*tamoxifen* 31- in the bus shelter with the cheap booze

[Gigondas]

Shiny new thread

I would be wary of site support (sorry but my brief dalliance was jf it is full of the most desperate) but the support people are great. Is there a centre at your local hospital?

I wil ask the nurse. It seems there is local support group for other types of cancer not the type I have though.
The online ones I have found look to be no good.

Gig's right, Pen. There will be something that might help. Trouble is when you're in this pre-op place it's hard to be rationale and able to sort all that. Always struck me as annoying. When I was at your stage, I did nothing sensible. Honestly though it does get easier once you're through the op and have all results.

Ned, glad appt has come through. Definitely daunting, but best to go and get started. Really hope they're good.

Kurri, did you sob? I saw it at cinema with DH. Seem to remember shedding a tear or two.

My head's not too bad now. DH thinks hair of the dog. Am not so sure..

I can't get past first ten minutes of up.

Smee hair of dog is usually good if you can bear it.

And this is the worst time pen- the only support group I use is here. But do recommend a therapist if needed.

I'm back !!!!! happy new year lovelies- I tried to get to you all on my phone but it was being difficult and hopeless internet connection on it so feel I've missed a whole chunk of stuff.
Had a nice time - kept reasonably calm... saw various ILs - ate nice lunches out-etc etc. Am so glad to be home though. Went to bed at 10.30 as am def. not a NY eve fan- dh,ds and MIL stayed up though.
We did drink champagne with our tea though.
Hands seem ok - not particulr SEs yet. Interesting;ly no one mentioned cancer or asked how I was doing treatment wise- not sure if that's good or bad ?
Am noticing slight aches in my chest,which of course might be psychological.
Anyway, will try to catch up with you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Waving to MAS - glad you're back and hooray for SE being kept at bay. Sounds like they were trying to give you a break from it all, though I'd bet it was a bit elephant-in-the-room. Always annoyed me when people didn't mention cancer, as I'd rather they said something then moved on. Must be tricky for them though. The aches could easily be psychological, but if not could still be good. Chemo gave me all manner of pains and I anxted to Oncs, but they said it's normal as it's the drugs blitzing everything, which obviously includes the cancer, so take heart.

Pen, Gig's maybe hinting that there are some nutty threads out there which can be far from helpful. Obviously we're nuts too, but are relatively rationale about cancer.

Didn't do hair of the dog, though DH did. Night all. Wishing you all much sleep.

think you're right smee
It's so nice to be relatively back to normal here- am really quite longing to get back to work and routine - several jobs lined up- hooray !
How are you all doing ? hugs to pen as i see you're having a rough time.
ned do you start back next week ?

Thanks for all the nice comments earlier. My New Year Blues have subsided now.

Hope the new year is going well for everyone. I had to write 2013 on something earlier which seemed a little strange.

Well the new year just got worse. I had lengthy pre op assessment involving lots of waiting about. Mostly ok but I saw a horrible dr who tried to look at my vocal chords but could not get the thing up my nose.
It hurt and made me gag and my eyes were streaming. I have a cold so sure it did not help. It was quite traumatic. The dr attitude was the worst thing he just shrugged. My voice has not changed so they only wanted to look in case there is a problem after the op.
On the bright side I will get acupuncture before the op as GA usually makes me very nauseous .
It all seems more real now. I want it over but am dreading it too.
Had anyone been offered counselling on NHS ?

Hi Pen - yes I had NHS counselling, it was arranged by my specialist nurse, and I found it very helpful, ask your spec. nurse, your onc. or your GP, and be pushy if you have to - have you got anyone who can go with you and give you moral support?

The camera up the nose thing is horrible - poor you (I have a friend who had throat cancer and she has to have it and hates it too) if you need it again could you ask for sedation? - I'd check with your spec. nurse about that too, - it a barrage of tests and poking and prodding at the start, and you start to feel as if you've lost control of your life. But you shouldn't have to put up with any discomfort that can be avoided (I'm sure you know all this being a HCP - but sometimes you can lose sight of things from the other side and cancer knocks your confidence).

There are some horrible doctors - there's no denying it, and it makes you feel lousy when you come across one. (Others on here have heard stories of Dr. AbsoluteCock who tried to force me to look at my survival chance stats, and when I got upset said 'what's the matter aren't you interested in your cancer?' - Coccccckkkk).
Fortunately I've come across far more nice ones, and you will too - and they can make everything a bit easier to bear.

Hang on in there pet, you will get through it - take it in small steps, deal with what you know, and don't think about the don't knows. xx

Hi MAS lovely to see you back

agree with kk.. hang in there pen
Am off to that London today-well W London- back to my old home to have lunch with friends,taking T with me-we might meet up with some of his friends -the girl he grew up with -though her mum isn't feeling well and is missing lunch.

