Alcohol... long! But your thoughts please!

[Eruditio]

I know I drink far too much. I can, over the course of an evening, drink an entire bottle of pinot single handedly. And wake without a hangover. And feel guilty because I know I'm drinking too much!

After the 'usual' drinking of late teens, and through my 20s, unlike most of my friends who settled down to proper 'social' drinking, I didn't. I don't drink a bottle every night, I should add, but I do drink probably 3 bottles a week (21 units?) now, and I feel it's creeping up. I can go a night or 2 without a drink, or maybe just have a small tumbler of beer (with DH). I never drink before 6pm and usually start as I'm making dinner.

I don't actually think my drinking affects my family. I can't ever 'not do something' because I've had a couple (except drive, which of course I wouldn't!). I rarely get a 'swimmy' head (which implies I'm very used to alcohol!). I think I get 'chattier', though. DH, who is very sensible, has never suggested he thinks I'm drinking too much, either, though I can't see why not as he sees the recycling bin! TBH, I would be embarrassed 'admitting' it to him. Also, were I to bring my drinking back to within acceptable limits, I know he'd give me that look every single time I picked up a glass for the rest of my life. He would mean well but I would feel eternally patronised.

What I would like to do is go to the GP and get some liver function tests but as others have noted here, you really don't want 'alcoholic' on your medical record unless you have to as yes, it IS a label! A friend of mine recently was initially 'refused' cover by her husband's work private health scheme due to someone misreading a form about her drinking! I am very aware of the potential health risks- increased risk of cancer, of dementia, of being a gagga old lady instead of an involved grandmother (though my DSs are in their teens), and so forth but, here in my late 40's, I can't make that feel real. And the thing is, if LFTs came back as 'normal', I know I'd treat that as a green flag to keep on drinking as I can! (My mother is a life long very heavy smoker who is fighting fit at 80- she 'got away with it' though I know alcohol and nicotine are 2 very different drugs!)

I drink because I like the feeling that first glass and a half gives, I like the pointy edges of life slightly smoothed, but of course, once you've had that 1 1/2 glasses, your guard is down, so the 3rd glass 'won't hurt'... I am a bit anxious, but by no means 'clinically' so. I like to know that, as 5pm comes around and I only have 45 mins more of chaos at work, that nice cold glass of pinot is awaiting me at home as I sit in the garden with DH and debrief about our days (he'll have a bottle of real ale). I have a couple of friends who also drink to excess (ie the same as me). I don't see much of them socially, but when we do we we tend to have a bit of a bender (once every 2 months?).

I really want to drink less not abstain. I don't want AA- sorry, I know people who have tried it and they tell stories of 'submitting to higher powers' (??) and of being at meetings with quite scary people who are waaay out there, not 'nice, middle class professionals' (as they see themselves) who know they're overdoing it but find slowing down wasn't as easy as they thought it would be! People who worry about the effects of alcohol on them medically, not socially, iyswim. One did 2 meetings before realising she felt a bit of contempt for most of her fellow AA goers; one drank cans of lager in bed of a morning, one's DH had walked out taking the DC when she was in the midst of an out of control alcohol fuelled outburst. This is what they've said, not my experience as I haven't been and probably wouldn't.

I am thinking I am going to try choosing given days a week to be completely alcohol free, at least every other day. I am thinking I will buy miniatures (Asda or Tesco are doing 4 for £5 right now!) and only chill one (I wouldn't necessarily drink warm pinot!!).

What do you all think?

Are you thinking 'Delusional!' she's a raging lush and is 'no better' than the people her acquaintances have described at AA, just less far down the road. My 'defence' would be that I'm only repeating what was said, that what I've heard about AA requires the 'belief' in a higher power which just isn't 'me', and that I don't judge such folk, but I also know that if their experience was so very different from my own, I wouldn't be able to relate at all, that's all.

Are you thinking it's impossible to pull back from 'a (fair) bit to much' to 'less', are you thinking I need to undergo Cognitive therapy?

Helpful responses welcome, ta!

