how the heck do I support DH tomorrow if the consultant tells him he has cancer?

[MrsShrek3]

sigh. just that. DH has Big lump in neck. Various doctors, registrars and pathologists looking very worried and saying he "should have been told more". Appointment with his own consultant tomorrow afternoon. Worried sick, but wtf do I do to help him? He doesn't want me to go with him, he;d rather I keep the children with me.

Yep Daisy we could have fretted together... Glad it's behind you now and some serious chilling to be done.
DH a bit better today - has been awake for more than half an hour today
Sigh.

Chaz! Thank you for popping in so regularly with your smiles and reassurance. Appreciated. Mucho.

daisy how horrible and how frightening. When i started chemo i was given a card to keep on my person at all times and it allegedly gets me to the front of the a&e queue at all times for temp spike etc. Was told to call chemo suite any time day or night (as it is a long way from home being specialist hospital) and they would in turn call ahead to a&e expediting my smooth reception as emergency. Is this something special in my region? Sounds like it should be standard though obv haven't tested it yet.

What a good idea, Over. I don't think that's a nationwide scheme though.
That's really interesting - the specialist hospital in my area (which is highly regarded and very nice) emphasises to chemo patients that at the first sign of anything to phone your GP or NHS 24 or A+E - ie, anybody except them!
My GP's surgery was very good at seeing me quickly though. Mention the C word to the receptionist and they'd be all systems go , which was reassuring.
Good luck to you all - wishing you all uneventful, relaxing day.

chocluvva my chemo suite is brilliant, I've called a couple of times for advice and they have been very helpful, calling ahead to my GP or just reassuring me, it really helps tht they offer this to me, i don't feel so lone in between visit. My macmillan nurse and onc's secretary have also been very helpful on the phone

Oh Daisy - so sorry to hear about your hellish night - at least they got going properly with your DH when they did get around to him. Do come on here though - as I'm in Australia, I'm on a different time zone to most of the rest of the posters so am usually here to answer a distressed post (unless I'm actually doing something, which, amazingly, does happen sometimes).

OTM - that does sound like a good scheme, it's such a shame that these things are regional and not nationwide. If you were in Scotland, I believe it's different - SNHS is better at doing things nationwide than the NHS in England and Wales, from what I've heard.

MrsShrek - can you get yourself a Worry Book? Just somewhere that you can brain dump all your wild thoughts and worries when you're awake in the middle of the night - hide it from everyone else though, it needs to be safe and private to you so that you can offload your busy brain onto the paper.

So glad your chemo suite is really good, Over. Mine was too, but not open 24 hours and the rest of the specialist hospital doesn't look for calls.
Once I got my line in I went to a MacMillan 'Day Case Unit' (where the nurses were sooo nice and very skilled). The name used to make me laugh - I used to think, 'Oh dear, I must be a right 'case' ' (and it always reminded me of that advert for Cadbury's Fruit and Nut chocolate: "Everyone's a fruit and nut case" sung to classical ballet music. I don't know if you'll remember it.

Dance of the Reed Pipes, from the Nutcracker Suite by Tchaikovsky, for those who like to know. :)

Wow - thankyou Thumbwitch.
Hope it gives some more MNetters a laugh or just a good old 'blast from the past'.

haha yes i remember him/those ads very well indeed!

Choco - every time I hear the Dance of the Reed Pipes, under whatever circumstance, I start singing "EVeryone's a fruit and nutcase" under my breath

ta thumb!

DH has the same sort of card, no wait with germ ridden public for blood tests, fast track to chemo ward if had to go to A&E for temp spike, same deal. Also thought it was should be national. Apparently our hosp has gold standard for cancer care - small mercies and all that :)

That's so good to know MrsS. The chemo can make you feel so vulnerable.
I expect you're now finding that you've become quite an expert on cancer care and treatment!
Good luck to all on chemo for a peaceful, straightforward day today :)

Well, we also have the same sort of card - actually a tear out sheet from his chemo diary to hand over. The system just failed.

The ambulance took nearly an hour to get to us, and apparently there were ambulances queueing outside a&e to get in. They did at least put him straight into an isolation room, but didn't take any obs for 20 minutes. Then they ignored him for about three hours.

To be fair, once the doc got to him at 2am, he acknowledged they had failed and pushed things through pretty quickly but it wasn't good enough really. I am so tempted to email their PALS, but sort of think I need to pick my battles at the moment and I'm not sure this one is worth fighting.

