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Original poster

how the heck do I support DH tomorrow if the consultant tells him he has cancer?

689 replies

MrsShrek3 · 23/07/2012 22:57

sigh. just that. DH has Big lump in neck. Various doctors, registrars and pathologists looking very worried and saying he "should have been told more". Appointment with his own consultant tomorrow afternoon. Worried sick, but wtf do I do to help him? He doesn't want me to go with him, he;d rather I keep the children with me.

OP posts:
PacificDogwood · 31/07/2012 16:04

Thinking of you. Hope CT scan goes ok.

Wrt waiting a further week to get a 'plan': I know it is frustrating and scary to waiting longer, but many things usually come together for this kind of wait. Your DH's consultant may only have 1 or 2 clinics per week, some hospital have 'new patients' and 'return patients' clinics. Histological preparation of biopsy slides can take time, again usually a consultant is needed to report. A CT scan of the pruposes of 'staging' a malignant disease is likely to need to be reported by a consultant (not just any old dr Wink).
Usually, a new diagnosis of cancer will be discussed at an MDT (multi-disciplinary meeting) where, for instance, the consultant in the relevant specialty, a consultant in radiotherapy, a surgeon and an oncologist will discuss the best way forward.

Unfortunately, these things are complex and the aim is to offer as taylor-made a treatment plan as possible.

I hope the coming week passes quickly for you both.

PacificDogwood · 31/07/2012 16:05

'to wait' - sorry, did not proof-read and am being pummelled by a 4 year ok while I type

Original poster
MrsShrek3 · 31/07/2012 18:09

appologies to your 4yo Wink Huge thank you for all that info :)

OP posts:
FutTheShuckUp · 01/08/2012 16:55

Still thinking of you all MrsShrek xxx

Pommymumof3 · 02/08/2012 09:38

Hi MrsShrek, I too am supporting my husband through cancer treatment. I know what a long and terrifying road it can be.
Please feel to PM me if you want to chat
X

Original poster
MrsShrek3 · 02/08/2012 22:20

thank you pommy :)
still in the nothingness of waiting. calm-before-storm I fear. He's even planning on going back to work (this should have been our family holiday, which we were told to cancel) Am more than a little bit pissed off now, that they're now wasting a week (so it appears) when we should have been away. I know I'm being unreasonable, he's had the biopsy and ct scan. but still a week is a long time and we could have been somewhere nice instead of at home complaining at each other Hmm

time for more Wine

OP posts:
MakeHayNotStraw · 02/08/2012 22:52

Sorry to hear you are going through this - you and DH will be in my prayers (hope that's ok).

Original poster
MrsShrek3 · 02/08/2012 23:05

thank you. I appreciate that :)

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KurriotsOfFire · 02/08/2012 23:15

Thinking of you and your DH, MrsShrek, - the waiting in the early stages of diagnosis is one of the hardest parts, and hospital departments never seem to co ordinate over appointments - it's very frustrating.

Once he has got his results and his treatment plan, it does become a bit easier to deal with, in that you can plan and organize your lives around it.

love and luck to you both xx

PacificDogwood · 03/08/2012 07:29

It is hard, MrsShrek.

Wine and chocolate would be my shortterm solution.

Thinking of you xx.

Pommymumof3 · 03/08/2012 08:21

As other wise people have said, the early days following diagnosis are the hardest... Waiting on results... Discovering the extent of the problem etc, but once you know what you are facing it does get easier....
I remember not eating for almost a week after DH's diagnosis... Nothing prepares you for this when you have a young family Sad
I am thinking of you xx

Original poster
MrsShrek3 · 05/08/2012 12:08

So true, Pommy. I can't believe how long every day feels but how little my brain is working. Not prepared at all and it still seems like we're in the dark. Like the treatment is a secret so bad, that nobody will tell us what it's about. am having another rubbish day, btw. Sorry.

OP posts:
PacificDogwood · 05/08/2012 21:57

Still thinking of you and hoping you will get your answers v soon x.

LadySybildeChocolate · 05/08/2012 21:59

Sending you all my love, MrsShrek xx

c4rnsi1lke · 05/08/2012 23:39

I remember that it seemed to take ages for dh to get his results. It's so frustrating.

Original poster
MrsShrek3 · 07/08/2012 23:15

Ffs. My mother is being a pita because she's not getting all the attention. For once. Scream. They've been away on hols and now she's having a hissy fit because dh has haematology consultant app in the morning and she forgot "didn't know". So they're still away - having just decided not to come back. she's either afraid of missing something or just wants yet more attention. Seriously pissing me off. Can't put up with any more demands.
Ffs (again)
Wine

OP posts:
FarloRigel · 07/08/2012 23:41

Thinking of you and hoping everything goes as well as possible from here on.

Original poster
MrsShrek3 · 07/08/2012 23:51

Thank u

OP posts:
SoSad007 · 08/08/2012 01:00

Hi MrsShrek, just come across your post. Thinking of you and your hubby in these difficult times.

Just one suggestion I have - there are quite a number of good books on surviving cancer, when you are ready to read them. Have a look on Amazon or Book Depository, its just a matter of finding a book/books that suit you. I haven't used Book Depository, but they have free shipping world wide. Unfortunately, I found out about surviving cancer books too long after my cancer for them to be of much use.

Hope this helps.

internationalvulva · 08/08/2012 01:03

Poor you having to deal with your Mum on top of everything else. Can you gently tell her to back off and not make it all about her or is that likely to make her react like a banshee?

Original poster
MrsShrek3 · 08/08/2012 07:48

Grin at banshee - but absolutely true!! Everything's about her, it seems. It appears she does want to help just as long as she's the centre of attention
sigh.
Not much sleep went on here last night. DH very on edge which is a new one for me, he's never been like this before. Going soon.

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 08/08/2012 08:51

Thinking of you. Try to ignore your mum - you won't be able to but we can dream Smile

Original poster
MrsShrek3 · 08/08/2012 13:41

The good news is that it hasn't spread anywhere Smile it's just the huge lump in his neck. Apparently the obvious treatment is to take it out along with the surrounding lymph nodes, thyroid and everything (in the next 2 weeks Hmm ) and then watch for 8 weeks and do another CT to see if they need to do radiotherapy or chemo. Apparently there's only one other enlarged lymph node (in his chest) which they will monitor.
This looks like the best news we could hope for in the circs. Am (relatively speaking) relieved!
Thanks for every single message on here (and lurkers too). It's keeping me almost sane. So many positive stories, and I'm daring to get a bit of hope now that we could be lucky enough to be joining them eventually.

OP posts:
TeamGBIWI · 08/08/2012 13:54

Very pleased that it's (in the circumstances) good news.

How is your DH now?

MairyHinge · 08/08/2012 14:11

I had non hodgkins lymphoma in 1998, on my thyroid. I had surgery, chemo & radiotherapy and I'm still here!! I also had my son in 2002!!!

Things improve all the time, I hope things are starting to look a little brighter for you now.
Happy to answer any questions if you ever want me to.

Best of luck xx