Looking for a cure for my phobia

[Lonelymum]

OMG I have just rung up a charity that offers group behavioural therapy, discussed my phobia with someone over the phone and she is sending me details to join one of the groups. I feel completely wrung out and can't stop crying, but it is a step I have to take. O M G.

Oh bogie eating is OK in my book! I always think, it has just come from them, so it won't harm to go back in!! But that doesn't make entire sense does it because I wouldn't want them eating poo!

Crazydazy: You have just described my feeling to a T. I know that if dh & I were to go our sperate ways that i would let him have the boys and I feel bad, but IO know that I would go to pieces. I wasn't too bad with my phobia until Ds1 started nursery last year. He's now in reception and every single day I think about pulling him out of school and homeschooling him to keep him away from any bugs. I feel so sorry for the little guy, he never goes to any of the kids birthday parties or anything as I am soooo scared that he will catch something. I am seriously looking into hypnotherapy, but have yet to pick up the phone and make that call.

How nice to read this thread - I brought up the subject (so to speak) a couple of years ago, but didn't really get too much feedback.

I too have emetophobia - of other people throwing up, not myself. One thing I have noticed is that it gets much, much worse when I'm slightly depressed. But even when it's not bad, there's not a night when I don't go to bed and consider the possibility of one of the kids waking up and being sick in the middle of the night (which is invariably when it happens with ds1, but not, so far, with ds2). dp is away tonight, so no doubt I'll be extra on edge.

I contacted Triumph over Phobia, too, and ended up going to a local group for a few months, but it wasn't very successful because, as has been pointed out, there are no easy steps towards exposing yourself to somebody throwing up. Also, the person running the "group" - there were only two of us went! - didn't have any experience of phobias and was doing it as a voluntary part of her studies in psychology. I looked at some photos and got as far as watching a video made by the Maudesley, which was really traumatic at first, but then not as bad after the seventh time of viewing - deeply unpleasant, but not traumatic any more. But how to move from a picture on the screen, which is predictable and once removed from reality, to real life, which is not at all predictable. The worst words I can hear are: "I don't feel well" or "I feel sick". They say it so lightly! In reality, people don't often go on to throw up straight away, but the damage is done to me. My nerves jangle, my stomach is in knots, my adrenalin levels shoot up and I spend the next period of time working out how I can make myself scarce. It's got so that it's almost the first thing I tell people about myself now (even before I come out to them!) just in case they ever feel ill and want me to look after them! I remember when I was young, if I was ever sick one of my parents would rub my back for me. I just wish I could ever think of doing the same for my ds's. What has happened up until now is I send dp in to deal with the throwing up child and then I do the clearing up.

It's a phobia that interferes in so many areas of life, though. I won't go on coaches or ferries, don't like to be around people drinking and am constantly - many times a day - imagining what I would do if either ds threw up right now. Still, it does me good to know there are others out there, and I'm even more determined to try out hypnotherapy. I have a leaflet for someone in south Manchester, but I haven't contacted her so far because I think it'll be too expensive. Also, I suspect, being a pessimist, that I'll never really be cured. I can't imagine seeing or being near somebody vomiting ever not being the worst thing in the world.

OMG Juno, you are another twin of mine! Again I relate to every description of how your phobia manifests itself.

You especially intrest me because you have given TOP a go - and found it unsuccessful, for what weem to be pretty much the reasons I think it won't work. Maybe I won't bother with it then, at least, not as my first port of call. I am so confused with what therapy to try. Hypnotherapy comes up several times. Perhaps that? I am definitely going to my GP again. Someone must be able to put me on the right track to good therapy...

Good luck for tonight BTW. I so know how you feel. If dh can't sort things out, I will be in the same boat as you tomorrow, and anyway, I am there most weeks now at some time or another owing to dh's many trips abroad. Do you go to bed early so as to get as much sleep as possible in case the worst happens and, in the event of nothing happening, in order to pass the night as quickly as possible? That is what I do.