I would agree that there's little value going to your GP at present - more because I don't think the blood tests will show anything of any value in helping you to stay motivating to keep your drinking to a lower level. I'd still recommend something like a Bupa MOT if you can afford something like that - if you wanted to you can specifically request that the information is not shared (not sure Bupa would send a summary to your GP anyway).

It's interesting that you say your early-mid evenings are chaos, but isn't this when you're drinking?

Can you give us a breakdown of what happens, eg 5pm leave work, 5.15 arrive home, 5.30 prepare dinner etc.

What ages are your children? What time does your husband get home?

I think it's that whole get-in-from-work-but-still-have-loads-to-do feeling, IB - I hope I'm not putting words into the OP's mouth but that was my experience. Because you can't actually sit down and have a moment to rest, you have a glass of wine whilst you cook tea, or sort through the post or whatever.

But don't you think that makes you less able to deal with anything? I'm all for having a drink but can only do it when there's absolutely nothing else left to do. I just can't be bothered doing anything if I have even one glass.

I won't try and answer that one for the OP, ImperialBlether, as I already know my use of alcohol wasn't normal! Perhaps drinking whilst doing something else is part of the problem, rather than concentrating on drinking (and thus not unconsciously pouring that second glass)?

Gosh - this all sounds very familiar!!
I was teetotal till I met my husband (he did not drive me to drink but did introduce me to red wine) and opening a bottle became a nightly ritual.

A few years ago we decided that we needed to cut down on our home drinking. We 'religiously' have 2 days a week where we will not drink alcohol and have cut down on what we drink the rest of the time. We have stuck to this for about 4 years.

I did a charity marathon and gave up for 4 months beforehand and did not really miss it except at social things where I always felt I was running to the loo as was drinking so much water.

The issue I have is finding something that tastes as nice...........

I've just had to have an operation (nothing to do with alcolhol) and again I gave up the wine without any issues.

So - I know I have a drink issue in that I drink more than the goverment weekly allowance (that is apparently a bit finger in the air) but I have no real issues about giving it up - chocolate or crisps would be just as difficult.

My issue is - I like it! Gotta die of something!

I drank in the same way as you and had to give up totally for IVF cycles. Which went on for 18 months, on and off, until I got pregnant. Obviously when I got pregnant I couldn't drink and didn't mind that at all, but stopping for IVF cycles was hard!

For me, the trick was to find activities that I didn't enjoy as much when I was drinking. My Playstation, and some board games fit the bill. I also feel much less inclined to drink if Ive been to the pool or gym.

The other thing you can do is to start off with fizzy water and move onto wine later, thus giving yourself less time to consume wine.

I have come into this thread late, but I can relate in a way. Really good piece of advice I read (from a doctor, I think) on the subject of cutting down was to replace your preferred tipple (cold white wine) with something less appealing (warm red wine?). That way, there is still alcohol around, so no cold turkey, but you may well make do with the one drink instead of 3/4.

I know I can drink good quality white wine like lemonade and I find it makes me ravenously hungry too. Other alcoholic drinks don't do it for me the same, and so I am able to be more moderate. One large G&T hits the spot, but I do not crave another. Bottom line is...don't buy it. If it's not in the house, you can't drink it. I have stopped buying white wine, but hubby has a glass of red every evening. If I want a drink, then it's his red wine or nowt. Hope that helps. Good luck.

There's no doubt that I do drink less red wine than white once it's opened. I went to Spain for a week earlier on in the hols and was buying bottles of local red for E1.55 (!) which was very palatable but a) was lower alcohol than the white I'd normally drink, and b) which I drank less of! So there's definitely something in that.

I must also get some fizzy water in (though my DC tend to get through that for me...)

I need to go out to get dinner in (just got in from a day out) so maybe I will investigate lower alcohol red wine at the same time.

On the 2 days I work, I get in at 6 or 6.15pm.
On the others, during school time, come 5.45pm, I am tending to be dashing between the kitchen and the adjacent dining room helping the DC's with homework and so forth. I don't sally forth with my glass in my hand as I don't think that sets a good example to the DCs (see my earlier remark that I don't drink with my meal for the same reason, even though it would probably be 'better' for me to have 'just the one' with food rather than 'the 3 before food' that I might currently drink!).

Anyway, have to head out now! Thanks for the advice and input!

