She ain't heavy.. she's my Lighter sister... tra la la la laaaa!

[Mittz]

Well, I'm just here for the banter and a chance to talk bollox, and we also do weight loss, WATER drinking (I'm the 'ficcial water monitor, and I have a badge), and heart to hearts..

I am the Mittz(not Mitts), I need to lose about 10lb, but get my head straight in the process..

I am sure one of my lovely companions will be along shortly......

Ooh, found somewhere that will do pedi and reflexology for £50 this afternoon - Yay!

Morning Wasting

Morning, tis me, Mouseface.

Alice - Yay for 38 weeks and a pedicure treat. Lush. Enjoy it lovely.

Wasting - Yay for the loss!!!

Mittz - I hope that you got your P&Q.

SAF - The wonderful folk at the BBC have changed the childminder programme schedule again so maybe DS can have a CBeebies day on the sofa?

Trills - Morning, how is DP? Aching?

Crunchy - How are things with H? Are you ok?

I'm the same weight as last week which is good. Need to be better with my food this week so have ordered pittas and low fat stuff this week.

I have bruises today. I fell up the stairs yesterday . Sometimes my legs don't work. It's all linked to my hips/pelvis. So, today I am very sore. I was sober at the time too!!

The sickness passed last night but now that I've thought about it, I think it was a release of all the mega tension that had built up. It was like my body was letting it all go.

Morning Double, Morning Mouse xx

Morning Alice, hurray on the spa front! I now have spa envy. A friend of mine who works as a theatre nurse says the thing she notices the most is how few women have cut their toenails in the last three months (including me)

Mouse, sorry you're bruised Not nice. It does sound like a tension release. Amazing the effect our brains have on our bodies.

wa I think I need to get back into taking spatone. I'm so listless at the moment.

Morning Mittz

Oh and things with H are...

Ok I think.

We had lots of me ranting and getting upset. I don't normally do this. I think I have just realised how much I have been squashing my emotions while he's depressed. I've been keeping a tight leash on myself. Barely cried at all in the past 4 months. So the fact that while I had been doing all that, he had been fooling me and being "better" without telling me made me very aware of the emotional sacrifices I have made

So I gave myself permission to be upset. Hence the enormous overreaction to him going on Friday night, and the fact that I have cried a lot this weekend.

To give him his dues, he has stuck around and listened to me. Not responded without prompting, but said he's sorry a lot and looked after the DCs while I had a duvet day.

We discussed what we can do. We discussed splitting up. We discussed staying together. No definitive conclusion reached. But we did sit down and make up some new marriage vows (which may sound as naff as it comes, but it was necessary to see if actually we have fundamentally different views about what we want).

That helped a bit.

Sorry for the waffle. Any tips for getting through the hurt are more than welcome. Trust has been mashed into the ground.

Crunch.. I am sorry but the hurt and the trust take time. You need to draw a line with an understanding it isn't crossed again.
Giving yourself permission to be upset. I still struggle with that in RL.
I don't know lovey, I couldn't fix my relationship so am wary of advising others x

Mittz, I'm not sure I can fix this one Certainly can't do it alone. I will not stomp myself down anymore. He either copes with all of me or none of me.

I'm feeling quite positive, in a sad and distant kind of way. As long as I don't think about what he actually did, because that still wrenches my gut.

ID I'm not going back to swallowing my feelings. At least I'm going to try not to. That doesn't mean I can't stay calm, but it does mean I get myself heard.

I wish it wasn't such a long road. And I wish he didn't keep doing things that make the road even longer.

With all the real problems in the world it's bloody annoying he keeps creating pointless ones!

Glad you're feeling better ID
Mittz we'll have to both try to let our feelings out a bit more. You yell "water" at me and I'll yell "feel" at you

Double - glad to hear you are in a happier place today.

Crunchy - Mittz is right re drawing a line. You both need to set some realistic boundaries. You both need to agree on the rules as such.

It has to work for both sides. It has to be mutual otherwise, there really is no point in staying together.

There has to be give and take of equal meassure. You have to have mutual respect.

He has to listen and understand your feelings and your upset. Thank God you have finally let it all out. And hats off to him for taking it.

Now you can sit and maybe write out a plan of action re his ADs. You both need to be involved in his treatment and he HAS to understand that no more lies means just that.

I would suggest that before you go on holiday next week, you BOTH go to his GP and discuss the management of the ADs. So you really know where you are up to with him.

Small steps. Back to basic and in time, if you both follow the 'rules/plan' as such, the trust will come back. He has to earn your trust and that is something you can't control.

Sorry for mamouth post. Hope it helps. xx

Whoops - X posted. Do you want to stay together Crunchy?

Thanks mouse, we will lay out our boundaries. I do want to stay with him if he doesn't lie to me. I think.

I don't feel that be giving this one more go I am going to do any damage to anyone. At least not to the important people, the DCs.

I like the idea of us both visiting the GP together. He has been taking a small dose of his ADs since last Tuesday (if I believe him, which I think I do). He has said he will go on them and stay on them until we decide he is ready.

He's already bitching about the mild side effects. Which doesn't fill me with hope I have to say.

God I even remember telling him (more than once) how proud I was of him for never complaining about the side effects and just getting on with things

I really have been a mug. There were so many clues that he wasn't doing it; never told me he was going for a repeat prescription (I assumed he was doing it on the way home from work and didn't want to draw attention to the fact he has MH issues), went from leaving the pills in obvious places to me never seeing them (assumed he was being tidier and more careful about the DCs getting to them), was dismissive of compliments about how well he was coping with his meds, but leapt on compliments about how well he was doing within himself... there are many more. I should have seen it coming.

TBH I still haven't seen his meds at all. So perhaps I'm an idiot for believing him.

I also asked him to go to GP last week and he has yet to make an appointment.

In fact everything that he has done I have instigated; Relate, rewriting vows, even talking rather than listening in silence

Sorry, not feeling as cheerful as I was.

He's also deleted the history on this computer and I'm wondering why.

A can of beans with grated cheese stirred in for lunch. Too lazy to make something properly.

ID that makes two of us

ID your productive activity is making me

I've been trying to think of things to take away on a long drive through France. What have I forgotten? Any tips on that are welcome too.

And how am I going to resist living on Cheese, bread and wine whilst there?! I'm doomed!

Time is what it'll take. I just hope that time won't end up being more time wasted.

Thank you for listening to my whinges.

Ooh yes, music is the important one on that list! Car doesn't have an ipod connector so I'll need to make some roadtrip compilations!

Thanks for that ID IT really does help. But I don't want to be "Uno with all those H issues", I want to be "Uno who looks fabulous having finally lost that last half a stone"

Crunchy - sorry I vanished. BT fecked up my internet. You sound positive about a joint visit to the doctors.

Double - how's things with your 'friend'? The one who was causing issues. I have been thinking about you, hoping you were ok.

Double - good for you. She's not worth your time or energy.