how the heck do I support DH tomorrow if the consultant tells him he has cancer?

[MrsShrek3]

sigh. just that. DH has Big lump in neck. Various doctors, registrars and pathologists looking very worried and saying he "should have been told more". Appointment with his own consultant tomorrow afternoon. Worried sick, but wtf do I do to help him? He doesn't want me to go with him, he;d rather I keep the children with me.

Delighted to read your latest update, Mrs Shrek -have been following this thread with interest and compassion. I was diagnosed with cancer in my salivary gland last year and had surgery and r/t and throughout everything, and now as I have ongoing treatment for side-effects of surgery, the support and care of my DH has been hugely important, so I know how much Mr Shrek will appreciate all you are doing to help him through this.

In all of this, though, don't forget you! Everyone asks about the patient but not often about the patient's family and you, as the DW, have to keep things together, lift DH when he's feeling low and try to keep things as normal as possible. That's a big pressure, so please make sure you have someone to talk to, or a place to go to where you can sound off and unwind.

Good luck with everything!

Agree with Sweetestthng on the having someone to talk to. Even though he is going though something scary and is ill, doesn't mean he or the situation won't sometimes do your head in and you'll want a good old fashioned moan, make sure you have someone around who can let you rant (or come on here and rant to us if you need to!). Glad that it's stuck at primary, good luck with the treatment Nd keep us posted. Thinking of you.

Does anyone remember that book about how to behave around friends/family with cancer etc? Gave v useful info about offering/getting practical help
Basically, have ideas of pracrical stuff people can help with - shopping, cleaning, driving, dog walking etc and take up offers
Best wishes

Thinking of you and your family and hoping good news is just around the corner!

I'm so pleased that you had positive news mrs shrek

I am so pleased to hear that update! Fingers crossed for your DH's surgery to be all the treatment he needs. Can I recommend you see if there is a Maggie centre near you as we have found them very helpful, even just for somewhere nice to sit between appointments and have a cup of tea somewhere everyone understands how you are feeling. Thinking of you.

JuliaScurr - the book is by Deborah Hutton and called What Can I Do To Help?

That's a wonderful optimistic update. You WILL be joining the success stories soon- don't doubt that!

Ahh well back as we were. Ne k consultant says it's too big and too risky to operate on.
Back in the chemo camp. Another appointment tomorrow and chemo starts on Tuesday.

Oh, I am sorry to hear that. Chemo is amazing stuff but it's definitely better not to need it at all. Can I advise you to stock up on mouthwash, preferably a strong one like corsodyl in case he gets mouth sores, and lots of sour tasting things like lemony/vinegary flavours as they are much easier to eat with the chemo nausea. Wishing him the very best of luck and smooth sailing through his treatment.

cheers lashings

hope you're all ok op
keep in touch

All quiet in the Shrek household. Chemo starts on Tuesday for six cycles, then review. Information we've got about the NHL is quite scary. Just hope this works.

Hello MrsShrek. What form will the Chemo take?

Still wishing you and your DH all the best and hoping the chemo is successful and not too vile.

Sparkling - it's R-CHOP

(I prefer lamb chop. And chips. but hey)

I just wondered if it was tablets at home rather than into hospital. You will feel better when the treatment starts.

Only has to go in 10am til 4 or 5pm ish and all iv stuff. 21 day treatment cycles. They say it should shrink it quite quickly.

I really hope so MrsShrek. Sending positive vibes.

Thank you

let us know how you get on

anyone have any knowledge or experience of diffuese large B cell NHL? Not that I want anyone to have had it obv, just wondering. Stats for him seem to be anywhere between 60% and 95% cure-ability, he has none of the higher risk factors (age, spread of lymphoma, etc) so hopefully that puts him in the higher end of likelihood that the chemo will see it off. Anything I should know for tomorrow or this week about chemo? or do I try elsewhere? Got a digital thermometer and some corsodyl mouthwash, but not sure that makes me ready to face it with him.

typo.... diffuse large b cell etc

Hi MrsShrek3. I don't know anything about NHL I'm sorry. I hope all goes well tomorrow, and will be thinking of you. x

Hi, unlurking to wish MrShrek well for tomorrow, you sound to be doing a great job of supporting him. I'll have my fingers crossed for you.

pmsl @ "unlurking"

and thank you