Tamoxifen 34 *the power of Sauron*

[MaryAnnSingleton]

new thread !!!

Also surgery is horrible but, like childbirth if you just endure for the time it takes to recover, it is soon forgotten.

Am I missing something? My poor dcs have always had to do their own homework/ competition entries with no help from us! I may let them into my material stash but that is it.

Though I was very sad when got rid of ds's castle which he made over Eid in nursery. Poor chap was one of only 4 children in school. Teacher:pupil ratio with classroom assistants was about 1:1 and the Ofsted inspectors the next week were most impressed. We had taken him out of school for a holiday in Wales (oh the naivety) Children flying to P. for months at a time in class already and their attendance stats shot. We went round castles and sent a postcard Lovely school. Ds would have stayed there if a school I hadn't even bothered applying for as they had said no chance, had places in June. (Prob everyone else told same and not applied if not living in village) Pre school admissions system. Just wandered along and asked for spare place. Then thought it a good idea to move nearer and bought a shot house ( still in -ve equity on our first and couldn't sell) on 75% mortgage (thanks mil). Bought house from building society as reposession and moved in August.

Sorry I'm rambling dh woke me up and is now back asleep but I have no chance...

jchoc Another side effect of SW London pushy mother syndrome, every year the Easter egg competition entries would be displayed and they really would be art school standard, not just painted eggs but entire stage sets too! Clearly no 6 year old had been allowed near! at least I made it into a fun thing we did together and did actually get the girls to paint the eggs and box etc. At nursery I actually overheard a mother asking if they could bring home some slightly less messy crafts , that she could be proud to display on the fridge door, and so after that they brought home stuff the staff had clearly finished or were assembled from kit form (nursery run by Lord True's wife gigs)

A place in a village primary, any sort of state primary actually, was just a pipe dream living around here. Great state primaries but only places for 60% of the children. Catchments can be 250m and when big COpt didn't get into local school we were first on the list and next door but one neighbour , whose door was 30 ft away was 15th, but we never did get to the top of the list ....In fact old house had 3 3form entry primaries within half a mile and we didn't ever get offered a place at any of them. They rely on parents moving or going private.

I hope you managed to get back to sleep. That was scary o clock.

First day back at school and having to get up early and NO BATHROOM. (All of walls came off with tiles, joists rotten so basically bathroom now to all intents and purposes a bomb site and rest of house full of baths showers etc. ) Hey ho

Hope you had a good night gigs with good drugs. How is the pain now?

Was bit sore but feeling better post tea and drugs. The school situation is ridiculous round here - and I think reliance on going private going to come unstuck in the recession. I have particular bile for the finding god brigade (school at end of road is church school ).

One of advantages of being in here is missing out on supervising big gig in school play prep and other stuff. I am sure I will get some pitying looks from alpha mums but don't care.

I didn't really get end of morse either but agree roger Allan was vg. I didn't know he was in les mis.

That school place wouldn't happen now there is standard primary admission system and since they changed from middle school system, built extra classrooms on primary and sold off lots of first schools for building we are now at place where there are not enough school places and not enough land for more building. One middle school parkside changed to secondary at cullingworth but that catchment stopped before harden as it included lots of keighley. Glad mine are nearly out of the system. Was bad having to move again for secondary but could not send ds to local secondaries as he would not have survived. Seriously low achieving school where head's car was set alight in car park. That school at least is improving now. But it is the case that schools are divided on religious lines, one lovely small boys school I visited for ds was 97% muslim and although I would have liked to send him it would have been asocial disaster and not solved the problem for dds.
Have managed to wake dd2 up and send her to school. Cat has licked my breakfast bowl and I must get to work.
Time for a

Morning All

My input into DS trench warfare art work consisted mainly of me keeping DH (who has a degree in fine art) away from it !!!
He kept "suggesting" things to DS , who was getting more and more annoyed with him

I am fortunate enough (not so stealth boast as it exposes me as a dunce with no artistic ability what so ever) to have both DC who need no help with homework , infact , they outstripped me long ago ...

School system over here is still on a grammar/comp basis .
And quite firmly divided by religion (catholic/Protestant)
I like the grammar/comp system , but not so fond of the religious divides .

How long do they think you are staying in for Gigs ?
I had a dream about you last night .
A horse transporter was parked in my street , and 3 of the horses broke free . You and I were chasing them and rounding them up , very Horse Whisperer styley
Someone needs to analyse that one !

Gracie so sorry to hear about your friends dad . Bastard bastard Cancer
How is work going for you ? Are you managing to fit everything in ?

Happy Monday to everyone .
HND is coming round for coffee after she has done her school run , so I'd better go and put the kettle on .

