**Tamoxigang heading towards hearts and valentines - thread 47**

[BetsyBoop]

roses are red
violets are blue
sugar is sweet
but cakes are better

Likewise really.

Thinking about you really for you, whatever your news

Hope everyone is OK. Have we heard from Pickle recently? Good news from Mildmay. Hope Reallys panic was over nothing at all. I hope you all have a nice weekend planned.

Yesterday I was the first patient treated at a multi million pound MacMillan Cancer centre that they have conveniently built at the end of my road. It is rather nice inside with fancy coffee, gardens,water features etc. They don't open officially until next week but they wanted a few guinea pigs to test their systems. It was lovely having the place to myself, the nicest place you wish you had never been into!

Sounds lovely trice though like you say wish you didn't need it.
No not heard from pickle for a few days hope she's ok

Can't sleep feeling, confused, angry, scared and let down. All in all today was a bit of a nightmare. I can't go into too much detail right now, as I'm still trying to make sense of things myself. But basically was told that the clear CT scan results that I had back at the beginning of all this, weren't my results???? Apparently there was a mix up!!!!

I've spent the afternoon crying and just feeling so let down. I was sent for another CT scan and will get results on Tuesday! Haven't told my family or friends yet I don't want to worry them.

For the first time in all this, today I found myself saying 'why me?'

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this worry Really. I am thinking of you and keeping all my fingers crossed for you.
I always feel slightly guilty that you are having such a tough go with all this. I wrote you a post before you started chemo that you will get through it and come out the other end and that the whole cancer treatment thing just had to be got through. I wish that your mountain wasn't being so steep though, but the sunshine and beautiful views into the distance really are just over the top - I'm sure that it can't be far now.

That is appalling really

I am quite horrified, you must be so upset after all you have been through.

I don't know what else was said so just holding your hand and waiting with you.

The only thing I would say is that is it worth going back to GP and seeing if there is another hospital you can go to as I know I would not have faith in them anymore.

Oh really that must feel like such a set back and a let down and, let's face it, a total fuck up. Fingers crossed that your CT scan results are just as clear. How long will you have to wait to find out?

Really that is truly awful of them I'm shocked, I agree with foo foo, I'd be looking at another hospital. I'd be putting in a complaint to too
Your results could very well still be clear don't forget
Is there someone you could tell, I dont like to think of you going through this without real life support x

Thanks ladies. I really appreciate the support I have considered changing hospitals. But as my Rads is at there other hospital I feel I can cope with that! IF however my scan doesn't come back clear and I need any other treatment, I would definitely look into changing hospitals.

I'm meeting a friend for a coffee, chat and much needed hug today. I will tell her so I have someone to chat to! Before this drives me nuts! But I know I always have you all, and that you understand. So thanks.

I keep telling myself that all will be clear then I am back to just needing my Rads! But there's that little voice saying 'what if' it isn't clear! Stupid little voice!!

I thought long and hard before posting on here, the last thing I wanted to do was worry anyone who is just starting their treatment. Sorry if I have worried any of you, but I needed to share. I didn't want to upset anyone xx

Don't worry about upsetting people really, you won't. What a truly crap situation though. Glad you are meeting your friend today.

really that is truly awful, how on earth can that happen with all the checks they have to do?? When you feel stronger you need to complain I think
I'm glad you are telling somebody in RL today, hope it helps,

Thinking of you today, really. I am so sorry that you have to face the results wait again, under these circumstances, and after all you've been through. It's good you're seeing a friend today and good that you will tell them; you shouldn't have to deal with this alone in RL. I know what you mean about changing hospitals; I have often thought that I'm happy to complete my current treatment at my current hospital, but that if my repeat CT scan (checking ambiguous results from before) is bad news, then I may well change.

Really sorry to hear about hospital cock up and hope that your real scan results are fine. I was at end of a hospital cock up years ago - fortunately it all worked out fine in the end but it was devastating at the time.

Def share on here .... It's what it's all about.

Really sorry to hear your bad news .Hope meeting your friend helped a bit.But we all know the waiting is the worst and its hard for others to really understand.When all you want is for it to be Tuesday ,we are all thinking about you .

I've booked a holiday to the canaries at Easter. I'm excited but also apprehensive at the thought of having to cancel again,plus as I've had node clearance have to be careful with my arm, no sunburn, bites, jacuzzis etc. Last summer I was going through chemo and didn't really get my summer clothes out, I've put on weight so I bet they don't fit me. Apart from all that I am pleased lol

Hope your coffee with your friend went went really

malt that's a good excuse for a shopping spree.

Stop worrying and start looking forward to your holiday. Third time lucky eh?

Yes you're right foo foo thanks :)

That's great news malt good for you! Like foofoo said it's a good excuse to go shopping

Coffee with friend was nice. Then came back for a lie down, I was shattered after not getting much sleep last night! Soon dropped off, but woke after an hour with a horrid nightmare I am so angry that the hospital cock up is causing more stress! Just can't stop thinking about it! I'm heading towards the end of my treatment, this just isn't fair

Blimey Really how awful for you. So sorry that you have to go through this waiting again but please remember that there is no reason to think that your results won't also be clear - we'll all hold your hand whilst you wait.

Also hoping that pickle is OK and that silence from her is not due to anything serious.

Malt - great news that you have some sunshine to look forward to. I'm worried that I may not be able to go on my holiday now - boob is recovering and I've just started my second course of antibiotics so hopefully it will clear completely in the next week. But whereas I was confident about being abroad now I'm nervous that I could get another problem . Of course I knew when I booked it that a complication from surgery would be excluded from insurance!!

I've just bought a rather expensive pair of jeans to wear out tonight - on a whim . I have loads of pairs but they are a bit loose now so tried a few on out of interest and of course there's only 1 way that will end .

So shocked to hear your news Really could not stop thinking about you last night, but as many have said your results could still be clear - sending lots of hugs and support x

Well done Malt it's so important to have something to look forward to and I'm sure you will have a wonderful time - you deserve it! x

Malt, so glad that you have a holiday booked: I love hearing about other people's holiday plans.
And kitkat, glad the boob is on the mend and fingers crossed that nothing will get in the way of your holiday.
really, hope you get some sleep tonight.

really sending hugs and support to you

malt sun at Easter sounds great. I'll be just starting rads, so no sun for me for another while. I booked South of France for start of July before I started chemo. Hoping I won't need to cancel.

kitkat. Oooh i like the sound of expensive jeans!! Do tell, what brand??