Despite this, DH is doing mind blowingly well, all things considered. We have managed to get out and about, to walk the dogs and even buy him some smaller jeans (his 'normal' jeans fell down one morning while he was feeding the dogs, so it was a bit overdue ). His weight is stabilising and his strength of mind is blowing me away.

How's Mr Shrek doing?

And how are you doing OTM?

I think you're right, daisy - they acknowledged their error and tried to make amends, going through PALS might be seen as a little churlish now, but OTOH, highlighting it would benefit other patients in the future. Maybe justa quick note to alert them to what happened, rather than a "whaddya going to do about it?" type complaint?

daisy i think you should tel PALS t the very last. That individual doc was great in the end but it was the system that failed and he can't address he system, he is just a cog. man years ago when my mum was terminal cancer patent i complained about the way she was transfered for chemo to hospital 20 miles away. i got a letter of apology from chief exec and they changed the system so no one else ever got treated that way. if you have the energy - do it. and thank you so much for your wishes - actually am crap at the moment and really very down. would like to refuse chemo at present as i have only had 2 reasonable days since last bout and now working my way towards next session. i can't bear this endless cycle, it is relentless. but after this next one i am rescanned to see what cancer is left in my body and treatment plan reassessed. i think i still have to have 8 more sessions but it is a milestone and it will be good to see how my body is fighting back. because it's blood related cancer i think 6 months is min treatment but i do so hope they say i can have less. i am so tired and so is my whole family

Poor you OTM . I really do feel for you, you've no idea how much. Dh in very similar position and we're all exhausted. But we have to fight, all of us. Because this f**ing disease isn't going to beat us. Not any of us. Consider us one huge team fighting. You're in my prayers.

Got the vicar to add DH to the prayers list for tomorrow. Himself doesn't do church, but I do, and I want the bonus vibes for him . hope that's not going to piss him off too much but then he won't hear it will he

Over, good luck with your scan. The results of it will hopefully give you encouragement and enable you to see that you're making progress.

Wishing you all good luck with your next rounds.

Back on the nocturnal shift. Two hours sleep and now wide awake again ffs

Oh, Mrs Shrek - you need way more sleep than that. I am relying on Melatonin to get me through the night because sleeping pills don't seem to do me any good. The melatonin is bloody marvellous and doesn't alter how I feel in the mornings.

Tiredness is an absolute killer and I know I couldn't do all the things I currently need to do if I wasn't sleeping. Can you try some pills? Mine came from the US, I think.

over and thumb I think you're both right. I should do something to point out the problem. Not least because it absolutely knackered both of us for days, and there's not even anything wrong with me! I will ring their PALS.

And over I am so sorry your are feeling rotten and so low. It is worth the fight. It will be worth the awfulness of it all, even though it's hard to bear.

I'm with Mrs Shrek. We will be a united fighting force to thrash these awful cancers. It can't over power any one of us, there is so much life that has yet to be enjoyed.

Mr Daisy is at work today. I am nagging him to take it easy; to perfect the art of looking busy and achieving little. To wear gloves and think of germs before he wades into something. To stay on the tractor or in the landy rather than over exert himself. It is falling on deaf ears, I fear. I am not looking forward to this evening!

I'd second the melatonin too - it should give you six hours good sleep.
Melatonin has been researched and is safe.
Best wishes to all again.

Ooh. Must take a look. Well after waking at 4, I was on the move at customary 100mph from 7 and when I got home from work at 5 put a bonus 5 hours in the kitchen - washing, ironing, baking, kids tea, cleaned up, our dinner... Why am I not tired?
Saw GP who thinks I'm going to crash & burn out too. Got some chill pills, took one and felt pi$$ed for two days, so haven't taken any more. That melatonin stuff sounds appealing

Melatonin won't have any noticeable side effects. There's a company called 'Age Stop' which sells it online.
Also, eating carbs and taking a calcium and magnesium supplement shortly before you go to bed might help - it won't hurt anyway. :)
Is it the worry about your DH's cancer specifically that's interfering with your sleep or have you become generally hyper?
I know it's easier said than done, but try not to worry too much about things that might happen. They probably won't. Your DH is getting his chemo, so that's one bit of his treatment ticked. Try to take one day at a time. It will probably all turn out okay.

Thank you chocco. Read your post twice and I am going to follow that advice. Will google

I'm off to take a look at otm's post - couldn't see it properly on my phone.