The Back Story Continues

[Matildathecat]

This is the support thread for all sufferers of back pain. Everyone most welcome to join.

Here's our first thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_health/1871592-The-Back-Story

My story long and grim but basically had failed surgery for disc prolapse, then further failed surgery to attempt to salvage the situation. I have nerve root damage and severe scarring around the nerve at L5 which won't get better. I'm 48, can't work, take a lot of drugs and have a blue badge. Currently battling several different agencies for ill health retirement and other benefits.

But I'm ok, having some fun despite the pain and have made some lovely friends on here.

Please post and include your story if you'd like to. No niggles too small, this is strictly non competitive!

I can recommend the Paul Mckenna 'I can make you sleep' thing for turning off a wired head. It's my best thing. Although now I am finding typing interesting that might me his queue (cue?) Night night>

losty it does look quite hardcore that festi doesn't it? there are full on rides. I mean, many people will be drinking beer, imagine going on a funfair ride drunk and if definitely looks like a not child friendly festival I might go take a look at the one you are talking about.

Does the Paul Mckenna book work on 4yr olds, as, no sooner as I will drop off, he will creep into our bed and sleep on my head, or with his arms and legs wrapped around me, with me hanging off our bed, he will toss and turn, anything but sleep in his own bed. If it can help him I will be happy

I've just got in from a gorgeous evening at a local (rather smart) hotel with my two closest girly friends. Two glasses of wine, laughs and chat. Home and unwinding, I can never go straight to bed. Thinking I've missed the chatterers.

So nighty night. Sleep well.

oh I don't think you have I am wired and Paul mckenna, well, not sure he is who I want to be whispering sweet nothins into my ear before sleep

You are such a socialite Matilda! Glad you had a good time, sounds lovely.

ok I am definitely going to turn off the laptop, all the lights, and try to sleep, got swimming lessons after work/school (kids not me!) PLUS it's world book day friday and DD wants to go as Mrs Pepperpot FFS. She is not, she is going as Goldilocks and the Three Bears. End of Story. But, still got to sort out a costume. Got bears. Got blonde hair which I am going to curl (not sure how...), need a bow and a sort of countrysidey gingham dress....

I'm sure you will come up with a gingham dress by morning. Easy(ish).
Love book day, love children's books. Probably Goldilocks sometimes wears her other dresses...

Have fun.x

Oh, and last thing, no further social engagements for now. Last week has been a bit of a blip. Back to cave living and sneaky internet shopping if I can get away with it.

I have not gone to bed. I went to try and find a gingham dress. I found a lovely dress in debenhams, won't be here by tomorrow, and it's not gingham. But i bought it as it's lovely! so, had to buy DS something too... sale at 25% off, plus I found another 10% code! result!

x-posts, you mean like that kind of sneaky internet shopping? i rarely go into a Real Life shop these days.

hiya, been busy today, packing and leaving, now back home and got loads of hugs from the kids and dh. Felt bad last night when he ha said ds was crying "mama" for me, good to be home. have a visit to see nurse tomorrow and hopefully get repeat of my pain meds since still rather achey in whole hip, back, sacram, pelvic joint area.
It was great fun to meet up with matilda in rl, looking fab and glam with her new orange bag. I am jealous of your natural blonde locks matilda but happy at the moment to stay a ginger-nut
It was ages ago ( I go away for one day and you guys write a flipping book) but deffo agree that pain is much worse just before and during a period. My first bad flare up recently it was very much worse, and my gp said there is often a hormonal link. Kinda wonder about stopping the (mini) pill as it is more hormones, right?
hiya to the newbies and wellcome- i'm still pretty new myself.
Tried to get through today without the oxycodone- was a bit tricky but only took one just as i got in the cab back (it was a good decision, sitting for long is a bit of an issue recently). I have a skin rash too which is another hassle, will ask advice tomorrow. I have been trying to just take the dihydracodeine, (still amy, paracet, diclofenac) but have been clock watching alot, hotties and a shower have helped. a bath would have been better but cant bath yet.
dd is teething tonight, dh just giving calpol now so fx for a quiet night from now on.
my sister went to see the musical "Matilda" today(your namesake matilda) and said it was fab. It was also my mum's birthday too, both have had a good day. Special patisseries fare was purchased by my dad and mine was even gluten free (a chocolate opera, delish), we had fillet steak with tonnes of roasted veg for dinner- can you guess why i those to hang on till eevening before going home? tsk, tsk, I need the extra iron, darlings
I am also watching "line of duty" and can attest to its smashingness
Debating whether to go in to lectures friday or part friday- whether thy give me more meds tomorrow prob being the decider. I have been resting alot today, trying to minimise the aches. hope you are all sleeping peacefully and wake up without pain.
goodness if reducing amy, leave 4 or so days in between each decrease or it will make you feel a bit awful (think that was you, sorry if i am mistaken)

