my sister, died 2 years ago and she is like my daughter. She dd amazingly well and I might have shed a tear.

Elporto, wouldn't worry about anything in the liver; they have effective treatments for that now, so that's also very unlikely to kill you. Four new forms of treatment have happened in the last year for cancer ending up in the liver. The cure rate for that is now 80% for straightforward cases. So I hope you manage to get a decent bit of sleep. It really does become much easier once you have a treatment plan and some more ideas. But all of us know the heartsink moments when you're face to face with a whole 'new normal' and you'd rather give it back.

Glad telling the children went ok elporto.

Zombie- hope the tax truck isn't being too awful.

Went to watch race for life today as some of my friends and lots of people from school were doing it. I did nearly cry when one of the parents showed me her message where one of my class had written 'my teacher'. Bless him.

Hope everyone had a good a Sunday as they can.

foo how emotional, well done to your DN.
speedy how lovely for you.
Hope everyone else has had an enjoyable Sunday, mine is one I'm not looking forward to repeating but will have to in 3 weeks time, but that's chemo for you!

Hi everyone.

Another one here who hasn't had a great day. I've discovered another side effect to this bloody awful disease - paranoid motherness. DS1 aged 12, went on a school trip today and I've spent all day waiting for the phone call to say the bus has crashed or he's had a fall or a heart attack (wtf) or been hit by a meteorite!

It's so bloody silly but, for me being ill has made me, realise how vulnerable we all are and cos I'm tired, my imagination is playing silly beggars!

He's just phoned and he's having a fantastic time watching the footy, eating too many sweets and haing fun with his mates which is, of course, perfect (but I just want him here tucked up in his own bed all safe and sound).

Ok, rant over, as always it's just good to let it out. He's due back on wed so please bare with me till then.

Foofoo, that sounds extraordinarily emotional. Good for your niece.

Buns, sorry you've had a rough day; I hope tomorrow is better.

Wine, I'm another one who has turned into a worrier. The great thing is though that you haven't infected your ds with your anxieties as he's clearly having such a great time.

Buns, hope today is an improvement and tomorrow you're past the worst of it.

I have MRI and liver scan today, fun and games. and then out of bed in a minute, send me some good 'it's not spreading' vibes please

GOOD LUCK with the scans, Elporto. And good luck to anyone else having scans / tests/ chemo/ rads. I have a check up on my reconstruction today. Not scary. Just routine. And yet, even so, I managed to give myself an " oh god what it they find a new lump" moment. Anyway, I'm putting that thought back in the box.

Yup, I add my GOOD LUCK to everyone having encounters with the medical profession today. MRI went fine this morning and I kept my shit together [proud emoticon] Home for a rest before the next test at 4pm. Hope your check up is good Wren.

Good luck to all being prodded and pricked today . Just come back from surgery-follow up appointment with onc.All's looking fine,scar healing well. Dcis affected area turned out to be 10cm,which seems huge considering how small my breasts are (A cup). There was no invasive cancer found so that's brilliant. However.... they said they seem to have found some 'seedlings' (their words) in the sentinel lymph node which is highly unusual as they are meant to be clear when dcis shows to be non invasive. It's been send of to a special laboratory to be checked and we get the results in 2 weeks.Anyone have experience with this?? No idea what to think or feel now.Also no idea what they are looking for so it's left me a bit wobbly.....

Nelson im pleased for you that it was dcis i don't know about the nodes I'm afraid ive never heard of that with dcis either.

Eloporto good luck with the scans today

Wine im with you on the paranoid parent bit thought I think I've always been a bit that way !

Off to Mexico tomorrow

nelson sounds like you are in for another anxious wait, I can't help at all with info im afraid. Fingers crossed its nothing.

malteserzz you lucky thing!

wine I'm with you absolutely on the anxious parent thing. Dd2 goes to Belgium tomorrow of five days and I'm worrying about the ferry, the hotel, being allowed free time in a foreign city. She is 17, I know I'm being stupid but I feel better when everyone is under one roof and safe, cats included. To make it worse we had a horrible fall out yesterday and I'm feeling a bit raw. We're going out later to celebrate DH 50th birthday a day early so she can come but I'm not feeling festive. Early morning rads getting to me perhaps.

buns hope you're ok, another one ticked off.

elporto pleased things are happening for you and hoping you're feeling stronger.

