Tamoxigang New Year, New Thread, *46*

[BetsyBoop]

Hands round a for everyone.

I'm at Bushey Spire
Pre op consultation with surgeon to decide whether to swap just to him (at Wellington) vs him + Tumour Man at (RNOH)

Thank for the chap stick recommendations - think I will pay Boots a visit later today.

That's a shame Wren, do you need to be completely healed before chemo, due to the risk of infection? I also hope all goes well when you phone your Mum today - there is nothing that makes you feel more guilty than making your Mum cry.

Malt - Good Luck for today, hope 2:40pm comes around quickly for you.

Morning to everyone else - hope you have a lovely day. I am off to see a couple of friends for coffee and a gossip catch up.

Really so sorry to hear about the lack of sleep and continued problems with the line. Can you get to your GPs today and get something to help you sleep? As others have said, if you say you're a chemo patient you should be able to get an appointment. I have found Lorazepam to be helpful when I can't sleep - it's an anti-anxiety treatment, and helps you relax and makes you drowsy. Do try to get something as not sleeping is the pits.

Tiny Elizabeth Arden Eight Hour Cream is what I'd recommend. It is expensive, but the tube will last forever. I use it every night on my lips, and I never have a problem with cracked lips etc. I have had my tube for over a year and its still over half full.

Malt I look forward to hearing about your rads appointment later and your experience with the cold metal ruler!

Reading along and sending good thoughts to everyone, hoping you have good days, whatever they hold. I slept like a log... rolling down a hill toward a cliff! Dreadful anxiety dreams.

I have always heard good things about Elizabeth Arden's Eight Hour Cream Handbags, I think I will treat myself!

Really I can't sleep (without medication) either. I had Lorzaepam left over after my AC treatments, and used those for a few days, and then asked GP for sleeping pills. I suffered through not sleeping for about 10 days after all 4 AC treatments, and decided No More! I really recommend it. So give your GP a call, get those sleeping tablets and also ask for prescription for stronger pain relief. You are doing fantastic to be able to work through your chemo, make it as easy as you can for your self. I take my hat off to you!

Tiny the hospital gave me Blistex Relief Cream (formerly Blisteze) when my lips got very sore. I was in hospital with low neurophils at the time.. It is a medicated cream and it worked pretty well for me. I think it is available over the counter.

Mummywheel, my lovely HR person told me to take leave and stay out until I'm recovered, on the day after I got diagnosis. Don't feel guilty. Use this time to build your strength. In the time before my surgery, and between surgery and chemo, I did loads of walking and generally looked after myself. It meant I was strong and 'healthy' going into surgery and chemo, which I think has stood to me.

Hi tiny my decision has been made based on my levels of anxiety and how to best control them, my realtive relaxed feeling about having an op and my lack of love for my breasts.

I have v small boobs (a cup, if that!). Are not (as far as i know) connected to my feelings of femininity. I have no desire to preserve them.
I've just had thyroid surgery and despite having my neck cut open and the fears I had around that, surgery was actually fine, recovery fast and my wound looks good. So I'm not set against a more extreme surgery than lumpectomy.
I am a worrier. I could have had my thyroid treated with radioactive iodine (basically a drink) it had it's problems, i couldn't be near my kids for 2 weeks as became radioactive, but was not surgical. My decision to have thyroid removed instead was based on an un-biopsiable nodule. Turned out it was fine, but I don't regret my decision. While I know the buggery C can return even if you have a mx I think I will feel better in myself going forward knowing my boob isn't there.

Am confused however why surgeon is certain I can have instant reconstruction without knowing whether the nodes in my arm have been 'got'. He says they look ok but need sent node biopsy so....presumably if they have, i would need radio. I see him on friday and will ask.

Good luck for later Malt. Sorry to hear things are rough, really, I also think you should phone your BCN re stronger meds.
I had mammogram and breast scan yesterday. Radiologist felt that lumps had definitely reduced in size - the one in my left lymph node had pretty much gone.
Radiographer doing mammo was nice but said "you're far too young to be going through this". Really? No shit?! Would it somehow be better if I were 86, not 36?
It's still fucking cancer!
Just took wee-est barra for her latest vacs, poor baby was very brave.
Good luck with big gigs parents' eve tonight gigs!

Gigs hope parents evening goes well and just remember she's still v young,don't let them stress you out !

Weebarra good news about shrinking lumps ! Think we're all too young to be going through this crap ! I do wish it had happened to me in a few decades though you're right there's never a good time for it.

Just wanted to say thank you for the good wishes and that I think you are all awesome women!

Yes, good luck tonight Gigs.

I have DD parents evening at the end of the month and am dreading it as she is so laid back (lazy) - she always does Ok but it frustrates me as I know she could do so much better but puts in so little effort - ho hum.. She has to choose her options soon so I'm hoping that might inspire her a bit .

I've just spent a successful half hour trying on my bikini's (have to pay holiday balance today so thought I'd better check things out!!). Although new boob is a different shape without clothes on in a bikini top the combination of the 'enhanced' original boob plus the new implant boob looked fab - I am well chuffed (and very relieved).

