Update on Rindercella's DH

[Rindercella]

Apologies for putting my name in the thread title - it seems so self important but I don't mean it to be. So many of you offered so much help, support and fantastic advice, I just wanted to let you know where we are at. Previous threads here and here.

DH was diagnosed with advanced metastatic prostate cancer with secondary lymph node cancer in May last year, when our DD2 was just 5 weeks old. 9 months on and things are very far from well. DH's health has unfortunately really deteriorated since then. Particularly since Christmas he is suffering so much more pain and discomfort. He can now barely eat and is just so, so weak.

He saw his oncologist yesterday and he is to start a course of chemotherapy starting next Wednesday. He also needs a blood transfusion next week (and thank you to everyone who gives blood, what a brilliant thing you do).

He is a very, very ill man. It is so bloody hard to see the man I love so very much waste away. There is no prognosis. I know he is going to die from this fucking awful disease. I just don't know when.

I am getting counselling, which is definitely helping me. And my SIL is now more or less living with us which is so fanastic I cannot tell you - her being here helps us all so much, and it helps her and it helps the rest of their family, knowing that she is here. I actually don't know how I coped for the last couple of months before her arrival. I am still manically busy, and that's with an extra person helping me. I think DD1 feels it very much too and is especially clingy to me and she really hates me leaving her (eg when I drop her off at preschool).

Mostly this seems so surreal. Like I am not really typing these words. Cancer. Chemo. Only pallative. My darling husband. Those things just shouldn't be joined together. But they are and it is very, very painful.

I hope that the chemo does make DH feel better (I understand that he is likely to have bad days following the treatment). The worst pain for him is in his bones. He sometimes screams out with the pain. Just heartbreaking.

Does anyone have andy advice on how best to help him through his chemo?

Thank you all so much for your messages of support.

Things have improved slightly. DH seems a little more comfortable, his pain seems a little better under control and he's much, much brighter in himself. His hgb levels are up to 12.5!! He has to go to the local hospital for a scan though as his left arm is incredibly swollen and he cannot move it. It's likely the disease in the lymph nodes under the arm is affecting the blood cells and also his liver seems to be a bit of a worry too. I really wish sometimes I had better medical knowledge, but perhaps it's better to remain stupid on some of these things?

I have managed to spend lots of time with him over the last couple of days - both with and without the girls. I am going to pop over and see him again in a while, a bit of a date night

So, things are calmer. The doctors at the hospice and his oncologist are still talking about chemo - perhaps next week. So fingers crossed that DH will continue to rally and be strong enough. xxx

xxxx

Fingers, toes and everything crossed!!!!

Enjoy your date night!! xx

Am so glad the news is brighter!

Smiling at your update . Enjoy your date night! I'll keep thinking of you all.

Awh glad tis more positive

So pleased he's feeling brighter Rinders. And fingers crossed for him having his chemo next week. Have a lovely date xx

That's great news Rinders, wishing you all a very happy and relaxed weekend together x

That sounds good Rindercella, hope dh continues to gain strength. Have a lovely date with him tonight. x

love to dh and your girls, rinders. and to you, of course.

Great to hear Rinders. Hope you had a lovely time on date night.

great news x

So pleased the news is more positive. The care that hospices provide is just wonderful. Hope you and your girls are doing ok x

That's great to hear Rinders. Let's hope things carry on going well.

that sounds positive :) hope you all have a lovely weekend :)

Everything crossed in the moose family, too. Love and positive thoughts being sent to you. Xxxxx

glad things are sounding more positive.

x

That's good news, Rinders!
x

That's (mostly) great news!! I hope you both made the most of your date night x

It's a real shame he has to go about his arm, but hopefully it will enable them to help him.

I hope you keep telling Richard how many of us are sending him our 'get well' vibes & lots of love.

Eat & SLEEP
X

Hope you both had a good date night ;-) xx

I've been following your thread Rinders. Great news that DH is brighter. Hope 'date night' went well.

Love to you all. xx

Good stuff rinders :)

Hope your date was fun, and he's well enough for chemo next week

Ok, that wasn't one of our better dates. DH was pretty much out of it and very incoherent.

I went back again this morning as the hospice consultant wanted to see us together. He's been speaking to Richard's oncologist about next steps. Basically, the oncologist has said based on how Richard is now, if he does have chemo the absolutely best case scenario is that he will live for 'a few months'. He obviously has the choice about whether or not to try and have the chemo - but of course the doctors could still say that he is not strong enough.

So, Richard will be going to the hospital in Oxford next week to at least see his oncologist to talk about this in detail. Although only 25 miles, it is really tough on his body to make that journey, so that in itself was a big decision to make.

He is so thin, he barely eats - just can't anymore. The radiotherapy he had a month ago did not work, so his mobility is virtually zero. And the cancer in his spine - at the tail bone is causing him an awful lot of pain and distress. And the pain is getting worse. I think he's about to become paralysed actually. What an utterly utterly shitty thing to happen to the fittest, most athletic man I have ever known. I know I said this on my first thread, but Richard could run 400 meters in less than 50 seconds, and that was with no training or coaching. He probably should/could have been an international athlete.

So, my beautiful, wonderful husband is dying and there is sweet FA that I - or anyone else - can do. India will remember her Daddy, but Jasmine won't. And that breaks my heart. Memory boxes will be done. Lots of photos will be taken tomorrow, Jasmine's 1st birthday. Our little miracle baby

I am so so so sorry .

Is there anything I can do?