**Tamoxigang counting down to Easter eggs- thread 48**

[BetsyBoop]

throws some hot cross buns on the trolley

Hi all

foofoo I know how you feel! I've given up on expecting good news! BUT I haven't given up on beating this! I'm now about to have session 16 of Rads! It's been tough because of delays! But the actual treatment has been fine! I'm a little pink, but other than that okay! I too am having the collar bone area treated!

I did have a bit of a moan this week when the main radiographer decided to mention that when I finish the 25 zaps I will then just have the 'boosts' to go??? No one told me I was having boosts so just as I thought the end was in site. The goalposts have moved! LACK OF COMMUNICATION!! AGAIN!!

Anyway just 2 more Zaps this week! Then a whole 4 days away from hospital! Yayyyyyyyyy!

honey well done on your first Chemo! Hope you stay SE free!

pickle good luck with your hospital stay xx

wine huge CONGRATULATIONS on last Tax! I know how pleased you mst be that it's over! I promise you the taste buds DO return

Hi to everyone else and good luck to anyone having treatment or tests this week! Xx

Last chemo today! 16 cycles over and done with - looking forward to beginning to feel normal again. Now just waiting for bmx date.
Best wishes to everyone having stuff today.

really that is so frustrating. ... The lack of communication. But as you say we will beat this.

wee fab news on last chemo, its such a relief to get that over with.

pickle think its today you are going in, wishing you a cooler room, wonderful nurses and impeccable hospital cleanliness.

Big wave to everyone else.

Yayyyyyyyyy for wee GOOD LUCK! Hope it goes well xxx

Just saying hi from sunny lanzarote ! Woke up before everyone else as usual. Having a lovely time despite thoughts of I hope this is not our last holiday together and remembering to look after my node less arm and not get sunburnt. The weather is lovely and I've had a piña colada for you all !

Foo sorry to hear your news though 2 is not too bad,how many did they remove ? I had rads to my collarbone too. Hope you get good news from the onc next week

Really I had the same thing but on my 1st day of rads they told me about boosts, had never been mentioned before ! Are your appointments still taking ages ?

Wee that's great about last chemo !

Love to everyone else dh woken up now so going to sit outside

waves to Malt from sunny Kent, great you're having a lovely time.
Really, hope no more little(!) surprises
Congrats on last chemo Wee, hope you get a date soon. (my bmx is 20th May.)
Hope everyone else is having a good day.

Good afternoon all.
Malt- have a wonderful time.

Wee- fab news it is your last.

Buns- hope it is more comfortable soon for you.

Really- that's a pain for you; glad that you get a short break from hospital though.

felt much better yesterday and then was sick twice in the night after eating a yummy tea! Off for my wig appointment soon. Wondering how long before my hair goes??

biggerbuns, I hope you don't mind my asking a question? I think you've said that your BC is a result of treatment from when you were younger. I'm thinking about my nephew, who has had many months of chemo - and another month to go - for Hodgkin's lymphoma, and I'm obviously concerned about the likelihood of him having problems later on. What was the treatment that has put you in this situation?

Hi Speedy hope wig appointment goes well.I have been told by day nineteen hair will be dead.So i having wig fitted and hair shaved on tuesday.Trying not to think about it very much.
Hope everybody else is having a good day.

Hello everyone. I've recently been diagnosed with colon cancer plus mets to my liver. I've had cancer before, 15 years ago, which took 3 years to be treated, so it's been such a blow to find myself here again. Last time round I was single and childless but now I have a DH and a 5yo DD so am finding coping with diagnosis so much tougher this time round.

I think I'm suffering from mild depression to be honest, not helped by the fact that I'm waiting by the phone for my first chemo date (surgery comes later). I'm very fatigued too because of feeling down and because I am suffering a lot of diarrhea and inflamed pain "down there" due to the cancer itself.

How do you all cope with family and feeling down?

Bish- sorry you find yourself here but welcome. There are lots of lovely people who have helped me.
I have had help with my children and their dad has stepped up to have them a lot more so am lucky. It sounds like you have a lot on and it's no surprise you feel like this. When I went to see my doctor about getting signed off he also talked about providing emotional support if I needed it. My friends have been good enough to let me talk things through. One of them said that whatever I feel is ok and I can be/act however I want as it's ok.

I found the first couple of weeks difficult but am finding it easier now that I have started treatment. Am sure others more wise than me will be along but sending you a big hug x

Hello bishb, no words of wisdom as I am just at the start of my treatment. Like you, this is my second time with cancer, they are related but not a progression. I did feel down immediately after diagnosis, I still have the odd wobble but this forum has helped enormously as has seizing back any control over any aspect of the treatment (quite difficult to do). Luckily for me, and probably a lot of people diagnosed birth breast cancer, I don't actually feel poorly, that must be doubly hard. Please use as all as a sounding board and multiple hands to hold. There are lots of virtual cakes too but I am trying to give them up for lent!
wren feel free to ask away. My BC has likely been caused by radiotherapy treatment on my chest area. If your nephew hasn't had rads then this won't be an issue. The link between the two was discovered about 15 years ago, I would hope that when this became obvious they changed the treatment. I have a male friend who had the same thing about 15 years ago and again he didn't have rads so maybe they are avoiding that type of intense treatment in that area. I will ask my onc. when I see them next week if they treat Hodgkin's differently nowadays. It's taken 30 years to resurface for me, I have no regrets, at the time it saved my life with minimal disruption, and I know have a track record at beating the bugger.

Welcome bishb.Sorry you find yourself here but its been a santuary for me and the best place for support and advice.

Welcome bishb you have come to the right place. Lots of us are at different stages of treatment but you can be assured that you will get sound advice from some very knowledgeable ladies.

