TAMOXIFEN**33**

[MaryAnnSingleton]

new thread - bring the trolley over here....

Mas I have some more commissions for you so will email.

Sparkle - i think you wanted list of famous bc survivors - well here are some:

Kylie
Olivia newton john
Cynthia nixon
Sheryl crow
Sam Taylor wood
Giuliana rancic
Jennifer Saunders
Edie falco
Maggie smith
Brigitte bardot
Sheila hancock

Hi all,

MAS good luck with the work, you seem really talented and you certainly deserve it.

Dr W was on his best behaviour today! He's recommended no work for at least six weeks and reassess then. Bit disappointed as I miss work but I suppose it's best not to rush it and then have to stop again.

Gig that list is amazing, I had no idea most of them had had breast cancer.

KK really sorry to hear about your dog, that sounds terrifying, poor thing :( and poor you

hooray gig thanks !! and thanks too ashokan - am glad Dr W was less wankery - and yes, best not to rush back into work before you should.

That time will fly by ash- just try and rest up.

Kk- I am sorry old lady dog is so poorly .

Thanks for the further thoughts. We tried to have a mediated meeting about it (i.e. with my mom and his sister) which was a classic -look like I'm going to agree but then find some random new concern at the last minute that scuppers the whole deal-. Court here I come.

Just to reassure, medical care in Canada is free. It's not the US! I've already checked about transfering care and it seems reasonably simple, my oncologist is happy to make a referral, they're happy to take one. It's looking like I would start chemo here (1st, before surgery) the week of the 18th, and ideally move straight afterwards? Bah, so much to get my mind around. My mom has offered to stay back and pack so the kids and I could leave asap. I'd be at her house. Nothing to make you feel like an adult like moving back in with your mom! I've been independent since 19 and she's been living alone for about a decade, but I'm sure we'll make it work. It's looking more and more possible, depending on court of course.

He's refusing to come to Canada for visits, but we'd come here twice a year. He can afford it, just refuses. I'm afraid it would be more stressful to have him involved in school run than to make myself do it, even if I have to be in a motorised scooter or something :) His siblings might well pitch in, especially for pick up and possibly sorting out food.

He is fighting for residence as well (while working full time to my part time and planning to have them cared for by his mother), but we've had several directions hearings so far (all at his request) and they've all confirmed the fairly standard arrangements of kids living with me with alternate weekend plus one weeknight contact.

The Dr refused to write anything about survival as my tests aren't all back. Which is frustrating, but understandable

Gig - that's a great list. For some reason Brigitte Bardot makes me most impressed. She had some impressive boobs!
Kurrikurri - sorry to read about your dog,
Pen - hope the treacle gets diluted,
jchocchip - lunch appointment sounds much more fun, hope it was yummy

and thanks to all for the thoughts, hope you're all well.

Oh sparkle I hope you managed some sleep. You have so many things on your mind, I'm not surprised you are up in the night.
kk to read old lady dog has been poorly. Hope she feels better today.
Lunch was great - good friend joined us and we went to an interesting cafe where the service was incredibly slow but food good and as we were happy to sit and chat this was ok. Then went to visit auntie in hospital - she should be discharged today as her bloods were ok and go back for further tests as out patient. Went shopping and cooked a nice meal in the evening - was so nice to spend the day with my cousin. Hot flushy last night so awake early. Back to work today and it is going to be a busy one. I do think Wednesday is a nice day to take off though, it breaks the week up into two and I feel better knowing its only 2 days till the weekend!

Aargh! Three 'nices' in that post!

Morning from treacle land. Someone keeps pouring more into my house and stuffing more cotton wool into my head. I feel like I have been drugged and am in slow motion. Very odd.

Today I am planning the school run and not a lot else. It is raining so I have a good excuse not to take hooligan puppy and dog out. They will have to keep me company on the sofa today.

kk hope old lady dog is ok and does not have any more nasty seizures. Sounds scary.

sparkle sounds so stressful for you. I haven't got anything helpful to say but hope you get through it as quickly as possible

mas fingers crossed for the work keeping on rolling in.

