Looking for a cure for my phobia

[Lonelymum]

OMG I have just rung up a charity that offers group behavioural therapy, discussed my phobia with someone over the phone and she is sending me details to join one of the groups. I feel completely wrung out and can't stop crying, but it is a step I have to take. O M G.

I must admit I will try anything Aimsmum and your positive experience is more for me to go on than anything else as yet. If I could meet someone who had been cured another way, I might consider that too. The woman I spoke to claimed her charity had had many people cured, but no-one (but Crazydazy!) seems to describe the exact same phobia as me. eg I don't have a problem with eating in restaurants.

So do you think I should go back to the GP, tell them the CPN couldn't do anything for me and ask them for a hypnotherapist referral? I am reluctant to contact any of these organisations you find on the web as I don't know which are genuine and which are not.

lonelymum, I would certainly stict with the CPN - I think alot of success in phobias is with CBT so see if you could get on a waiting list for that.

I have heard good things about hypnotherapy but also some not so good experiences. The problem with hypnotherapy is that there is not one registered body you have to belong to as it's essentially a 'complementary therapy'. That's not to say it doesn't work but I think you have to choose your hypnotherapist very carefully and perhaps it's worth doing it alongside your other help group etc.

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Sorry foxinsocks, did you mean stick with the CPN? I had an appt with one after a 6 month wait and she said she couldn't help me as I was not depressed. She basically discharged me, but she gave me the phobia charity number to ring which I finally rang yesterday (about 5 months after being given it!)

I will give this charity a go, but part of me also feels I should put the ball back in the NHS's court and go back to the GP and tell them I still want help. The worst he could do is tell me he can't offer anything else.

Yes, Aimsmum, if you could let me know your hynotherapist's website, that would be great (but no photos please!)

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Aimsmum, some of my CATs don't ssem to be getting to me. Could you email it direct to [email protected]? Thanks.

oh if the CPN can't do anything useful then go back to the GP and ask to be put on a waiting list for cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT). Do you know much about CBT?
I'll find some good links for you.

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CBT basics explains it well but is American so ignore the links at the end.

This is English (and explains neuro linguistic programming - something else that's quite well thought of) and half way through there is a link to british association for counselling and psychotherapy - it might be worth looking up someone in your area with an interest in phobias just in case your NHS waiting list is very long.

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Thanks foxinsocks and thanks Aimsmum. Yes I got it. She loks lovely and it is such a reassuring website isn't it? although I couldn't help but notice that she claims some things can be cured in one session (not phobias though) which I still find hard.

I am back to begging dh not to go. I have shown him the website, told him I am going to try anything now to get better and have even volunteered to go to the GP on Thursday if he stays home for me. He jsut can't go this week.

BTW Aimsmum, I have sent you a quick email just to introduce myself to you! And where is the link to your work? I missed that.

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Hi LM, I only just found this thread and have read it all.

My phobia isn't manifested in exactly the same ways as yours but I totally sympathise with how you describe it as taking over your life completely.

I've also had problems with my dp over the years being 'unsympathetic' as to the extent of my problems. I think he got so exhausted and fed up with me that at some stage I just stopped mentioning it and he doesn't even bat an eyelid any more that I don't eat when I'm away from home!

Hello too, Am!

Maybe we should start our own self-help group?

Lonelymum, I have every sympathy and I am sorry you are feeling so bad.

I think my phobia is very similar to yours. I have posted on some of your threads previously. I have reached the point where I am so fed up about the way it has influenced my life and am desperate to be free of it. I had therapy 16 years ago, but like Crazydazy, was traumatised by a tape (people pretending to be sick but clearly finding the whole thing hilarious).

Aimsmum, I am very interested in hypnotherapy, but I have PND and I don't think the two are compatible. Do you know?

I am encouraged and surprised that there seems to be so much recognition of this phobia now. 16 years ago, I really felt that I was seen as a freak and the psychologist was really out of her depth with me.

Lonelymum, your courage has inspired me to try again. I hope you don't think I am speaking out of turn, but you don't seem to give yourself credit for the steps that you have taken and the fact that one way or another, you are coping in extremely difficult circumstances. I admire you!

Good luck with finding help that you are comfortable with.

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement and support.

Update on dh: We had just about reached a compromise whereby instead of being away from early Thursday morning until late Saturday night, he said he woud see if he could just go for Thursday, not leaving me alone for any complete night. I don't know if his boss will agree... Then ds2 claims to feel sick though he hasn't been yet but he is off school and I am all a flutter again. Really relly worried about my youngest getting ill.

The reason why I am so hard on myself is because I know inside myself I am feeling worse and worse. My phobia used to only show itself when the kids were ill, but now it is with me all the time - literally. I am not sure if anyone can believe how much I think about it, but really, I don't think it ever completely leaves my mind. So I really don't see that I am coping at all.

Thank you for that link Psychobabble. I have had a look through it. have they helped you at all? I am just bewildered by all the different websites and support services. i don't know which directin to take.

