Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
General health

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Fuckity fuck. Test results back. Herpes. Please someone help!

28 replies

FreckledLeopard · 01/08/2012 10:43

So, as well as going through a divorce, having H move out, having friend move in, finding out that I will be jobless from September and not knowing what secondary school DD is going to be going to because I don't know if I'll have a job or where future job may be, I have just been called with test results from STI test last week and I have herpes.

Had some weird, small, painful spots/lesions on labia, went to clinic, they swabbed, it's herpes. Am not in a position to be able to find out much more right now as can't call and grill doctors as am at work. I don't know how I have it. Not sure if it's from a cold sore and oral sex in the past, whether it's lay dormant in my system for years and then sprung up owing to huge stress now or what. I feel so tainted and ashamed. Also mortified by the thought of having to disclose this to future sexual partners. Worried about any future pregnancies I may have. Overall, totally, totally gutted.

Symptoms themselves are fairly mild and spots almost gone. But how often does it recur? Is it always milder in subsequent episodes?

Someone please come and reassure me!

OP posts:
SilverSword · 01/08/2012 10:55

Hi FreckledLeopard,

Yes, the virus that causes genital herpes (HSV2) can lay dormant for many years, before actually showing itself, due to stress, and illness for example.

These episodes of herpes will recur for the rest of your life Sad, but as time progresses, the attacks will become less frequent and those attacks that do occur will be of shorter duration than the one before it. Smile This is because your immune system beats it back little by little, but it'll never be gone. You'll always have it.

Please, you needn't feel ashamed. You may have it (get another test at another place, if that helps), but so do lots of other people too. You aren't the only one out there, trust me on this one Smile. I don't have herpes, but I know people that do. In fact, herpes also applies to the lips too, where it's known as a coldsore. (It's called orolabial herpes). If it helps, try and think of it as a coldsore "down there", rather than as "herpes" Smile.

I hope I've reassured you somewhat.

BlueSkySoftSand · 01/08/2012 11:08

Not something I'd usually air in public, but felt compelled to write. I too have herpes and found out about 4 years ago. My relationship history is fairly tame: 1 bf for 6 years, 1 night with old Uni friend in between and now married with new partner and have been together for 6 or so years.

I was absolutely, completely, utterly gutted when I found out. Felt so dirty and disgusting about it as I've not slept around and felt like I really didn't deserve it. I still have no idea how I've got it. My husband has never shown any signs of having it and we don't have sex when I do have it (to be honest, it would be too uncomfortable to make out).

The first "episode" as they seem to be called was very painful and literally had to sit in a cool bath as much as possible to soothe it. As soon as the docs came back with the results they put me on a course on aciclovir antibiotics (spelling maybe wrong) which does start working within a day or two. There is also a cream which I managed to get hold of whilst pregnant with my first.

I usually have a "re-occurrence" every 6 to 12 months and they do seem to coincide with being run down/unwell/stressed and so on. I have repeat prescription so can go and get the meds without having to see a doctor. They are no where near as painful as the first time, just uncomfortable and a horrible reminder of what you have.

Where I got it from? Not sure. But, I do suffer from really bad mouth ulcers and have done since a child. I'm no junior doc, however I'm certain that the 2 are linked and this is something that has lay dormant for years. I still get mouth ulcers but not as bad as they used to be (used to get big ones at the very back of my mouth by the weird dangly thing). Your partner can only catch it if you have sex whilst you have a re-occurrence (apparently).

Pregnancy - I was so scared about having an episode when I went into labour with my first (especially as there had just been an article in the news about a baby who had died after she had kissed whilst having a cold sore), that I then went and got an episode! It was a week before he was due. I told the docs/midwife and it was decided that if it was still active when I went into labour then it would be a c-section. Same with number DS2. I wasn't, BUT DS1 was poorly after birth (high infection count in blood tests), we never found out exactly what it was but he was given a course of aciclovir just in case. The main thing is that you tell the midwife so that it can be recorded in your notes.

