*tamoxifen* 31- in the bus shelter with the cheap booze

[Gigondas]

Shiny new thread

Meant to wave to Baskets. Hellooo...

Evening All (obv not drunk like kk as I managed to type that first time !)

No apt yet for results . Tried phoning Oncs secretary earlier , but no answer . So will try again on Monday
Results will be ready by Tuesday/Wednesday , but there prob won't be a clinic apt for 2/3 weeks knowing my luck !

DD is now having a sleep over at her friends house . It's so quiet in my house , it feels like I have gone deaf
Although she has facetimed me a number of times already .
Whose bright idea was it to get her an iPad ???

Evening lovelies - I am also not drunk, just sh#t at typing. . .

Had productive morning in school - finished getting everything ready in new classroom, and looks pretty good! Got cool role play area set up as a doctors surgery/ hospital (doing health topic), tables grouped with new pencils out, display boards backed with colourful paper and nice big carpet area cleared. Want to get some jolly posters etc to put up, but ready for action next week, anyway! Got one or two bits of planning to do before Wednesday, but think am ready as I will ever be.

Had my first counselling session. Was quite hard work, and slightly weird talking and possibly weeping uncontrollably to complete stranger, but he's lovely and very insightful - worked out exactly what sort of person I am within about 20 minutes. Said I basically have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder type thing. He totally understood about being in the "cancer bubble" and that I needed help to get out of it. He said he wanted to see me again before I go back to school, so seeing him on Monday. He said I could ask him any questions I like, but couldn't think of any. Is there anything I ought to know?!

Exhausted and felt slightly light headed afterwards. It gets easier though, right?

topsy definitely keep badgering them to get an appointment. Rubbish if you have to waits weeks to get the results. Hope DD having fun!

smee I took DS round the supermarket and he has selected all sorts of crap that I will have to help him eat. . .

kurri love hobbity legs. I will definitely use that one, although mine are distinctly unhairy after chemo. One blessing I suppose. . .

gig how's French France? Having fun, I hope. Hope shoulder easing.

gracie sending you lots of hugs. Sounds like you're sort of where I am at the moment, in the post treatment slump. Thinking of you lots, lovely x x

Basketz love the new name! I fancy a name change but can never think of a witty and clever one.

loma those results sound good, love. Well done you! x x x

Knackered. Retreating to sofa until DHs beautiful smelling cottage pie comes out of the oven.

Love you all lots x x x x x x x x x x

Ned can I be in your class? Sounds fun. Glad to hear first session went so well. He does sound good. Post traumatic stress sounds right, you've had such a lot to get through and no time to think until now. Brilliant that you're being so proactive to sort it. You're doing far better than I did at all of that.

Topsy how's Hnd? Hope ok. Have a quiet-ish night without Dd

Hi Can I join please?

I was dx'd with lung cancer in Oct 12. Have had surgery to remove a lung already.

Still feeling wiped out from that operation but due to start chemo next week - and am terrified.

I've read a lot of this previous thread and can readily identify with all the shock, fear, uncertainty etc that people have written about. I still feel traumatised from the diagnosis.

Am seeing NHS psychologist as I'm finding it very difficult to deal with everything now my entire world has been turned upside down.

Welcome and of course you can join.

I am new here and can't give much help yet as I am starting my journey but this thread has been a lifeline. I am sure someone will be along shortly with more experience.

When did you have the surgery ?

Hi - thanks

At the end of Nov 12. Big operation and long recovery time - they say 2-3 months is normal.

I just don't feel fir enough for chemo yet but now is the optimum time to have it so I'll have to do what it takes to get through it.

I read that you're waiting for your surgery PenisColada. I found that period before my op was one of the worst times. The trauma of the diagnosis was still very raw. I had absolutely no indication that I had cancer - I was as fit as a fiddle! (or so I thought). They only discovered it while doing tests for a completely different problem. It didn't make sense to me to have to submit to an operation that was going to make me ill for while, when I didn't feel ill in the first place IYSWIM.

I deliberately refused to read anything about cancer of google it or talk about it to non-medics until the last few days. But I felt I wanted to be as prepared as possible for the impending chemo so stupidly consulted Dr Google today and what I've read has terrified me.

It seems to be one step forward (recovering well from the op) and another step back (chemo).

I'm trying to stay very positive here

Hi there AtoZ - you are very welcome to join the tread, although of course I'm sorry that you find yourself here. Your DX is very recent so you must still be feeling pretty shell shocked, and I imagine your surgery was a very big thing to go through, - are you recovering well from that?

We've all had various types of cancer, - but I'm sure every one of us (certainly me) would confirm that the first chemo is scary - lots of apprehension because its a step into the unknown - and chemo is a frightening word in itself with all of its conotations.

But once you have had your first cycle, you will have some idea of how it is going to affect you, which days are going to be your bad days, which side effects are going to affect you. Not everyone has every side effect, but remember that there are loads of things to help with the side effects, so always tell them straight away (ring your unit don't wait for next appointment) if you are feeling rough, and they can prescribe you something to help.

