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Original poster

ds hospitalised

75 replies

sansouci · 02/12/2005 22:07

With something called "spondylodiscite". Not sure what this is in English. It's v. rare, we've been told & apparently involves an infection of a disc between the vertabrae (in ds' case, 2nd & 3rd).

I am devasted & am having trouble coping with the grief & guilt I'm feeling.

Can anyone help?

OP posts:

PantomimEDAMe · 02/12/2005 23:38

SS, am really sorry you are having such a dreadful time. You are NOT a bad mother, just very stressed. Hospital sounds dreadful, not surprised you find it unbearable.

Dh figuring out how to use the washing machine for the very first time is a positive - it shows he will work this stuff out if you leave it to him. Do the stuff you want and need to do and leave the rest to him, he'll stumble through.

Hope poor little ds feels lots better soon. Antibiotics are fab.

Original poster

sansouci · 02/12/2005 23:45

I need to sleep but just wanted to add that ds is going to be put in some kind of a plaster cast or corset on Monday. He'll be able (sounds doubtful with cast/corset) to walk. He's got a terrible temper & is keeping the nurses jumping by pulling out every wire, drip, cord, cable he can get his hand/teeth on, throws all his toys/books out of his cot, screams & refuses to eat anything but yogurt & fruit (& drink his bottle, of course!). Am somewhat heartened by this behavior which indicates a strong will and healthy body. He's obviously responding to the antibiotics. It's been very soothing to post. Will let you know what happens next.

OP posts:

merrySOAPBOXingday · 03/12/2005 00:18

Sansouci - I realy do have every sympathy with how you are feeling, but I can't help wondering why on earth you are not with your child in hospital who right now needs you far more than your DD does!

I really could not under any circumstances imagine not being there for a child of mine who is ill and in hospital.

FWIW I think you do sound rather depressed and unable to cope, were you like this before DS became ill and this has just made it worse or is it just a short term reaction to the stress of your baby being so ill?

Would getting some medical advice for yourself help do you think?

I'm not trying to be preachy, but really I think you will only make yourself feel worse in the long run I think if you make the 'wrong' choice now!

Get a good nights sleep and have a think about it in the morning! I know you are angry at your mum, but tbh, its your husband who it seems to me is really letting the family down. He should be there for you all in such circumstances! He's the one with the real obligation to your family although like you I would be mightily pissed off at the lack of support from your mum also!

I hope DS makes a speedy recovery once the antibotics kick in! Would they consider sedating him, if the whole experience is so traumatic for him?

FrostyTheRickman · 03/12/2005 08:56

I totally agree with Soapbox, I was thinking about this over night and I can't imagine ever leaving any of my children in hospital alone. My best friend's ds has just had a 6 week stint in hospital having chemotherapy and he had someone with him the whole time he was there.

Perhaps your ds is lashing out because he's scared and frightened, I think it would really help him if you were there.

noddyholder · 03/12/2005 09:12

You stay with him and dh stay at home with dd.What is the problem with that?No child would like to be left in a strange environment at night

nightowl · 03/12/2005 09:32

i dont think we should be making her feel guilty about this really. obviously i dont know the details but my son used to spend a lot of time in hospital and his dad would never stay the night. it was always me having no sleep there and then dragging myself to work when the grandparents came to take over. (and no, i couldnt get the time off, it was happening every few weeks) you cant force a partner to help, believe me i tried. when dd was just a few weeks old ds went into hospital. i couldnt stay the night with him, had no-one to take the baby off my hands and again, his dad would not stay. sometimes its just not possible.

cupcakesbakingonanopenfire · 03/12/2005 09:53

ss - I really feel for you now. I think you know you should be with your ds which is why you are feeling guilty. It is horrible to see them ill and tied down to a hospital bed in a strange and frightening environment and I completely understand that you feel you could deal with it better by not seeing it. Helping dd and dh with their daily routines seems to be more important for you than it is for them. You sound terrified of facing the situation and I think you are creating barriers to your being with ds which don't need to be there.
I really hope you find the strength to be with him. You will have so much time afterwards to make it up with dd. But your ds needs you now, so much more than anyone else in your family. Please prioritise him.
I really hope this doesn't come across as judgemental because you so obviously need support, not criticism.
Anyway, I hope things soon start to improve. Please let us know how ds is doing.

moondog · 03/12/2005 10:02

Glad to see that I am not alone in thinking this.
Yes,hospitals are vile and of course you won't feel comfy there,but that is not the point.
Being there for your baby is and I too believe that by being there,your guilt will be massively alleviated.

puddingandpie · 03/12/2005 10:26

poor sansouci,

Why don't you perhaps bring your son in his favourite nursery songs ie sing a long barney oh something and just focus on that and maybe it might calm him. Maybe on stereo and play it softly in his ears anything to calm wee pet down. So awful for you I know I had daughter in over Christmas and in foreign country long story. Put your son first and you will feel better. Good luck hope things get better and you get through this awful time for you.

DingDongMerrilyOnHIGHLANDER · 03/12/2005 11:47

OK, here's my very rude and aggressive twopenceworth.............

Your poor DS is 2. He's in pain and discomfort, tied down on a bed surrounded by strnagers. He doesn't have adult logic - he has no idea when all of this is going to stop. He needs his mum, no matter what she thinks of hospitals. Sansouci - you're the adult here, you know this hospital thing will only last a few days. This isn't about you - get your butt into hospital and be there for that poor, terrified wee chap. Your DD will understand a temporary break in routine for her sick brother.

