how the heck do I support DH tomorrow if the consultant tells him he has cancer?

[MrsShrek3]

sigh. just that. DH has Big lump in neck. Various doctors, registrars and pathologists looking very worried and saying he "should have been told more". Appointment with his own consultant tomorrow afternoon. Worried sick, but wtf do I do to help him? He doesn't want me to go with him, he;d rather I keep the children with me.

Well pleased for MrD

Mr D

Awwwww daisy that's amazing news...sooo happy for you and MrD. Been a lurker for a while but i just had to unlurk as so happy for your positive news.

CT scan done today, more appointments. this is seriously PAT week :(

Oh MrsS I am thinking of you. Its horrible horrible. Have you other scans to do? When do you get the results? Hope you don't have to wait too long. How has MrS been? I have been wondering how you were doing, I am trying to build up work hours before Dh goes back in for next surgery so not checked on here for a few days, but I was thinking you must be getting near scan time. Let us know how you get on ((hugs))

PS meant to ask, how is sleep going? Has it been any better? If so, PAT has probably ruined it again...

Someone seriously needs to pack PATs bags and send her on her merry way. Hope your all ok, just catching up on here x

Oh Mrs S - PAT is an all consuming bitch. I am willing the scans to show improvements all around - some good news. How is Mr S coping? Are you sleeping? I know I didn't! I spent literally hours planning coping strategies and having a general panic.

Turning - how's it going for you?

And Over - where have you gone?

Thank you for your congratulations on our scan results. It feels really odd - to have news that isn't a disaster. It takes it out of you!

I confess I've lost track of how many of us on this thread are battling with this awfulness. I don't know anyone in RL who is where we are now but it is shocking how many there are on here.

Someone seriously needs to pack PATs bags and send her on her merry way could not agree more. She's a right bitch. Three days of appointments, one more to go. Saw consultant today, and found out precisely nothing, apart from the fact that they want to put him back on the full set of chemo drugs - so with the one back in that was taken out because it was causing peripheral neuropathy :( So his hands and feet will continue to be numb and nerve damaged. We've no clue how far better or worse things are, and no idea what was on the scan . Really feeling like we should be wiser by today, but we're not.

Hoping the rest of you are managing to keep chugging along. Good luck and hugs to all.
and a big thank you to Lisa for hand-holding :)

Mrs Shrek-sorry things have been so difficult.

I have breast cancer and am going through chemo. My next treatment is Taxotere-and a risk of peripheral neuropathy. I spoke to a lady yesterday who suggested that L-Glutamine has had good results with chemo related PN. I don't normally suggest googling but wanted to let you know as there is lots of info on the net. I don't know all your circumstances but hope this is of some help

Best of luck

thank you so much for that, Bird. Will look, all tips welcome tbh. Good luck with your chemo, hoping the journey is as good as it can be. PN stats say around 40% of chemo patients affected, slightly dependent on which drugs you have, and of that only a very small percentage of people have really severe effects. I sincerely hope you're in the unaffected group. The only consolation is that if you do have PN, they are temporary.
DHs PN symptoms aren't huge in the scale of it - but affect his ability to dress, do things for himself and thus his self esteem. And make him think he won't be able to continue his career, which otherwise keeps him going. DH 5th cycle next week, two more on this treatment plan.

Thanks Mrs Shrek-I can identify with the loss of self esteem and difficulty doing things that people take for granted like work. Its a tough tough journey but there are so many people who come out the other side.

I send all my good vibes, you sound like a wonderful support for your husband and that makes all the difference

Hello All, Daisy whether it is better or worse news at each appointment it really takes it out of you - the waiting is so awful the bit before a results appointment is indescribeable to anyone who hasn't been there, it is totally exhausting and then no matter what the news your emotions are all over the place after trying to process what it means and what will happen next which keeps changing! MrsS 3 days is a marathon and to still be no clearer on what is happening is dreadful, especially if you have built up to an appointment expecting to know more at the end of it and then don't You must be totally shattered. Hope the last one - tomorrow? - at least tells you more. Bird sorry to hear you are in this boat too and hope things go well for you.