I have done that Lonelymum, gone to bed early when DP has been working away, cos otherwise I just sit downstairs worrying about it, I don't think about it once I am asleep!!! I have just said it little prayer before sleep and gone to sleep with my fingers crossed!!!! When I woke up the next morning and I see the light (even if its 5.00 or something) I feel a tremendous sense of relief because then I feel safe knowing that I can call on someone should the kids get ill from that point onwards.

When DD was about 18 months she got a really nasty tummy bug and had it for a week day and night. Obviously DP couldn't have the week off so we all got dressed at the same time and then he went with me down to his Mum and Dads where me and DD stayed until he got home!!! I felt so inadequate as everytime she was sick I ran from the room and her grandad had to comfort her. It was horrible and that was when I started my CBT course. I only went 4 times and then it just got too much for me after the tape, I could look at the pictures but not the tape, the therapist was crap and had no experience of our phobia and I think the sessions made her feel sick too!!!! I came out every time in tears and just stopped going in the end so there is no way my GP would refer me back.

I just long for the days when my kids are older and can look after themselves. But then you get the teenagers throwing up from drinking!!! OH MY GAWD!!!!

Crazydazy, I have already thought about teenagers throwing up from drink. I told my dh, if they do that, I am leaving for a hotel and they can look after themselves and clean the mess up themselves. I won't feel duty bound to care for them if they get ill under those circumstances!

I have always thought I would like to try hypnotherapy but was worried about the price!!!

Oh crazydazy, isn't any price worth being free of this? I know what you mean - money isn't exactly abundant in our home either - but I would pay whatever I had to be free of this.

Well, I feel quite an outsider here with my manifestation of emetophobia. I'm only really worried about other people being sick if I might catch something. Having said that, dd (3) has never yet thrown up so I don't know how I'd handle it really. And dp has been sick a couple of times since we've been together but never in front of me and only once with a bug. Which I also got. I think what I fear is my being out of control, humiliating myself, as though if I started to vomit it might never stop, as though I'd turn inside out. I'm really interested tounderstand what you guys feel though about your fear of others being sick. Can you explain it to me?

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) is particularly effective for phobias - I think the main website is called Passion for Health and they have practitioner listings too. The therapy involves a guided talk and tapping of acupressure points. It's not hypnotherapy based and it apparently works really well. HTH

Speaking personally MLL, no I can't explain it! though the mess and smell etc it cause definitely makes it worse for me. So if my children can be sick into a bucket or the loo (or in dd's case this week, in the street where I can't clean it up) then the stress is less. So is it just a natural disgust reaction gone over the top? I don't know. I don't understand my phobia at all.

Oh lm,just read this thread the whole way though....
I am so sorry.Wish I could offer some help. May I give you a deeply sympathetic squeeze of the shoulder??? (No bloody use at all I know.)
On a brighter note,you seem to have loads of useful ideas and leads here and a real resolve to get to grips with it all.

Best of luck.

XXX

Thanks Moondog, you deserve a medal for reading the whole of this thread. What a lot of nonsense it all is isn't it? Well, my bits anyway. God what wouldn't I give to get free of this!

Look, this might be a really stupid thing to say,but you do realize that most people find vomit (even their own children's) pretty vile don't you??
I was heaving while wiping up some of ds's today.

Do your older children know and if not will you tell them so that if need be,they can deal with any accidents amongst themselves and siblings?

I am claustrophobic and will not get into a lift btw. When we moved to Turkey,dh had a hell of a job finding a ground floor flat for us as he knew i wouldn't contemplate the lift. Fine if just me and the stairs but a lot more complicated with a baby in a pram.

I decided farily recently to tell my older children as I wanted them to know my reaction was not normal, in the hope that they won't develop it too (I don't think they will: they aren't too upset about being sick whereas I always used to cry after being sick as a child: the early phobia signs were there IMO). I don't tell them too much though as I am not sure how much they could cope with knowing. I don't trust them to clean things up properly. part of the phobia means that I have to get any mess cleared up as I cannot rest until I know it is done to my standards. And yes, I know everyone feels revulsion: that is why I don't think I will ever be cured, because the revulsion is really normal (just not to the degree I have it).

