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Original poster

Alcoholic and breastfeeding

95 replies

Wishtoaskaquestion · 16/11/2005 22:39

I am a regular but wish to remain annoynomous for this.

Family member is an alcoholic, received treatment, had stopped drinking became pregnant delivered a delighful baby about 6 weeks ago.

It is now clear she is drinking again but continues to breastfeed. Baby has very loose, very frequent stools but is gaining weight slowly - how much harm is she doing by continuing this farce and continuing to feed. Reference sites would be very helpful if anyone has them.

OP posts:

alcoholicanonymous · 21/11/2005 16:38

WTAAQ - this person is very lucky to have so many people supporting her at the moment. I'm not sure I agree that confronting her would increase her levels of secrecy - it depends very much whether she wants to stop drinking or not. That sounds strange but some alcoholics don't want to stop drinking (yet) and others are desperate to stop but just can't (not without help, anyway). You mentioned a therapist, but just wondered if she has ever been to Alcoholics Anonymous?

Swings - you were asking me about my recovery. My last drink was in June 2001 and I hope I never drink again. Today I don't want or need a drink but I just take each day as it comes. The process of stopping wasn't hard but dealing with situations/people while sober, rather than dulling everything with alcohol was very difficult. I was having to feel emotions for the first time in a long while and also having to deal with the guilt of what I had done/could have done to my famiy. In Alcoholics Anonymous though, I learned that alcoholism is a disease, that I wasn't a bad person just a very sick one. I also learned that I cannot control alcohol and that I can never safely drink it again. Once I realised this powerlessness, things got easier and very quickly the desire to drink went away. AA has taught me how to handle situations that I simply couldn't handle before, and in AA I have found peace and happiness.

My DD is now 6 and she cannot remember ever seeing me drink. I haven't told her about my past yet but I will when she is old enough to understand. We have the most beautiful relationship now - it started to improve as soon as I stopped drinking. Alcoholism was the problem, not my lovely little girl. TBH, although I'm not glad I developed alcoholism, I've found that in recovery I've got more gratitude for things and live my life more fully than I ever did before.

Anyway, feel like I'm hijacking this thread - I just hope the poor woman gets help - but really unless she is ready to stop, there is nothing anyone can do for her and I can understand everyone's concerns for the child.

kleist · 21/11/2005 17:05

This is SUCH an interesting thread to read and your story is so poignant AA.

One thing that's always fascinated me about alcohol is when / how you know it's a problem. For instance I have at least two friends who drink a bottle of wine an evening, sometimes every night of the week. I have other friends who would only drink socially but can put away so much it's shocking. As for me I drink 2-3 regular size bottles of beer in the evening (wine gives me a headache) and I do find I really miss it if I don't. But I would never consider it was a problem. Maybe I should.

AA, how did you know your bottle of wine a day was a 'problem' rather than just an enjoyable end to the day?

And wishtoask, what kind of alcohol problem did your friend have before getting pregnant. What approach helped her to stop?

WalkinginaRainbowWonderland · 21/11/2005 17:37

Wishtoask - thanks for keeping us up to date. It will be a long (sometimes uphill) struggle for all concerned I'm sure but well done for starting the ball rolling... much admiration. Truly. (the artist formerly known as RainbowWalker) xx

alcoholicanonymous · 21/11/2005 18:17

Kleist - it only became apparent to me when someone pointed it out. Until then I thought I was stressed/depressed and alcohol was my way of relieving the stress. In reality my drinking became a problem when I lost the power to choose. By that I mean that I would say to myself "I don't think I'll have anything to drink tonight" but in spite of this I'd find myself opening a bottle if there was some in the house or trotting off to the corner shop just before it closed.

I also used to say things like "I'll only have a couple of beers" but then find myself really drunk. It was like I had no choice.

