Tamoxifen 34 *the power of Sauron*

[MaryAnnSingleton]

new thread !!!

[PenPerson]

Thank you for your comments, I have defriended her now as she actually sent me a message about how upset she is about her friend. I did not respond.
I have not put anything cancer related on my FB before and most of my colleagues and friends do not actually know I have it. Like gigs it is not a secret. I have a wide range of people on fb and don't want any attention about it. I will make sure my colleagues all know before I return to work though as I have a very visible scar and don't want inappropriate questions.

[Copthallresident]

Blimey it is all kicking off on Facebook. We are now the Cancer tourettes attack dogs!!

[graciesmall09]

gigs I must admit to watching 'how to do a perfect ballet bun' youtube video and still failing miserably. I bought a 'donut' but haven't a clue what to do with her fringe.

Cake is cooling.

Well done Pen. You are very brave

[Gigondas]

I wish there was an eye roll emoticon for that kind of response.

[PenPerson]

Not as brave as you

[Copthallresident]

gracie the joys of dance hair! Thankfully my DDs elephant footed flirtation with dancing was brief as they both have ludicrously thick hair, especially DD2, they once had to stick her groups dance later in the programme because the teacher had not allowed enough time to tame it!!! One teacher at end of tether, grips flying everywhere and one huge bun on top of little head. I stood no chance...........

[Copthallresident]

but I was very brave....

[thenightisyoung]

Ah, ballet buns, that makes me feel very nostalgic . I found that hair grips and a tin of hairspray just about kept the fringe slicked back!

[MaryAnnSingleton]

was hoping ballet buns might be edible...
Oh the fighting thing gets on my nerves so much - have copied the post and put on my own page. The pinkness irks me too..brown ribbon is a great idea

[jchocchip]

took me a couple of seconds to realise I couldn't eat ballet buns too [busmile]

[MaryAnnSingleton]

[bugrin] !
kk meant to say, how lovely to feel your dad's presence- am sure he is always with you.

[KurriKurri]

Afternoon all - sorry have loads of posts to catch up with, - I got up late after a rather bad night with old lady dog, who had several seizures during the night so of course I didn't sleep, and kept leaping out of bed every time she made a noise. She seems a bit better this morning. I am feeling very stressed and emotional about it all

Totally agree with fuck off to all talk of 'fighting' 'positive thinking' and breast cancer is pink and fluffly. BC and all other cancers suck big time, whether they have been assigned their own colour or not!, - there seem to be an awful lots of cancer groupies (for want of a better expression!) out there who go in for all this 'fighting' talk and forcing pinkness and positivity onto others. Bog off is my general feeling on the matter.

Maybe we could design a 'chemo' ribbon with a fabric representation of vomit on one side and diarrhoea on the other, with some bits of flaky skin hanging off for good measure

I am meeting DS for lunch tomorrow, DDIL is going for a day out with her girl friends - who are treating her for her birthday, so I will hand over my gifts for her to him.
He told me that on Thursday night he was invited to take part in 'play in a day' in a Gt Yarmouth theatre. basically he went to the theatre on thursday evening, sat up all night and wrote a play, gave it to the actors at 8 am Friday morning, they rehearse it and it is performed on Friday evening! - he said it was really good fun

Hope HND and topsy are not too hungover and filled with Indian snacks today

gracie - good luck with ballet hair, - it was always completely beyond me, plus DD has that very fine wispy type hair that won't behave, so I'd have to ram hundreds of grips into it.

Copt - I have planted my seeds because it was getting so late - I kept putting it off, but was starting to worry they'd never come up in time for summer. I have a paraffin heater which I stick in there on very cold nights, and cover them with fleece if I suspect it will be frosty. Luckily they are all things that germinate at lowish temps, and some I planted a couple of weeks back are coming up now.

Coorong - good luck with the decantation [?]

Asho - hope you feel a bit better soon, and temp behaves itself xx

Keep updating on the FB fisticuffs folks, - I want to know all the details!

Anyway love to all - I shall go back and read through your posts properly now.

[KurriKurri]

Oh - nearly forgot - i got some Green and Blacks in Waitrose on offer on Saturday, so will put some on the trolley. I have burnt toffee dark choc, cereal milk choc. and sea salt milk choc. All v. yummy.

[NedSchneebly]

evening lovelies [busmile]

I am with you on the pink-ness of BC, like its an off-shoot of Hello Kitty or some new Barbie range. Chemo Barbie? wrecked veins, washed out pealy skin, ald head, vomit bucket and bottle of lactulose as accessories. . . don't think it will catch on somehow.

Had a breezy but fun walk on Charmouth beach today. Hunted for fossils and DS got slightly damp feet jumping about by the water. Blew a few cobwebs away and worked off some of Easter excesses. Met up with ILs for lunch - who were reasonably well behaved, whcih was nice.

ashokan how you this evening? OK I hope, lovely. Have sent you a FB friend request. Its me, not some madwoman. . . OK, I'm not too mad.

copt sent you FB friend thing too.

pen how's the skin? Thinking of you.