Hope that helps and sorry to hear you have it too.

BlueSkySoftSand · 01/08/2012 11:10

That's true SilverSword, they do get less frequent thinking about it and not as aggressive.

Original poster
FreckledLeopard · 01/08/2012 11:17

Thank you so much for support SilverSword and BlueSkySoftSand. I wish I knew how I got it but guess I'll never know. Am terrified of meeting someone nice in the future and having to say, 'oh, by the way, I have herpes'.

Current outbreak is definitely not so bad as other people seem to have had, from descriptions I've read. Maybe five or six very small sores in all and I haven't had to have cold baths or any kind of painkiller. So hoping that this is as bad as it will ever get.

I feel so, so, dirty though. And feel like there's such a stigma. I don't know anyone in RL with herpes (though guess it's not something one shares with others, so who knows who may have it).

OP posts:
SilverSword · 01/08/2012 11:20

Please FreckledLeopard, you mustn't feel like you are dirty or worth less just because you have herpes. Last time I checked, you were still human Smile.
And weren't any less because you have herpes. Smile Biscuit.

About the support, you're very welcome. Glad I could help put some of those fears to rest.

NorthernGobshite · 01/08/2012 11:21

I have had herpes for over 10 years after getting it through oral sex with dh. Doh!

It flared up quite regularly for first year or so but now it appears rarely. I have got good at spotting the signs - tingly thighs and achey legs for me. I have had to have time off work in past and GP just wrote 'virus' on sick note, no big deal. The medication is effective; go to GU clinic and get the tablets and also a huge tube of novocaine gel which you should slather on regularly, especially before having a wee. If you establish relationship with them, and if you have flare upos regualrly, they will just give you meds without an 'examination' every time. I had to have exam last time as hadn't been in so long. If your symptoms are mild, that's good as usually first episode is worst.

Herpes is painful, it's embarrassing but it's not the end of the world. dh has never contracted genital herpes from me, as we know it's contagious. Cool baths, cotton pants, wee-ing in the shower...all help when you're sore.

I worried about childbirth too but didn't have any flare ups during pregnancy. Was honest with midwife from day 1 and she reassureed me that c-section would be given if needed.

As for future partners, I haven't had to consider that. But tbh, if I did, I just wouldn't tell them as unless you are in a flare up it is not contagious. My friends don't know, they don't need to.

NorthernGobshite · 01/08/2012 11:22

As for feeling dirty, I felt the same at first. But really, just because it's on your genitals does that make you dirty? It's just another illness. Try to shake those thoughts, they don't help x

BlueSkySoftSand · 01/08/2012 11:22

(though guess it's not something one shares with others, so who knows who may have it)

Not exactly a chat-up line, no! Grin

I do still feel dirty about it, but you just learn not to think about it that much and just give a little shudder at the odd herpes jokes in American films, and so on.

BlueSkySoftSand · 01/08/2012 11:25

NorthernGobshite thank you - there is a stigma because it is down there, but it is just another virus.

coffeeandcake · 01/08/2012 11:26

i have it. i have had it for ten years, but haven't seen it for the last 5 or 6 years.
i have had sexual partners since diagnosis (my exhusband and i came out in symptoms togther, so we don't know where it came from). you DO have to inform new partners. i would do it by getting to know someone new really, really well before sleeping with them, and then, usually i would blurt it out just prior to sex and hand them the condoms. not a very elegant disclosure, but because I had built up a relationship with them first it turned out ok. enoucrage them to do their own research as well. my current bf chooses to have unprotected sex with me, but that was after i'd made sure he new the facts.

RabbitsMakeBrownEggs · 01/08/2012 11:26

Caught this as a teenager as I didn't realise it was transferable from mouth to genitals, silly really.

Have had that one occasion and despite many periods of extreme stress and illness, have avoided any further outbreaks in the past thirteen years, so it needn't be the end of the world, and it certainly isn't dirty or something to be ashamed of, it's an illness... I was never ashamed of a cold sore on the mouth, I give this the same worth.

