ds hospitalised

[sansouci]

With something called "spondylodiscite". Not sure what this is in English. It's v. rare, we've been told & apparently involves an infection of a disc between the vertabrae (in ds' case, 2nd & 3rd).

I am devasted & am having trouble coping with the grief & guilt I'm feeling.

Can anyone help?

Hope he's soon on the mend SS

Sansouci, you sound as though you have had a terrible time as a family, at least dh is with you and pulling his weight as far as possible.
I am glad you have been able to spend as much time as possible with ds, who must be very uncomfortable (the idea of a 2 year old in a compulsory corset makes me feel quite faint ) and scared.
I hope you can all get home to recharge your batteries, and that you get some much needed support from friends nearby, and from your paed/community doctors and nurses when he is discharged.

Sansouci - how is he now? And how are you?

I will be honest and say I am worried about you, as well as concerned to know that your DS is getting better.

I know the stress of having a child in hospital - DS had 4 operations in 5 weeks when he was 1, and I know those nights on plastic chairs. But I am worried about some of the doubts you were having about yourself last Friday night - "I freely admit it. Adhere to "if you want something done properly, do it yourself", much to my disgust. I wish I was/were? "well" enough to stay with ds all the time but am pretty unstable, especially when sleep-deprived. sounds pathetic. IS pathetic. one of the reasons I feel so terribly guilty. am a shite mother when the going gets too tough, I suppose. " amongst other things. Of course we all feel terrible guilt over things that happen to our little ones - Like Moondog, I have been through the 'ear infection' debacle - but I am worried that your upset over this has been exacerbated by problems that were ocurring before DS became ill.

Once DS is truly on the mend, are there ways you could look at the supoprt you have, your need for control (the reluctance to let dd stay with close friends in such a crisis?), the level of support by DH, etc?

You do seem quite isolated - and I too am horrified that your Mum didn't come when you asked her to - but maybve she couldn't face it all either?

I really hope that things are going well with DS - not easy for a 2 year-old to be in plaster.

Thanks for your concern, BluStocking. I am still being treated for depression so am perhaps less able to deal with stress than I could be.

Today was a classic example: Dd at school, me at hospital with ds. My mobile phone rings; it's the headmistress saying dd's not coping. Dd gets on the phone, sobbing "Mama!". Ds is currently extremely foul-tempered & has only just awoken from his nap. Leaving him was agony. Difficult to describe the utter despair I felt at having to face the 40-minute drive in heavy traffic, feeling judged by ds, dd, hospital staff and school staff.

Please MNers, don't judge me. I can't bear it. I am beating myself up over this but can do nothing but live from day to day, trying to make the "right" choices. You can't truly understand the situation unless you've lived it yourself. It's impossible for my 5 year old dd to fully comprehend AND accept that her little brother comes first at the moment because he is ill.

(Switched over to my Christmas name)

I've been searching the internet for any information regarding ds' illness. In French it's called Spondylodiscite bactérienne & information in that language is hard to come by. Does anyone have any idea what this is in English & where I can get more information? Expatinscotland seems pretty knowledgeable on all things medical... anyone? Thanks.

Fruitcake, none of us know quite what you are going through. Even people whose children have been in hospital (although they are genuinely trying to help) because we aren't you, in your situation, with your family. So no-one has the right to judge - and I don't think anyone meant to, honestly. People were just trying to help.

Having to leave ds to go to dd must have been awful.

I am thinking of you and ds (and dd and dh). Just do what you have to do, whatever that is. No-one could be perfect in this situation - you are having to divide yourself into two and it's impossible.

I guess I keep posting because it helps me to talk about it. One of the main reasons I value MN is "freedom of speech" & hopefully, a non-judgemental support. However, everyone has their axe to grind so if I am told off for this or that, it's up to me to sort the well-meant advice from the criticism.

Your message is wonderful, Panto. thanks.

No problem Fruitcake.