Yes. Was me with the ami reduction. Just taking 10mg now (for the last 2 nights). Pain ok so WHY am I waking up at stupid o'clock?

Rebelled and didn't take my GABA this morning (100mg - down already from 300mg). Still taking the stupid paracetamol and ibroprofen (the latter I save til last as they taste like sweets so it's like a desert, after the 8 others, lol).

Hope you do manage to rest n feel better today.
I've booked am done fantastic (MNer) to help me to clear the garage. Mentally and physically, it's THE laaaaaaast docking thing I want to do. Emotionally and mentally, it's my nemesis and without her help, will blight me for the rest of my days. At least I have a half decent excise to have her help. Anyone need a declutterer and angel, I'll give you get details. She's Hertfordshire based.

By the way... embrace the red hair! Mine is naturally reddish brown. Gonna dye it even redder as neeeed a bit of oomph of late.

Ami does make me sleep long and deep so reducing might just mean you are less sedated. Maybe you just need to re- learn how to sleep through. ( think you've been waking early for a long time pre op?)

maizie glad you're safely home with your DH and babies. Can you try a mini session at uni sitting somewhere you can easily stand up? Having said that it's only a week since your op so you shouldn't put yourself under any pressure. I'm a big fan of your Titian hair, I thought it was your natural colour with blonde streaks!

We called our cat Matilda as we got her as a kitten just after seeing the fab film. She's an old lady now but still very spry.

Feeling happy because it's spring and I love daffs and tulips. My garden is waking up. Lovely. Less happy because after epic amounts of nice activities (great distraction from pain) I'm at a lose end and feeling a bit useless. Need a focus in life. I suppose I could spend the rest of the day trying to call ATOS to chase up my various applications. Maybe not. After all, a year to consider my ESA claim is of course, very reasonable. PIP has only been in a couple of months so, meh not wasting my time calling them. Such a monumental cheek giving a tight time frame for me to fill in the 40 page application yet they don't even acknowledge receipt.

Ok. Rant over

Maizie glad you are back home with your gang, your mum and dad sound brilliant though, how lovely to be looked after like that. Is your hair red of it's own volition or do you dye it? I would adore red hair but mine is mostly brown with pretentions, I make awesome read haired ginger children though .

My garden looks lovely too Matilda, I noticed one crocus the other day and now everything is getting in on the act. Spring, yippeeeeeeee! You rant all you like about ATOS they are a shambles and an embarassment, what George Orwell would make of it all I don't know.

Paul Mckenna not my cup of tea either but his voice is perfect Pavlov, I really do sleep better and am more positive in the morning, I am very susceptible to nice calming voices telling me I will succeed as I go to sleep apparently .

Lot less sore today but as I washed my hair I did think to myself that a day where you had decided to achieve 1. Making bolognese 2. Washing your hair and 3. Going to the pub if you were up to it and the chairs not too uncomfortable, is probably not a normal day for a 39 year old is it? I don't think I'd noticed how much my world had shrunk down. Thank heavens for the internet!and internet shopping

lost I get that feeling about my life! too. Done a bit of ironing, some phone calls, a swim and a very minor excursion to the local shops. It's not really a full day, I'd it? More like what you might fit in on a working day. Oh well.

so, I decided I would call the wonderful ATOS. Each of my three claims ( ESA, PIP and my NHS pension) are administered by a different branch of them.