Today was a bit rubbish. PAT came back here even though I was telling myself she shouldn't be here yet. We had the pre-op appointment today, which I wasn't really expecting to be anything much - we have been there before and it should be just routine paperwork but after the last few months when so many supposedly routine appointments turned into bad news I now just get in a right state before any appt. And it didn't go to plan today either. After seeing us 2 weeks ago new sarcoma consultant has reconsidered scans after seeing leg for first time and now says he has to remove a lot more than he thought. This is now major reconstructive surgery, an 8 hour operation, maybe more, he will be on oxygen, drips, catheter etc. and 1-hour monitoring for 3 days afterwards and in hospital around a week maybe more. And it will be months before he is allowed to put weight on it I am feeling quite scared of it all, the operation and then having to do everything practical and all the driving for such a long timeafterwards. We have sort of had a week of almost near normal - the wound from the last surgery had almost healed up, DH was driving again and was able to have a proper shower again for the first time, do all his usual household jobs again etc. It was like a sort of glimpse of the way our life was a few months ago before it is all taken away again. We are feeling very down, although DH seems to have fully recovered his warped sense of humour. (after some tension we have finally worked out a routine where I shut up and let him make daft remarks some of the time as this helps him be less stressed and he shuts up and lets me do the serious questions/answers for some of the time so I feel less stressed and we know what is actually going on ) He is looking forward to telling people he has been attached by sharks and will no doubt come up with some ridiculous tale to tell people. He is really trying to be positive at the moment and it is me that is now a wreck. As he says at least so far the sarcoma is in a place they can remove it from even if they have to keep chopping off bits of his leg. And I know he is right but I can't stop thinking about all the negatives at the moment. He has had such a rubbish year. He was made redundant in march was then working hard at setting up his own business, then this happened and it has stopped everything . It is his 50th birthday on 30th November, if he is lucky he might just be out of hospital - some present this is Know what you mean about work and self-esteem etc. work isn't going to be happening for DH for a long time now and he may never be able to do the same thing again - he is a joiner and it is very physical and they don't know how good his leg will be again .

Sorry this has been epic (again) and a bit very negative and self-pitying. I just sort of needed to get that out of my head sorry I have an entry from DH for the Awkward Moment of the Week award following our visit to the DSS last week. I will pull myself together and post it when I have located and dusted off my sense of humour again.

Lisa it was nice to see you popping in again. Can I ask you how things are after dealing with this for longer? Does it start to seem normal, become a new sort of normality, are you able to feel sort of more normal in between appointments, scans etc put it out of your mind a bit? I can't imagine living in this state for months and months to come, it has taken over our lives and it is so exhausting. I am worried I won't be able to hold everything together for DH and the DD's. I don't know if that really explained what I mean or if it is an answerable question! Sorry I should stop writing drivel on here and go and try to sleep!

Good thoughts and hugs to all

Lost you - good job I have a Watch on this thread! :)

Glad to hear the good news about Mr. Daisy, that's great! Hope he continues to knock the bastard C into a cocked hat.

MrsS - how are you doing? It sounds like it's still very rough for you :(

Sorry for all people dealing with this situation.

Just nipping in from nowhere. I haven't read all MrsS, but you do sound like the best kind of partner to have. As do you Daisy. I've been through chemo for BC - 2 years ago now. Slog and a half, but my DH was fantastic at helping me through.

Hope you don't mind, but I just noticed Birdland and wanted to reassure her, as I was a bit freaked by the switch to Taxotere as it's got a brutal reputation. I found it easier then FEC (am guessing that's what you had first). Clearly it's not a walk in the park, but it's not always as bad as you think.

Ah thanks Smee. I'm feeling pretty good after my first Tax yesterday though I know it always hits you after day 3-4.