I tried googling Spondylodiscite bactérienne and obviously got French sites. Did autotranslate and didn't get much that was meaningful (to me, at any rate) beyond the fact it was a bacterial infection of the spine. Well, yes, you knew that. Tried googling in English spine vertebra and infection and got this. Not sure it's the same thing but was talking about antibiotics and braces as treatment, so maybe similar? Hope it helps, anyway.
spinal infections

SS - I hope ds is getting better. I've been where you are now and it is so tough. My dd was in hospital (not local to home) for 8 long weeks, two others at home and hubby working shifts. Choosing to be at the hospital, for me wasn't a difficult decision, but the guilt at dumping (that's how it feels even now) the other two on anyone who could take them was hard to bear on top of everything else. I'm glad that you are getting support now from your dh - shame your mum couldn't provide some too.

My ds's were fine, your dd will be too. You need to look after ds and yourself for now.

oh, poor you, Sansouci - what an awful time for you all.

thinking of you.

My mum arrived yesterday, bless her. Ds has suddenly made a remarkable improvement & is almost the way he was before this dreadful thing started. Chuckling & being naughty/cheeky. Poor little sprout! He's even walking a little! Will look up bacterial spondylitis before going in to hosp. Dh & dd currently doing the morning shift. Thanks, btw.

Glad things are looking up, fruitcake .

Oh, bloody hell, the call from the school must have been heartbreaking as well as stressful. This is a hell of a lot for you to be jugglling on your own. Has your DH gone back to work? Any chance of your Mum being on the horizon? Though I would guess that flights are pretty booked up at this time of year, anyway.

I hadn't realised you were actually depressed, this is a bad enough situation for anyone even if they were starting from a 'level playing field'.
I hope your dds school are not judging you -and mostly are giving you a bit of back up in supporting your dd and being sensitive with her?

How is DS now?

Ooops, bear with me while my brain catches up - I thought I had read the whole thread, and completely missed your thread about your Mum having arrived! PHEW. V pleased for you. Good news about DS. PHEW!

Today is day 13 of ds' hospitalisation. I'm at home drinking my tea & catching up on my e-mail before heading off to be with him. Yesterday, ds did not look v. well. Tired & pale, with dark smudges under his eyes. I'm worried, worried, worried.

We're now waiting for the weekly diagnostic tests (blood sample & x-ray) on Thursday. I'm praying he'll be home for Christmas.

How's things fruitcake? Hope the tests go OK today and you can get him home.

I think my brother may have had this when he was 2 (discitus an infection of one of the discs in the spine?? tried googling but couldnt make much sense of the sites that came up )

He was in hospital for a little while and then had to wear a cast/brace for a few months, he hated wearing it but got used to it.

He is fine now, (hes 6 and doesnt remember being in hospital or anything) his spine is growing normally, he is happy and healthy and you would never even know he had been poorly

Im really sorry to hear about your ds and hope he gets better really soon xxxx

fruitcake, I am sorry to hear you are still very worried about him, I hope tamba's reassuring tale helps a little.
hope the tests do come back better and he is home for Christmas. The dry, hot air of hospitals can make people look tireder than they are IYSWIM.
Best of luck for today.

I'm glad your DS is getting better fruitcake; it probably makes his day when he says you, regardless of the bags under your eyes

will he get home for Christmas?

I should have started a new thread! Ds is home (was actually let out last week)!! I am so happy! He has a full body cast & will be on antibiotics for another month but he is as happy as a clam. He can walk & sit but not kneel or bend over (obviously!). A nurse comes to the house everyday to check up on his cast & to help me bathe him. I've been busier than I could ever have dreamed possible & am now getting ready to take the plunge towards preparing tomorrow's Xmas lunch - for 9, including 3 kids! Yes, I am mad.

You sound so much happier too - and who could blame you

Have a wonderful christmas!

I'm so glad DS is on the mend

If I don't have chance to log on before boxing day, Merry Christmas to all.

P.S. Don't get stressed or depressed. Just remember: In 48 hours, it'll all be over for another year!

S.S.Fruitcake, you sound great! I'm so happy your DS got to go home for Christmas, and is on the mend - hurrah. Have a wonderful one, well done, and happy new year...