I'm still stuck in an unflattering sports bra for now and it hides nothing but have tried a few nicer bras and am confident that I will be able wear tightish tops if I want . All a big relief after wearing loose or patterned tops to disguise things since August and making the choice to just get an implant.
Roll on nipple creation .

BTW Have just thought - I hope that this self-indulgent post helps any newbies to see that we all get through the treatment and here I am (8 months later) with my biggest worry being how I look in a bikini!! (well i do still have dark moments but not many).

Get you in a bikini kitkat :) glad the boobs are looking good
Wish I had your positivity !

ah Malt you're doing fine. I think I just woke up this morning over the GA effects and so happy to feel better. I probably keep my head in the sand!!

Thanks for your comments. This thread is full of so many brave people. I just hope I can be equally brave.

Visited local hospital today and consultant showed me round. I met everyone that would be involved in my treatment. I'd be happy to be there as they have experience of administering the type of chemo I will be having and the ward was very clean (same can't be said for all of the hospital). It reminded me of SCBU where ds spent several weeks, in terms of staff attitude and cleanliness. Although that time was hell on earth the care ds received was fantastic and saved his life, which left me with positive feelings towards that bit of the hospital.

I was a bit surprised to discover that I will be having 10 days chemo not 7 and will be in hospital for 4 weeks after that, not 2. So total inpatient time will be 5.5 weeks and it may be longer.

I'm back to see the London consultant on Monday. The local consultant warned me that they (London) will discuss risks and survival rates. I have googled so know that I have a one in four chance of not surviving the transplant. Not sure what the risks are for this lot of induction chemo. Not sure I really want to know. If I don't have it I will definitely die. If I do have it I have a better chance of not dying. How things are at the moment that may be the best I can hope for.

Glad that you feel so positive about your local hospital, Difficultpickle. Sounds like a decision made, although it must have been a shock to hear the extended timings (makes the local option even more attractive).

Statistics are a brutal thing to deal with; you pick them up and shake them and look at them in all directions and think about them in the middle of the night (at least, I do), and in the end all you can do is to push forward with the best treatment you can.

Oh and google is not your consultant. May be different.

Wren that's how I feel. It seems a bit of a no brainer in terms of the only option I have is to have treatment even if it kills me. Whilst the downside doesn't sound great, the upside is huge. If it all works I won't just have a few years I will be cured and have a normal life expectancy.

I do most of my crying and thinking in the middle of the night. The hardest thing I find is not being able to talk to my nearest and dearest (my mum and my ds) about the survival rates and risks involved. Fortunately I can talk to my friends about all of that (although I'm careful whom I tell as some really cannot cope with stuff like that).

I'm very keen to ensure I do everything I can to be one of the positive statistics

I googled to find out detail looking at scientific papers but the consultant did mention a 1:4 chance at one of my consultations. What no one has mentioned is if my cancer progresses to full blown acute myleoid leukaemia I will only have a 15% chance of survival because of the path it develops from (myleodysplasia). I've read loads of papers and that percentage is pretty consisitent. Fortunately I'm not at that stage and hopefully because I have confirmed matches I won't end up there (which would be a real likelihood if they hadn't found a donor so quickly).

Pickle, thank goodness you have confirmed matches. And you clearly are really well informed.

I know just what you mean about not being able to share the statistics with family. It's too much for them to cope with and there's nothing they can do. I've not even talked to friends. I wouldn't want any hint to reach the children and will destroy the tactless oncologist letter that puts it in black and white.

Wren I can't imagine not talking to anyone about the statistics. That must be hard. I find I need the support of a few people who really understand what the odds are. That helps me cope with the platitudes from everyone else!

must be the day for it kitkat - I've just ordered a new swim suit and a pair of swim prostheses. :) I need to get organised as a lovely lady at church won a family day pass to a local spa in the Christmas raffle and gave it to me. :) I need to use it before the end of March, so once my skin has calmed down after rads I can book it :)

malt - have you booked any hols yet? I feel like I'm finally starting to be able to look forwards and plan things again after months of life being fitted in around treatment. You aren't far behind me, you'll get there. :)

difficult - I'm glad the local hospital was okay, which means you can have a real choice. We've discussed on here before that you can drive yourself slowly mad with statistics...what we all want to know (will I survive to become an old lady one day?) no one can tell us...

glad you are feeling better gigs :)

really - hope you fair a bit better today.

goodness - hope you are doing okay - what's next for you before your op on the 28th?

to everyone else sorry poor, addled chemo brain has forgotten where everyone else is at!

You're right, pickle. I should find someone who'll listen straightforwardly. I've talked about it on this thread, which was helpful.

But, as you say, I'll do all I can to be on the positive side of it all!

well done Betsy - were you pleased with the range available? You'll have to let us know when they arrive.

Good news that you were pleased with your local hospital Pickle -a but of a shocker about the extra time you'll be in though. When do you think you'll be having this initial treatment?

All done. Saw consultant. Set for Tuesday. No wriggling out if it. RNOH. Done. Two surgeons. I have to let go now and trust it'll be okay ;)
I'll try to read others' stiff over the next few days as not much more to flap about