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Original poster

Another PND thread - anyone with a new baby and suffering?

82 replies

susanmt · 12/01/2004 16:22

I am. Just wondered if there was anyone else out there. Have gorgeous 6 week old dd and feel crap and like I cant cope. Have been here twice before, but would like to know who else out there is in the same situation?

OP posts:
SenoraPostrophe · 03/02/2004 20:24

susan - I missed this. I can't really add any wise thoughts, but I do hope your treatment goes well and you are on the road to recovery soon.

WideWebWitch · 04/02/2004 10:01

Susanmt, hugs from me too my love. x

Welshmum · 04/02/2004 13:49

Susanmt, I am thinking of you. I really hope you start to feel more able to cope very soon. It's such a wierd and scary time and noone knows what it feels like unless they're in it. All the very very best.

tillymint · 04/02/2004 20:30

Susan, I've only just picked up your thread. I feel humbled by your story. You are probably giving strength and hope to other mums in the same position right now. You are one very special lady - and your kids will not be screwed up!

Original poster
susanmt · 06/02/2004 15:43

I just thought I'd share with you something dd1 said today which has done wonders for mey self esteem!
It's her birthday, and she's 4 (I'm feeling a heck of a lot better than I did 4 years ago at this time, I can tell you!!!). After we had opened all her presents this morning and put her new Angeline Ballerina bedclothes on her bed (present from us, it was what she wanted) she gave me a big hug and said 'You're the best mummy I knew you would get it all right for my birthday. I feel 4 right down to my toes!' Even the most severely deprssed Mum couldn't help but be moved by this. Being a bad Mum is what I am afraid of, and in someone's eyes I'm being a great Mum, at least!

I can't be doing too much wrong, can I?

OP posts:
pie · 06/02/2004 15:44

I'm inclined to agree with your DD1

BTW happy birthday to her!

Original poster
susanmt · 06/02/2004 15:51

So you feel 4 right down to your toes
Lol

OP posts:
pie · 06/02/2004 15:51

ROFL...yep thats just how I feel

That Angelina costume is a little too tight for me though.

mears · 06/02/2004 15:53

Glad your DD has been able to make you feel better - happy birthday to her by the way. We all know you are a good mum

Marina · 06/02/2004 15:59

LOL Susan. Happy birthday to her and a happy day to you too. It's a lovely age IMO.

kizzie · 06/02/2004 20:55

Susan - thats so lovely.
You're not doing anything wrong!!
When your daughter grows up all she'll remember about her 4th birthday is that you gave her such a wonderful day.
Kizziex

Original poster
susanmt · 07/02/2004 01:31

I don't know if any of you have any idea how much you are helping. To know that there are people out there who think I am a good mum makes a huge difference. I know it is still going to take some time and hard work on my part, with the psychiatrist, but for the first time tonight I feel like getting better is a possibility. Or even a probability. I know all this will make me stronger and I can tell myself al sorts of things inside my own head, but your reassirances have helped beyond anything I could have hoped for.
So thankyou. I knew Mumsner would come up trumps, as it always does!

OP posts:
robinw · 07/02/2004 07:47

message withdrawn

tigermoth · 07/02/2004 09:24

susan, they say truth comes out of the mouth of babies - believe your dd. (I do) I am so glad to read that you feel geeting better is a possibility - even a probability.

BTW the depressed friend I talked about earlier on this thread is coming up to London today with her son - we are meeting in the science musuem. She was so low just six months ago - in hospital with it - but now she is getting back to herself again, braving the 2 hour train journey into london and meeting up with me!

marthamoo · 07/02/2004 10:33

Your dd1 sounds magical - she didn't get like that without you, susan

It's so lovely to hear a note of optimism creeping in - you WILL get there. (((HUGS)))

aloha · 07/02/2004 11:39

I posted on this thread last night, but my message isn't here! I just wanted to say, what a wonderful little girl and what a lovely mummy you clearly are. She's certainly got a vivid way with words hasn't she? "Four down to my toes" is he most charming phrase I've read for a long time. Happy birthday to her!

tigermoth · 07/02/2004 20:51

just reporting back that I spent a fantastic day with my friend, the one I mentioned in my previous message - someone I have known since I was five years old. The day was a very full one - we went to 4 different places on London and braved crowded tube trains and many queues. My 4 year oild son was extremely in yer face active all day. My friend is on medication which she says is helping tons and she has much strength and self knowledge which I believe help her lots too. Despite the stresses of the day, she was so well, so 'her' again. I am sure you will be too, susan.

Toots · 09/02/2004 12:42

Susanmt, you and your DD sound so lovely. I've just been weeping my head off over what she said about how right you got her birthday. Incredibly moving. It's so fantastic to think that in time it will all be so much easier for you.

pie · 09/02/2004 15:14

How are you doing Susan?

Original poster
susanmt · 09/02/2004 15:32

Feeling OK today thanks, not really up nor down. A bit nervous re the psychiatrist tomorrow as I'm not sure what he is going to dig up (I hardly slept for 3 nights last week after I saw him).
I'm getting hassle from the doc again about the combination of meds I'm taking (ads and painkillers for the kidney probs - see sleep thread) which isn't helping and is making me a bit nervous with dd2, and I'm still not coping very well with the other kids, although I managed to look after them Friday afternoon, Saturday morning (while dh was working) and then run dd1's birthday party on Sat pm, though I was knackered afterwards, and slept most of yesterday.

So thats an update. I'll let you know how the appointment goes tomorrow.

OP posts:
kizzie · 09/02/2004 18:43

Good luck tomorrow Susan - hope the appointment goes well.
kizziex

Original poster
susanmt · 11/02/2004 00:38

Had another very positive session with the psychiatrist today. He is exceptionally good at putting his finger on the things that bother me even though I don't know it, and teasing out the threads of my complex life.
My relationship with my mother is at the bottom of all this - she left our family when I was 12 - and over the last 2 weeks I have allowed myself to be angry with her (in private, not with her) for the first time in my life. And it is as if poison or pus is running out of me - I feel SO much better for being able to let this all out. I don't think it is ever going to change my relationship with her, but if it helps me to get over this ghastly depression and be able to think of myself as a healthy adult and a good mum well then it is worth it.
He also told me I have to look after myself and let others look after me too - so after the appointment today I had made a hair appointment and went and got my hair cut and coloured and I am soooooooo gorgeous now you wouldn't recognise me see

There;s still a ways to go, but I feel motivated to get better now, and am having fewer bad days than I was before. Still more bad days than good, but getting better. Probably 4 more sessions to go with him, then I should have the tools to deal with the rest myself with follow up from the CPN and a hospital appointment in 6 months.

Thanks for asking and thinking about me - it does help!

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 11/02/2004 07:43

That's so good to hear susanmt

Copper · 11/02/2004 09:58

Really pleased that things are moving forward for you - it sounds as though you have been carrying a great burden for years, no wonder you find you are overpowered from time to time especially with kidney problems and now a new baby and young family - that is a heavy load for anyone to carry.

In case it's any help, you have always appeared to me from your posts as funny, wise, sensible, concerned, interesting and brave - definitely a good mother and a person I'd like to know .. even if you are soooo gorgeous now that I'd probably be scared of you!

pie · 11/02/2004 10:13

Glad to hear it went well susan.