Oh Hellen, that would do it, even vaguely sad bits in movies set me off at the moment!
For those curious about the aloe vera plant incident, we got given the plant by a friend, it is a ridiculous thing that is 2ft by 2ft and at the end of each of the long pointed leaves is a thorn which is about an inch long. We didn't really like it but didn't want to upset the friend by getting rid of it. DH just leaned over to put something on the window sill and one of the thorns went straight into his eye. They have some sort of allergen in them too, so not only was it bleeding but also swelling up! I was quite unfairly really cross with him - it was a totally random thing and it really hurt. But just the thought of another hospital visit for something so crazy with everything else going on was just too much! It is healing up well now though, so one we can forget about at least
This week has been all about what next. There seemed to be diasgreement over whether he should have radiotherapy with one consultant even writing one thing to the GP and the opposite to the oncologist it has all been very confusing which has been stressful. The oncologist had got hardly any of his notes at the appointment just before christmas and so we had a follow up this week. She is very nice and spent more time in that one appointment explaining things than anyone has spent in total so far It was clearer why there has been confusion if people have only had part of the notes though. Nobody had ever explained the results of the pathology from the first surgery to us before, they have never had them in the file when we have asked before. It seems that as he had what they call an unplanned resection (due to misdiagnosis as benign and no scans they left part of the tumour behind) and as it is high grade he has a high risk of recurrance and normally radiotherapy would be standard for either factor. But she says as they have done a tissue transplant and have got a wide margin of clear tissue in the second surgery they would mainly be irradiating tissue that has come from another part of his body and would be cancer free anyway so she does not think it would do anything useful. They use a high dose of radiation for this type of cancer that could cause the transplant to die and damage the bone in his leg. Even if they went ahead there would still be a recurrance risk. So it has been decided not to go ahead with the radiotherapy. The high grade means he is also high risk for mets developing but there is nothing they can do for that, chemotherapy is not effective in preventing them. So now it will just be monitoring with scans. It feels very scary to suddenly be doing nothing People keep saying we must be happy that the surgery was a success and he doesn't need any more treatment but it doesn't feel like that. They are not saying they know it is all gone, just that everything they can see is gone and not that he doesn't need any other treatment but that there isn't anything that they think would be of benefit. I can't seem to think about anything but all the scary risks that they have explained. There isn't any end to the fear it is going to be years of clear scans before they will say they think it is gone. It feels scarier now that nothing is happening I thought it would be more positive at this point. I don't know if any of that even sounds rational Sorry for rambling on as usual, and please do send virtual slaps to get me to pull myself together
Hugs to everyone especially those with scans this week.