Take something to read or listen to - it can be a bit time consuming, take in your own favourite drinks or snacks if you don't want hospital food. Also a warm cardi - you can get cold sitting still (I also wore leg and wrist warmers - but I hate being cold!)

Your hospital will give you all the info you need about chemo, and they talk your through it all as they give it. I know it feels very scary now, but honestly you will get quite used to the routine of going in, and be able to take in all the stuff you need to make you as comfy as possible.

I'm sure the psychologist s a good idea, - it is such a shock and as you say turns your life upsidown, treatment is a long haul, but it is doable, honestly it is, and you will be able to mark off each cycle as you have it and begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel

Stick around for wine cake inane chatter (me) and handholding xx

Ned your therapist sounds really nice and helpful, and your classroom sounds brilliant fun - and you sound as if you are looking forward to getting started

Pen - how are things with you today?

Waving to Smee - I have accidentally eaten a lot of crisps, while resting my hump - I blame you!

Swooping in to plump up the cushions for you AtoZ. Glad you've come to join us. Have they said when you might start chemo? Sounds like it's soon. I'd bet there are others on here who've had similar drugs, so between us we might be able to reassure you. Step away from Dr Google. He should be struck off.

How are you Pen? Keeping busy?

I am trying to keep busy. I swing from thinking it will all go swimmingly to convincing myself of the worst.

I am still traumatised after the nose incident.

Less than 2 weeks now to op day. Appt with dr on wed and I have a long list of questions......

Hi
Thank you all very much for your really warm welcome.

Am in tears already but I've been hugely emotional since the dx - which is not like me at all. I too have blubbed over strange psychologists [shame].

I know I should stay away from Dr Google but I'm so anxious as I feel I could be denying myself some vital information that would help my recovery if I didn't look. Daft I know.

Thank you for the chemo tips. I start it on Monday and will be in hospital overnight. It's supposed to be very difficult to tolerate it and about 1/3 of patients drop out through side effects (Dr Google again). The worst thing is that it's actually optional - I was given the choice. The op totally removed the tumour but there may/may not be stray cells left - that's what the chemo would mop up. It's just like having to submit to an operation when I didn't feel ill - now I'm having to submit to heavy duty chemo that may actually be unnecesary.

Hard choices.

One thing I don't understand is that all the chemo blurb says that if you need additional meds for side effects the doctor will prescribe them for you. How? It takes at least a week to get a GP appointment where I live and I can't see the hospital delivering them to me at home if I'm not in a fit state to pick them up, and noone else is available to do it for me. So how exactly am I supposed to receive these additional meds?

People keep telling me that one day the shock will wear off and I will be able to accept what feels like a very alien life to me. But that feels impossible to me right now.

Hi AtoZ and welcome .
Re the side effects and drugs to treat them , always go through your oncology department .
GPs aren't any use whilst you are having cancer treatment .
You should be given a phone number for a 24 oncology phone line that you can call with any concerns .

I had horrible sickness with my first round of chemo . I phoned my helpline and they brought me straight in . Hooked me up to a syringe driver , and within an hour I was eating soup !

I have BC with lung secondaries (am in remission at mo , but waiting for latest ct results)

Ask anything , really anything !

Just to update you all a little on HND
She does indeed have DCIS , and she is going into hospital on Tuesday for mastectomy and trans flap recon .

I am sure she'll be on after to chat , she's just been running round like a mad woman getting organised !

Thank you Topsy - I'll remember that.

AtoZ - I think if you need something for S/E's your unit will usually prescribe - but if you can't get in ring them, then either they or you can phone your GP and get them to give you a prescript. - you don't need to go in and see the doctor, - most surgeries have a phone system where the GP will phone you back that day, and you just say what the unit have advised you to have.

If you can't get to the surgery to pick up a script, often chemist will deliver to your house, - if you phone up beforehand just so that you know in your mind what you will do should the situation arise, then you'll feel a bit less worried hopefully.

Also because you are in overnight, - there will be a chance for them to sort some things out before you go home - sickness for instance. And tell them that it may be hard for you to pick meds. up - they will help you sort it all out.
If you need meds, something will be worked out so that you get them - you won't be left without.

It is a shock, and its not one that you get over quickly (sorry that's not reassuring, but maybe it is reassuring to know that you are totally normal in finding it a struggle, I spent about 3 months bursting into tears ), and there's all sorts of stages of emotion you go through, cancer is a bastard, there's no denying it, it messes with your body and your mind.

But there are people out there to help you, MacMillan have good helplines and the nurses are brilliant at talking stuff through, do you have specialist nurse who you can talk to? Or is there a cancer support centre anywhere near you? - they are often very good.

Essentially they take the emotional effects of cancer as seriously as the physical and will try to help you through it all.

Don't be afraid to ask for help, - often people want to help but don't know how to, so if you have any neighbours who might be willing to pick up your script for you, or get a bit of shopping or anything that would help, they would probably be glad to do it.

How are you finding the psychologist - is that helping you get your head around it all?

