Can't seem to have sex anymore

[LittleMissContrary]

Please be gentle (no pun intended) - this is my first posting.

I had twins 18 months ago, totally trouble free pregnancy and then they arrived all of a sudden at 30 weeks. It was an emergency caesarian, but I recovered very quickly and all was well.

Because we live in a small house, feeding them was more than a full time job and my mother was with us for 6 months, the opportunity never really presented itself.

About 2 months ago, we decided to give it a try and I just couldn't manage. It was so painful whenever he tried to enter that we stopped and both felt quite miserable about things. Since then, we have tried about 4 more times (and have used lubrication) but he still hasn't been able to fully enter me because it just feels so sore.

I can't work out what can have happened to me and am now starting to worry that something is actually wrong. I have no hang ups that I am aware of, so I don't think that it is psychological, but I'm at a bit of a loss as what to do next.

When I finally asked a friend how long she had waited after having her son, she said, "Ages, about 2 months!"

Any advice would be VERY gratefully received.

Welcome to MN and congrats on your twins!

We waited longer than your friend, and it was painful the first time for me too - couldn't manage it either. In my case, hormonal changes meant I was drier than before, and tbh lack of use - iyswim - doesn't help things either.

I went to my GP, who gave me oestrogen pessaries - may not at all be what you need, but I would really advise going to see your GP anyway, and having a chat. Pick one you feel comfortable with, and don't worry - they hear it all the time!

Its surprising how much difference it makes, not having had sex for a long time - to tissues, I suppose. Regular sex, whether its penetrative or not, is probably part of the solution - but do, do go see the GP first, in case there's some other issue.

Wishing you luck, and please take heart - I honestly donl't think you're all that rare a case, having talked to many friends about it.

Definitely have a chat with your GP. But it might also be worthwhile trying different positions (eg on top you have more control). If it's any consolation, it took me about 9 months to get back to normal. Cue my immortal line, the first time we 'managed' - 'That's OK, but don't move'. There, you're smiling about it now, aren't you. Hope you get sorted.

GP could refer you to a Women's Health physio, they often help with similar problems, and can offer advice and treatment for sore areas, scar tissue or tense muscles. Try not to worry, is very common and very treatable, best of luck.

I had this too - mine was dryness caused by oestrogen deficiency caused by breastfeeding. if I'm honest, it has only got bearable and very comfortable again now, 15 months on. I night weaned and had my period and now am almost back to normal. I got an oestrogen cream, which helped, and got some instillagel from my local GUM clinic, which is lubricant with an anaesthetic in it. definitely worth a visit to the GP.

Thank you all very much, I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. I will go and see a G.P. and see what they say (our one is on maternity leave at the moment). My husband just wanted it to be sorted, for his sake and mine, because he was worried too. I read him your replies and he's definitely reassured.

I wonder if it is to do with the breastfeeding - I've managed to get it down from 20+ in a 24 hour period to just 1 per 24 hours (the other twin seems to prefer cows milk now, which is fine with me). I suppose I thought that it being so little now, that it was almost like not feeding them any more, so the dryness would go.

When I told my '2 month waiting' friend about it being at least 16 months since we'd last managed it, she gulped before recovering very quickly and telling me similar things to you all.

Wicketkeeper, that did indeed make me laugh as that's EXACTLY how it was on our most successful attempt!

Once again, thank you all very much for taking the time to reply to me about this.