TAMOXIFEN**33**

[MaryAnnSingleton]

new thread - bring the trolley over here....

you're right topsy - I think that's best idea.

Agree with topsy mas.

Essay done so just bibliography to do.

I keep logging on reading all your posts and forgetting who said what and not wanting to get it wrong slope off again for another day and spending stupid hours playing topsys game .

Trying desperately to remember things - mas super news about your scan but sorry T is feeling poorly. Hopefully he won't share it with you.

gigs hope the shoulder is easing and the new meds are doing what they need to.

smee topsy is correct I did redecorate as I just couldn't bear to be in my favourite room as it smelt (to me) of chemo. I also have a lovely top which I bought and then wore to my dad's funeral and didn't wear it again until 5 weeks later when I was dx. It really is lovely but hangs in my wardrobe as I associate it with sad times.

Poor little lady dog kurri.

Waving hi to everyone.

I am reading but my brain is not retaining any info at the mo, sorry .
I think lack of sleep is adding to the worry and the result is emotional and stupid too.
I have just rung the breast clinic to ask if the scan appointment has been made, they said not and will chase up for me.
Since this is the lump that I went to docs about 18 months ago and they didn't biopsy it (only biopsied the calcifications), if it is cancer it has been there a long time. The consultant on thurs gave me no reassurance, not smiling as usual.He didn't answer when I said I'm going to worry now. I know him well from these family history checks and he has never been like this. I said "well, it must be ok because they've already looked at it on mammogram" and he did't answer me.
I really want this lump biopsied, they will do that won't they? if they don't I don't know what I'll do.
I cried quite a lot yesterday, ds1 (17) got me flowers but most important wrote the card himself thanking me for all I do which started me off. Dd1 (15)was vile all day, didn't wish me happy mother's day and didn't even smile at me.I eventually told her I was hurt and dissapointed and she didn't seem to get it. I ended up crying like a little brat. Now I just feel foolish but she hurt my feelings.
I'm actually going crazy. I've read lobular cancer can be missed on mammo. Did anyone have lobular? could you tell me how it was picked up please?

I'm sorry this post is ridiculous but I can't seem to help it.

Hope everyone had a good mother's day.

Sorry to have disappeared, it's been a bit of a crazy week!

Court said I can move, through in the divorce he was defending, and did it all in one day! I'm so glad I went for it, although feeling very intimidated about actually sorting out the move. Not only shifting the physical stuff, but resettling the girls, leaving friends, getting to know a new medical team...

So just to say, it's good news but also lots of work.

Hope you all are well, thank again and always for the good thoughts.

Great news sparkle. One step along the road.

14k sorry I think I missed your original post but sorry to see you back here again. I would imagine they will do a biopsy, if not I would be pushing for one to be honest. Hopefully your scan appointment will come thro6.ugh quickly. I sympathise re: teenagers. My soon to be 16 year old has been a right wee sod teenager recently and I have spent quite a few days in tears so your post isn't ridiculous but I think when we are already stressed thoughtless teens can send us over the edge.

Morning to everyone - glorious day here today for a change. Off to sort out DS desk so I may be gone some time . Been up since 6.45 as he has french oral today and as per usual has left it to the last minute.

hooray sparkle !! that sounds very positive,though obviously much work to do.
14k a huge hug for you - it all sounds very distressing for you, no wonder you feel tearful.
Waves to gracie - am off into the snow shortly.

Sparkle - that is good news, a definite positive step. although obviously a big upheaval, but you need to feel happy and settled in your life

gracie - great to see you my lovely, - that topsy and her game has a lot to answer for Like you I have a dress I wore to my Dad's funeral that I will never wear again - it is sitting in my wardrobe (in a bag at the back, can't bear to have it hanging up where I can see it all the time) - I must give it to a charity shop or something, I've no idea why I'm hanging on to it.

l4k - I think you need to absolutely insist on a biopsy, can anyone go with you to your appointment to act as advocate for you, or failing that ring your BCN tell her what is going on and ask if she could be with you for the appointment. I think they probably will do one anyway, but just in case, I would arm myself with support.
I'm sorry you are feeling emotional, - its not surprising given what you are going through ATM, all I can offer is massive virtual hugs, and xx

Old lady dog collapsed again last night - my poor little old girl, I don't think I will have her for much longer.

love to all, hope essay is finished Gig and T is feeling better MAS.
Blowing a blizzard here, and the windscreen wiper on our car has conveniently broken!

Yes, well done Sparkle. At least now you can plan.

l4k, I'd guess they'd do a biopsy too, but Kurri's idea about calling the BCN is a good one. Don't ever apologise on here. It's what we're for. (((hugs from me))) xx

kurri, that's sad about old lady dog. Must be awful to see her like that.

Gracie, hope DS got through his oral. Nice to see you again.

MAS, how are your fingers? Did the ibuprofen help? If it is arthritis, I'd guess the lovely weather we're having isn't helping.

Gig, did you your essay in? I just about hit my deadline. Was up working until past midnight last night. Feeling a bit wiped out now.

Waving to all. We finally bought a new toasty duvet and it's made me so happy. smee clearly needs to get a life

have wasted today doing nothing much in particular apart from laundry.
Ds better and went to school, back to normal grumpiness.
Poor,poor old lady dog kk - heartbreaking when they get old and unwell.
smee you must be exhausted - hope you have restoring treats.
Finger feels ok today- the pain comes and goes- hands feeling quite dried out and prickly. It's soo
o cold out- haven't been to town and walking S home was cut short by her mum coming home early and meeting us about a quarter of the way home, so I feel I haven't really walked enough Was nice to get into toasty warm car though. Am going to do some work now...

