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how the heck do I support DH tomorrow if the consultant tells him he has cancer?

689 replies

MrsShrek3 · 23/07/2012 22:57

sigh. just that. DH has Big lump in neck. Various doctors, registrars and pathologists looking very worried and saying he "should have been told more". Appointment with his own consultant tomorrow afternoon. Worried sick, but wtf do I do to help him? He doesn't want me to go with him, he;d rather I keep the children with me.

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MrsShrek3 · 18/09/2012 21:35

Meant Daisys post SmileBlush
Hugs all round. Good luck with the next cycles of treatment .

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Thumbwitch · 21/09/2012 15:04

Hey MrsShrek, Daisy, OTM - how are you all doing?

Daisy - re. you being knackered over the whole hospital fail thing - I know that there's nothing wrong with you but never underestimate how draining stress is on you. It's using up your own nutrients faster than normal, your body's biochemistry is on overdrive - you might as well be running a marathon daily, you're using so much energy! just not muscular energy. So you have every right to be knackered too. Same for you, MrsShrek.

I hope the melatonin stuff helps with sleep - did I mention the tart cherry juice to you before as well? Another source of melatonin, also antioxidants to help allay the effects of the stress.

Really hope that everyone having treatment is coping as well as possible with it at the moment - love and prayers for you all xxx

MrsShrek3 · 24/09/2012 22:08

chemo day tomorrow. Gulp.
Does this feel endless to anyone else?

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daisydotandgertie · 25/09/2012 08:58

God yes. My dearest friend told me yesterday that he thinks this will change me for ever - I didn't quite know how to take that.

We should be having chemo day today too, but yesterday Mr Daisy started a temperature. Luckily we'd been to the doc to have a blood test for today and it showed he wasn't neutropenic and had a good white cell count, so it was back to the doc yesterday afternoon for antibiotics. He's on the phone to the unit at the moment, so I haven't a clue what we're doing today!

Hope it goes well for Mr Shrek and you enjoy a day free of the worry! I really enjoy the day he goes in because there's someone else looking after him. Means I can switch off for a while.

Thumbwitch · 25/09/2012 09:17

Hope today's chemo goes ok, MrsShrek (((hugs)))

And daisy, hope you know soon what's going on.

MrsShrek3 · 26/09/2012 22:32

Well Shrek didn't get his chemo. His counts were too low, esp neutrophils. So it's been postponed for a week. He's otherwise ok. The strange thing is that all the anticipation energy - presumably the fight/flight stuff, has left us both very strangely exhausted, and for him this manifests as grumpy, whilst I look like Sad all the time. We've had millions of hugs but neither of us seems to be able to turn it round just yet. He's still hideously irritable but hating himself for it, I'm just stuck. sigh. I've even skived had time off work, had a last straw moment with one of the dc getting injured at the weekend and decided I couldn't do it any more. Whatever "it" means...Hmm

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Thumbwitch · 26/09/2012 22:47

It is a lot of work, building yourself up for something horrible - you steel yourself, pluck up your courage, all that kind of thing - and then the something horrible doesn't happen and you let it all go again - but there's no relief, because the something horrible is still hovering on the near horizon, so you know you have to do all the steeling and plucking again in a week. Plus, the reason for the delay wasn't great, so you haven't any joy from it - it's not surprising that you are both rather limp and shocked from it.

Totally different but: a friend of mine wanted an ElCS. The docs didn't want to do it (various reasons) so she was psyched up into going for a VB, but with the necessary on standby in case an emCS was required. Then she went into hospital for a check and it transpired that the baby was unstable lie, so a CS was necessary. The shock of it put her into a right state!

Be very nice to yourselves - your DH hating himself for his irritability isn't going to help - apart from anything else, the extra wait for the chemo must be very draining. Let yourselves "be" for a bit - write stuff down for yourselves, just to get the feelings of frustration etc. out - and then hopefully you'll be able to steel yourselves again for the next round when it starts.

chocoluvva · 26/09/2012 23:17

Aww. :( Try not to worry about this delay, MrsShrek - I got the impression that hardly anyone gets all their chemo on time.
You're both doing really well.
(If you're really, really worrying you could ask for his bloods to be done tomorrow - two or three days can make a surprising difference.)

daisydotandgertie · 27/09/2012 16:56

Mrs Shrek - Mr Daisy didn't get is chemo on Tuesday either. His was delayed because he had picked up an infection and had a high temperature. He wasn't neutropenic though, so it wasn't an inpatient panic; just v poorly at home and mammoth antibiotics.