LM, it is bewildering. I remember a while ago you were going to go for some CBT, did that appointment ever arise? If so, was it any good? I'm not at all a believer in 'aversion therapy', seeing videos of people vomiting etc. Every time I've ever seen someone else vomit it's done nothing but haunt me and make me feel a million times worse. But I think I told you before, I did have some psychotherapy for years actually, and that was the best best thing. I'm no way 'cured' - is anyone ever cured of a mental illness? But I have a better understanding of what's happening to me and I can apply that in times of crisis like you're going through now. Would you consider that? Do you have a sympathetic GP?

And how's your dd today? My friend's dd was sick at nursery the other day and came home but then was fine, it was just a one-off, I think there's a very mild tummy bug going around right now. BUT, this is how sad I am, it's her dd's birthday party on Saturday and I've already said I can't go. Just in case the bug is lurking round their home / family still. Isn't that awful? She's been a friend of mine since our dd's were born just 3 days apart. My friend's due to come to dd's party on Sunday and there's nothing I can do about that but I know I'll be watching them like hawks. My friend doesn't know about my phobia. I feel pathetic.

Does it help at all to write out exactly what it is you fear? Is it the mess? The smell? The unpredictability of when / how your child might vomit? Unlike you I'm mostly afraid of myself vomiting so my major (selfish, totally selfish) fear of dd (or dh) getting a tummy bug is that I'll catch it. And I really do live in fear of that, every day. Dd gets hiccups and I'm already starving myself like a lunatic.

Listen, LM, if you ever want to talk, either here or email, just CAT me.

Thinking of you.

Thanks for your long post MLL. The CBT thing your mentioned - well, I am so confused about what sort of treatments there are maybe I got that wrong. what happened was that I saw a CPN who asked me about my phobia and then told me she couldn't help me because I wasn't really depressed. I thought she would help with the phobia but apparently that is not her field. Anyway, she gave me a couple of numbers of support groups to ring, one of which I rang on Monday (hence the start of this thread). I really don't know what sort of therapy would work for me or what to try, but this group thng is a start (although I don't know it will be right as there was talk of desensitisation which, like you, i can't imagine helping me.)

As we have recently moved, I am not sure what my GP would be like re this issue. The CPN I saw was in this area, but the original referral came from my old GP. I do think another visit to a GP might be a good idea. I am less ashamed of my phobia now. I am glad you called it mental illness. I feel I am mentally ill. I want the NHS to do something for me, as it would if I were physically ill, not wash their hands of me.

Dd is better thanks. Not at school yet but definitely better. Ds2 is off school claiming to feel sick too, but I am not sure he will be. The worst thing is waiting for it to go through the family. If I had only one child, I would be free of it now, but as yet, I still have ds1 and ds3 to worry about.

Oh and by the way MLL, I don't think you are selfish to be worrying about yourself all the time. That actually makes some logical sense to me, whereas my worrying about the children being ill but not worrying too much that I will catch it myself, just seems plain silly to me.

Hi Lonelymum, am back, DP insisted on watching a film last night and so had to go off!!!! I have been reading all the posts on this thread and yes, we are exactly the same. I don't like being sick myself, I do panic but I don't think about myself getting ill EVERY SINGLE FRIGGIN DAY like I do my kids!!!! I think its because I can control my own body but not my kids!!! I am scared as at DD's school the kids are dropping like flies over a bug so I know exactly how you feel hun!!! I wish we lived more close together and we could fight this together. Will send you an email later on

At least your DH is being more sympathetic now, I just don't think anyone realises what an enormous fear this is, I just feel totally isolated!!!! I sometimes think to myself "why did I have kids?" its a horrible thing to think but thats how irrational this fear is. I know if DP and I split up I would have to let him have the kids, I just know I couldn't do it on my own and I take my hat off to Aimsmum, she is an inspiration to us all!!!!

People say "course you will cope" but they don't know how I feel inside, how my brain is constantly ticking over and thinking about every little thing. I am always watching my kids eat, if their hands are dirty - I even hate it when they swallow bath water!!!!

Anyway, better go but will be back later!!!

Big hugs to you Lonelymum

Yup crazydazy, we are doubles, no doubt about it. I also am very conscious of hygiene issues around the kids - I go nuts at them if they use the toilet and don't wash their hands! I spend large parts of my days thinking I should never have had children. If I got wind that dh was leaving me with the kids, I would leave first! This all must sound terrible to non phobics, but this is the nature of the phobia for me and crazydazy at least. It is why we need treatment, more than anything else.

Lol at that "if I got wind of DH leaving I would leave first!" Exactly like me!!!!

I bet every mother on Mumsnet is thinking "WTF, leave her kids!!!" I know thats what the females in my family think thats for sure!!!

My DS has just taken to the revolting habit of eating his bogies!!! You can just imagine the reaction he gets from me!!!!! I always ask to inspect it before he pops it in!!!!