how the heck do I support DH tomorrow if the consultant tells him he has cancer?

[MrsShrek3]

sigh. just that. DH has Big lump in neck. Various doctors, registrars and pathologists looking very worried and saying he "should have been told more". Appointment with his own consultant tomorrow afternoon. Worried sick, but wtf do I do to help him? He doesn't want me to go with him, he;d rather I keep the children with me.

Gelclair for sore mouth
Ondensetron works a treat with nausea- but it does cause constipation, so keep up the fluids and fibre (but only if he's eating ok)
Fatigue - he needs to give into it, his body is telling him something. I have often told people going through the same that although they may think they are doing nothing through the day, their bodies are actually running the equivalent of a marathon each day.
Ignore daft diets
Use the MacMillan website
Thinking of you all xx

Hi! I have been lurking on your thread too! I am so sorry that your family are suffering through this.
There is a herbal punch that I always recommend to help aid a deep and restful sleep. Warmed through in the microwave and inhale the vapours before sipping, preferably whilst in bed.

Non Alcoholic Herbal Drink - Norfolk Punch
www.norfolkpunch.com

Can be bought on-line or in most high street health shops

Would also suggest joining the cancer research/chat forum as they are very supportive!

One thing I remember from one family member that is worth being aware of is his platelet count. Sometimes chemo can cause this to drop and if it does your blood doesn't clot as quickly so you need to be a bit more careful about cutting yourself and you are more liable to bruising and nose bleeds. If it gets too low then a platelet transfusion can be used to boost levels.

The platelets will be done routinely with any full blood count though Chaz - and this will be done regularly to keep an eye on white cell count (and Hb of course). So it should be picked up as soon as it drops below normal.

It should be but my family member ended up with a platelet count of 7 which caught everyone including the medics by surprise. He was warned to stay away from the chopping board until he had had a platelet transfusion. I don't think he was overly upset to have his meals cooked for him

Sorry Chaz - I meant that the platelet count is an unavoidable part of the FBC measurement - so that would mean that either your relative wasn't having their FBC done regularly enough, or there was a sudden extreme drop in platelets, OR someone didn't do their job properly. I worked in haematology labs for years, and the machines are set up to do a set of counts in one hit - platelets are a part of that count. Very sorry that your relative had that experience though - that's shitty!

I should add that he was one of those people who is not terribly good at letting people take care of him so it was probably a good thing that people could point to a specific reason why he should sit back and let others take a bit more of the burden.

Thumbwitch - I see what you mean.
I think that he might have picked up an infection which wasn't serious or particularly noticable in itself (or which despite being instructed otherwise by the doctors - he ignored!) but coupled with the Chemo knocked his platelet count hard.

He's had a rubbish day today. His counts are likely to be falling now and he can't go anywhere public from tues for a week as his immune system will be cr@p. He is likely to be anaemic too, we've been warned. It's rubbish seeing someone you love go through this

MrsShrek it is horrible . Each day is a step nearer to getting back to normal though.

The crap days are hard, aren't they

Make sure you have a good supply of books, magazines and DVDs for the low immune week.

DH really struggled (actually we ALL really struggled) with the periods of time he was on the really high doses of steroids. After the first round, I kept a diary of which days he was going to be horrible - it didn't change anything, but I was better prepared

Actually, by the last round, we were all so fed up with him being so aggressive and unreasonable, that I may have been heard shouting 'if the bloody cancer doesn't kill you ... I will' . Fortunately it made him laugh and broke the mood.

MrsShrek, I have been lurking but wanted to say you sound like an amazingly supportive wife.

((Hugs)) it is rubbish and I think it is a good thing that you can turn around and say so.

MrsFred that made me want to laugh and cry at the same time.

I was thinking about what happpened to my family members. I wanted to say remember there is a difference between "coping" and "solidiering on trying to ignore bad side effects or signs of an infection etc". The former is inevitable; the latter is a bad idea. If he isn't coping with the side effects or he notices and signs of an infection he needs to speak to the medics sooner rather than later they may well be able to offer some solutions to make things a bit better.