Enjoy that fancy London mas !

I love Dr Absolutecock. I will rename the horrible doctors as an essential coping strategy. I saw Dr Twelveyearold yesterday which made me feel so old although she did say she liked my boots. She also said she won't be doing my surgery as I must have looked worried.

Email sent to work to tell them I won't be back until my treatment is over. I feel relieved that pressure is off and appt with GP Monday to get signed off and can't see she will refuse.

Now I can get on with some long beach walks and housework until the op.

MAS I will make sure West London puts out our best red carpet for you, just the right shade to go with the deep grey sky , I'm afraid there is nothing I can do about that . Have a lovely day. The old friends are the best ones... My girls met up with lots of their childhood friends this holiday, it was great to see how they took up where they left off (but now with vodka )

A Happy and Healthy New Year everyone ( carries big sack of loot to trolley, cakes, chocolate, half drunk bottles of booze and walks self righteously away, having managed a whole 48 hours of righteous living, though mainly because I was asleep most of it).

Pen It is grim, this induction into the world of Cancer, and there are too many HCP's who make it worse than it need be. A few think of you as a Cancer with a person attached, rather than the other way around which is the last thing you need when you are struggling to assert your confidence and self image in your new normal anyway. We definitely found labelling them helped! We had a Wonky Oncy, and a Dr Golf and Claret (as we felt sure that going on medical jamborees to the US laid on by drug companies pushing their poisons mattered a great deal more to him than his patients), thankfully I had Dr Geek, who knew everything there was to know, including the statistical benefit of treating your patients with humility, as people with choices. Hopefully you will also encounter the HCPs who treat you as a person, and understand we patients come in an infinite variety . Just remember it is you that is important and the Cancer that is on the way out, this is something you have to endure to get rid of it. It is daunting and scary but I just kept telling myself "this too shall pass". And it did.... Walks on the beach are just the thing to get it all straight in your head.

Do they do Counselling for spoilt people who have had way too nice a time this Christmas and New Year with lots of lovely old friends that they have missed for too long. We had a such a great time in our old home and I am really struggling with being back in grey England. It is partly that Hong Kong always felt like the chance to really live the life I felt I should live after nearly losing it, and just going out of the front door was always an adventure. It feels so much harder to do that in the UK, I do find winter very grim (I am sure people were not meant to live with this little light and sun) and people seem very grumpy in comparison. It feels like coming back down to earth with a big bump, still just have to make the best of it, I started well, 13 hours sleep last night

evening all

Had manic day in school today - am starting back next Wednesday - with my jobshare partner, trying to get our classroom sorted out. Its a bit unloved, at the very end of the long KS1 corridor, and was just abandoned at the end of last summer and hasn't been used since. People have borrowed stuff and just dumped things everywhere, so we had to take virtually everything out and start again. I had a great chat with A, my jobshare, and told her about everything that I was worrying about, with the planning and not wanting to be a burden to everyone in the team etc. She said she wanted to do everything she could to help, went through all the planning with me - she's planned Maths and Literacy for the first week for me already - and made sure that I know what I am doing. It was great Because we are both in school on a Wednesday I don't think I'll get in as much of a panic. That's the hope anyway. . .

copthall sounds like you had a lovely festive season! Its always a bit of a shock to the system to get back to reality isn't it? Hope you are OK.

pen good idea to get signed off work. It definitely takes the pressure off, and is one very big thing you don't have to think about. I am very lucky with my docs - I have Dr Lovely my GP, and Dr JustAsLovely, one of the other partners. My surgeon could be Mr Polish (the nationality, rather than the Mr Sheen variety. . . ) and my oncologist could be Mr VoiceLikeNigelHavers. I have also seen various Dr TwelveYearOlds this year. . . Sorry the pre-op was hard, but its done now, you can tick it off and look towards the next thing on the horizon. . . Sending you mega MN hugs x x x

Must go and feed DS - will swing by later and catch up properly x x x x

Pen, owwww.. that sounds mighty ouch. What a complete arse that Doc was. Have you a new name for him yet? Great you've decided on work. Am sure that will help and it's more than fair enough. GP can't refuse, so don't stress about that.

Back at work already, Ned? though it sounds like a good day. I don't remember how it's all working. I know you've got year one, but what's happened to their teacher from last term?

MAS, are hands/ feet still okay-ish? Hope they are. When does DS start back? Is he having a nice holiday?

Will be thinking of you tomorrow, Topsy. Sending oodles of remission vibes. No point telling you not to worry, but I reckon your uniqueness will prevail.

