how the heck do I support DH tomorrow if the consultant tells him he has cancer?

[MrsShrek3]

sigh. just that. DH has Big lump in neck. Various doctors, registrars and pathologists looking very worried and saying he "should have been told more". Appointment with his own consultant tomorrow afternoon. Worried sick, but wtf do I do to help him? He doesn't want me to go with him, he;d rather I keep the children with me.

MIL is going to take him, I'm getting him home. We don't have available family other than parents, and my cousin (who's been an angel!)
Good luck to you overthemill for your latest chemo cycle. Now we've all got a bit more idea what's going on it might get easier from the bewilderment-factor POV and a very big thankyou for the tips and reminders.

Just back from chemo. Boss let me go early. Have been talking to someone at work today (eek now 3 of them know including the head) and I know there are people who will support me if I get stuck. Dh is as well as can be expected after chemo so hoping this one's ok.

Same here! Been home from his first session for about half an our. All seems to have gone well for us too, fingers crossed DH continues to feel as well as he does now.

Our? No, hour!

Glad to hear that the chemo sessions have been ok and good that you have told your workplace, MrsShrek. Agree you need to tell your DC's schools as well, in case the DC start to have any strange reactionary behaviour - it will help enormously if their school understand what is going on at home (no idea why I'm telling you this, you know already! But sometimes even when we know stuff, we forget to apply it to ourselves)

Daisy - glad that this thread is helping you too and hope your DH's chemo does some good. Have PM'd you as well.

Had two most lovely messages from the dcs teachers today. I talked to one of the teachers who's also a friend, and asked her to put the dcs new class teachers in the picture. By morning break there was a message from her and one from dc3s teacher it's good to know they'll be ok in school.

Oh excellent - they sound lovely, just what your DC need. :)

good luck with the new school term mrsshrek

MrsShrek
That's good to hear. Its nice to have one less thing to worry about.
Hope everything is going OK.

Knackered but ok ta chaz. Him. Mostly. Me a bit too if I'm honest. Big worry week and quite a down one tbh but hoping next week and all that "routine" bullshit will help
How's MrDaisy doing?

Just checking in to say hi. Himself is way more knackered this time round. Unless we've forgotten

Sorry that he is finding it tough. At least you can tick off one more week on the road.

How are you doing? Hopefully, things aren't too stressful.

Sorry Mr Shrek is feeling so knackered - it is possible that chemo is one of those things you forget the worst bits of - we'll see when we start session 2, although Mr D isn't having a break in treatment which I think so people do.

All we keep focusing on is that the more the chemo impacts us, the more likely it is to be working. I hope we're right! We're both working so hard to stay positive. It's not easy though, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with - and worse than the worst thing I have ever imagined having to deal with too.

Mr Daisy is doing OK. No nausea except for a little on the first day, lots of exhaustion though. In hindsight I wish we had insisted on a transfusion before treatment because he is now so breathless - at the moment, we really need a blue badge!

Still, we are on holiday which is lovely; and we're going home for a day on Monday for a transfusion which I think will make the world of difference. I am so relieved we decided to put off our planned overlanding expedition this year and went for a self catering cottage not massively far from home instead. We had no way of knowing what was around the corner when we booked it, but it's worked out pretty well.

I don't know how similar the effects of the 2 treatments are, but there probably are similarities because in reality, both treatments are doing the same thing - my Dad found when he had radiotherapy for his Ca prostate, that he started off ok, but by about week 5 the fatigue really started to set in. And got worse. He was told he had to rest, because it's not like normal tiredness - the body, as well as being treated, is being poisoned - so it needs to heal not only from the disease but from the treatment as well.
Of course, Dad being one of those who doesn't listen to start with, tried to keep going ("tiredness? Pah!") but he couldn't and ended up having to take full days of bed rest - he learnt, and would then rest properly.
Chemo then is likely to get progressively more tiring because the bod won't have recovered fully from the first load by the time the second one comes along.