Oh dear 14k, I feel your pain, it's a horrible place to be the land of fear and uncertainty. You are right, lobular can be difficult to pick up as it doesn't always show up easily on either a mammogram nor ultrasound.
I have a friend with lobular, and it was only because she was convinced there was a problem that they eventually found it.
Lobular shows up best on a MRI.
Hope you've made contact with your Bcn - that's what they are there for. Hugs..

Oh well done sparkle Hope the move goes smoothly.

14k it is natural to worry, especially if you can feel a lump. I second talking to a bcn and telling her that you would like a biopsy for an answer about this lump.

waves to gracie always nice to see you.

Sorry to hear about old lady dog kk

smee you obviously haven't had enough sleep. Get under that duvet

Freezing here too, mas dh gave me a lift most of the way to work and I rushed and was under-dressed for the snow. brrr

That's great news Sparkle
Hope the transition goes smoothly

14k I am reaching out to hold your hand x

How's Old Lady Dog this evening kk ?

Leaving out and for those who are eek about things at the mo. Reading through. Just a bit quiet.

Thank you all. I'll keep you updated. Feeling a little calmer now. Thanks again.

Brrr.. sending warm thoughts to everyone here on this blistery cold day.

l4k - glad you are feeling a bit calmer today, - also extending hand holding and hugs xx

topsy - Old lady dog had a better day yesterday, no seizure and more like her usual self. She has had some left over porridge and a bonio this morning. She is wearing her purple stripy polo neck sweater as it is cold today

Bloody cold here too, and the toilet is blocked

love and warmth to all

I want purple stripy jumpers for my dogs. Did you make it ?

I am feeling worse as the days go on. Muscle aches now on short walks so I don't think I will be walking the school run again. I am puffy too and generally feel rubbish so I will try not inflict my woes on you for the rest of the week.

Going in on 18 th for my stretch in solitary so will be around a lot then I expect.

Missing lunch with ned and looking forward to being better so we can go for a lovely iodine full energy filled one !

pen - I bought it in a pet store sale years ago, - she has a red one too - I don't know if you can still get them, every time I look in pet shops now, it seems to be 'glamour wear' for dogs, but mine actually needs something to keep her warm. She loves wearing it

Sorry you are feeling rubbish, I sympathise enormously, anything going awry with your thyroid makes you feel so awful. Feel free to come on an moan if it helps.

And yes - a lovely iodiney lunch with Ned to reward yourself after you had the treatment is a great thing to look forward to

Heard at the weekend that one of my friends has had her first grandchild - a little girl, she was so chuffed - she had BC two years ago, and has struggled with lymphodeama and other stuff, - so it has been a real boost for her to look forward to this baby I looked in the shops for a gift yesterday - very hard to find something for a baby girl that doesn't have 'daddy's little princess' and similar crap emblazoned on the front. I bought a little blue flowery dress in the end.

That's sweet about your friend, Kurri. Know what you mean about kids' clothes though. Very hard to find something logo free. And hooray for old lady dog in her jumper. Glad to hear she's feeling better.

Pen, you're more than allowed to feel rubbish. Don't feel you can't moan as you can. Have you lots of treats laid in for your isolation?

l4k, hope you're still feeling okay-ish today.

Blimey it's cold out there. Biting wind. Am having a do-all-the-things-you-never-get-round-to day. So far have ticked just one thing off my list..

Think we need a pic of Old Lady Dog in her purple stripey jumper !
All old ladies should wear purple
Pig/dog will only wear a scarf , refuses all attempts to put him in a coat or a jumper or fairy wings

Got huuuuuuge bag of turf last night
Going to make heap big fire this afternoon to try and combat this awful cold weather .

Feeling a bit shitty today .
Dunno why .
Just general shittyness .

Mind shitty or body shitty topsy? this bloody weather is getting me down -I want spring, and I want it now. Hugs anyway, hope you feel better soon, - big warm fire sounds like a good idea. OLD would look cute in a bandana, but she doesn't like them and tries to scratch them off pretends not to be a mad old lady who likes dressing dogs as people

Will try to get a photo of OLD later - when DH comes home, I daren't touch his camera while he's out, he likes to huddle over it in a corner muttering 'my precioussss'

waving to Smee also having a bit of a sort out day today - have just found a diary from 2004 in my desk I am trying to find some art books which I've obviously squirrelled away somewhere bonkers - or maybe even given them away, - apparently I gave away quite a few things when I was having chemo, and have now totally forgotten about it, it was a sort of bizarre cancer generosity, now I'm back to my usual miserly self

Think friends DD (baby's mum) is needing quite a lot of help atm. She was induced, spent 2 days in labour getting nowhere then they finally decided to give her a section so she's pretty exhausted by the whole thing. Friend is helping by cuddling new baby a lot

hooray for new baby kk and old lady dog's cosy jumper !

Sorry to hear that you are feeling rubbishy topsy - what's up do you think ?
pen too
Am frozen here..brrr.

I have just been told that today's chemo will be delayed by a week because my neutrophil (??) count is too low - 0.7 instead of 1 or over. Is this common? A week seems like a long time. The nurse said it is quite usual but that is not the impression I got from internet trawling... this is annoying as I feel fine and just want to get it over with.

Sympathies go out to anyone else fed up with the cold. I am under duvet with electric heater on and a cat so I am dealing with it quite well at the moment.