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General health

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Original poster

ds hospitalised

75 replies

sansouci · 02/12/2005 22:07

With something called "spondylodiscite". Not sure what this is in English. It's v. rare, we've been told & apparently involves an infection of a disc between the vertabrae (in ds' case, 2nd & 3rd).

I am devasted & am having trouble coping with the grief & guilt I'm feeling.

Can anyone help?

OP posts:

oops · 02/12/2005 22:11

Message withdrawn

moondog · 02/12/2005 22:12

Oh ss.

You poor thing.
Grief is one thing but guilt??? Come on,why are you feeling guilty?
What's the prognosis? Are you in the hospital with him? How old is he?

Original poster

sansouci · 02/12/2005 22:16

Hello oops. They are treating it with antibiotics now but i've been to hell & back since we went to the paed on Tues evening. Poor ds is only 2 & is currently tied down to his bed. I can't even cuddle him. He's v. angry (naturally) & tries to bite & hit. I would be with him 24hrs/ day if I could (& that's what the hosp. expects!) but have dd (5) & dh to care for. also myself. I miss him so much & wish, for the 1st time ever, that Xmas would just go away.

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Hulababy · 02/12/2005 22:16

I hope the antibiotics and treatements kick in really quick and he is home woth you as soon as possible.

Please don't feel guilty; it's just one of those things.

moondog · 02/12/2005 22:18

Can dh not take charge of your other child??

Original poster

sansouci · 02/12/2005 22:20

Every single time before, I've rushed him off to the doctor. This time, I was determined not to panic over what should have been nothing. Flu-like symptoms. 1st vomiting & fever, then sniffles. Thought his aversion to walking was because of the snow & actually got angry with him & made him walk. Hate myself!

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Original poster

sansouci · 02/12/2005 22:21

Dh is 56 & was in Jordan when this crisis errupted. He is hanging on to his job (like so many) by the skin of his teeth.

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moondog · 02/12/2005 22:23

You weren't to know.
We've all done that.
Once had a terrible few days with my dd (when she was this age) Thought she was being an absolute monster,but it was only when her eardrum burst (pus running out of her ear) that I realised that she was simply in terrible pain.

She was screaming any time people came near here-every jolt and touch must have been agony.

Felt like you for ages,but I've got over it now.

moondog · 02/12/2005 22:25

Do you have a relative or friend or babysitter who could move into your home for a few days,freeing you up to be there for your baby??

Elibean · 02/12/2005 22:30

You poor love, DS too, what a horrible time for you. Moondog is right, you couldn't possibly know - we all do our best, and we all get it wrong some of the time. It must be so hard to see, and yet I think its good that DS is angry - sounds like one healthy kid (infection aside) I hope he gets better really, really soon. Are you in London? Can I/anyone help?

moondog · 02/12/2005 22:31

Yes good point re angriness. Much more frightening when they are limp and passive.
Sounds like a tough 'un.

Original poster

sansouci · 02/12/2005 22:35

My 2 closest friends have helped by picking dd up from school & offering to have her to stay/making dinner/shopping, etc. Very kind but what I really need is a double. one of me to be with ds round the clock & the other me to carry on with "life as usual".

My mother is hesitating on whether or not to come. I hung up on her last night because she pissed me off so much. She & my stepfather are trying to sell their flat in Vancouver & not having much luck. My mother said, "We did plan to arrive in a few weeks anyway so if you think you can manage..." I let her have it! It is her grandson, after all.

I feel depressed & cry easily. I can't seem to make eye contact with people anymore.

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Original poster

sansouci · 02/12/2005 22:38

We are just outside a town in Switzerland called Nyon. Ds is hospitalised in the children's hospital in Geneva, which is about 30 km away. hellish drive at the moment; people are so impatient & tailgate if they think you're not going fast enough. Have had so many near miss accidents because I'm tired & distracted. good to know that he's getting what's prob the best care possible.

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moondog · 02/12/2005 22:40

why don't you take your friends up on their offer?
I think you'd feel better being with the little one (hope that doesn't sound critical).

Even I (most paranoid mother in the world!) would think about letting my 5 year old do this.

(Sounds like you have a hell of a lot on at the moment which obviously doesn't help.)

Let people support you.

oops · 02/12/2005 22:44

Message withdrawn

Elibean · 02/12/2005 22:51

((Sansouci))
Maybe, take a leaf out of DS's book and get angry - much more appropriate than guilt, and you have every right to be pissed off at the situation. Its NOT your fault, its a LOT to cope with, and you deserve all the support you can get. DS will come through it, and you will be there to help him - meantime, anyone who can help YOU, should. Of course you're grieving....I would be too..wish I could help.

Original poster

sansouci · 02/12/2005 22:51

Absolutely no question of dd going to stay with anyone. Left the hosp at 3pm today to take her to her ballet class (of all things!) at 4:30. Dh went to hosp at 5pm & stayed till 8. The less disruption for dd the better. I have promised to spend time with her every day. Staying the night with ds not a good plan as I don't sleep & end up in floods of tears & completely ga-ga. The staff at the hosp seem to subtly disapprove of my not being their every hour of every day. Feel like scum.

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Original poster

sansouci · 02/12/2005 22:52

Spelling totally off. sorry.

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moondog · 02/12/2005 22:57

ss..you have your reasons but I don't see why you can't be with the baby.
It really would make you feel better.
Two is awfully young to be left alone.
Five isn't so bad.

I sympathise on the absent dh front.
Mine has been mostly away for nearly 5 years. I've endured many health dramas on my own.

Original poster

sansouci · 02/12/2005 23:03

Moondog, am ashamed to admit that being in that place makes me claustrophobic. I can't sit still in my plastic chair. Hate seeing ds tied down to his bed. Hate seeing his anger & frustration. Hate overcrowded, overheated, sad & ugly environment. Am a selfish bitch & miserable when away from ds! Feel panicky at hospital. Should I dope myself on tranks?

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FrostyTheRickman · 02/12/2005 23:09

So sorry to hear your ds is poorly. I really think you should overcome your fears though and stay with him at the hospital. He's only 2, he must be terrified. I really think your dd will be able to manage without you if you have friends that will help you out.

Original poster

sansouci · 02/12/2005 23:15

Dh only learned to use the washing machine last night. He's hopeless. Why did I let him hand over so many domestic duties during these past 12 years? I am a control-freak, I freely admit it. Adhere to "if you want something done properly, do it yourself", much to my disgust. I wish I was/were? "well" enough to stay with ds all the time but am pretty unstable, especially when sleep-deprived. sounds pathetic. IS pathetic. one of the reasons I feel so terribly guilty. am a shite mother when the going gets too tough, I suppose.

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FrostyTheRickman · 02/12/2005 23:20

What about your dh going to stay with your ds then? Or would his work not allow it?

ladymuck · 02/12/2005 23:28

I'm sorry you're going through this. Even though your ds will recover it is still hellish to go through something like this.

Whilst in some respects I can see the attraction to holding on to your dd's routine with everything you have got (after all something in life has to be stable), this is a short-term blip, and missing ballet for a week or two will not damage her in the long run. Now of course it depends on your dd's temperment, but I would see if you couldn't arrnage for you and dd to spend more time with ds. Not sure it would help in my situation (my elder one is a demanding boy), but your note seemed to intimate that you wanted to keep your dd's routine (as opposed to she would be a real pain if she was with you at the hospital).

I do feel for you in this situation. {{Hugs}}

ladymuck · 02/12/2005 23:29

Sorry , I didn't mean "in my situation" but rather if I were in yours.

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