My advice would be to cry when you feel like it and accept help from friends and family x

bishb, I'm so sorry that you are find yourself back in this situation. There is no doubt about it, it is a hard thing to receive a cancer diagnosis with children. So much of my grief and fear is for them. But they also really keep me going, as I try to be as present as possible for them and they keep me in everyday life. The depression is tough. Lots of people with this diagnosis use a bit of extra anti depressant/ anti anxiety support. I myself have found life easier with treatment underway; not having a chemo date yet must add to the stress.

buns, thanks so much. Radiotherapy is still used, but my nephew's tumours were widely spread across his torso, so they decided it was too high risk given the major organs and hit him with an extra two months of chemo. So I'm glad that reduces one set of risks, anyway.

Thank you all for your warm welcome and kind words. My oncologist said that my pain and diarrhea should improve as chemo starts to shrink my tumours and make my colon work more normally, so that's something to look forward too! Just need to get through the weeks of pain and discomfort until the chemo starts its magic. The pain is definitely a significant factor in my low mood.

My DH, DMIL and DM have been wonderful supports to me - very practical support luckily. But I'm not a natural sharer of feelings so, if you don't mind, I'll hang around here for a bit for that (and hopefully be able to support you too, having been through cancer before).

Hi all

malt good to hear that you are on your hol's! See you made it! We knew you would My appts are basically 30-45mins late each day! Which is an improvement! I am now grouped most days with a couple of other ladies. So we have a chat and a laugh! So it's not all bad! Plus even with the extra boosts, I can still see an end in sight!! Hope you enjoy the rest of your break xx

BishB welcome. Sorry you find yourself here! But hopefully you will find the support you need! I know I have!

speedy I think losing hair is individual to everyone. But I found it was about 2 weeks after my first FEC that I was aware of my brush being full of hair It was a horrible time, BUT I can honestly say that although at the time I cried for one whole evening, because the reality really hit me that my hair was going! The next day I got my mum to shave it off and once I had gone out with my head scarf on, I never looked back! It really doesn't bother me now! I walk round with nothing on my head at home, and use a scarf when out! I did get a wig but I found it too hot! I hope you find something you are comfortable with! Xx

Right I should get up and ready for another exciting morning at the Radiotherapy department! Then I can enjoy 4 whole days off!!!!!

Hope everyone has a good day. Enjoy the sun! Xx

Thanks really. I was going to get a friend to shave it next week but then the lady doing the wig said about risk of infection from clippers which made me think twice, not sure what it do now. Am happy with the wig but go to get it next week. I also have some nice hats and scarves.

Hope today's radiotherapy goes well.

Hi Everyone especially the newcomers.

Had second chemo last week (2nd FEC). The Emend worked a dream and I didn't feel sick at all just a bit 'yuck'. However as the hair fell out everywhere I sank into the deepest depression and just cried solidly for about four days. I struggled to go out or speak to anyone as I just couldn't stop crying.

I'm not sure if it was the hair issue (decided I hated my wig and it made me look like a sheepdog!!!), a reaction to the FEC or jsut a culmination of everything that's happened over the past 10 months (relationship break up as well as this)??

I did think about shaving but my hair has practically all gone now and I just brush it out each morning. I feel so much better this week. Such a contrast to last. I'm not actually upset about having no head hair. It was the actual process of it falling out which was upsetting. I actually like wearing the scarves and have taken the wig back to the hairdresser to make it a bit more 'me'.

Now just worrying about how I'll react to the Docetaxel.

Hope everyone keeps well.

feline, I'm really sorry you've been having such a tough time (but glad that the emend worked). I think those black days are a combination of the things you mention, but the chemo - or the debilitation that it brings - are definitely part of it, in my view. I have found the week following chemo puts me in a very black place; one of the worst side effects if you ask me. By week 3 I'm bouncing around and cheerful (mostly). It's a really tough treatment but it's REALLY EFFECTIVE.

Thanks wren48. That's what my DP said. It's just a few months out of your life to make sure you have a life!!! But it was really hard.

I think a lot of it is the feeling I've lost control of all aspects of my life and that's what's throwing me at the moment.

However have just hired a skip and am having a huge clear out so I have control over something in my life!!!

Hi feline sorry you have been down. A relationship breakdown amongst everything else would push anyone to their limits, glad to hear you are feeling more positive this week, and hope the wig is de-sheepdogged. I'm dreading the hair loss thing, I guess it takes on some form of symbolism for everything we are going through and, like you say, the lack of control. At the moment I'm just getting very fed up with my armpit feeling liked it has been superglued, my results (from BMX, SNC and bone scan) have been brought forward a week to next Wednesday so at least that is a week earlier to have a bit more information. I have a particular date that I want to start my chemo (to allow for possibility of performing in am dram production this year), I will feel I have regained a modicum of control if I can get that sorted.

feline I love having a good clear out. Started going through some clothes earlier.

buns I know that feeling .... It des get better and the exercises help. I had to d stretching while decorating so f you get really bored you can always come and help me!

reallyreally hope the rad session went okay today.

feline I hope the clearout helps. I've not started chemo yet but I know from past treatment experience that we go through a whole range of emotions, often within a single hour. Just remember that the chemo is making you better.

I finally have some treatment dates in the diary. Port implantation next Tuesday then a likely chemo start next Thursday. My oncologist gave me some co-codamol to help with existing pain which is helping some. Still really down but at least things are moving onwards now.

Glad there's a date, bish. Onwards, as you say.

Having some challenging patches to our Easter holidays - it's hard not to be able to go away or do much. My 11 year old dd is particularly fed up. Next door has just had a raucous dinner in the garden, stopping her sleeping. shes now in a complete state, but I've had to leave her to DH to sort out as I need to get to bed (tax a bit taxing). We're all at the end of our tether, to be honest, not least DH.