Eruditio - what a thought provoking thread. I have name changed to join this thread and everything you say resonates so completely with my own situation. You write so eloquently and your honesty and self awareness are refreshing to read. If I try and identify my own situation, I try to draw a parallel with my smoking days. The thought of never smoking again didn't petrify me so I was able (ultimately) to stop but, if I'm totally honest, the thought of never having a drink again would be very scary. Of all the social "ills" it is definitely the most acceptable.
I want to drink less, much less, but still be able to enjoy a tipple. I also hold down a (responsible) job where I have to be on the ball, a marriage and children and yet I sink onto the settee clutching a drink at 8.00 most evenings. I try and scare myself with the long term horrors of alcohol but, like you, it seems like a distant future not a real one. I also try to caution myself by thinking about the example I set my DC but, because I never get drunk or behave badly, it doesn't seem to be enough of a deterrent.
What I want to do is stop drinking every night - trying to observe medical advice to have at least 2 alcohol free nights a week - and then keep within my 14 units for the rest of the week. I am not helped by having a DH who is my partner in crime - we just enjoy a drink...... although it is questionable whether I can actually say that given that it is never just a drink.
Watching with interest - and hoping for any real insight. Often find myself wondering what I would do if I was actually told to stop - would I be able to be able to (as with smoking) or would I fail....... Don't like to dwell on that too long, which may suggest I'm answering my own question.

Well, I'm a month down the line, as it were. What I had begun to do was to try and limit my drinking to Friday and Saturday evenings, which was going 'okay'.

Then, last weekend, something happened.

You may recall in my OP that I have just a couple of friends, A & B, who 'drink to excess' like me, but whom I only go out with from time to time (all in the same mum-boat!). Anyway, last weekend, we went away for 2 nights, just the 3 of us, to a cottage, to go walking, eating and drinking. We've done this twice before over maybe 3 years. It was to celebrate a 50th, that of A.

We opened a bottle on Friday evening at 6pm ish, and proceeded over a long, funny and raucous evening to drink 4 bottles between the 3 of us....

We all awoke with a bit of a hangover, but did a longish walk, some shopping in the local town, then back to the cottage for the evening. We had a couple of glasses of vino whilst getting ready to go to the local pub for a meal, which we did. There, we drank a bottle between us, but A and I got into a debate about, of all things, our parents pensions! Suddenly, she changed. She became quite aggressive, then tearful, then evasive, then detached, finally marching out of the pub (we were only 3 doors down). The other friend, B, went after her as I paid. It was 10.30pm by now! I got back a few mins later to find A in floods of tears with B. I apologised for being argumentative, but actually, that wasn't the issue. The long and short of it is that A went through a nasty marriage break up 4 and a half years ago! YET is still dominates everything (and has caused drunken 'issues' before...). But the thing is, she was as drunk as a skunk and said some appalling things! She's having wildly unsafe sex with all sorts of blokes 'so she can get back at all those smug, married woman- how come they're fat and ugly yet they can still keep their men?' etc etc. It was ranty but it wasn't pretty. B suggested, with necessary force, that S was depressed which I absolutely believe to be true. Then we talked in circles (whilst drinking more!!)....

Anyway, very late, we hit the sack, wondering what sort of mood A would be in the next morning, whether, in fact, the friendship was over (B has less tolerance for A's marriage break up saga than me). In fact, A was sort of fine, nothing was actually said about the previous night's 'performance' (!), but she did say she was aware that alcohol and depression make very poor bedfellows. We had a long chat about triggers, alcohol availability, how easy it is to start drink too much, kidding yourself that you're nipping into Tesco to get milk when it's actually to get wine, as well, etc etc, so we made a pact. B is going to a family do in about a month. None of us are going to drink any alcohol til then!

I must say the harsh reality of watching the behaviour of a naice, MC, otherwise apparently 'together' person as my friend, A, whilst under the influence did shake me up a bit.

