how the heck do I support DH tomorrow if the consultant tells him he has cancer?

[MrsShrek3]

sigh. just that. DH has Big lump in neck. Various doctors, registrars and pathologists looking very worried and saying he "should have been told more". Appointment with his own consultant tomorrow afternoon. Worried sick, but wtf do I do to help him? He doesn't want me to go with him, he;d rather I keep the children with me.

reread my last post and want to say we also emphasised that the medicine would mean i would get better.

i know what you mean about the dcs - ours are older but my youngest dd who is 13 has taken it very hard after a few very rocky years at school but all are being lovely and i am very proud of them all.

don't forget that this is their reality now, just as if everything had stayed the same that would be, and everything they get thrown at them develops them in some way or other. had chat with a mate last week who is a nhs pychologist and he was certain that dd13 would be ok - kids are very flexible really

Thanks to whichever wonderful person / people said that even if today is rubbish, tomorrow will most likely be better. It's keeping us going. Yesterday rubbish, today a fair bit better. Hold on to our seats and see what tomorrow brings.

Not sure if it's insane but we are planning to get a couple of nights away over the weekend. He's feeling quite rubbish but in good spirits (mostly) and we are going to the middle of nowhere with no germs

As long as you both feel like it, then it sounds like a great idea. A chance to rest and a change of scenery sounds like a good idea.

Definitely a change of scenery - and the dc can run themselves ragged, which is at least some of the appeal

Just another musing and a sort-of-question from those of you who've been in my position. I'm a crap sleeper at the best of times. However, this is utter nonsense even by my standards (as giraffes will testify) average (usual) going to sleep time 2.30am ish. Current wake up time 3:55am. Am not going to be much good to anyone if this keeps up. Been doing this for around 6 weeks so far. I don't feel tired, but presumably it will hit me all at once somewhere down the track. Any suggestions?

Hi MrsShrek.

I had 4 months of chemo for breast cancer between January and May this year. I found the insomnia was worse during the first 2 or 3 cycles and did seem to improve over the last few cycles. It was also at its worst for the days I was on the anti-emetics immediately after each treatment. Do you have a spare bed in your house that you or your DH can move into for a few days each cycle? I decamped to the guest room for the first week of each cycle so that DZH and I didn't disturb what little sleep the other might be getting.

It really is very important that you take just as good care of yourself as you do of your DH. Don't ever underestimate the toll this journey is taking on both of you.

Suggestions for sleeping:
Lavender pillow, or burn lavender oil in a safe oil burner overnight. A less-pleasant smell but a very good sleep-induced = vetiver.
Valerian also stinks but is incorporated in Valerina herbal remedy from H&B
Rescue Remedy can help by reducing the whole anxiety aspect
Sleeping in separate beds might help too (helps me, that's for sure)
Melatonin capsules can help
Shut out all sources of light at night, including from digital displays (clocks, tvs etc)
Yoga/relaxation techniques

If all else fails, you could always talk to the doc and get an emergency supply of sleeping tablets, because you're right - you need more sleep than that.

What wakes you, do you know? is it thinking about it all, bad dreams, or just bang, you're awake again?

Hope you're ok now, Zombie

Thanks, both. Unfortunately no spare room, owing to three dc. The only spare thing to sleep in is a sofabed in dd's room - that said, I'm considering it with rose-tinted glasses on and did spend a night on it last week. And even slept a bit

Zombie, hope you're on the mend now and Thumb, yet another big thank you. Have already got rescue remedy but hadn't thought to use it, and will try out other stuff before considering gps as they'll more than likely look at my history (pnd, hideously x3, the last time for 3 years) and try giving me ADs. which I don't really want.
All alternatives will be tried first

How about downloading a sleep app for your iPod - assuming you've got one! Listening to a hypnotherapist can help you relax and sleep better.

Biwi, have just taken your advice and done so and found some nice supplement things in health food shop. Which I may well wash down with my camomile tea. by middle of next week I may well get more than 2hrs of zzz's

Hi MrsShrek3 I've been following your thread and have no other useful advice to offer I'm afraid

I do wish you a happy full and peaceful nights sleep though, and second what was said up thread about you taking perfect care of yourself as well as DH, however difficult it may be.