It's not about the quantity or what a person drinks, it's about how alcohol changes them and about the power to choose. Hope that makes sense.

kleist · 21/11/2005 22:14

It does make sense, yes, aa. You also said that drinking was making you physically ill, right? I think that's probably another sign that drinking's become a problem. Did you drink in the day or only the evening? I'd also heard that was an indicator. Plus keeping your drinking secret / lying about it?

alcoholicanonymous · 21/11/2005 23:09

I was pretty open about my drinking at first - only alcoholics have secrets don't they . I thought that as I wasn't hiding it, it couldn't be a problem. I usually drank in the evening when my daughter was in bed but as my drinking progressed I was opening a bottle earlier and earlier, sadly, often before my husband got home from work so my daughter was in my sole care. It was then that I started to lie about my drinking and the downward spiral of guilt and remorse and more drinking progressed.

kleist · 22/11/2005 15:24

I have to say aa that I usually crack open a bottle of beer around dd's tea time, 6pm-ish. Although I've never finished it before she goes to bed. I sometimes vaguely wonder. But I never get drunk EVER. And I never drink more than 3 bottles of beer a night. And I never drink anything stronger. What worries me, vaguely, is the fact that I'm aware I really really miss it if it's not there.

So, should I worry?

And how's things going wishtoask?

alcoholicanonymous · 22/11/2005 16:35

kleist - there's only really you who can say whether it's a problem or not. Like I said before, it's not really what you drink, or the quantity, it's whether you have a choice. I think it's important to remember that no alcoholic starts out swigging vodka neat from the bottle - it's a progressive disease - many alcoholics have years of social drinking and very moderate quantities before it has a serious effect on their life.

Maybe you could try going without the beers for a while and see how you feel.

kleist · 22/11/2005 19:25

Rather miserable I'd imagine, aa, to be honest. I just find it so helps me to relax after a hectic day. I don't feel like I've got a problem. And I can do without. I just prefer not to. But your advice will stay with me and I'll keep an eye on it.

alcoholicanonymous · 24/11/2005 11:06

Probably best to just keep an eye on it as you say, Kleist, and you know there is help for you if ever you need it.

kleist · 24/11/2005 11:15

And I really do think you're brave to admit the problem and to have dealt with it so effectively. Do you NEVER drink now then?

alcoholicanonymous · 24/11/2005 12:34

No I don't drink at all now but I can't say I will never drink again as I have to live a day at a time - but I hope I never do. There is no reason for me to drink again as I know what I've got to do to stay sober so if I ever did pick a drink up again it would be because I wanted to have a drink.

I don't want or need to have a drink today. I can go out and be sociable with people and have a great time without having a drink - when I was drinking I had to be half cut before I could get up and dance - not now I'm usually first up.

wessexgirl · 24/11/2005 13:05

Hello, just wanted to mention that this month's issue of Junior Pregnancy and Baby has a useful article on this subject.

Gist was, the occasional tipple isn't going to hurt, if you drink a bit more (at a party, say) try pumping and dumping, but heavy regular alcohol consumption can result in delays in baby's motor development.

More risky still is bf your baby whilst drunk - a young woman in America is up on a manslaughter charge for suffocating her baby after falling asleep whilst feeding it in an intoxicated state.

Hope this helps and things work out with your family member.

NotQuiteCockney · 24/11/2005 13:10

Ack, not more media mention of pumping and dumping! It doesn't make any difference! As your body clears the alcohol from your blood, it clears the alcohol from the milk in your breasts.

wessexgirl · 24/11/2005 13:17

Hey, they didn't mention that NQC. Interesting.

(I can't imagine wanting to be drunk in charge of a breast pump to be honest, would rather just let nature take its course).

NotQuiteCockney · 24/11/2005 13:27

tiktok and mears are always saying it, on here.

Pumping and dumping just sounds wasteful.

aloha · 24/11/2005 13:27

It is a poor feature IMO. Full of contradictions and things that are just plain wrong.

kleist · 24/11/2005 13:31

Unusual that, for Junior.

AlsoAA · 24/11/2005 16:36

WTAAQ.....just seen this thread, and also changed my name for anonymity. My dd was born many years after I stopped drinking/drugging (was so messed up on the relationship front, I couldn't have got there pre-recovery!), so I don't have first hand experience of being actively alcoholic whilst BF'ing - but I agree absolutely with AA's feedback on alcholism. I can't think of much more to add, either...just my support.
Good luck - let us know how things go.

kleist · 29/11/2005 21:49

WTAAQ, how did this pan out?

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