Cuppas all round for everyone ?

jchoc Obviously has changed from when I was selected to go and build Lego towers in order to decide which school I would get into! sEriously it was called the Thorne scheme and you spent a day at Cottingley Manor having cozy chats with nice teachers on subjects like Does God exist, building lego towers and doing some reasoning tests and that decided whether you went to BRadford GIrls, Bingley GRammar or Bingley SEcondary MOdern (Beckfoot) . The Lego towers were obviously to decide if you were a potential surgeon for gigs

gigs Roger Allam was Javert in the original cast. I saw it in the first week even though the critics said it was rubbish, because I was studying in THe Barbican, I spotted all the star potential then too

Agh I am not coping well with my ipad this morning, .......

topsy Big Copt lost me at long multiplication [grin ] ........ Little Copt is actually doing the disciplines involved in my PhD at A level but I know nothing apparently. In fact at the weekend she for the first time took an interest in my writing, declared it interesting and started helping me with my homework

Copt after many years as an independent, the girls grammar is changing to a free school. Beckfoot has been completely knocked down and rebuilt under pfi and bingley escaped this fate as the money ran out. And cottingley manor is of course an exclusive health club! How did you get on with the lego tower?
Wonder what the dream meant, topsy?
Must dash have managed a bit of sleep but today is going to be hard...

jchoc my potential as a surgeon went undiscovered They selected me for BGGS and the teachers and head spent the next seven years wondering why? Actually told me as well ....

Ooh Topsy, well done on keeping DH away from the trench. My DH (also has a degree in fine art) is similar so I have to do the same. DS just goes to local primary, but having said that it was deemed a sink school when he started, so a lot of parents wouldn't go near it. DS happy there and we love it, so that's all that matters. Not so sure about secondaries. Better start getting my head round that next year..

Gig, how you feeling?? About now is the GA dip, well always so for me. Hope you're okay xx

Dream's fab, though I have no idea what it means. I'm scared of horses, so would interpret it wrongly am sure.

Smee finding a place where they are happy is important as then dcs can relax and thrive. Far too much stress in choosing schools.
Nearly at work and saw a mo farah virgin ad methinks next year he will run the whole distance and there will be ads related to doubling...

Hello Ladles and Gentlesmells, how is everyone doing? This thread is MASSIVE so forgive me for not being able to catch up!

I don't know if you'll remember me, I've not posted for a few weeks, but I'm the idiot who doesn't take her tamoxifen when she really, really should. I've been doing a lot better at remembering to take it (see, right now, I've just remembered I forgot to take it this morning so I'm going to run upstairs and take it once I've posted) and I got to see my consultant again and talk about my fatigue.

I actually spent the whole of the appointment in tears and I don't know why! The consultant thinks I've bottled everything up and not dealt with it and that I'm depressed. Apparently he can't say it's depression causing the fatigue, but he thinks I've reached an impasse where if I don't deal with everything, I won't improve. I don't feel depressed like I have in the past, but I know I've had all the other depressive symptoms apart from the low mood, so I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow like my consultant told me to do and we'll see what happens.

Hi all - sorry to have been slightly awol, - what I thought was a throat infection turned into some sort of hideous flu type virus, yesterday I was completely felled by it, and just lay in bed moaning. Today still have a temp and ache all over but can manage to sit up in bed for short periods, so thought I'd just wave to everyone.
Gigs its lovely to see you posting again, and its good news they are going to get started on the rads soon and zap the nasties. Hope you are feeling a bit stronger each day and not too sore - any news of when they will let you home?

Sorry not to chat and only wave, gracie - quick glance over posts tells me might be in order xx

I am using Dh's computer and it keeps doing odd stuff and typos

anyway love to all, don't know how long this buggering bug will last but will try to pop in and wave feebly every so often

Oh no, that sounds grim, Kurri. Am pouring you some freshly squeezed orange juice. Have become quite addicted. Hope you're better soon. xx

User, apologies I can't quite remember where you are in terms of your treatment and when it was, but I think it's totally normal to feel depressed. I found it hard in the first year post treatment. Something to do with trying to trust my body again, plus realising the shock of what I'd gone though. I still have good days and bad days. This new normal takes some getting used to..

Aye, same here re the new normal taking a lot of getting used to.

KK, argh re throat.

Plenty for everyone else too.
Yes, I'm total rubbish at greeting each person. Please continue to forgive me. I do honestly read what each of you writes and nod away here. Just not always able to do sequences of people-thinking all in text. Silly brain.