Mr Smee's birthday today, so we've been having a fine old time, though he did have to work this afternoon, so I swept DS off for a swim. I couldn't be faffed to bake thought he'd like some french pastries, so DS and I chose a lemon taste, a raspberry and white chocolate cheesecake and a passion fruit mousse. Better go light the candles.

smee its complicated! There were 2 classes in reception last year, then September 2012 the powers that be decided to put them together as a single Y1 class.. . then decided in November that it was too big and teacher struggling. . . So they split them back into two classes. Original Y1 teacher has one group, other group taught by KS1 leader. A started back after mat leave in mid December, and they had a supply/ KS1 leader for the days when A not in, until the end of term. A teaching Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon, I'm doing Wednesday morning, Thursday and Friday. It should all work OK, I think. Kids start back on Monday, so I can go in first thing tomorrow and look at reading schemes and finishing tidying before counselling session at 12.30.

Happy birthday MrSmee !!

Oh my, that is complicated. I hope the parents are on-side, though I'd bet they will be if it means the class sizes are smaller.

Cakes were mmmm...

Is it tomorrow topsy ?? will be sending lots of good vibes your way.
Happy birthday to Mr smee ! pastries sound yum.
copthall W London welcomed us- we drove by yours & gig's neck of the woods and back to our old road- lovely lunch (fish pie and crumble- yummo) and lovely chats...went over the road to see ill friend and her girls and had a lovely catch up. Ds seemed to enjoy the trip - he's had a v nice holiday I think,bit of revision done before plunging back into the world of school.
ned hope all goes brilliantly on Wednesday

Happy birthday Mr Smee, french pastries , I have to get my cake fixes virtually now - I'm a race to lose weight before I see the plastic surgeon.

Ned - I'm glad your job share partner is nice and helpful, - it's good that you were able to go in today and sort things out. Will be thinking of you next Wed

topsy - good vibes for tomorrow, will be virtually hand holding.

MAS - hope a good day was had in London.

Copt - sounds like you had a fab time over Christmas - it must feel pretty dreary back here, but I think this winter is especially bad even for UK, - I am sick of bloody rain, can't wait for spring when I can get out in the garden and grub about all day

Pen - so pleased you've stopped work until after treatment, one less thing to worry about eh? And yes definitely definitely helps to name the Doctors Copt is right - some of them see you as defined by your cancer, the really good ones treat you as an individual and take the time to get to know you. I saw one lovely woman - not my usual onc. and she asked me all about my family etc. Didn't see her again for a couple of months but when did she asked 'how's your DD getting on at University' - and those are the little things that make you feel cared for and cared about.

I went shopping today for present for DS birthday on Saturday - DDIL is doing a buffet tea for us all and her parents to celebrate. DD is making a cake.

I'm going to a 'lunch party' tomorrow lunch at a friends house, other guests are all friends of hers from various art and craft groups, so it will be nice to meet them. What should I wear?, - she said it's a buffet lunch - I don't have to wear a skirt do I? and shave my hobbity legs

x-posted MAS - I see a good day was had

Quick pop on to wish topsy good vibes for scan. Be thinking of you.

Good luck to ned on your return to work. I'm glad you like your jobshare partner that makes all the difference. I have another line until end February as although physically I'm not too bad, emotionally I'm a bit all over the place at the moment.

Glad your London trip was enjoyable mas and that your SE are manageable.

Great to hear your holiday was fun copt sounds lovely.

Aw pen dr sounds a bit of an a*se to be honest. He must have missed the bedside manner seminars.

Happy birthday to mr smee cakes sound fab.

kurri I will join you on your diet as I really need to lose a stone before I go back to work to fit into my uniform.

Waves and hugs to all.

Just dropping by to wish Topsy good luck vibes for tomorrow. Everything crossed for you! Very best wishes to the rest of you too. I read your news but don't often contribute.

Lots of birthdays this week, I see - we also have one on saturday - ds2 will be 20. I find this astounding but it is fact, and his cousin whose 21st he was born on will be 41! This isn't as shocking for me as he is dh's nephew and I didn't meet him till he was mid teens, but all the same .... I've been out today buying pressies for ds - or 'parthels' as we call them here (ds2 had a dreadful lisp as a youngster).

Waves to all. Sorry some of you are having such a tough time at the moment. Does anyone have a mince pie I could have? please. I have a craving and reckon we've finished the ones we got in. Oh dear.

xxx

I've not named any bc drs, but years ago named a children's dr "dr stringfellow" as he had longish hair.

Happy birthday everyone.

You can have one of my mince pies as its time for my annual diet.

Tipsy - hope scan goes well.

Candle lit and love from French France for topsy tomorrow