Wishing you lots of positive things to come your way xx

Oh and have a very unmumsnetty hug too!

Thankyou (all hugs appreciated regardless of what's cool with the rest of the population)

MrsShrek, I'm glad you've found some things to try. I hope they help.

Thanks to you and Thumbwitch for asking how I am. I'm fine. I've finished chemo and radiotherapy and am 1/6th of the way through my Herceptin. As far as they can tell, the mastectomy got all of the active tumours. My lymph nodes were clear. It's just because I had aggressive tumours that were both hormone and HER2 positive that I'm having all possible adjuvant therapies. I'm very fortunate in that I seem to tolerate all of these very well. This time next year all this will be behind me (except for the hormone pill which I need to take for 5 years) and I will fully get my life back.

I pray your DH has an easy journey and a successful outcome.

Very relieved to hear it, Zombie and hope that it continues well for you. :)

MrsShrek - glad you've found some useful things! Hope your sleep starts to increase soon. You might also benefit, if you can afford to go, from seeing a reflexologist or having an aromatherapy massage - these can be quite soporific. Have it late in the day and get someone else to drive you, if you can (for safety) and then go to bed when you get home. :)

Some aromatherapy and stuff on offer at the carers centre. Hmm, might look into it. No options for the private version -dh obv on sick pay, I have sorted all the finances but it won't run to optional extras
I have friends who have interests in therapy stuff, come to think of it - as I have too but you can't DIY back massage lol and if I'm really stuck I can tell them what's going on. Minimal people know in rl. Still. Mil now does, but we just CBA with all the sympathy and what it does to other people's conversation ability iyswim.

Fully understand - sometimes it's so hard to answer the questions because it makes you think about it when you don't really want to.

But perhaps you could just tell them you're having a very stressful time with other stuff and they might be able to help you out; if not, I can give you an idea of some oils you could mix up and just maybe use on your wrists and so on.

Oooh, brilliant

MrsShrek
I don't know if you are anywhere near London (if not you will probably find the same near to you) but some of the colleges teaching beauty therapies have spas run by the students where they offer much cheaper treatments. Maybe that would be an option if you felt like a bit of TLC?

www.lcbt.co.uk/VirtualContent/84891/LCBTSalonPricList2011.pdf

www.lond-est.com/student_salon/

That sounds lovely, will definitely look into it.Since it circumnavigates the entire having to tell people thing it's even better!

mrsshrek finally refound this thread after being bit out of it on chemo myself. How are you doing now? Did you manage to get away? we had 2 blissful childfree nights away the weekend before my chemo started and it was so wonderful to be together and chill and just have down time. i use it to visualise during stressful moments!

please investigate what is available to you as a carer locally, there may well be lots. you may be able to get some childcare stuff too - i am lucky having older kids but today my ds is looking after me while dh is playing loud music at a mates - he really needs the break.

we started to sleep aagain, mainly, once we had the final diagnosis - i hope this happens for you too.

(hug) OTM! Your couple of nights away sounds like just what you needed. Hope you've got your energy levels (relatively) back up for next chemo (this week?). How's it been? Good luck for round 2.
DH is now starting to feel a bit better again after a rubbish 10 days or so and came out playing with the dc voluntarily yesterday he says some of his side effects are going away too. It's a week til his next chemo so hopefully he'll be ok . His hair's going thin (it's usually very thick) and he's started wearing a hat. He looks like a boy racer as he keeps wearing a cap backwards

Hi MrsShrek! i'm still waiting for my hair to fall out, had wig fitting this week though which was strange. Have a few scarves lined up too but it's still there! No doubt it will start soon.

I feel crap a lot of the time and know I am poor company. Poor dh is a saint.

Sorry to hear you're feeling rubbish. Do less Keep in touch!

OTM, a friend of mine had chemo for recurrence of breast Ca a couple of years ago - she decided to have her hair shaved (no.1) before it fell out, so that she wouldn't notice so much when it started - perhaps when you have your wig, that might be an option for you? She said it was better than finding hanks of hair on her pillow in the morning (what happened the first time around).

MrsS - glad your DH is feeling better although I did at the boy-racer image!