I then got a cold which put me off the idea of drinking for a couple of days, but I confess I was dying for a nice, big glass of chilled Pinot on Weds eve after a full on day at work! B has texted me a couple of times saying much the same, with a laugh. Interestingly, and maybe a little bit worryingly, A says she's not missing it at all, doesn't think about it, etc etc, which I actually cannot believe. She does do a good line in self deception (which is why she hasn't moved on one jot since her DH walked out 4 years ago) so I'm worried that she's in denial. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe, despite her admissions of rather alcoholic like behaviour (hiding empties, nudging her full glass out of view when her mum pops around etc) for her, cold turkey is easy.

So I'm investigating the Asda range of non-alcoholic presses and spritzers, and drink them in a wine glass at wine o'clock . As someone else has already said, it's actually far easier not to drink at all than to police oneself, but it's early days. 6 down, 30 to go!

Just thought I'd update!

12 down, 21 to go...

Actually, Friend B (i.e not the one who had the drunken outburst) has muddied the waters a little buy being 'good' but not 'perfect' in our Alcohol Drought. She drank the night we got back from our trip away 'because her DH had bought a bottle', and again the following w/e 'because her DC had gone to uni'.

I hasten to add that I am not being judgey about it! I just wish she's stayed completely on the wagon. Already when I do The Count like above (maybe 2 or 3 times to date, not daily!- I don't see her daily), she becomes a bit defensive.

Anyway, no matter, as far as I'm concerned, I'm still 'staying strong', though the night of my Break is becoming variable, as B is going to the wedding on a Friday eve thus the Thursday might be the best opportunity for the 3 of us to toast each other, so it'll be a 33 days Drought- which, of course, is nothing in the grand scheme but I think it's important to demonstrate to myself that I can at least do that (so could do sobriety all through say January).

DH asks if I 'feel better' in the mornings but the reality is, no, not really! Yes, obviously I feel better than I would after a skinful, but getting trashed nightly isn't what this is about, it's the drinking-almost-every-night and never-just-one-glass. I wake feeling rubbish every morning because a) I'm peri-menopausal thus am having increasing insomnia issues, b) my sinuses are permanently stuffed and c), DH snores for England! No alcohol hasn't changed any of that!

Anyway, yes there have been moments when a large, chilled glass of good quality Pinot Grigio calls to me like a Harpie to a sailor, but thus far, I haven't buckled! I also re-echo what someone else said that not thinking about how much to drink, when to stop etc as there's no drinking to begin with is easier to do!

we're over on the Brave Babes Bus thread - I know it's not obvious from the thread title, and we're in 'Relationships' rather than 'Health'

I do wonder how many people never find us because Health is the obvious place to look...

PS. The bus is full of snot and tissues at the moment, but everyone is welcome and you are sure to find help and support

Hi alias- yes, I've been along there and had a look and I can absolutely see how it supports its passengers which is a great thing! What I didn't find so much when I was looking was many posters exploring why they were where they were. I know it happens but you do need to trawl through many pages of posts to find them- and I mean no disrespect whatsoever.

I sort of thought it wasn't the place to begin my own 'journey' with an in-depth exploration of where I'm at. Posting my own situation as a stand-alone post has meant 2 pages of Q&A appertaining to where I'm at and how I got here, but that's not to say I couldn't find support in Brave Babes! I believe I'm- is it 'on the roof rack'? But that's because I'm in abstinence mode! I shan't stay in this place for long, because I don't want to. I want to become a 2-3 drinks of a Friday or Saturday evening drinker, rather than a mindless pour-myself-a-glass at 6pm every night, then another (then stop, though!). I may, of course find that the minute I restart drinking I start swilling it back like a docker in which case I will need to face the reality that I maybe have no option other than to stop altogether!

Thanks for your input, though.

erditio glad you found us, and honestly we would have been happy to listen to your story (the last time the Bus was hijacked, Sandra Bullock was driving and we all had to stay sober otherwise a bomb went off... no, wait that was a different thread )

But I can understand you didn't want to do that; that's okay and we're always there if you come back (The roof-rack is for those who can control their drinking, the bus is for the rest of us, and the side-car is for those who have fallen off the bus. Sometimes there are more people in the side-car than on the actual bus)

Sandra Bullock!

So what am I? A currently abstinent roof racker?!