ESA: you are in a queue waiting to be assessed. Yes, you have been in that queue for almost a year. No, no idea when you will be assessed. If you make a complaint you will get the same answer: it's very busy.

PIP: you are in a queue waiting to be assessed....

Pension: we are assessing you but cannot say when we will finish assessing you.

Me, to each 'service': 'but I've had no income at all since last August. I'm disabled. Can you help?'

Them:....I think I'll let you guess the answer.

so, this made me feel a little bit annoyed. Ok, quite a lot annoyed absolutely fucking furious so I called and made an appointment with my MP, the rather glam Zac Goldsmith. I'm sure he can't help but I'm also sure I'm going to tell him what a disgraceful, sorry excuse for an organisation ATOS really are.

Rant over.

matilda, you might be pleasantly surprised.I work for local government and any mp complaint gets bumped up the system.

no comments. i have read posts though. I am exhausted, i am on a three day weekend, going to sleep so i can enjoy fruits of labour sewing this evening. dd decided this morning to change her world book day outfit to Mary Lennox from the secret garden. cool, but meant a bit of rushing about and sewing. which i can't do well.

talk tomorrow.

Love, love love the secret garden. Also the Little Princess, same author.x

Hiya gals, goodness I would think matilda may be onto something with your sleep issue- if you are used to having a slight sedative effect then reducing could produce the opposite but it should wear off like an inverse side effect.
We have a really old cat too matilda- called Mox and she is also very spry- always been a mouser, very quick on her feet, tortoiseshell. She looks like an artist has sprayed lots of paint on her, different colours.
She has always made herself dh's cat but recently she is very affectionate with me too. Sounds like you need a new hobby to fill the time. Kids are like little time vacuums, luv em to bits but i havent painted for months
lost - yes I dye it, it's usually a very boring brown but one year when younger it turned spontaneously red in the sun. I have also dyed it dark midnight black and people thought it was natural and that I was spanish! I am thankful to have parents like them, it deff helped to manage the situation as my dh was a bit stir-crazy when i got back. I didnt have the best relationship with them in the past (teenage yrs) so it means alot to me that I could stay there and felt comfortable to do it. Things changed alot between me and my mum when i had my kids- changes your perception and shit.
I am going to go in just for the afternoon session tomorrow matilda- I was also thinking start slow. the pm bit is stats so need a bit more instruction as I have not done it before. I feel a bit brain-frazzled but I need to get back into it a bit as i have 2 essays to do in the next 2 weeks and then a timed essay at the end of the month. Somehow I felt a lot more "with it" mentally before the op- like everything stopped and now getting started agin is taking a lot of energy.
I have a big to do list of things to sort out- work situation needs sorting so maybe i can clain housing, statememnt finished for my son but they havent put a future school on it they've put the nursery where he already is even though i filled out 3 bloody forms saying which one we prefer in sept. all very blood boiling stuff.
lost your to daily is alot like mine was one day recently- make mince dish, phone x and sort out y but not much else. any cooking is an achievement, cant stand that long usually.I have had 3 day stretches where i dont leave the house or put any "proper" clothes on, feel lke whats the point. i know not a good mind set to get into. uni and various social things keep me away from thouhts like that anyway.
ESA are crap, crap people matilda , my friend who has MS has been through awful stress from them as they think they should not have paid her ££ but it is a trust fund she cannot touch until her mum dies so it doesnt count. It is disgusting behaviour of them really.
wow your costume sounds good pavlov- we only found out day before and tried to sort out a pirate costume (the troll by J Donaldson) but it didnt quite work out and so dh just put him in his batman tshirt just for the gesture of it.

ps forgot to say denial you hit the nail on the head about managing your own situation better when you have been able to touch base with all these other bods doing so, give you more confidence and less worry.
sorry, I have to disagree with "no" being a whole sentence because it doesnt contain a verb ( so sorry to quibble pavlovbut i do agree with the message they are coveying )
hope the ill ds is now better - it is so godawful for them and you
matilda you hadnt missed all the chatterers- you sholud have waited a bit longer, i always come around rather late to the party

Morning girlies!
Can't keep up with you lot. Lovely to see so much chatter though ;)
Book Day. You'd think ONE parent from DS' class would think to let me know that it was World Book Day (aka to give me the heads up on dressing him up). No.
Shit, it's a good thing that I'm a teacher and had an idea (coincidental nightmare) so called to school to be told - yes, on Thursday! Good gd. As if I don't feel like a crap enough parent as it is, not able to take or collect from school, cooped up inside. To have my DCs bejng the only kids in uniform would be more tear-jerky than The Velveteen Rabbit!

