Update on Rindercella's DH

[Rindercella]

Apologies for putting my name in the thread title - it seems so self important but I don't mean it to be. So many of you offered so much help, support and fantastic advice, I just wanted to let you know where we are at. Previous threads here and here.

DH was diagnosed with advanced metastatic prostate cancer with secondary lymph node cancer in May last year, when our DD2 was just 5 weeks old. 9 months on and things are very far from well. DH's health has unfortunately really deteriorated since then. Particularly since Christmas he is suffering so much more pain and discomfort. He can now barely eat and is just so, so weak.

He saw his oncologist yesterday and he is to start a course of chemotherapy starting next Wednesday. He also needs a blood transfusion next week (and thank you to everyone who gives blood, what a brilliant thing you do).

He is a very, very ill man. It is so bloody hard to see the man I love so very much waste away. There is no prognosis. I know he is going to die from this fucking awful disease. I just don't know when.

I am getting counselling, which is definitely helping me. And my SIL is now more or less living with us which is so fanastic I cannot tell you - her being here helps us all so much, and it helps her and it helps the rest of their family, knowing that she is here. I actually don't know how I coped for the last couple of months before her arrival. I am still manically busy, and that's with an extra person helping me. I think DD1 feels it very much too and is especially clingy to me and she really hates me leaving her (eg when I drop her off at preschool).

Mostly this seems so surreal. Like I am not really typing these words. Cancer. Chemo. Only pallative. My darling husband. Those things just shouldn't be joined together. But they are and it is very, very painful.

I hope that the chemo does make DH feel better (I understand that he is likely to have bad days following the treatment). The worst pain for him is in his bones. He sometimes screams out with the pain. Just heartbreaking.

Does anyone have andy advice on how best to help him through his chemo?

I've been lurking on this thread, not knowing what to say, knowing nothing I say can help. I just want you to know there are lots of us praying for you, thinking of you and knowing how unfair this is xx

Just wanted to say that although I have nothing to offer in the way of advice, I am still here lurking and thinking of you and your family xx

WaxLyrical - could you link to that thread please. I'd love to contribute.

thinking of you all tonight - hope you are managing to get some rest x

Thinking of you.

Thinking of you all today.

Rindercella, thinking about you

Oh Rinders. :(

Will be thinking of you, DH and the girls. I'm a recent namechanger, but have been following your thread.

I'm so sorry to hear your latest news on DH, please keep posting for support. We are all here for you in whatever way you need us.

x

Hoping you are having a peaceful weekend and R is as comfortable as he can be. I'm here if you need me, all weekend. :)

Rinders - you and your lovely DH and beautiful DC are in my thoughts and prayers. xx

You are in my though too.

Hope DH has rallied again.

Stay strong x

My mum and I are thinking about you. She went through something similar 20 years ago with my dad and we are wishing you and your family peace and strength for the next steps on your journey.

In our thoughts x

Thinking of you all, and praying for you too. With love x

Rinders I haven't been on MN at all recently but I have thought of you every day, I don't know even how but I know that I have honestly offered up a prayer every single day for you and your family.
I think you are amazing and I think your husband knows your strength, and is so proud of you.
with much love

Oh God, thank you all so much for your kind words. I am in tears as I have just found Edgar's thread and learnt that she has lost her little boy to this bastard disease. How fucking unfair is that?

News from here is that DH has rallied. He's back in the hospice after a pretty awful hospital stay. It's been such a roller coaster few days. Basically the doctors at the hospice told us on Wednesday that there was little that they could do for him now, that there would be no further chemotherapy and that should his body fail then they would recommend that he not be resuscitated. It was very, very hard to hear for both of us.

So, that evening we got him over to the hospital, and he had a blood transfusion - 4 lots of new blood. Since then he has improved a lot. He is still weak and in pain but some of that pain is due to a bed sore he got because he'd been on the wrong mattress in the hospital. And then the dressing that the nurse put on him for this in the hospital was the wrong one and when it was removed it ripped off a layer of skin from his back. (yes, I am fucking angry about this)

His consultant seemed very pleased with him yesterday and said that depending on his blood results on Monday he should be ok to have the chemo on Tuesday. So, please can you all keep your fingers crossed, say prayers, sacrifice lambs, whatever is your thing , that Richard's hgb levels are ok and that he can indeed have the chemo as planned.

He is in pretty good spirits, although was very, very upset about the dressing fuck up. He does think now that some people are deliberately out to scupper his chances. Of course that isn't true, but ffs, it makes me so angry when trained health care professionals make such fundamental mistakes. Why cause a desperately ill man more pain and stress than he already has to endure?

My mood is a little better today but I am still feeling very fragile. I am happy as it's DD2's first birthday next Saturday and the hospice have said we can have a little party for her there and I actually feel confident that I can plan that as I no longer feel DH could go imminently.

I am knackered. I stayed with Richard for the 2 nights he was in hospital and got a total of 3 hours broken sleep (on a very uncomfortable chair) over those 2 days and nights (the first morning, DD2 woke at 4.30am and stayed awake). I was back home last night but DD2 had another very bad night - molars are coming through I think and causing her a lot of pain.

I have lots of people around me, helping out. It's nice because I know out of all this utter crapness, there is some goodness too - the DDs getting to know their extended family far more than they ever would have in different circumstances for example. WhoMoved, I think I am going to have to say thank you but not just at the moment for Blenheim thanks. It's a lovely idea but I just do not know where we're going to be/what we're going to be doing from one day to the next at the moment and it's simpler if the girls are at home.

To everyone who has posted offering your support, love and good wishes, thank you so much. It has been - and continues to be - an invaluable lifeline to me. Thank you.

thanks for the update - all best wishes to you xx

Glad things are looking a little brighter for you all at the moment. I think about you at random times - do hope you get some more special moments, and that things work out for your DH on Tuesday.

Rinders it says so much about you that in the midst of this you can find emotion to grieve for Edgar's little boy.

I will indeed sacrifice some lambs, and pray that your DH is well enough for his chemo on Tuesday.

I hope you get some sleep tonight x