**TAMOXIFEN 35**the all dancing,fat boy snacking and drugs thread

[MaryAnnSingleton]

yoo hoo - over here- bring the trolley...

Fair enough, 'able' is not the term for me today. Just phoned a client for a catch up meeting 24 hours too early

Ash - that is very sad. Understandable, but sad. Things are looking much better for you now. Uni sounds hugely exciting.

Go with whatever works, Malteserzz. A decent slug of wine did it for me, though I tried herbal potions too.

Sounds like your DH needs to get to grips with the statistics too. On what we know so far, the chances of you dying from this are about the same odds as you dying from a heart attack in the next year. But the shock is huge, yes.

Don't beat yourself up for not spotting the lump earlier; it takes years for them to sneak out anywhere else. Average doubling time on volume is 15 months for breast cancer.

Yes Gigs , fab idea . Stars !
Can they be pink sparkly ones though ?

Great news on the accommodation front Ash , it's all systems go now .

I planned my entire funeral !
Infact I was sitting in the car with DH the other evening when a song came on . I immediately shouted "oh I'm having that at my funeral"
He wasn't impressed

(Macy Grays The Letter if you are interested !)

sometimes it was heartbreaking at the time, but also quite liberating. It made me think about what I want from my life and has helped me make a few decisions, like deciding to train as a teacher after my degree :) that sounds terribly cheesy. I don't in any way think my cancer is a blessing or a wake up call or anything like that, and would've much rather had the same insight without the illness!

The rather evangelical church behind our house is having a huge bonfire so we just had to rush out and bring in all our clean washing I definitely did not make any loud comments about ruining our washing and not being neighbourly the flames are above our six foot high fence and I was alerted to the fire because I could hear the crackling sound from my bedroom, I hope they don't set fire to our garden!

Just had a call with my consultant appointment on Tuesday morning so hoping I'll know exactly what I have to deal with them
I've also planned my funeral speech in my head and decided on I've had the time of my life from dirty dancing ! A lovely lady I work with who had BC about 3 years ago has offered to have a chat with me which I think I'll take her up on sometime

Glad you've got an appointment quite soon malteserzz I'm sure the others with experience of breast cancer will be able to help out with questions to ask.

It's really good to chat with others so hopefully she will be able to give you some reassurance :)

Go for it, Malterserzz - I'm about to do something similar with a lady I know who has a recurrence of her BC: she had it 30 years ago and has been clear ever since and i think much has changed treatment-wise since. Am hoping I'll be able to reassure her about the chemo because she didn't have it last time. I know a recurrence sounds depressing but - hey, 30 years cancer-free is worth thinking about. Plus, she's still by no means down and out, it all sounds potentially manageable this time too.

And a triple Yay!!! for me - just got smear results back and all OK now on the trolley. Glug!

Hooray for clear smear, Sometimes!!

malteserzz, ask us anything you want before Tuesday. Doesn't matter what.

If it's not too macabre, I thought I might have 'Both Ends Burning' (Roxy Music) at mine. It's mainly because I've always found the saxophone rather an -ahem - pleasing instrument, though it might give those with a sick sense of humour a bit of a snigger as well.

DH and I also planned our send-offs and, although I'm not planning on having it yet, it's a good plan: each of us in turn is to be cremated (hence the Roxy Music), and then, when we're both available, dd is to put our remains in a small remote controlled boat, sail it off a particular headland in Cornwall and when no-one's looking, set off a small explosion to sink the boat. Ideally she should be Playing 'Ride of the Valkyries' throughout, though this is optional

We have told her, she is very

Love the boat idea ! I always fancied going off in a firework too
How soon would you expect an op or chemo to be after my appointment on Tuesday ? I've heard people mention MRI scans too would that just be if there was any worry it had spread ?

It's really hard to say. They do have to get started with whatever your first treatment step is within a couple of weeks. It may be chemo first, surgery first, or scan, depending on your particular situation and the preferences of your surgeon/oncologist.

An MRI would be to check for spread. I didn't have one, but many (probably most) do. I had the surgery first which led to more surgery but then the upside was that, after 2 ops, they were more confident and decided an MRI was unnecessary. Don't read too much into whatever their plan is though, doctors vary in their approach. They'll tell you what they are doing and why: they don't sugar the pill.

Malt, like Sometimes says, (PS fab news Sometimes!!) every consultant does their own thing. I'd think they will start with the sentinel node biopsy thingywhatsit in the next couple of weeks, and then wait for the full set of biopsy results (some take a couple of weeks to 'brew up'). Then decide what they're doing and in which order. Lots of different orders and tests all work fine. So don't expect immediate answers. And don't worry about the delay causing any worsening either. And also don't worry if you have more/less tests than you were expecting.

