**Tamoxifen** the 30th thread !

[MaryAnnSingleton]

Am wheeling the trolley over....

That was said by my surgeon whilst she eyed my good boob!

Birdland, my Surgeon told me the pigskin lattice is both new and expensive, so lots of trusts won't do it, but she says it gets fantastic results. Too late for me as I'd already had the older version and they definitely don't droop or swing. Have you set a date? I'd bet it feels a relief to know what's next.

MAS, restorative G&T sounds essential.

Great to hear your tummy's feeling better, Amber. Bet that's a relief.

Waving back to Gig and across to Copthall too.

Well done mas saw that you had finished your book illustrations. Hope you are all enjoying your Friday evening. Can't have a real :( So a virtual one will have to do. Finished today's calories. Running tomorrow morning, too.
Cat fell off the window sill today, must remember not to polish it...

Evening All

Just back from local Beer Festival .
Most drunk .
Need drunk food .

Mas chemo must be so hard for you this time round . As you were coming towards the end of your "clear" period .
I know my second round of chemo felt like "why am I doing this" ???

It took me quite a while to get my head around the fact that this is something I have to live with for the rest of my life .

It's going to be a long life .
Because Cancer is a disease that we LIVE with .

Ok , enough waffle for one night .
Oh crap , how am I going to be sober responsible enough to take DD horse riding tomorrow morning ???

topsy hope you are feeling ok this morning
Am sorting my drawings today and going into town to pay in ned's cheque and might do some baking ! (the thermostat on our oven has gone so who knows what will come out)

Are you sober yet topsy? mas I have a magic cake stick you poke in to test if they are done (it changes colour). Maybe one of those helps .

And on living with disease I saw a twitter feed from someone else with sarcoma who had just done his fifth round of chemo and is planning on doing an ironman (has done loads of that kinds of thing). And this morning got a follow request from him. Very timely as taps into what the physio was saying (about applying sports type training techniques to cancer patients as physical element plus psychological and nutritional training really helps). I might even contact twitter man to discuss or is that too sad (he has 3 kids and similar age so it's quite nice as this tends to be an older person disease). Is that too ?

Oh and off to rugby today so may have some beer myself cos we are bound to lose.

I've just name changed to join this thread. Desperately looking for virtual support, despite lovely family who are happy to help. I was diagnosed two days ago with Paget's breast cancer following routine screening where I casually mentioned minor issue with red scaling by left nipple. Mammograms clear, ultrasound clear. "Oh we'll just do a biopsy of surface skin to be 100% sure". Fast forward to this Thursday and results: "we've found something". Cannot be sure if in situ or not till we do an MRI. Spent yesterday on my own (my choice, thats my preference to not bother friends) in round of bloods, X-ray and MRI. I should know more monday morning when i gi to get results (with DH). The rational person in me knows I'm lucky they caught it early and it's treatable, but I feel totally overwhelmed. It doesn't help that I'm trying to keep it together for teenage son, who I know will be freaked out at the C word coupled with where it is. Luckily for me he's seen me go in for tests and appointments for years as I've got several chronic disorders. Any advice oh wise mumsnetters? How do I keep it together at work? I don't fancy collapsing into a puddle of tears in front of my colleagues, students et al!

Morning !
Bright and cheerful here today .
Last night was a real ale beer Fest , so feel fine now .
Real ale has no chemicals in it , and we have decided that it is positively a health food

Off to horse riding soon , so need to remove last nights make up or I'll scare the horses

Gigs I think that is a great idea to contact that man . I'm sure he won't mind at all .

Mas happy baking , save me something !

Morning Lomaania and welcome .
Sorry you find yourself here , but you have come to the right place .

Right now everything is up in the air for you . Until you get an action plan you won't feel like you have any control .
I am sure Amber will be along later with the stats , but breast cancer is very treatable . And even the badly behaved ones are controllable and can be lived with !

Any questions you have (and I mean any ) please feel free to ask .

Hi lomania welcome but sorry you are here. About keeping it together for friends etc , my advice is that you don't have to and nor should you as it doesn't help to keep in the feelings. That said I can see how it's not helpful to dissolve in tears so can you try to limit contact until you feel more together (eg via email, work remotely , take calls when you feel able). If that isn't possible then can you talk to your line manager about having a few days off while you get yourself straight.

About getting some rl handholding, ask on Monday about your local breast cancer nurse as they have seen it all and are excellently placed to offer support emotionally. If your Gp is ok, they can help. Don't be afraid to take some drug help (anti anxiety or anti depressants ) if that is what is suggested or appropriate as I really can help.