I finally had my surgery on Saturday (after being cancelled on Tues) to sort out my open wound. All ok and I'm back at home but I'm on strict bed rest so having to make use of adult nappies The hospital suggested using a bed pan, but I reeeeaaaaalllly don't fancy that. It was alright at the hospital because the nurses are trained to do that sort of thing, but I really think a bed pan is too much of a test for the old marriage vows I should have insisted on a catheter really.

beccajoh I had six weeks of bed pans when in hospital after a car accident. Definitely not something for your DH to have to do - and there seemed to be a knack to do it without unfortunate accidents. Not much fun to see a catheter bag either!
Hope the wound heals very quickly and you can then get on your feet (and the loo seat).

I've got an appointment at the hospital tomorrow afternoon so I'll have to get up for that any way. I think he's said bed rest to stop me doing anything with the children that could cause the stitches to pull. I wasn't doing a huge amount anyway. Certainly not picking them up or anything like that.

Nelson, yup, some people with DCIS will also have a few microscopic bits in the lymph nodes. So far, the specialists don't have any evidence to show that it's more dangerous than DCIS in the breast. It just means they adapt the treatment to make sure those bits are zapped properly by something too. So they will be looking for clues on what sort of cells those are, so they can tailor the treatment precisely. It's technical stuff for them, rather than more eek for you. I think only one person in any study that's been done, anywhere in the world, had something very serious as a result of finding DCIS and something in the nodes.

Glad to hear that the surgery went well Becca.

Just wanted to send healing vibes for those having surgery, good luck for those waiting results, and soothing cuppas for those paranoid about their children. I too get irrational fears about mine sometimes.

Not much to report from me, but final (hopefully) chemo this week. Chemo number 10.

amberlight thank you for that insight! . Must admit I didn't really take in exactly what they were saying.... What sort of cells could they be looking for?I'm really in the dark about this one.Is there anything I could read up on to get more info? What would they be planning to 'zap' them with?As DCIS has turned out to be non invasive that would have meant no more treatment for me bar the usual reconstructive stuff.I have an expander at the moment (which is the only reason I have to pop painkillers at times) to prep for final reconstruction.So if I get it right I might be looking at more treatment then?

Nelson, hope you're not worrying too much. I am just at the start of this process but am finding that doctors can say all sorts of stuff which they really ought to explain better so as not to send you on your way feeling so worried 2 weeks is a long wait, I do hope you are OK.

Malt in Mexico! Bloody hell, have an amazing time xx

So yesterday I had the MRI on my breasts and then a liver ultrasound. Being the crazy worrier I am I had of course convinced myself that she would find my liver to be in a terrible state. Apparently they found some tiny 'lesions' on the liver in the CT scan and so are investigating further. She couldn't find them on the ultrasound and so there will be another MRI to look for whatever it is. She said usually they're just benign cysts, but I am getting the full treatment due to the lymph node involvement. I also saw some of my notes stating that the lump I need removing is only 6-7mm in size! No wonder they're having a hell of a time locating the fucker.

I am not sure why but these new bits of information have calmed me down a little. I was felling like an idiot for not noticing the breast lump, but actually at that tiny size it's no surprise. I was also completely convinced that I had killed my liver off with drinking but apparently it's not too bad. Still a lot more this week - stereo biopsy today, bone scan on Fri. I have stopped crying though, as someone wisely told me up thread, your mind and body can't sustain that level of stress for too long. And as it's my last chance, am going to go and get a really funky haircut tomorrow to get my through the summer.

Wishing everyone a good day today

Morning elporto, I'm up early and heading off for rads appt shortly. It seems that livers can be treated successfully these days so hopefully that's nothing to worry about. I too fear years of the gin may have resulted in me being here, it's natural to think you've brought this on yourself. Re size of lump, mine was 11mm and impossible to detect by manual examination. There's so much to learn isn't there, I'm a relative newbie, since May? It's a whole new world.