We are both also exhausted. It's a wierd feeling because it feels as though we shouldn't be. I KNOW it's the exhaustion that emotion brings, but it still feels wierd.

I am sorry you are feeling so low; can you take some compassionate leave or alter your hours a little to help you get back on track? Tiredness is such a killer and same as you, it makes me so low I can't get myself out of it. I have no idea how you are coping with this with a full time job and DC. I am finding it hard with a part time job and 4 dogs.

We are having beautiful day here today, so I have made Mr Daisy get in the car and come to Bath with me (I really, really needed shoes). It's a 2 hour round trip, so he is now exhausted but it was good to get out and not go to a hospital, or go somewhere we are frightened of - it was also good for him to get a bit of a change of scene, I think (hope!). Am planning a car-nic on Sunday for the same reason. Up the top of a hill, somewhere quiet with the dogs is in my mind. Staying in all the time will do us no good at all.

over how are you doing?

MrsShrek3 · 28/09/2012 23:08

blimey. It's chemo jinx week. Hugs to daisy and co too. I'm drowning my sorrows against all my better judgement but sod it Grin
I've just been laughing at DH (I'm full of sympathy, obv. not ) he's got a baldy head but still has a prickly chin. there's no justice is there....Wink

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overthemill · 29/09/2012 16:40

daisy hi and thanks for everyone's good wishes. had a truly dreadful week with almost all of it spent in bed. just so tired and weepy and ill feeling. i think i may have had a temp - (mine is usually around 36.5 and was showing 37.9) and i was def feeling wretched but stayed in bed, had soup and lots of liquids and got through it. scan yesterday - results wednesday. today i am up and dressed - a miracle really, had to be dragged by dh to hospital yesterday.

hope you are all feeling a bit better - sorry to hear of delayed chemos, its nice to have time off kind of but not nice to have all that adrenaline is it?

take care all

daisydotandgertie · 01/10/2012 08:56

over I hope you're OK and that your temperature hasn't turned into anything. And I'm glad you're up and dressed; you must be feeling a teeny fraction better.

I have developed the infection that Mr Daisy had and it is a hideous cold. Really, really horrid and the very last thing I need now. There is just too much to do to feel rotten.

It's a bit odd in our house at the moment, Mr Daisy is not on any chemo at all this week and he has been sick every morning. I feel so sorry for him. It's very peculiar and once he's been sick, it seems to be over and done with for the day. He hasn't been sick on the chemo at all. Wierd. He is going to talk to the doc today when he has his bloods done for tomorrow.

Mrs Shrek hope Mr Shrek is well enough for chemo tomorrow too; and I am v disappointed the prickles on the chin don't come out. I was secretly hoping they might.

MrsShrek3 · 01/10/2012 23:53

Over, hugs to you! Fingers crossed the Daisys and DH get the chemo tomorrow, and this cycle's ok for everyone.
What a weird world we all inhabit just now... But so lucky to have all the amazing support on this thread. Am off to re-read huge chunks of it from earlier, so much knowledge and so many wise words I need reminding of.

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Sparklingbrook · 03/10/2012 17:15

How's things MrsShrek? Was MrShrek able to have his Chemo?

MrsShrek3 · 03/10/2012 23:34

Hi Sparkling thank you for asking - yes he did get his chemo but minus one of the drugs because he's got 'peripheral neuropathy', numbness in his fingers that's spread to most of one hand and affects all his fingers and toes to varying degrees. Not uncommon but hopefully temporary and should last for the duration of the treatment and up to a year after but hopefully not result in permanent damage. That said, the medics don't want it spreading further. I've no idea what the result of removing one of the drugs might be.
He's been asleep pretty much all the time since his chemo. Another crap week heading our way, obv :(

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overthemill · 04/10/2012 09:16

mrsshrek they will know that removing one of the drugs this time is fine, they may add it back in next time.

and my resuls were GOOD! I am negative for active cancer cells after 2 cycles so can stick with what I am on with one drug permanently removed - and its the sicky breathlessness one so very pleased. Still have to have 8 more chemo sessions but it makes me feel i will get through this hellish time. Now checking out flight prices for end of feb to go to see my sister in usa (if we are not totally broke...)

daisydotandgertie · 04/10/2012 11:59

Over What brilliant news! Well done. The good news might give you a bit more strength to keep on fighting through the awful chemotherapy.