I think you're waiting at the bus-stop

Please could you give me some advice about blood test results I've had back? They said I had high mcv levels but liver function was normal. I drink about 3 glasses of wine a day and have done for years and after googling I'm convinced I've got early onset liver damage due to the mcv tests. I'm really worried. Has anyone any advice please ?

You wait, five buses will come at once!

Sorry, ale I don't know anything about LFTs, but I'm sure someone will come along who can help. I confess a reluctance to get LFTs done (See my looong OP!) because a) if they come back 'normal', I might see that as a green light to carry on as before, and b) I'll be honest and say that I don't want any alcohol related stuff on my medical record unless I have to!

Since you've had the tests, talk frankly to your doctor about the results- it may not be 'as bad' as you fear!

Thanks for your reply

Eruditio, I have also been thinking about cutting down for a long time but I find it very hard not to drink every evening. So I would like to give up for a week at least to see if I can do it. My husband is also my partner in crime, as another poster said. He appears to understand my worries but then goes and buys more wine for the week to come! So I now have wine in the rack but I want to abstain...I feel that drinking every day is causing me to be very depressed about things and unable to cope with the stuff that life throws at us every day so I want to try going without to see if it helps me to get things in perspective. I have found this thread very helpful and hope it will give me the courage I need. Best of luck to you in the coming week.

Hiya 40. How much do you drink of an evening, would you say? I would agree that it's rather hard to not drink when it's there beckoning, beckoning... I am at least 'fortunate' in that DH rarely drinks wine; his tipple is bottles of real ale which I don't mind but would never think 'Mmm, I fancy a bottle of Bishop's Scrotum' or whatever as opposed to a looong, cold, crisp pinot grigio!

Today is Day 14 for me, 14 days with nothing more than a taste of a new beer DH was drinking. Blimey. Only ( ) 19 to go! As you may have read, I and 2 friends set ourselves a target to not drink for 33 days and I readily confess it's been hard! I have been interested to note that when I want a drink, I want it badly (the other 2 women in this with me say the same!), but the feeling doesn't last very long. I was always an early evening drinker, 6pm to dinner time, but not at dinner, but I just about never stopped at one drink (and that'd be a 'home' size glass!).

I also concede that now it's actually getting boring! But I am aware of the 'trick' I'm playing on myself, thinking- 'Yes, this is a drag, you've proved you don't have to drink as you've gone a whole 14 days without one thus obviously you don't 'have a problem' so it's OK to chuck in the towel right now and head back to the bottle'....

For me, maybe because I was getting so habituated, I can't say I feel any different without alcohol in general. Of course, I like that nice feeling a glass or two conveys, so yes, I did feel good with a drink on board- I'm saying that so no one comes along and questions why I drink if 'it doesn't make me feel any different!'. But I'm a lousy sleeper with sinus problems and a snorey DH anyway so I never bounce out of bed; nor, for that matter, did I emerge with a hangover as such, often. I don't think alcohol has acted as a depressant to me, fortunately, but I do know that 21 ish units of of alcohol a week, week in, week out cannot be good for me, long term! My 'aim', if it is achievable, is to try and become what everyone used to kid themselves they were when they wrote on the doctor's form 'Alcohol?'- 'Socially'! i.e a drink or 2 on a Friday or Saturday evening, plus a drink or 2 down the pub which'd be once a month for me.

It would be great if you could get your DH on side in this- might he? So drink your week's worth of wine over the week, then maybe try to support each other in going without for a week? With none in the house?

Whatever you choose, good luck!

I haven't read all the responses so apologies. I could have written your post (down to the choice of drink and the amount) I feel the same I guess and have decided to have 3 alcohol free nights a week (another motivator for me is the calorie count so that helps) its been suprisingly hard, I feel I need alcohol to relax, I'm an anxious worrier but function well generally.
Maybe give the nights off a go-I've been having elderflower and tonic instead which helps.

You sound like an alcoholic and frankly you are no better than anyone else so please get off your high horse.

Mad idea: why not just give youe liver a break, and cut down to 1 bottle of wine a week. Have it any way you want but not go over 1 bottle a week.

Test yourself for a few months and see if you can manage and see what signals your body sends back.

Molly-a bit harsh maybe!? The OP is being open and honest about her feelings and asking for advice.