Do your damndest to preserve a sense of humour, even if it is gallow's humour - even a laugh through gritted teeth and with tears streaming down your face is therapeutic.

Steroids can be horrible little fuckers (5mg tabs to allow slow weaning btw), but can boost appetite; does that seem to be the case for your DH?

Here's hoping for a good week for you all x.

Agree that gallows humour is probably a good way to get through - laugh at anything you can, it doesn't mean you're not taking it seriously.

Have you laid in a stock of antibacterial hand-gel? Probably a good idea if you haven't already. I'm not a big fan of it under general circs but these aren't general, they're special, and MrShrek will need to be protected from random germs as much as poss, as I'm sure you've already been told and probably knew anyway.

Still thinking of you and praying for MrShrek's recovery. xx

Here's to the gallows humour. Still smirking at what mrs fred said (and can totally hear myself saying that too ) We've had 90 mins sleep last night (6-7.30am) for no good reason but I'm blaming Himself - not going to bed at a reasonable hour, him doing a bit of sleep-swimming and waving his arms about, knocking a drink over the bed and everything in it, dd turning up to join the party
Hope tonight's better....

Thanks - I've got plenty of antibacterial stuff as the children will have copious amounts of germs available to them when they go back to school and will be treated like the plague til they're showered

Good idea re antibac hand gel.

Using it does NOT replace handwashing though, really important. For instance Noro virus (winter vomiting bug which does not seem to feel obliged to stick to winter ) does not get killed by antibac gels etc.

Handwashing with normal soap under running water and with lots of scrubbing like explained here.

FWIW, my neutrophil counts once went down to 0.5 (normal 2.0) for unknown reasons (a whole other story) and I felt ok, but had one niggly litle infection after another: thrush, conjunctivitis, bladder infection, infected spot. That was with an otherwise normal blood count.
With chemo neutrophils can drop to

mrsshrek I'm so sorry you areall going through this. I had my first chemo session on 8 august for Hodgkins Lymphoma (so my next one is due this wednesday). Like mrshrek i will be having 6 months' worth. If it's any comfort to you, and him, i found that first couple of days were ok but nauseous and tired (more than normal was already flat out with lymphoma!), then got REALLY tired and almost wanted to be in bed all day (but mindful of fierce oncologist who said, you are an outpatient that means you don't need to be in bed all day) then got sick meds sorted out with huge prescription from GP for ondandestren and then tiredness lifted a week after chemo so much so that I have been almost normal with little day time naps.
everyone tells me there will be a pattern so think that must be true for everyone although my GP bil tells me that it will be cumulative and by the end I will be very very tired (and his wife had 4 chemos herself last year for different cancer)

Oh yes, good point re. handwashing as well (I tend to assume everyone does that anyway)

Hugs and good luck to you overthemill. You're a week ahead of DH. Huge thank you for posting. Really hope it goes well and you can beat the tiredness sometimes enough to feel a bit "normal". I dragged took dh out the other day as nurse specialist said 'if he's feeling really tired, take him for a walk' it did actually piss him off bring him back to the real world for a bit

Thank you (again) Pacific. Am copying your entire post into my memos on my phone as reinforcement to justify me bleaching the kids insisting on good handwashing

thanks mrsshrek - its surreal really, keep thinking 'this is not really happening' . but i also have been dragged out for walks daily with dh and dog (just little ones) on all except 2 days when i was like death warmed up. it did help although at times was very hard.

my dh has been a rock. dn't know what i'd have done without him. he can be annoyingly forceful too around eating and so on but he has proved 100 times since diagnosis why i chose him!!

don't know if you've told your kids much yet but we told them all together and kept repeating 'this means mum will be sick and get sicker but will NOT DIE!' we also suggested that they help out more and do few extra jobs around the house.....but ours are teens

We've kept the dc quite well informed. They're doing well (better than me) and ds1 is awesome (he's 11). Ds2 has grown up over the past month from a loon to a very capable little chap, I wish it hadn't had to do this to him but I'm very proud of what he's turned himself into. Theyre both helping as best they can. Dd doesn't really get it, she's too young. The boys understand it well and don't seem too worried atm. they just see chemo as medicine to get dad better and it's ok