I had such a bad time after my 3rd FEC that I was very anxious-though I discovered yesterday that I was borderline for a blood transfusion due to low haemoglobin which probably didn't help!

hello all - not seen this thread for a bit
dh still chugging away with his chemo. thinks he has a virus so worried that he may not be allowed to have his course on Monday.
has anyone else found that they have had less patience on chemo? dh thinks he has far less. He told off some random woman who was barging past him with a shopping trolley the other day...he is usually really mild mannered!

Turning, I guess all I can say is that it does become a new type of normal. We have adjusted to it the same as we have with the girls autism.
It's normal to see dh have his chemo every morning, normal for him to tire now and then, normal for bloods every 3 months, normal to have to wait in for chemo delivery (coming tomorrow) and normal to have to see the team every few months.

It's helped that dh has been well enough to return to work, and his physical look means he doesn't look unwell. Most of our friends tend to forget which weirdly helps

I remember wanting to smack the macmillian nurse when she to us we need to find a way to cope with this, to find a way to make it normal, but now know what she's meant

Hope your all ok ladies

Birdland, well done on first Tax. I was very ill on FEC too, so was dreading it, but apart from lots of aching and mouth problems I was okay on Tax. Hope you're similar. Come say hi on Tamoxifen thread if you want a bit of solidarity. Lots of us on there have had FEC/ Tax and are through the other side.

Wishing everyone's DH's who are going through chemo few side effects and fantastic results.

Yes it's still a bit rubbish here tbh. Awful last week and now into treatment next Tues. I get the vibe that the treatment isn't meeting expectations, but nobody's really saying. Just keep bimbling along,though. Thank you to those of you saying we're the best sort of partner - dh in grumpy mode is accusing me of mucho naging (on consultants orders to do a little more exercise as he's put on 2 stone, but not welcome when i get him to come out in the cold!) But he admits he's in need of it in his mellow moments.

Yes i do agree that chemo makes even the most mild mannered people into grumpy arses including my dh who has spoken his mind in the most embarrasing of places- and found it amusing not mortifying... funny but

I'm left trying to figurre out which is my arse and where's my elbow tbh. Brain not really here atm. Sorry if this entire post is rubbish.

Hello MrsS so sorry you have had a reall rough week and are getting those sort of vibes Hope things are really better than you think. Mine is grumpy that I nag too, but for the opposite, for doing things he has been told not to and he is shrinking too much instead of growing He can't blame chemo though as he's not getting any, must just be DH! They do sound like 2 of a kind, same thing with the speaking his mind. He just comes straight out with stuff. I did feel really sorry for lady at DSS. She hadn't been given any info on why we were there so DH told her, bluntly and in graphic detail (and showed her his leg which isn't very pretty...). She couldn't get rid of us fast enough He thought it was hilarious

Your post is not rubbish at all, makes perfect sense to me. I am just so sorry it is so rubbish for you at the moment. I hope the treatment next tuesday goes ok. The means of tackling this bastard disease are so drastic aren't they?

Will be thinking of you on tuesday. We will be going to the hospital for DH's surgery that day .

Daisy how is your DH doing is he on next chemo round? Hope everyone else is ok

((Hugs to all))

Lisa thank you for replying to my impossible rampling question! (My excuse is not a lot of sleep here and head swirling with stuff) What you said about it being like adjusting to the girls autism makes absolute sense. It made me think back to when we didn't know what was going on and were getting that diagnosed and now it does feel 'normal'. It isn't any less hard, but it is familiar, we know what to expect. I guess as impossible as it seems at the moment, so will this. Your list though its a seriously crap list of things to have to have as 'normal' isn't it. Thanks for your answer though, it's really helpful

Huge positive vibes for you and MrT, will definitely have you in my thoughts on Tuesday. And if that bitch Pat pisses you orf tomorow, get thee over here for a rant and a

Think we will have to think of new name for grumpy husband from chemo. How about GAH, grumpy as hell
Sorry thinks aren't great MrS can you just ask? I do and normally they will say but cancer is never a sure thing.
Lol at your dh showing off his leg, he sounds like he gets sick of explaining, we know that feeling.
Some very un MN hugs coming to you lovely ladies x