Mrs Shrek Glad Mr Shrek had his chemo this week - and I seem to be learning that the medics don't remove something if they think it will cause the treatment to be less effective. I do know someone who had the same sort of numbness in his fingers and toes following treatment and a year later it is all going back to normal. I hope your week isn't too awful - are you still working full time?

Mr Daisy had his chemo as planned on Tuesday, but a different combination of drugs this time. One of them has been changed for a more up to date and apparently slightly more effective drug this time around. He also had a 2 unit blood transfusion yesterday because his Hb level had dropped down to 9.3 again. They mentioned internal bleeding again, but Mr Daisy has no sign of it - and as he was sick every morning last week I think we would have seen blood in the vomit at the very least.

Mr Daisy has gone to work today - and seems to be reasonably OK. I am now panicing that the chemo isn't working for him because he is fighting so hard to be OK. Realistically, he IS being affected by it, I can see it in lots of ways, but I worry that he's not as poorly as Mr Shrek and Over. Sounds ridiculous when I write it down.

The hardest thing to manage at the moment is that Mr Daisy can't 'do' cold. The side effect of the drug is that it makes muscles go into spasm - so he can't breathe cold air or drink/eat anything cold because it will cause a laryngial spasm and make him feel like he's having a bad asthma attack and he can't touch anything cold because it'll make all his hand muscles spasm and lock up. He went to work looking like bank robber this morning! Itll pass apparently.

I have been fascinated to watch the power of the mind this last week - although Mr Daisy said and honestly believed that he was OK about missing chemo last week, underneath it all, he was actually very, very frightened and it showed in his health; he felt that the tumour was growing, that the cough he had meant the cancer had spread to his lungs, that the tumour was pressing on his tummy and stopping him from eating anything or bending over. I was having to do up his shoes because he felt it so keenly.

Now he has had treatment, he is almost euphoric. And completely changed. His appetite is back to being good, he hasn't been sick at all, he isn't coughing and is doing up his own shoes without even thinking about it.

We must harness that power and use it for positive thought and visualisation. It has to make a difference.

overthemill · 04/10/2012 14:41

daisy for goodness sake be pleased that dh is coping as well as he is an trying his hardest to be 'normal' if he can really do it, that's fantastic and we are all different people. do not compare! that way madness lies...

what you are doing is watching out for him and you seem very in tune with how is he. i m not surprised he is euphoric at treatment happening, you feel the need to tick them off somehow: so i am 5 down, 7 to go!!!

daisydotandgertie · 04/10/2012 15:05

I know! I am not usually pessimistic - but then I have never been this scared before.

I am so proud of him; he is battling as hard as he possibly can.

And 5 down, with good results is absolutely brilliant. Keep counting them down.

MrsShrek3 · 04/10/2012 22:44

Sorry just a quick post, brilliant news Over am GrinGrin for you (you're inspiration!)
And I pmsl at Powerful Mr Daisy going to work as a bank robber Wink GrinBlush yes I know what you said but when I read it too fast (pmsl all over again)Biscuit

I seriously wish I knew you lovely lot in RL, Sparkling and all the rest who wander in to dish out positive thoughts, console, offer tips. And Daisy and Over so we all know we're not alone. But hey, cyber friends with strange names are fine Grin

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overthemill · 05/10/2012 09:57

ah but i think we're friends in rl too - we just haven't met yet Grin

MrsShrek3 · 07/10/2012 00:11

Great Grin some train tickets will be booked when this shite is all done with, to meet all my new cyber real friends Wink
Well this is awesome. DH was rabbiting on explaining something at great length and I amazingly fell asleep, first time I've felt calm and dozed off in many many months. Five seconds later he says "erm, you going to sleep now then?" - waking me up. Hmm Fanks, DH Biscuit

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overthemill · 07/10/2012 17:59
Grin
MrsShrek3 · 08/10/2012 14:54

Shit. Have brought him to hosp on advice of nurse specialist Sad he's on nebs now and blood tests and chest x ray. This was my biggest fear.

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FancyPuffin · 08/10/2012 15:13

I've lurked on your thread. Really sorry your dh isn't doing too well Sad