I know that 2 friends of mine who had chemo, for different things, both were advised to wait a full year before trying to have another baby, to give the body time to clear the effects fully.

Really hope it's doing its job for both MrShrek and MrDaisy. xx

I read that post, thought how sane and sensible it was, such good advice- then looked again to see who'd posted it... should have known!! thankyou (for about the millionth time) Thumb!

DH has been told that he's not an inpatient so shouldn't be staying in bed but can expect for the treatment to make him "excessively tired", as does the lymphoma. As you say it's not normal tiredness either. His counts drop about now for the next ten days making him anaemic and with low neutrophils and platelets so obv his body is taking a bashing. It's just hard dealing with the reality of it iykwim.

Aw fanks, MrsShrek! :)
It is hard but as you all recognise that, and that DH will be unusually tired, it will help. He needs to accept that he just can't push through the tiredness, not with this.
I don't know if he's a "man-flu" type or a "if I've still got all me limbs I can keep going" type - but if he's the latter, it will be harder for him to cope.

Has he got pamphlets/ patient information about it all? My Dad found it very helpful to talk to the other patients going through similar treatment - they had a sort of "self help" group going at the Royal Marsden - is there similar at your DH's hospital? Because, even if he thinks he doesn't need "group therapy", it makes a hell of a difference to be able to discuss what's going on with him with other people who may be going through the same.

Oh yes, MrsShrek - talking to other patients can be very helpful - and informative. There are some excellent online forums too (!).
Having something manageable to look forward to might help him.
When is the chemo scheduled to finish?

mrsshrek I'm finding the chemo amazingly shattering now (just had no 3) and although my onc said i woudnt need to stay in bed, i honestly cant get up this time. am so weary i feel like i could sleep on my feet. anyway, i've taken to my bed and so should he, if he feels rubbish.
it is a wave though isn't it, up and downs.

Yes, the oncologists can be bright and breezy to a fault!
And as for all these true life stories in magazines of (usually breast cancer) patients who bravely smiled throughout their treatment and soldiered on regardless -well, let's just say, when I was having chemo I didn't appreciate them....
I think you just have to do whatever you think is best to get you through this horrible time and tick each cycle of chemo off.
Well done to you all for getting through another day. Hope tomorrow is a bit better.

Sadly it looks like he's not alone in the feeling rubbish. Thanks to all for posting again. And hugs, Over. hoping you get some of your energy back soon. Crossing off days essential, ime.
I really don't think we could do this without you lot. Thank you for taking the time to post. It's beyond words to explain how much it keeps me going, and looking positive.

Another night on the worry-shift. Stoopid or what

Just de-lurking to wish your hubby the very best... And yours daisy... And you OTM. I couldn't add anything useful in afraid but didn't want to read and run. Look after yourselves and hug your loved ones tight - never underestimate the power of a cuddle :)

agree with cuddle nm123, had lovely cuddle on sofa last night with dh and then another one in my bed with dd. Very restorative!

Ah, Mrs Shrek. If only I'd checked this thread last night! We could perhaps have soothed each other, or at least fretted together.

I was up all night in our holiday cottage waiting for DH to ring from the nearest (bloody ages away) big hospital. We had to go home yesterday for a transfusion - which helped a lot - and then yesterday evening back in the holiday cottage he had a temperature spike. We dithered for a little while but it didn't go down much for an hour or two so I called an ambulance and off he went.

It was a horrible night. They took far too long to see him, but when they did he got a pretty thorough going over, some IV antibiotics and a chest X-ray. Thank God, all was well. His counts are pretty good, all things considered and there was no sign of infection so at 4.30am I set off into the dark, single track lanes to find the hospital and bring him home.

It was a hard night. I felt very, very alone.

Daisy
That sounds really tough. I think you two need to snuggle up together tonight and just relax as much as you can.

Best wishes to all of you who are soldiering on.