I also suffer from claustrophobia BTW though not very acutely: I can get into a lift. My worst experience there was in a crowded room at the Poldark Mine in Cornwall. There was an introductory video you had to watch before going down the mine and the shed was packed solid with people. I basically had what I now know to be a panic attack, but when the shed cleared, I was able to go down the mine with dh and was fine. Pot holing would be a big no-no though!

Message withdrawn

Glad to hear it went well Aimsmum. I agree with you that the moeny is worth it if it works.

Oh no I couldn't go potholing either, I watched that "Descent" and it was horrible. I cannot believe people actually do this as a hobby!!!!

Mummylonglegs - A friend of mine has the phobia like you, she just hates being sick herself but can look after anyone else!!! I so wish I was just like that, I know its a big thing for you and it really does bother me when I feel sick but the just "not knowing" with my children makes it hard. When they say "mummy I've got tummy ache" i just want to be calm and not go into a panic thinking "I know it will happen tonight" and getting into such a state!!

BTW Lonelymum, have sent you an email

Mummylonglegs, your question is interesting - one that I have thought about often over the past 20 years.

I just don't know what it is that scares me. It is definitely not that I will catch it. It makes no difference to me whether someone has a bug or is car sick for example. I need all television programmes and films to be vetted too. Although I hate being sick myself and will do anything to avoid it, I don't think my reaction to that is actually phobic, just a bit extreme perhaps.

My reaction to others being sick is definitely phobic. I run, I cry, I scream. I hide under the pillow (!). Recently I just couldn't bring myself to walk even on the other side of the road to someone who was drunk. Just in case...

My lowest point came when I decided I couldn't do my GCSEs because I was convinced someone would be sick in the exam hall and I couldn't take that risk. A teacher convinced me to sit them in the end and I decided I had to get some help.

I have been asked whether I think the person will die but that is definitely not it. I can only describe it as the worst thing in the world. Sometimes the anticipation is worse than the event. Sometimes the event retraumatises me and the anticipation becomes even worse.

Breaking down the constituents, I hate it all but it is not the mess. Again, it is nearly as bad for me on television as in real life. The splash is a big thing for me. The sight if it... And the violence I suppose. Adults bother me more than children I think because of the power, noise etc.

Yuck yuck. What a horrible thing for us all to go through!

I am the same, not too bothered about feeling sick myself (it's very rare that I am actually sick), but ds's only have to say "my tummy hurts" and I start shivering/shaking with the adrenaline that I have running around my body, I feel sick, sweaty, clammy. It's just horrible. I am also paranoid about catching bugs from others or food poisoning. I will not eat/cook anything on the day it goes out of date, meat has to be bought the day I want to cook it and then it is cooked VERY well. If we go out for meals, I will only eat pasta, pizza or salad, nothing with fish or meat. I also taken antibacterial wipes/hand gel with me, so that i can wipe things down or clean my hands ASAP after touching something that I know will be riddled with germs.

Damn phobia rules my life

Steala, you have described it so perfectly well. I just couldn't find the words myself but yes, I am EXACTLY the same as you. The noises are just as bad as the visual. I hate seeing it in the street too, it ruins my day and I always avoid that place for weeks.

I too was asked if it was linked to being afraid to die, why do they think that? Saying that tho' I used to think when I was young that I would rather die than be sick!!! It as scary as thinking you are dying though, I do believe that but I don't think I will die and that isn't why I am scared iykwim!!!

I do once remember when I was a child someone telling me that someone had died by inhaling their own vomit. It was a horrible idea for me (hence why I have remembered it) and I do wonder if that contributed to my phobia, but I know I had the phobia even before I heard the story.

You are right Steala that it isn't entirely to do with catching it as someone being travel sick would have the same effect on me and seeing people be sick on TV is bad too (WHY DO THEY HAVE TO SHOW THAT??? ).