Original poster
FreckledLeopard · 01/08/2012 11:31

NorthernGobshite - is it definitely only contagious during a flare up?

OP posts:
BlueSkySoftSand · 01/08/2012 11:41

Yep

NorthernGobshite · 01/08/2012 11:56

Yes, definitely.
My dh has not caught it from me in the 10 years + I have had it. There is a lot of good information out there on herpes. Ask the GU clinic for some, don't google as only madness lies there!

NorthernGobshite · 01/08/2012 11:57

Not to put too finer point on it, it is the liquid from the blisters (sores) that carries the virus. Just like a cold sore.

RabbitsMakeBrownEggs · 01/08/2012 19:52

Yeah, I've never been worried about passing it on unless there was a blister there to pass it on with.

coffeeandcake · 02/08/2012 06:04

i may be wrong, and i really hope that i am, but i have a feeling even though you may feel fine, the virus can pop up at any time and be passed on. i think you're more contagious prior to getting an outbreak, as well.
And, there is an offence of knowingly passing on a disease to someone - there was a bloke jailed for giving herpes to his girlfriend last year. (It was on the Jeremy Vine show, so it MUST be true Hmm.)
If anyone in MN land finds out the definitive answer, please can they post? i would love to be proved wrong and save myself any future embarrassment!

gingerchick · 02/08/2012 06:25

You can catch it at any time I'm afraid not just when you have an OB any internet site on herpes will tell you this

NorthernGobshite · 02/08/2012 11:27

Hmmm, well I have read the various sites since gingerchick and coffeeandcake posted and it DOES say it can be spread when there is not an outbreak. My dh has never caught it from me in the many many years I have had it.

I am fairly sure you can't be imprisoned for giving someone herpes, that's just ludicrous. I know there have been court cases about HIV but not herpes.

NorthernGobshite · 02/08/2012 11:29

Freckledleopard Try not to worry about disclosing to new partners. When you meet someone and get to know them, if this puts them off then they weren't that great in the first place. I think you'd be surprised how many people have/have had STD's.

BlueSkySoftSand · 02/08/2012 12:08

NGS I've never passed it on either - but then perhaps it can lay dormant in your partner for some time before an outbreak??

Original poster
FreckledLeopard · 02/08/2012 12:25

Ahead of my follow-up appointment at clinic tomorrow where I can ask lots of questions, is my herpes definitely sexually transmitted (e.g. oral or regular sex?) If it's been dormant in my body before, and has now flared up, would I still have to have had sexual contact with someone carrying the virus at some point in the past?

Also, since this is my first outbreak and hasn't been too painful, does this mean that it's more likely the virus has been in my body for a while? Or does it make no difference?

OP posts:
NorthernGobshite · 02/08/2012 12:42

I don't think you're going to get answers to some of these; you may never know where it came from. It is transmitted either through sex with someone who has it or through oral sex with soeone with the coldsore strain of the virus.

BlueSKy - if it's laying 'dormant' in him then it's been dormant for a LONG time. I worked out last night that I have had it for 15 years.

DyedInTheWool · 17/08/2012 19:00

PLEASE PLEASE don't even worry it's not a big deal. It's just like coldsores on your mouth. A doctor told me zovirax etc are fine to use on them (even tho it says on label you can't) DON'T STRESS! you do need to tell the midwife if you're pregnant tho.

lisaro · 17/08/2012 19:19

this came up a couple of years ago (following on from something else) during a frank (alcohol fuelled) discussion with colleagues. One person told us she'd got it and we discussed it. When she was in the loo someone mentioned being not shocked, but taken aback by the admission of it and we were all mystified by her attitude. So as for feeling 'dirty' - don't. If that conversation was indicative of attitudes, then 10/12 worldly wise bags have shown that it's not seen by most people as you seem to think.