My brain is too fuddled to remember who I am let alone all the people here apologies.

Pen - sorry you are still feeling crap, - it is such a weird feeling when you get extreme fatigue. My chemo nurse told me they and the oncys were trained by having weights strapped to them, and then being put on reduced oxygen and made to perform simple everyday tasks (like walking across the room!) to give them some idea of what it feels like! It is shit, just take things very easy (you probably have no choice!) - but don't feel bad about not being able to do stuff, it is very frustrating, but I found that trying to accept, and just do what I could (sometimes nothing but lie in a heap), was less stressful and tiring than getting frustrated.

Old lady dog seems perkier today, - she slept most of yesterday, but is up and about this morning (and has in fact helped herself to a cup of tea I left on the coffee table )

jane - glad you had a nice day with your cousin and your friend

sparkle - further - I can't add anything useful, but I hope you can get all this business sorted as soon as possible, and concentrate on your treatment and recovery.

Asho - six weeks not long in the big scheme of things - but I know very boring if you enjoy your work. Glad Dr W behaved himself!

waving to everyone, good luck to anyone with appointments/treatment today xx

Pen, definitely stay on the sofa. You've been doing so brilliantly, you're bound to have fug days. Giving into it is all you can do from what I remember. Maybe try and have a walk later though, as it lifts the spirits, or that's what I found at any rate. x

Good to hear Dr W wasn't his usual charming self, Ash. Six weeks will fly by. Do nice things. You deserve them.

Sounds like Canada's where you want to be, Sparkle. What do your legal team say? Do they think the court will say yes? Hope so, as you'll feel much more relaxed once you know where you'll be.

How's the pain Gig? Still getting lovely sleep?

Kurri, hooray for old lady dog. Must be scary to see her have her fits. at the cup of tea.

I doubt you'll ever run out of work, MAS as what you do is so wonderful, but I totally get that freelance thing of never knowing. I anxt about it too.

Jane you might do this already, bu I keep a spare pillow by my bedside, so when hot flushes wake me, I can switch and it cools your neck/ back. Though often they're so feisty I have to get up and wander round the house. So very annoying. I'm on year 3 of them now. G'ah!

Waving to all others. Lots of work here, so had better get on.

that walking with weights attached feels a bit familiar -am realising this though I wondered whether it might be my Emu boots.
Blood test today (coffee from Waitrose after as a reward) God I'm almost blase about them now.

Thanks for being so kind and encouraging about my work - I long for a book contract as they would pay more but importantly they are much more of a challenge and I need that

Hello Smee don't work too hard.

MAS - at emu boots - it's more likely the chemo, don't overdo it! Will keep fingers crossed for a book contract for you, - I'm sure something will come along soon.

I get the self employed thing, - my Dad was self employed for about 40 yrs, - I always remember that feeling of always that wondering where the next contract is coming from.

DD is S/E too, - but she is picking up several bits of work recently, - she has another gig with her opera singer coming up, and a secondary school has been in touch asking if she would accompany pupils in music exams - which is good because that can be quite lucrative if there are a lot of children doing exams. Also the school choir she plays for has suddenly increased in size, - they did a big 'publicity' campaign (the children drew posters and handed them round all the other classes ) and lots of older kids have joined, so choir is sounding good now with some stronger voices (it was originally six rather quiet little girls from yr 3 )

Jane - I do the pillow thing Smee suggests - and I find that heavyish feather pillows are much cooler than anything else. I used to have a big electric fan by my bed too balanced on several books and directed at my head

Gig - hope you managed some sleep last night, and that pain is more under control today xx

Morning everyone :) not such a lovely looking day today!