We're here to cheer you up/listen/whatever works for as long as it takes.
Oh yes, I planned my whole funeral. Brightly coloured coffin with big flowers on it, horse drawn hearse, proper grave, no morbid music etc etc. Still here.

Thanks it's like a whole new language that I don't really want to know about ! Just had a major wobble that though he was talking about treatments last night it will be worse than he thought and I won't see Christmas how do you deal with these feelings ?

My funeral plan with my will etc - I just think of it as good planning now (spot the accountant).

As amber has said, what do next varies but rest assured they won't do anything medical ( whatever that is) til they have all the tests they need (usually in triplicate if it helps!).

As dh seems so upset, would it help 1. To jot down all your questions for Tuesday appt 2. Would it be helpful/ possible for someone else to hand hold and come in to hear what dr says. Not being able to take it in is common hence idea of having someone else there- dh:/dp, friend pt Bcn will often step in.

malteesers-we all deal with them differently .

For me I think you have to own up to them and go with it so I now tend to go somewhere quiet and give in to them ( eg this morning I worried that slight chest pain was lung mets rather than fact I had over done it).
Then I find am getting better at spotting what sets me off (eg being tired), balancing this (avoiding or recognising triggers - eg reading daily fail lunacy ) and using support to help.

My support has been psychotherapy (which have done for years), support group ( here , cousin in rl, specialist nurse) and mindfulness meditation . This was mas tip but it does help( and is recommended by specialist counsellors) as helps focus in what's good now not fretting about Christmas.

I know there are lots of ways to do it but that is mine .

Oh and and food helps too x

My DH was useless at appointments. I took a best mate instead. Far handier. He's a fab DH but very eek about hospitals since he nearly died in one himself a few years back, so understandable that he's not keen.
It's perfectly 'normal' to imagine that you're about to cop it. But you're not. Even if it had spread all over the place in the most amazing ways, you'd still have three years left with the modern treatments. So unless you're going to get hit by a number 23 bus whilst crossing the road, you'll still be here at Christmas. And the Christmas after that. Honest, guv. Medical teams have to be very careful about saying that, as people can sue them for even the tiniest bit of unexpected outcome. But here we can say it like it is.

I second everything Gig and Amber said - my way of dealing with those thoughts is to give in and admit them, briefly, then go out and have some fun. Avoid head tilting friends (they mean well, but make you want to punch them) and just have a real belly laugh with firends whenever you can.

Malteserszz, I had CT and asked for bone scan which they said yes to (had rib pain and was sure it was secondaries, came back clear). I was told they only did MRI if the CT or bone scan was inconclusive, so never had one, but all teams seem to be different. They don't tend to hang around, but it does depend what they think should be next. I had scans and op within 3 weeks of diagnosis.

Thank you Ive just remembered that the right boob was always bigger so maybe something was growing in there for years, stupid thoughts.i know 2 people who died really quickly after a cancer diagnosis but not breast and that's on my mind. I also know lots of people who have survived breast cancer including 2 lovely ladies I work with though so I'll try to think about them and all of you too. We had already booked to go away for the bank holiday weekend with the kids and we're still going to go, will stop us moping and may take our minds off it a bit. Good idea about taking someone else as well as dh to appointments he does keep falling apart

With me they did two ultrasounds and an MRI, but no CT scan. Everyone's different.

All cancers are different.

Breast cancer is not like any of the others. It's a particular type and they know how to stop it for nearly everyone now. (either kill it completely or slow it down to such a tiny growth amount that people are living for years and years and years - by which time it'll be fixable anyway for most people). Brand new treatments out in the last six months or so that will make an even bigger difference. I've had a friend die of it, so I'm not unaware of the risks - but it sounds like they have yours at a nicely early stage, Malt.

2cm lumps aren't huge ones that would make a boob bigger. 8 out of 10 women have one boob noticeably bigger than the other naturally.

Have a

Listen to amber as she is speaking sense.

We have all done the death row spin (frequently in my case) ESP when know of someone who died. But they aren't you -even if had same dx so tells you nothing.

Also cancer is word like virus (even bc lots of different types) so can't extrapolate anything.

Bloody right you should go away for the weekend, Mateserzz! Surgeons absolutely insisted on it when I was being treated! And my BCN was firmly of the view - if it feels good, do it

Thank you I'm learning all of the time.I realise I'm coming across as a bit of a nutter but I am quite sane in RL honestly ! Beautiful day here lovely and sunny dh has just mowed the lawn and I've just watched him!