The Bcn will also be able to advise on how to chat to your son. I can see that the whole c word thing would scare him but they can probably advise on what to say. Some of the other ops have teenage kids (think you Said was older) amber, kurri, mas so may be able to offer advice.
However you say that you have other health issues so in some ways that will help you. You are provably used to drs , tests Etc so that won't seem so alien to you and will mean you can start to use that experience to ask questions and feel more understanding of the process.

This really is the worst part - once you have a plan of treatment it will seem easier.

Thanks gigondas. Sounds very wise. Off to get dressed and radio silence for a while so I can nag teenage son about his French homework!

Hello all, I am home for a bit this morning, so back to update and say hello. I have tried to scan back and work out what is going on for everyone but forgive my, my brain is mush and I am struggling, specially with the chemo bits as haven't any experience of that. So will just say good wishes to all going through it and dealing with sore hands, tummies etc.

Lomaania, sorry to hear your dx, my dh was dx fairly recently and as topsy says once you get results and a plan it does at least feel a bit more under control. I have a teenage DD (15yrs), have just found out she didn't really understand what we told her and didn't think DH had 'real' cancer (denial maybe) so just fell apart when it suddenly hit home this week and we really thought we had explained. So check for understanding even if you think you have been clear. Also get his school involved. I rang DD's pastoral teacher and they had a chat with her yesterday. I think she felt much more able to talk to them about everything than to me (whether its embarrassment, fear of upsetting you etc. it may be easier with someone outside it IYSWIM)

Update on MrT he is doing well but I think it has hit home more what a huge impact on our lives this is and how much time this is going to take....they ended up taking the donor skin and tissue from his left thigh to transplant onto his right shin area, about 15 x 10cm area. So he has two legs to heal up
Lol at the surgeon who said they all went and had a cup of tea in the middle of surgery (can't remember who said it sorry ) met one of the nurses who was in theatre throughout DH's op and she said they had two surgeons working on each leg and they worked non-stop for 10 hrs (prep beforehand measuring and drawing it all out on his legs and the surgery) just amazing to think of all those people there working so hard to help DH.

He is off oxygen now and the transplant is looking good although was a bit red around edge so on antibiotics now as precaution (the previous surgery and skin graft repair got badly infected and failed so we are quite nervous about that)

Taking the DD's to see him this afternoon, so hopefully that will help them feel a bit better.

I am feeling run ragged running backwards and forwards especially as 3-hour round trip each day.

Gigondas am I right in thinking your sarcoma was also in your leg from your posts? Can I ask how long ago your surgery was and how it is going with walking on it etc. I have to say I am not very happy with physios at hospital after they hoiked DH out of bed to stand up with crutches as otherwise they couldn't do it until monday - they had not realised he had surgery on both legs and that he hadn't even sat up yet, he nearly passed out Rest of staff have been absolutely fab the nurses were cross with them, they were in a rush as about to go off duty....

The twitter man doing the ironman sounds interesting. DH is nearly 50 (next friday - great birthday present isn't it? ) so not especially old for this type. His is myxofibrosarcoma which normally much older people tend to get. Everyone we have seen so far in clinics and hospital have all been much older people. How would I find the twitter post (I do have it, but hardly ever go on and not sure how to look) I would be interested to find it DH would probably be interested. He was talking about entering the next paraolympics - told the lady at the DSS that he would be starting training in the new year (warped sense of humour) and she wrote it down

Off back to the hospital shortly so will be on rubbish phone again. Will pop back on when I can.

Sorry, that was a bit epic

welcome lomaania - sorry you are facing this but you'll get through it and we'll be here with you xx(p.s. have a 15 yr old ds)
Gig would be nice to be in touch with twitter man I think- go for it !
Turning thinking of Mr T - wow,that was an epic operation- let's hope for quickly healing legs.
Can't think where my recipe has gone..tsk.

at the physios Turning - glad to hear that MrT is doing well. 3 hour round trip sounds hard on you but hope the dd's are good company this afternoon.

Been to parkrun this morning - would recommend it as a place to start as it is not a race as such, there is usually someone walking the course behind me as well as the sprinters lapping me - I'm nowhere near ironman but talking to friends who did the 10k Abbey Dash last weekend makes me think that next year I may be up for a 10...

Topsy have you sobered up yet?

Thanks maryann. Trying to count my blessings: DS is our miracle child - I'm a long term sufferer if endometriosis and gynae told me 15 years ago that there was almost no chance I could conceive. I like disproving odds, so although I don't like the notion if 'battling' with an illness, I think challenging it is fair enough.

Rambling out loud - hope this makes sense!