MAS good luck with the blood test and enjoy your coffee :)

Pen I hope a day of resting helps you feel better.

sparkle sorry for making the assumption about Canadian healthcare! I'm glad it's free, much less to worry about then. It sounds like you've got everything worked out, especially good that your mum is willing to do the packing for you if needed. I really hope the courts hurry up and say yes, it sounds like it will be perfect, especially if ex is pretty useless at mucking in with he children. That's extra stress you do not need when you are trying to get better. I had a friend at primary school who lived abroad and then her parents divorced and the children moved back to UK with their mum. Their dad moved a few times all over the world for work. They were a little bit younger than your two when they first moved but it worked out quite well I think, they visited him in the school holidays or he came to visit them.

jane good news about your aunt and glad you had such a lovely Wednesday :) I agree about Wednesdays, I worked flexitime so I would work longer hours Monday and Tuesday so I could finish early on Wednesday so I only ever worked two full days in a row!

KK glad old lady dog feels better, I hope she enjoyed her tea! also interesting about the nurse/doctor taking - that sounds brilliant, such a good way to help them understand how hard chemo is. MIT sign Dr W up for that!

smee that pillow idea sounds fab. I don't have hot flushes but I might try that in the summer. There's not much more refreshing than the cold side of the pillow! And the duvet, but DP has banned duvet flipping :(

I've had to stop the capecitabine tablets again today, as I've been to the loo more than ten times in 24 hours. Because of my pouch thing all the rules about diarrhoea are a bit different for me, but that's one of my rules. It's making my skin almost unbearably painful so I was thinking of stopping anyway. Managed 15 of the 28 doses this time, so eight days, but I'm quite disappointed. I obviously won't be getting the full benefit of the chemo and I really wanted to just knuckle down and get on with it. Never mind.

At my appointment last week Dr W, rather gleefully, said that if I didn't tolerate the tablets, the only other drug I can have I would need a PICC line for. I don't know whether he will adjust the tablet dose first or whether it's straight to the other drug with the PICC line. I really don't want one :( has anyone else had one?

I'm hoping to do some tidying today, we shall see. I made flapjacks yesterday but they are very dry and crumbly.

ashokan the diarrhoea thing is irksome -have only had a few spells with it on capecitabine but none since my dosage has been reduced.
Blood test was fine and dandy (I even looked !) and big coffee v lovely afterwards.

Hi MAS thanks, that's reassuring, hopefully just a lowered dose next time then.

I'm glad your blood test went well and that you enjoyed your coffee. Are you squeamish about needles etc? I'm oddly fascinated by it all! :)

Well I'm back as promised to report and actually need your collective wisdom and help.
Firstly:
Ash lovely to see you back sorry to see the drugs re causing nasty side effects.
KK sorry about your old lady is she on the magic quad Pimeobedan, Benazapril, Frusemide and Spironolactone? If you only know the trade name I can interpret, but several dogs I have had with cardiac syncope have improved on the magic quad, but it is very frightening.
Sparkle many sympathies I have an difficult ExH who I have finally got to mediation over the OW's DD bullying our DD, but everything is slow and difficult.
So I went back for the follow up appointment. Yes the biopsy says that it is fibrosis and the medicine/ science says it's fine, but he said it was so markedly different to the other breast there is a chance that we just didn't get the right bit. This chance he reckons is 2 to 3 in a 1000. He said if I would like the lump removed he will do it without hesitation, but it's up to me. He really doesn't feel it is my other conditions as he had done a literature search and could find no previously reported cases of the MCTD causing this kind of breast lump unilaterally, it does happen bilaterally.
My cool hard clinical head says lab results should always be interpreted with the clinical picture and in this case the clinical picture doesn't fit the results so I have been trained to look for more answers/ do something more.
My emotive mummy head says as currently I am the only stable thing in DD's life I should do everything in my power to protect that and if there is even the tiniest chance that this is the evilness I should have something done about it.
The business head says I should have the surgery as a small procedure with minimal time off would be much better for the business than delaying and potentially having a much bigger surgery and more time off.
The final head says I could put myself through surgery un-necessarily.
I feel that this is the old art over science of medicine debate. The science tells us one thing, but the art and gut feel is screaming another. If this was a patient of mine at a similar life stage I think I would be counselling the owners for surgery, but that the decision was theirs. I do literature searches when I feel unsettled about a case and clearly my surgeon feels unsettled.
I know only I can make this decision, but I would be grateful for your opinions and feelings on the matter. No deadline to make a decision just if I want it done phone the practice manager and she will schedule it in.

