chat and hand-holding for those of us supporting a DH with cancer - new thread for the new year

[MrsShrek3]

sign in, folks :)
Hoping that 2013 brings better stuff for all of us.

hi lizard, x posted. hugs

Thanks to lizard & mrsshrek -lizard that seems an awful long time to wait I can't imagine what that would be like I'm impatient after a couple of weeks.
Mrsshrek I read the posts over a couple of nights but I can't remember everyones stories I'm afraid!
The waiting is driving me mad and up until yesterday I felt my dh was burying his head in the sand and not being realistic but he is just hiding his worry behind positivity I think.
Regarding biopsies does anyone who have one end up NOT having cancer cause the more info I read the more I feel it's just used to confirm it?xx

Hello! Can't believe I never checked General Health before I occasionally whinge about my lump of an OH who also happens to have cancer.

I think I might sniff around for a bit on this thread and when I realise that you've all done proper lovely introductions I'll come back and sort one out!

oli, lots of support here. no need for reading the entire thread tho eh chatty

hello everyone .
lizard waiting for op also truly truly awful .

chatty I'm very pessimistic but I just feel it's because I want to be mentally prepared ( and sometimes practically prepared by having a plan B ) for anything life throws up .
And I think often if one person is like that then the other person in the relationship reacts by going the other way .If that makes sense . I might be talking rubbish .But I do think people adopt "roles" in relationships .

How is everyone else doing ?

Thanks for that Mrsshrek I was just interested in everyones experiences and wondering if I was "qualified" to join in!!
ginger we normally have those roles I think I always say he has his head in the clouds & I've got my feet on the ground which seems to work quite well most if the time!I do think I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst and then if it's better news that's great although no matter how prepared you are I imagine it's still a shock.
My mom is a breast cancer survivor so I have been through it before but I was in my 20s so probably didn't have the worries I have today!xx

Ok so I haven't read every single post but I did flick back a bit and then I read that Turning's (I think) DH speared himself in the EYE on an aloe vera plant and I'm still twitching and shiverrinngg at the thought!

My OH was diagnosed last year with primary liver and secondary bone cancer. TBQH I was prepared for days rather than weeks, but 12 months later he's still here and kicking.

He's currently bedbound and he finds it hard to talk or move, but we're on another round of chemo following a break after a double whammy of chemo & radio and there are positive noises from the hospital. He's just chuffed because it's administered at home now and he likes his nurse

I'm also looking into adopting my DSS because despite the positive noises, if the worst does happen and I end up having to give up DSS too I will flip the freak out. We also have a daughter together, who has just turned 1

Nice to meet you all!

joking, chatty
really hope you don't ahve to join us for long... but definitely hang out uere while you are oing tje hideous waiting thing. DH has some appointments coming up, a year since dx. CT scan with contrast, the usial run of blood tests and haematology. sigh.

oh lordy. the phone keyboard gremlins struck
scuse multiple typos

Is it bad that I didn't even realise there were spelling mistakes in your post until you pointed out

Welcome, chatty and olidusUrsus to the thread that we'd all prefer didn't have to exist but which is invaluable and a fantastic source of support.

I also second what others have said about the waiting being the worst of all. It's an awful lot easier dealing with the known than it is worrying about the unknown.

I am by nature a very anxious person to the extent that for several years I have been on Venlafaxine which handles my anxiety very well.

When my DH and I saw our GP to discuss DH's diagnosis she suggested that I made an appointment to see her regarding my anxiety levels.

The strange thing is that all my life I have coped very well with real crises, divorce x 2 , death of parents etc, it is the things in my imagination that frighten me.

I considered I was doing very well under the circumstances, worried about DH of course and impatient about appointments but not panicking. However I have developed physical symptoms similar to my DH's and wonder that as the Venlafaxine is keeping my mind calm my body is playing up out as a consequence. Most of my past anxiety has been health related and bowel cancer which DH has was always one of my major triggers.

Feel really guilty about these feelings as it is DH who should be the centre of my attention.

MrsShrek I knew you were joking but aswell as being a raging pessimist I am also very nosey by nature!!Hope your dh's tests supply the right results.

oli when I read your introduction I realise I have very little to complain about really and that was what I meant when I said I felt a bit of a fraud posting here - having said that it really did help when I was having a meltdown last week to come on here and write how I was feeling.Hope your dh is coping ok and that the treatment brings good results.

pandemoniaa thanks still in the waiting phase now and driving myself mad with the "what ifs" and trying to find information to reassure myself!(Yeah I know big mistake!)

drudge I think I am one of natures worriers although I'm always telling my dad that worrying about something doesn't change the outcome (wish I could listen to my own advice!)I know what you mean about feeling guilty as I feel my dh has been comforting me this week when really it should be the other way round.