Hi Lomaamina - really echoing what gig said - the waiting for results before you have a treatment plan is hard and so is telling people - especially before you have the full picture yourself. I texted my line manager so that she was aware that I had something to tell her in private given that we work in a large open plan office. It will be easier once you have the treatment plan. In the meantime hang around for hand holding and some of the best virtual fat boy snacks...

turning how spooky as that is exactly my type of sarcoma. And share your as I only had physio do the you can walk, jobs a good one approach too (hence my issues now). My surgery was about 4 hours as I had no graft but was also ok oxygen etc for a night afyry.

Will post more later as at rugby.

Afternoon all

bored bored bored of rain. . . Has anyone got sunshine?!

Parents came last night to take me to theatre - Bryanston School (local public school) doing "Guys and Dolls" - twas excellent, and had nice supper out too.

turning thinking of you and DH. Sending healing vibes for both legs.

topsy how's the head?

amber glad to hear tummy better.

MAS glad they've been sensible and reduced the dose for you. Of course its natural to feel down and overwhelmed by it all sometimes - I know I do, and I have nowhere near the situation that you are coping with. Good idea not to scan too early, I would think? As BCN said, could be disheartening if things a bit slow to get moving, not to see a huge result. Sending you lots of love and gentle hugs x x x

lomaamina sorry that you find yourself here, but you have definitely come to the right place. The waiting is the crap bit - I felt so much better once I had a plan in place and had started on the journey, as I felt in control. I had 12 days to wait from my diagnosis to my surgery, and it was the longest 12 days ever. Definitely don't feel that you have to hold it together for anyone else's benefit - sometimes you have to be selfish and look out for yourself and protect your own feelings. My son was only 4 when I was diagnosed, but I found it better to be as honest as I could be with him - might be a good approach with your son. Its OK for him to know that you are scared, angry, confused etc, I think, as it might make it easier for him to express his own views and feelings.

This thread is the number one place to hang out because you can shout, swear, rant, cry, ask 1001 questions and we will probably be able to answer them - between us, we've seen it all, believe me. Stick with us love, and sending you strong vibes for full results on Monday - not too long to wait.

Jchoc well done on your park run. How are your times improving? Week, by week, I bet!

waves to gig, smee, kurri, sometimes, sparkle, gracie and anyone else lurking. and Victoria sponge anyone?

ned thanks for the welcome and comment about waiting being the worst part. I'm currently veering between hopefulness from the fact that mammogram and ultrasound were clear and worry that there's some deep-set problem that only theMRI will show.

Questions: Is it common to have surgery already anticipated before they have a full picture? And am I right in thinking they'll be doing further tests on the biopsy 'material' following the initial diagnosis or will they only know things clearly post op?

Hello ned it's very chilly and wet here - dh went to olds to watch rugby and I've been sorting out my drawings. Found my recipe but it's rather long winded and needs stuff we haven't got in our larder - might try it tomorrow, or maybe a cake instead. It 's a Paul Hollywood Christmas buns recipe....

Smee-I'll be having surgery 3 weeks (eek!!) after chemo so probably at the end of January. Good to hear what your surgeon said. I'm having my treatment at Charing Cross and they are one of the hospitals which offer very innovative treatments. How long did it take for you to recover post surgery?

Lomaamina, I'm recently diagnosed (August). I had an MRI as there was a lot of disparity between the clinical size of my lump and the ultrasound/mammograms.
MRI is supposed to be the most accurate way of assessing whats going on and is v sensitive-more so than mammograms/ultrasound.

If you need info about Pagets bc I've found the Breast Cancer Care site v helpful in terms of clear information. I also use the Forum too.

Best of luck on monday

Birdland, I had mine the other way round, so mastectomy before chemo. It's surprisingly okay physically. Obviously it's a big-ish op, but both times it has surprised me as it's been really manageable pain wise. Are you having nodes removed too? I'm in London too, but had my treatment at Barts. Totally brilliant to be at one of the big teaching hospitals.

Lomaamina, hello. Really sorry you're here, but stick with us. This thread was a lifeline for me when I was diagnosed (march 2010). Life's still ahead, I promise. If I can get through it so can you and honestly once you get past Monday, I'd bet you'll start feeling a lot better. The unknown's the worst part. Ask anything here though. Doesn't matter how daft it sounds.

Turning, so v. glad to hear MrT is climbing back to recovery. Bet his legs are sore, but fingers crossed for no infection. Have they said how long he'll be in for?

Gig, hope you enjoyed the rugby and had some beer.

Ned, how's the itching?? Is it still improving?

Glad we're not out tonight, as weather's grim. Waving to all.

Miserable here too today ned Was dry this morning but so frosty the paths were slippy and I put in a slower time than I would have liked. Leaves the pb chasing for next week... At least the run means I have calories to spare today dh ran this morning too then went to work and the numbers he has to send to his boss suffered a bit in the rain.
Early night tonight, cat has been dozing building his strength for an early start.