And stay away from Dr Google xx

Pen it's good you are keeping busy - that's the only way to make the time go faster IME, and good that you have a list of questions for the docs. How long do you have to stay in hospital after your op?

ho all, waves. not really up to much still, just recovering from 11th chemo and struggling. I more to go this wednesday. amazing

AtoZ - if you will need any meds the hospital give them to you to take home with you (they will have a good idea what you might need). They call them TTAs - you just need to make sure that each time you go that you tell them what your side effects are and they can adjust meds. They have lots to choose from and it is not being a trouble to them. My advice is make sure you call them in between sessions if you need help with nausea. good luck, it is tough but the people on here saved my life

Loads of luck HND for your op. - hope it all goes well for you.

AtoZ - topsy is right GPs tend not to know a great deal about cancer treatments (Partly because it changes all the time) your unit is the place to call, but they will send a script via your surgery if you can't get in and it's something you don't need to actually go in for.

If you were feeling very ill and needed to go in, transport of some description will be arranged for you. Ask them all these things when you are in next week, so you are easy in your mind about it, - and get all the phone numbers written down together (they probably will be there for you in your chem bumf) If its after unit hours and you need advice ring the cancer ward and you'll be able to speak to an onc.

hey OTM - how are you doing? was thinking about you just the other day. Are things any easier now?

ooh, hi kurri, x posted!

One more left - well done you, nearly there now sorry you are still feeling rough though

Ooh yes, OTM, how wonderful to be so close to the end. You are doing amazingly. I only had 6 sessions! You must be so, so tired. 2013 will see you back to full health and happiness am sure. Definitely your turn.

AtoZ, the others have already said lots, but they're right, as the unit will more than look after you and should hurl anything needed to deter side effects at you too. GP will just be informed what you have, but go straight to unit. Chemo's a massive lottery, so you can't know until you start which (if any!) side effects will hit you and you might be okay in lots of ways. Most of us have found we are able to carry on, with blips admittedly, but still life still honestly does goes on during chemo. Do ask anything here though, as doubtless one of us will have thought/ felt similar or have a view. This place is genuinely a life line. I'm nearly 3 years post diagnosis (BC) and still here. Oh and I am a complete hypocrite, as was a complete Google addict when I was diagnosed.

Topsy, thanks for update on HND. I thought op must be soon. Please give her the hugest hug and tell her we'll store fbs for her on her return. Tell her too that a friend had similar reconstruction last year and is so delighted by it that she now flashes her breast to all comers.

Pen, two weeks must seem an age, but it will go quickly am sure now the holidays are over. Do you get results from nose trauma at your appt?

Night all. Off out tomorrow, but will nip in at end of day if I can. Have a great Saturday. x

Thank you again - all of you. You've put my mind at rest re getting additional meds. This is all information about the practicalities that they didn't give me before, so it's really useful to hear from people who've been through the process and can answer these questions.

I'm doing 4 x VP which I'm told is bad stuff. DS is very concerned (and frightened) but I've told him that they haven't invested in very expensive scans and expensive surgery for me only to kill me off with dodgy chemo [black humour - sorry].

I have prepared by buying boiled sweets, ice cube containers, ginger biscuits, a thermometer, some jars of baby food, a day-by-day pill container and by making lots of mashed potato and meals, which I've frozen.

Can't really say if Psych is helping as my last appointment was before my op and the issues I wanted to talk about then (surviving the op) are very different to the issues that are troubling me now (i.e. chemo and a very empty life due to total inability to plan for the future). I think I'm moving from pre-op severe anxiety towards post-op depression - but I can recognise that and am determined not to let it get me.

Hearing about OTM's 11th chemo makes me feel like a wuss

Roll on April when this will be over and we can all enjoy the summer.

Yay at no 11 ATM

Atoz - I would stay away from google as can only imagine what kind of stuff is on there. I had heavy duty inpatient chemo too (have sarcoma) - and can echo your fears but it was ok. Being inpatient means they can tweak it on the spot. My advice is to be up front about whatever you feel as they can act on the spot and hit the side effects. Aso if you have been pregnant then chemo will be no shock Except you can get drugged.

Stick with the therapy- it took me a awhile (and won't lie that still have my moments) to get my head round it but it does happen. Mindfulness (meditation and art of living in day) helps. I do sympathise as I was the original little miss plan ahead.

Home now so lots of cheese for fbs. Now enjoying being home for weekend.

welcome AtoZ - everyone has mentioned everything but yes,go through onc. for everything side effecty- they;ll know what's what. I'm having oral chemotherapy for lung mets following bc three years ago..complete shock as had no symptoms apart from a pain in my chest which led to chest xray,chest clinic and ct scan to diagnose...still getting my head around it. I was thinking maybe it was tb or pleurisy, cancer seemed so unlikely to me as had v good original bc prognosis.
Am sending good wishes for op to HND and waving to OTM
Ned you are doing just brilliantly and am glad the counselling is going well...
Waving to topsy smee kk gracie and pen
Have to run the clipper over dh's hair.

oh and welcome home gig !