As for us we are just entering a very stressful couple of weeks with biopsy and ct scan this week then the dreaded wait for results - I'm trying not to think about it but it keeps cropping up and I feel quite sick most of the time xx

Pessimism and the worrygene go with the territory ime. And our worry nerve has more to deal with than most people's
And that Pat.

Drudge, don't feel bad for needing attention from the gp for yourself. Take all offers to prop you up while you need it. I did eventually the only advice I could give anyone else would be to do it sooner. The pressure on the 'other half' (ie not cancer patient) is immense. You have no option but keep going and try to hold it together, and if that goes tits up, everything does. Be kinder to yourself. Take all offers of help with anything. (And anyone else reading this thinking hmmm that sounds like me... well you know what to do.) Don't put it off.

Lost this thread from my active list

chatty please don't feel like a fraud. You have as much right to be here as anyone. Everyone feels like an outsider sometimes, I always worry that I'm going to bring the mood down and make everyone miserable because I rarely have good news.

But anyway, today I do have some good news! OH has been finding talking & eating hard recently and everyone was worried the cancer was in his throat. Long story short, tests are all neg, it's a throat infection!

I never thought I'd be so delighted at the thought of what is possibly strep in my home. Other than that we're just plodding along really.

How is everyone fairing?

Well I don't really know how to say this but...my dh does not have cancer!I really do feel like a fraud now but I'd like to thank everyone that read my posts and took the time to reply to me.We are still in a state of shock really we were told to expect a wait of up to 2 weeks but while we were at the hospital today for a ct scan his urology nurse came to find us and told us he was all clear-she said she knew how anxious he was and wanted to give him the news asap

Chatty! That's great news! Is everything ok? He doesn't have to have tests for anything else? Am nosy, tell me to push off. So pleased for you and your DH

brilliant chatty.

(I wanna know what oli said too....I'm nosey interested)

Thank-you Oli and MrsShrek he had his ct scan today and he has to see the consultant on 6th Aug to "bring it all together" to quote the nurse-she said the prostate was a little inflamed so I don't know what they will do about that but she said it was def nothing serious.
I felt hungry tonight for the 1st time in 2 weeks and it feels like a huge wait has been lifted.Still feels a bit unreal to be honest!xx

Had to share....a little piece of good news, we got the three-monthly scan results today.

All tumours are stable and there is some shrinkage.

Shrinkage! Only 10% get shrinkage. It buys us time, which as everyone here knows is very precious.

Can now go on hols with a slight spring in my step

Good news Hellen - enjoy your hols xx

Hello:) Just popping in to see how you all are. All is ok here after a 10 week stressful experience. Dh is still all clear, that 14 month now (he has bowel/liver/lung) but 10 weeks go he went in for a routine hernia op, abdo.............and got left with a massive blood clot in his stomach. He has had drains and bags attached to collect, infections, blood coming through the scar, dressings galore, a team of nurses in and out and finally this week it has all cleared up! This op has been worse than any of his previous cancer surgery. So we are making the most of the sunshine, trying desperately to find a holiday before the next scan. If you are off on yours....................enjoy:)

Yay Hellen, have a lovely holiday. Hoping you find yourself one soon too triplets

My OH has not nearly been so well behaved since the good news about his throat, he's not sleeping well again and spends his time whinging about me, mainly. Still, his nurse will hopefully beat some sense into him

Hellen shrinkage fantastic news .

Would you mind me asking what type of scans your DH had ? PET ?

Hello everyone. I wondered if I could join you all. I don't have a DH with cancer (I have 2 ex h in full health) but my 17 year old son has been fighting a brain tumour for the last 20 months - he has a high risk medullablastoma. 11 hour surgery, 6 months high dose chemo, 5 weeks double dose radiotherapy, 54 weeks maintenance chemo - tumour still clinging on so now on month two of Temozolomide - palliative treatment :-(. My son is 6ft 1 so physically it is like dealing with an adult. I am single so no one to share the responsibilities. At 17 my DS is neither a young child nor quite a man. I belong to the children with cancer thread but sometimes feel that some of my problems (size/age) are so different to you get children suffering g. My DS has just transferred to adults oncology so he is being treated as an adult by the hospital.

So I don't really fit in here either but could I join you all nontheless?