how the heck do I support DH tomorrow if the consultant tells him he has cancer?

[MrsShrek3]

sigh. just that. DH has Big lump in neck. Various doctors, registrars and pathologists looking very worried and saying he "should have been told more". Appointment with his own consultant tomorrow afternoon. Worried sick, but wtf do I do to help him? He doesn't want me to go with him, he;d rather I keep the children with me.

How scary. Thinking of you both.

Thinking of you both x

Mrs Shrek - my mum had lymphoma (Hodgkins's) 6 years ago and beat it with chemo. No advice re: supporting children through it but just didn't want to lurk without letting you know that this form of cancer is treatable and beatable!!

You are all very much in my thoughts and prayers. xxx

Another one thinking of you and DH x

Sorry it was bad news :(
I hope today goes well and you get results and a plan of action quickly

Sorry, and thinking of you all.

We found when DH was first diagnosed with a tumor , we were straight with the DC as he worked away and it was strange their Dad being home all the time.
The DC also named DH' tumor, so it was a real thing and not just an illness.
It was easy talking about "T the tumor" won't name it as it might out me.

Now DD keeps saying that "T" is living in a jar on a shelf to anyone who asks about DH.

I know it's not everyone's cup of tea to make light of this, but it has made it easier to cope. Especially before/during/after treatment.

Sorry it wasn't good news. Just to say that my friend's DH had Hodgkin's Lymphoma when he was 24. He's 62 now. He has grown-up DCs and just retired from a demanding job. I hope tomorrow goes as smoothly as possible. Hugs.

So sorry to hear the bad news. Just another story to support you. My friend had Hodgkins when we were in our Junior year of high school (sixteen years old). She was diagnosed at the end of October and declared to be in remission by the end of July. It was a nightmare however, it lasted a relatively short time and is a beatable cancer. She is now a mother of three and a very happy and healthy wife. I know you probably want to just sit and cry cuz that is probably the easier way out but try to keep strong for your DH and children.

best of luck

MrsShrek, my DB had Hodgkins way back in the 70s and is still going strong. Best of luck

I was thinking of you today, MrsShrek.
Hope everything went as well as can be expected today.

Re children: I am not sure how old your kids are, but be as honest as possible. Use age appropriate language ie 'lump' will mean more to them than 'cancer' or 'lymphoma' I'd imagine. Even young children pick up on parents anxiety and worry and are prone to imagine the worst, including that it is 'their fault' somehow that daddy is not well. It is worthwhile to actually say out loud to them that this is nothing to do with anything they did or did not do, even if you feel a bit silly while saying it.
OTOH, children tend to be rather adaptable and are likely to accept a change in plan re summer holidays.
By all accounts, you will both be forced to be strong to get through this together, but please try to remain honest with each other. I have seen many couples hiding their own fears from their partner in an attempt to not upset them which ment that the partner did not feel able to open up which led to all sorts of upset and heartbreak. Do be strong - but admitting that you are scared/angry/pissed off/don't want to do this to each other and at times having a good cry and a hug together can also be cathartic. Particularly if your DH is the strong silent type .

I am hoping that he is at home and as comfortable as possible.

Thinking of you, and Mr Shrek, wishing and hoping the best for you all.

You have been in my thoughts today. Hoping your DH is back home and not too uncomfortable. Also sending you lots of positive thoughts and vibes that the news from the biopsy is as good as possible.

Thinking of you and your DH, stay strong, he and you can beat this horrible disease. x

How long do they think it will take to get the biopsy result, MrsShrek?
more ((hugs)) and handholding for you. xx

No advice, however I wish your DH better, stay strong for him even though that will be hard having you will make it easier for him. Good luck with it all and I wish you a good outcome! (((hugs)))

Hi MrsShrek, just another story of support, my step-mum was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 years ago, and upon discovering that, her doctors also discovered that she had Hodgkin's lymphoma. Her treatment for both finished 18 months ago and she's doing really well, she still has regular check ups but is back to her previous fitness levels and, if anything, is more annoyingly cheerful then she ever was!
Thinking of you and wishing you and your DH all the best, x

You've just made me with the lovely messages. Thank you for your support, it's amazing to hear all these positive things. We know the journey is going to be difficult, but having hope is all we need. He is ok and although very worn out he is feeling not too bad. He's snoring his head off and has had a pretty good nights sleep so far. Children all still asleep and have been asked to watch tv be really quiet when they wake up

GReat that you got him home last night What's the plan now - I assume he will be contacted shortly with a treatment plan?

Hi MrsShrek

sorry to hear that the news wasn't good. Please be assured you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

Good luck with the treatment

Glad to hear he is home. Just take each day as it comes for now. Once you have a treatment plan, I think things feel more under control because you know what is going to happen when. Also don't be suprised if sometimes you feel really together and organised and then something small will set you off and everything will feel too much for a bit. This is completely normal. You don't have to cope perfectly all the time.

good tip, chaz. ta!

Chaz is absolutely right - it is OK to feel pretty down on some days, and fine on others. 'Rollercoaster' is an overused cliche, - but it really applies to the cancer 'journey'. Go with the flow, - there's nothing wrong in having a cry or a rant when you need it - can be very therapeutic.

I think one of the hardest things is getting used to the fact that treatment is a long haul, - we get used to ilnesses being fixed fairly quickly and then we can get on with our lives.
Cancer treatment takes time, and it can be hard sometimes to carry on with normal life - I went into a sort of freeze mode at first, and felt I couldn't do anything until my treatment was over. But I did find that once you get into the routine of treatment, it becomes something in your life that you work round, and then you can make good use of the days when you feel well to enjoy yourself.

Good luck to you both, - remember carers need to take care of themselves too xx

Im sorry to hear this is happening to you both.
I wish you lots of good vibes and strength to get through this time. I hope the treatment goes as well as it can do and passes quickly.

Thank you
We've had hospital appointments every day this week so far, but nine Friday or Monday so have taken a family member up on the offer of going to our cottage. Only an hour and a half from home but it's AWAY - we can chill and pretend we're on our holidays with nice forest walks and pub meals. Kids very happy.
Thank you all so much for your support, I don't think I could have made it through this week without you lovely lot.

a stay in a cottage sounds like just what you need