When I was 7 I was hospitilised for a very minor op. Mum stayed with me for a couple of hours then went home. I came round from the op, vomiting and bleeding (mouth op). I can't tell you how abandoned I felt, and I was a big girl of 7.

SantaClausFrau · 03/12/2005 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peckarollover · 03/12/2005 15:22

Im reluctant to say anything as these messages must sting if your feeling guilty already but I have a 2.3 year old and the thought of him being alone in hospital is horrible. With DS Im sometimes not sure where he ends and I begin and he takes a lot of comfort from that he knows if he needs me I will be there (or Daddy or other caring family member iyswim)

I know its very hard having another child to consider - my DS was in hospital when my DD was 4 and it was a real juggling act. I would stay at hospital then someone would take over while I went home to put DD to bed then back up the hospital. I totally relate to you feeling like you will go crazy in there its horrible and impossible to sleep but I just didnt see a choice in it.

I hope his condition improves really quickly and the family unit is back together as soon as possible.

Elibean · 03/12/2005 15:31

Was thinking about this overnight too....and have to agree with the immense importance of one parent being there with ds through this. Hats off to you, SS, for admitting that its your own fears that are stopping you - having done that, perhaps you can take the next step and do something differently.
Also thought...I don't think its possible for DD's life NOT to be disrupted while her little brother is sick in hospital - she's part of the family unit, and even if she still goes to ballet lessons and has clean clothes, emotionally things are far from normal for her. To me, it makes sense to involve her a little, so she feels she is part of the family, and contributing to it by being big and spending more time with friends? I know it depends on her personality how well she can cope, but I think if I had a second child I'd need to find a way to involve my dd in an age appropriate fashion. I suppose what I am saying is that maybe both you AND dd can feel better by coping more, and realizing how strong you can be.
And ds is the most needy member of the family right now, as well as the youngest, and most in need of support.
Really hope today is bringing better times for all of you.

morocco · 03/12/2005 15:50

I'm so sorry you are having to go through all this worry sansouci and hope your little boy is better and running round again really soon.
hugs

BudaBabeInAManger · 04/12/2005 22:14

Any news Sansouci? Hope DS is on the mend and you are stronger.

Please please put your fears aside and be with DS - otherwise I am worried that you will regreat it in the future.

Your DD is old enough to understand an interruption in her routine. Your DS is NOT. And he is prob TERRIFIED. He needs his Mum. Please please put yourself aside and just be there for him.

peckarollover · 06/12/2005 18:25

How is DS Sansouci?

Original poster

sansouci · 07/12/2005 20:28

Hello. You'll be pleased to know that I've been at hospital every waking moment. My dh takes over at 5pm & stays until ds goes to sleep. I spend every 2nd night at the hospital. That gives me 1 night at home to recuperate.

Ds was put in a body cast yesterday morning & will probably be in it for 6 weeks. It's wonderful because he can now be propped up. However, he's so grouchy! Not that I blame him. I try to keep him entertained but sometimes it all gets too much for him & he has a tantrum. It usually starts by his chucking his toys out of his cot & then screaming for me to pick them up! I have trouble disciplining him (can't exactly "send him to his room" these days, can I?)

Tomorrow he will have more blood taken to see how well the antibiotics are doing their job & x-rays.

Ballet has gone by the wayside but I did spend a few hours with dd this afternoon (Wednesday is a school holiday in Switzerland). We went to the hospital together to meet dh & check on ds this evening. Have just got home.

Thank God it isn't worse. How irrelevant everyday problems now seem in proportion to having a child seriously ill in hospital.

OP posts:

spod · 07/12/2005 20:35

Message deleted

Elibean · 07/12/2005 20:50

((Sansouci)) what a rough ride you're all having..poor little DS, I'm glad about the being propped up part improving life, but its a long time to spend in a cast. Hats off to you for having aired and challenged fears enough to be at the hospital so much more - sounds like either you or DH are there all the time DS is awake? It will make a huge difference to him, even if its hard to tell from the (understandable) toy chucking! Wishing you strength and stamina and DS well asap....xxxC

Elibean · 07/12/2005 20:52

ps I imagine they have all that sort of thing in the hospital, but if not...DD has benefitted hugely from a toy doctor's bag/instruments in terms of coping with GP visits. Has DS got one? Just a thought. He might enjoy taking revenge on the nurses by giving them medicine and jabs now and then...

Original poster

sansouci · 07/12/2005 21:02

nurses are ga-ga over ds. Not that I blame them! He's a good boy, inspite of his ferocious temper & being Truly Terrible Two.

OP posts:

spod · 07/12/2005 21:04

Message deleted

Original poster

sansouci · 07/12/2005 21:05

He's not very adept with his hands ATM because he has an IV drip in one of them...

OP posts:

MarsyChristmas · 07/12/2005 21:06

Have just picked up your email darling. You have my prayers. I don't know what to say just that I am thinking of you all.

Elibean · 07/12/2005 21:10

See what you mean about hands and IV drips....maybe just give him the blunter instruments?? DD seems to be able to wave a toy syringe around with deadly accuracy with her left hand
Nurses sound nice - good, makes a big difference.

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