HND what news on your pump? Hope nurse thought twas doing its job?

MAS your choc -free fundraising total is AWESOME! well done you! I bet that first mouthful tasted amazing, especially knowing you'd done so much good. Hats off to you, lovely lady!

Must think about putting grubby DS in the bath. Waves to all, and I'll be back later x x x x

[KurriKurri]

Ooh fossil hunting on Charmouth Ned - you lucky thing - I love it there. Did you find anything interesting?

[KurriKurri]

DD has just come into the room and said 'did you know you've been wearing your jumper back to front all day mum??' - its a v-neck too!

[gingeroots]

You're all very fluffy and jolly .

Which makes it hard when you only have dark thoughts and fear .

Like there's pressure to only post if you're able to frame it as a joke .

Just saying .

[HerNextDoorAt21]

Evening all, the district nurse (eventually) arrived .... Her lateness had caused my 9yo son who has Aspergers to have several meltdowns as he couldn't understand why we couldn't go out ..... It has been a bit of a tough day. She brought along another nurse to train in this new vac pump system so it was another prolonged session ! There is around 250ml of broken down blood tinged tissue coming away every 3 days ...... It is PINk and could easily be used to throw over the Barbie cancer brigade .... Lol. It is working great this week and the tissue viability nurses are going to dress the other wound on Friday so they are both under vacuum and not messy dressings. The pump is a pain in the Arse but at least am not yucky and mucky.

Not seen topsy all day but then all her family are off ..... Hope she's not buried them under the back garden, pig/dog would probably sign them up again ! I think we will both be glad to get the regrets back to school and our regular coffee mornings back in action !

[PenPerson]

ginger it is a roller coaster of emotions. I posted endless horrible dark things during my diagnosis and treatment, I was terrified of surgery and the ladies here helped me through it so never feel like you can't say what you are feeling. We are all at different stages of our treatment and have all been through it.
Please don't feel like you have to be fluffy and funny here.

[Gigondas]

Ginger - fluffy and jolly is definitely not how I feel some of the time (4am yesterday Mornjng I was seriously thinking what the point of carrying on was when you are living in pain and anxiety). I think difference is that I don't always deal with the bad parts by posting on here.

That doesn't mean you can't or that everyone on this board hasn't felt worried,angry, hopeless, scared etc at some point. Please do share your feelings as sounds like you need someone to talk to.

[Gigondas]

Also can I just ask ginger have you had your Easter weekend disrupted cos of all this ? Also have you been googling/ looking at horrid news reports that you are drawn to tho know you shouldn't?

I may be wildly wrong but I know that contributes to me feeling .

[KurriKurri]

Ginger - you may have a point, and I'm really sorry you feel that way, please don't feel you can't post anything darker, have looked at my last post and presumably it is exactly what you mean.

I think perhaps being a little further down the path than others, I possibly have more jokey moments, and if it stops people finding the support they need on this thread, then it is unacceptable.

I will bow out for a while

xx

[PenPerson]

kk please don't bow out. I find the jokey tone really refreshing and it makes me feel that if you can all joke and be normal I will be able to do that too. As my surgery is behind me and I am getting over my 1st treatment I am feeling ok ish now but I have a lot of hurdles to overcome in the next few months so will be on that roller coaster again soon.
I also know that if I post a bleak post when I am in a dip someone will wade in quickly to help me out.
Someone always remembers appointment / scans etc and asks how they went.
ginger please let us know how you are

[NedSchneebly]

ginger I hear what you're saying, I really do. If you read back through earlier threads you will see that we have all had dark moments full of fear, anger, confusion, rage, terror and every emotion inbetween. I think you will see that we intersperse humour with mutual support, respect and help for each other, in equal measure. The jokey posts are sometimes a way of coping, or just a reflection of how we feel on any given moment. But that is not to say that we cannot be more 'serious' and offer valuable advice and support when someone needs it.

I would not have got through 2012 with my sanity intact without the ladies here, and I really strongly feel that we can drop everything and be there for each other.

Please, please, please post how you are feeling - chances are we will all have felt the same way at some point on our own cancer journey. We can hold your hand while you travel along your journey.

sending you lots of love and hugs x x x

[graciesmall09]

Oh kk please don't bow out. This group helped me hold it together when I felt awful and I would pop on and end up chuckling at the things you and topsy would come out with.

ginger I hope you are ok. We have all had dark moments and they still pop up when I'm not expecting it but don't feel you can't post how you are feeling. As gigs says please don't google.

hnd sounds like you need another pub night after today. Hope the pump continues to do what it is supposed to.

Have left DD off at dancing practice so having a quiet few moments before I collect her again. I think it is safe to say Mary Berry's job is quite safe after my attempts at cake making - hopefully it will taste better than it looks