Hi Lone, that's great that it's not cancer and that the odds are it's fine, but it's tricky isn't it. Can only talk from experience and obviously v.different circs to you as I'd already had cancer, but I chose to have a preventative mastectomy. They tried to talk me out of it, as the mammogram was clear as a bell, but once I knew an op was an option I couldn't get it out of my head as it reduced my risks. With me it boiled down to two simple facts. First if I didn't do it, I'd constantly have niggling worries and second that I'd be kicking myself if cancer did crop up again when I could have avoided it. Peace of mind is worth a heck of a lot imo. Obviously that's just me though and choosing to have an op of any sort is a big decision. Hope you're allowing yourself a moment or two to celebrate, as it sounds brilliant news to me!

Ash, that's a sod about the tablets, but you'll be really sick if you keep having that many trips to the toilet. I haven't had a PICC line, but am sure others will be on soon who have.

Wow, MAS you looked?! That's a turnaround. Hooray for you. How are your veins holding up? Are they still good? Hope so. Coffee sounds lovely.

Lonecat - I would have the op. I was home the same day as my lumpectomy and up and about almost as normal the next day.

Lonecat- I also had a op on breast to remove a blocked duct and cyst and was also home that day. It sounds awfully similar to what you describe.

Ash-sorry you are poorly. I had a picc line. It was good in terms of dosage and ease of blood test etc. but mine got infected (three times ) so ended up in hospital faffing a lot with it. I was apparently unlucky as I think others were fine with their line (amber had one I think).

I had a PICC line inserted in Jan. it felt quite odd the first week buti think that was more the psychological feeling of weirdness about having something permanently inserted into my arm. Since then it has been fine, no infection. A nurse comes to my house every week to clean it and re apply dressing. You can buy aplastic sleeve if you want t shower, buti have just been having shallow baths.

I was very much encouraged to have it because it does protect your veins from damage from the chemo.

If anyone is interested there are a load of articles about bc in the daily telegraph this week. Haven't read them as I am of the head in sand variety about anything cancer related unless I have to know , but just thought would mention it if you do want a look.

lonecat I think I'd go with surgery - as others have said it's relatively simple and easy,out the same day with really no ill effects (scar under my arm for lymph nodes was much.,much sorer
Yes- I looked at the blood smee and it was fine - am very chuffed at this (ash am not afraid of needles but am dreadfully queasy about blood/words that suggest bleeding can set me off !) Veins seem fine and dandy-blood lady seems to get the same one in my right arm and it hasn't shrunk or anything.She is v good and am calm with her.

Ah okay MAS definitely well done for looking and being so chilled out about blood tests then :)

Thanks spero and gig for the PICC line reassurance, although sorry you had problems gig. I'm just terrified of the idea of it being all the way to my heart and being there for months on end. In hospital they were getting twitchy cos one of my cannulas had been in for nearly a week. And I'd be worried about the little caps opening up and letting air in! But I shall do whatever they tell me to :)

lone I'd definitely have the surgery, it sounds like it won't have a huge impact on your work or looking after your daughter - could she have a sleepover with family or friends while you have the op? Nearly all of your heads seem to be saying have the surgery. Plus in my experience, doctors are very reluctant to admit that they don't know something or are a bit puzzled so I would be inclined to think whatever it is is better out than in. If it's just a lump coming out presumably it won't have any side effects apart from pain afterwards and a scar? If there's any chance it could become cancerous I'd definitely say it was worth the inconvenience of surgery now rather than having cancer later :) my cancer could've been prevented if they'd found my polyps sooner and removed my colon.

Ash, I didn't have a Picc line, but the chemo drugs have wrecked my veins. I'd imagine that's why your Onc's suggesting it, so worth asking that question. You don't want wrecked veins on top of everything else.