On a positive note though, only 4 more days until I'm driving. Yay!
(Tad scared). I cannot deny that the thought of joining the school run again fills me with dread. Not only because of the early morning car park nightmare - moreover because I can't bear the cliquey and unfriendly mums at the best of times - let alone when all but 3 have not made any contact or enquiries to see how I am. Sorry but I'm v hurt and angry. It's plain crap and saddens me to feel so stupid to have thought that these mums (I'm talking about the nice ones I have spent the last 2.5 years talking to on a daily basis at the school gate) were friends. Not just friendly. I was wrong. And after all I've been through, I'm feeling ... confident. Confident, hormonal and HONEST. Scarily so. I might just not be able to hold back a statement such as "I was upset that you didn't contact me to see how I was/ come to see me / send a fucking card!"

Best I keep my parents on school run duty, I think. Until I calm
Down. Not able or ready to smile and say "Fine thank you." ... for asking now that you can see me standing and are too embarrassed not to ask!

On a BIG positive note... although I found it difficult to get to sleep until I put on the boring-as-fuck, I mean soporific, Body Scan Meditation CD, I seemed to sleep through 12am-6am.
6am waking was thanks not to aspie DS having tinkered with DD's new (and much needed) Gro Clock.

Sorry I'm such a moody whinge bag.
Ashamed of myself.
So much to be grateful for but stuck in rut of anger n sadness at mo. Feels appropriate n timely though. Will pass, I'm sure. Hope everyone has a good day. A friend has promised to come to take me out tonight! Yay.
Someone took me to slimming world last night. V grateful. Lovely group. Yet another weight gain. Laughable as hardly eating too much at all. As in NOT eating ANY crap. But v inactive. Pills reduced but still taking laxatives so v strange. Will take time to adjust, I guess.

goodness, not trying to compete but...when I was first off work,then surgery, then fired, then more surgery, just three of my many colleagues of twenty five years kept in touch. . Yep, they were definitely friendly as opposed to friends. All the anger, sadness stuff can hopefully be processed 'safely' in counselling.

Sorry about the weight gain. I'm off to WW this morning so do understand how important that pound or two gain or loss becomes. Ridiculously so, but there you have it. When you are properly recovered you can deal with it. Right now you need maximum nutrition.

Ok, going out to face The Scales Of Doom. Bound to be bad cos maizie made me eat a huge lump of cake

I will then be sourcing The Velveteen Rabbit. Love a sad old story. Is it suitable for a seven year old? Am trying to help my niece with her reading so could justify the purchase .

maizie you are right, I stand corrected. So it would need to be 'no, fuck off' or similar to actually be an actual sentence. Take note matilda

OMG. I pulled it off. I am some late in the day costume genius! I mean, lets not pretend I can actually sew (don't look closely at the stitching on the napkin with some lace borrowed from a friend sewed onto it to make an apron), but, DD looked awesome!!! some parents had bought costumes costing like £35! no way! DD had a summer dress that I put a long-sleeved school shirt under, she has a frilly dress up ballet skirt, so that went underneath to give it oomph. Lace wrapped around with napkin attached, key from my cupboard wrapped around her waist, summer hat with lace on, two plaits, her brown knee high boots, plus a wonderful Secret Garden oldy woldy style book bought by a MNer for Secret Santa. Oh, and as an extra touch I bought some roses and she took them in for her teacher It appears I am most creative under extreme pressure

On the negative, still in pain, but fuck it. I am off work today. so can recover a bit.

it is sad, the velveteen rabbit but fine for a 7 year old. I remember reading it for the first time when DD was just a baby, it was given to her by a family member in US and I cried too! It is sad but lovely.