Get better soon KK

User I agree that depression is very common effect. Firstly there is dealing with all the extraordinary experiences of diagnosis and treatment, and the way it makes you feel about your ravaged body, and often you do have to suppress your feelings to get through it. I am sure I did and I have still not fully dealt with it. Then there are the worries about recurrence because nobody will ever tell you you are cured, especially after the treatment stops, I have friends who found it harder to deal with the end of the treatment than the treatment itself. Then the new normal isn't always easy, after all that extraordinariness and fuss it can be hard to accept life can be mundane and boring again. And on top of that you may well be dealing with side effects of the treatment, such as mad hormones and fatigue. I have just signed up with a Counsellor and I'm looking forward to a chance to get all this out and examine it and deal with it properly, long overdue.

Amber Totally agree, my brain for different reasons can't remember half what it read two minutes ago, since it goes into the recycle bin of my short term memory and never makes the hard drive, but I too have read and smiled or ed along but it would be boring if we were all the same

Gracie Keep meaning to add [hug] too. Maybe it will make her think? My MIL completely unable to take pleasure from her grandchildren, mouth permanently set to cat's bum, disapproving of everything and tries to sabotage FILs chance of taking very evident pleasure in their company too, and the world. She practically refuses to go outside the home now except to get the bargains in Waitrose at closing time. Well done for challenging, it is their loss. I haven't challenged on her attitudes to DC but when they visited HK I did after two weeks of asking what they wanted to do and her saying "whatever you think best dear" and having to read the degree of cat's bumness of the mouth to see what was least disapproved of but still spending the day feeling I had got it wrong, I did just say that since FIL would most like to visit the art museum (very high cats bumness) that was where we were going, and she behaved impeccably Finally cracking after one of her eulogies to Margaret Thatcher and saying I don't think she was a good thing didn't work quite so well......

usererror - that all sounds v normal to me, or normal in this situation- the whole thing is a massive emotional turmoil. Hope gp can help tomorrow
kk you poor lamb- do get well soon-sounds horrid. Can i offfer a granola square ? they are worthy but nice.
Ds went to drama rehearsal instead of singing lesson,without telling the music office- gah ! he is so hopeless sometimes. Nice singing teacher rang, not to be cross, but because she's worried about his missing lessons what with the grade 5 exam approaching. I wish he'd just plan a little bit.
My secondary support group has been cancelled this month,which might be quite good as I'm probably not in the best frame of mind but am kind of hoping I can see my bcn to talk - i know I wouldn't at the meeting but it's reassuring to see her.

Usererror-Welcome back sorry you are here. The depression aspect is a very difficult thing to handle. I find it's the emotional side of this the hardest thing of all to deal with being in hospital doesn't help.

Kurri -sorry to hear you're unwell. Rest up and hope you get better soon. Throat stuff the pits.

Am resting up Has have no energy (not helped by flying visit from blunt surgeon you seems remarkably blasé about limited arm movement in it). And also getting very fed up being treated like a piece of meat and people coming in and out all the time.

Meanwhile at home think it has taken the opportunity to play her teacher up and refuse to do any work in class (again). I don't think she's particularly upset by me being away -more using the opportunity to get attention.

Mas-sorry you are feeling down (eek about Ds).It sounds a good idea to talk to your bcn rather then see your support group while you feeling low.

I like the stripy tops- boat necks may well hide my scars.

gigs Sounds like you are at that stage when you have recovered enough to realise how crap you are feeling and be fed up with it, and to get annoyed with all the medics. I well remember that feeling of being a lump of meat. It would be surprising if your poor body wasn't exhausted with recovering from the surgery and dealing with the drugs. Is Dr Blunt blase about you having limited arm movement from now on or just the pace at which it will come back?

That's kind of how feel . Bit of both about arm movement - surgeons can always be bit gung ho about collateral damage .

gigs great to see you posting more, hopefully meaning you are feeling better. You are bound to be very stiff with limited movement after your op, could even be to do with the positioning in theatre. Have they suggested any physio to help get movement back?

sorry you are feeling a bit low mas hope you get to see your bcn. You seem very lucky with her as she seems very nice.

kurri hope you start to feel better soon. Sounds nasty.

DS's WW trench sounds very creative topsy. I try not to get involved in any artistic homeworks as I'm pretty artistically constipated so my poor children have to make do with whatever they produce themselves. Coping ok with work tbh it feels as if I have never been away. Really liking my 2 half days though.

Thanks for all your hugs. Funeral was today, my friend sobbed the whole way through which made me quite emotional.

Don't want to miss anybody out so sending hugs to alll.

Hope you feel better kk and glad you are feeling better gigs but hope you can get some answers about your arm movements. Is it your dominant arm ?

My meeting at work went well and I am having a very gentle phased return and won't actually be back full time until June. I can cope with that.
Please sit on the paranoia box for me as I am seeing onc tomorrow and scan results will be discussed.

Perched on the box for you notjenkins hope your appointment goes well.